gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Yes, that is the diet Kim. and I will have to make it work, but that doesn't mean I'm thrilled about it. Once a week I can have the indulgence of a 4 oz piece of salmon, which is nice, but this diet really insists, on it's website Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis, on reliance on grains and soy. I can't have grains and I refuse to eat soy, I don't care what they claim, it is far too dirty with GMOs and phytoestrogens etc for me to willingly eat it. I love seafood, so that's good. I think I am just devastated by the no coconut thing - coconut was my only ability to eat semi-normal and treats, coconut milk in my coffee, coconut aminos instead of soy sauce, coconut flour for baking... v_v and no chocolate? NO CHOCOLATE?!!!!!! D:

[Chimera 644]

/comforts Florinda

I have finally gotten into the habit of using My Fitness Pal on my phone to log my food - after switching from little paper journals from my surgeons office ( I have no idea why I was so attched to those things). I've been pretty good food wise but the scale doesnt want to budge. I put an imaginary day in - right around 1000 calories (its usually at 1250) and its says in 5 weeks I will weigh 11 lbs less than I do today...I want to tell the app - oh no I wont lol.

I feel like I can eat next to nothing and the reading on the scale just wants to stay the same - I was reading old journal entries this morning and came across a quote mentioning that to maintain a loss one needs to get pretty vigorous exercise 5-6 hours per week - which is what I had been doing, and Im not now - go figure lol. Bah!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I think I have pinpointed 3 reasons why I am 10# over goal and holding... not losing.

1. my boys live with me so the house always has bread, potatos, noodles etc. In general, I avoid them, but a few times a week i have a slice a bread or half a sandwich or something like that that I never used to eat

2. I have lost alot of muscle. I am exercising an hour a day now, but it will be months before I get back even a portion of the fairly incredible muscle mass I had before. As we all know, fat just sits there inviting more fat to join it... muscle burns calories just to maintain itself.

3. I have been drinking more calories. I have alot of fun - whether it is the dance lessons with girlpals, the day at the horse races, going on dates... just alot more alcohol than I had before. I don't mean getting drunk, just having that margarita, wine or beer or whatever when others do - adds up fast.

You know what the honest truth is? I don't want to drink less because I am currently loving this social life. I do want to regain muscle mass and not sure how to do it with all my physical problems... but I am working toward it.An

Oh the carb temptation... the boys are great about not buying ice cream and keeping stuff like chips and candy in their bedrooms but I can hardly ask them to not have bread and pasta! I just need to stop, but it is hard. And it is not that a piece of bread will kill me, it is just that eating that way makes me hungrier!

I really think those are the 3 key things - so it is a balancing act of enjoying a social life, having a somewhat normal homelife... and trying to be thinner againer!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Am I repeating an old bad pattern or am I just enjoying and taking advantage of an opportunity?

The last date I went on before shutting down my profile was with a nice guy who offended me on the first date (otherwise it was awesome!), but talked me into giving him another shot. We have had 3 dates and they have all been awesome. He is considerate, easy going, just a nice guy that is not "too nice of a guy" if you know what I mean. He strikes me as mentally healthy, has been quite forthcoming with his "issues" which so far are not a problem for me. He also strikes me as just a less complex man than I usually find myself with. It is amazingly refreshing. He is really into his Harley and tattoos but has a normal job at a big company, responsible parent of adult children, he used to ride horses and relates well to my "animal focused" life... and drumroll please... HE LIKES TO DANCE... with me even.

The only real red flag is that he is only 5'7" and I am 5'5" so he is uncomfortable with that - especially since I like my heels! It doesn't bug me in the least, i have had my share of dates with tall dark and handsome... and height is way down on my list of "needs" in a relationship.

Okay, here is the issue... I feel a real spark with him and it is mutual. He is trying to curb his enthusiasm... but really wants alot of my time. It is so tempting because I love being part of a couple, I love having someone who wants to be with me just because... and who wants to get out and do fun stuff too. I get sucked into this easily... Scott did this to me too, we did so much great stuff together but then he went off the rails mentally... and that was that!

but here is the risk. I spend more time with him, and the rest of my busy life gets neglected. friendships, dance lessons, exercise, horse back riding, home and farm work... etc etc. I am admittedly jaded, I no longer expect any of these "relationships" to last more than about 3-4 months....but a little part of me still hopes.

What my head tells me it would be better to spend less time with him until our relationship is further along and then he can spend time at my house, with me and my boys and whole critter gang and then time with him wouldn't take away so much from my day to day responsibilities.

But, my heart and body say - where the hell is the fun in that???

Part of the reason I am questioning my own judgement is because I just started this Wellbutrin XL. One of the risks as you are "ramping" up on the drug is mania/euphoria. I think I am acting fairly normally, but today I did something really impulsive (no bad consequences) and it made me kinda wonder... am I thinking straight? BTW, my impulsive action was to take time off in the middle of the day and choose granite countertops. In the middle of my workday. My reason was because i didn't want to fight traffic at the end of the day, but it was like I had this thought... and just DID IT. that is what I mean by impulsive so i don't think I need to be hospitalized yet.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Go for it Sheryl! You need to find out how compatible you are with him. Everything is always great at first. You need to the through that honeymoon phase with him and find out who he really is and how you to get along. The only way you can do that is to spend time together. Yes, it's a balancing act, but you said you enjoy being with him. Take dance classes together. They're so much fun when you have an automatic partner. have you ever seen West Coast Swing? Watch it on Utube. It's hard, but that means a lot of lessons. East coast is easy. I find Salsa and the Hustle to be really easy too. There should be a place that offers a few weeks of this and a few weeks of that. And why would he not go horse back riding?

John has turned into an ass. He's always tired, works too much, and basically has about 2 hours where he's off work, eats dinner watches some tv and falls asleep. I have been avoiding him.

Maybe I should try welbutrin. I am extremely depressed about the weight, and the time, it's going to take to get back in shape. Doctor said it's a one year recovery from this surgery! Yikes!

I am going to go out on a date with Owen, who is the alcoholic. he's so cute, and I was really falling for him, when he majorly screwed up. He's been staying sober, and wants to take me to dinner in a couple of weeks when he comes in from tuna Fishing. Why not . I have nothing better to do. Then he will go home to his place which is an hour away, so I have no desire to drive that far but if he's willing to, I'll see how things go as far as another dinner.

Sheryl I can't believe how we're both in the same boat. I've lost so much muscle, and I have no way of doing weight training again for months. I hate that none of my clothes fit. I have a muffin top, and my thighs are much bigger. I am not supposed to diet while I am waiting for the bone to graft. UUGG!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Denise HE already suggested dance lessons together, spending a weekend at a music festival, going shooting...riding my horses, riding his Harley. We have date ideas to keep us going for awhile. ..I just don't know if it is wise to enjoy the ride or slow it down a little. I am enjoying. .don't get me wrong. I am a pleasure seeker and we have fun together so far.

Eat healthy. ..guess you have a year of healing. Focus on that like I focused on recovery from plastics...it's like a job!

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Cheryl, was this the guy who grabbed your butt, or something, on the first date?

Sounds to me like he is love bombing you. It is inappropriate behavior (hello, pattern here...) to insert oneself into another's private family life so quickly.

Also, "where's the fun in that?" Maybe you need to reassess your definition of fun, the men you tend to go for are broken in some way that usually involves respecting your boundaries. Also, the heart is a bullshit liar and leads you to what is familiar, not what is good. There is a difference.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Today I start my disease modifying therapy; a thrice weekly injection of a drug called Copaxone. I have never injected anything ever in my life, and this is a huge, irreversable step, on par with chemotherapy. I am scared and sad.

[UK Cathy 977]

Florinda is this ongoing treatment or just for a specific set time? I injected heparin after my VSG op and thought I could never do it but I did. Are you expecting any side affects? Thinking of you and sending cyber hugs XX

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Good Luck, Florinda. I was really worried when they wanted to give me some heavy duty medication for my Hep C and I said no. Now they have come out with one I can't afford and my ins. won't pay for it.

If this medication is going to help you, then you need to try it. I hope it makes you better! (((Floinda))) Hugs!

Sheryl, that was my opinion, not to slow it down. It will just take longer to find out what is not working, if you slow it down. I say spend a lot of time together and see if you find any red flags. If you slow it down, that red flag might take months to rear it's ugly head. Men are always on their best behavior the first 6 months, IMHO.

I am taking John's clothes and misc. to him tonight and telling him we need to go back to just being friends. We made great friends, and ruined it when we tried to make it more. He is not ready for a relationship. He makes a great friend.

I'm trying so hard not to gain weight. I am going to start walking around the neighborhood, while the weather is still nice. In another month, it's going to be raining day and night.

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Sorry you are experiencing fear.... I hope the experience gives you a better quality of life.

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Good weekend so far! Went to a movie screening. . A kid that Tim used to coach has made it big time! It was fun. We had a nice compromise. ... I went horseback riding with the girls Saturday then Tim took me for a Harley ride before we listened to music with some of his friends. I hit it off with them. We are doing our own thing Sunday and Monday so it felt like a comfortable balance.

This morning a pack of "kids" - friends of my older son are planning games drinking coffee and having a big brunch. Fun to have that energy in my house!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Bought my appliances for the upcoming remodel. I really shopped hard and found a place that deeply discounted their floor models. Paid less for better quality than I had been looking at!

Went to a Mem Day BBQ at my brothers, did a dance lesson and stayed to dance Sunday night etc... good time.

I think, i think I think I may have turned the tide weight wise. I stopped the gaining about a month ago and now i seem to be ever so slowly inching back down to goal. I am now only 9# over goal instead of 10, and it is after a long weekend... I usually weigh the heaviest on the morning after a weekend of going out but I have been working hard to change/break some small bad habits and it seems to be helping. I think the wellbutrin is helping even though I am not to a thereupeutic dose yet (slow ramp up) because i seem to notice that eating less doesn't cause "mood issues". If this continues to go well, i might even try 5:2 again in the future.

I am going to Hawaii for the first time in my life (woo hoo!!) in February. I dream of being back to goal by then which really means I only need to lose (and maintain) a couple of pounds a month. "only" - ha - as you all know it feels like its impossible at times.

[UK Cathy 977]

Sheryl it is nice to hear you so positive, you have lots of nice things to look forward too.

It may or may not be the Meds but take it.

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Coops, wherever you are, I'm thinking about you! Hoping that you are practicing self care <3

Has anyone heard from Swizzy in the last 6 months? I think it has been a year since we heard from Brown, I hope things are going well for her.

Thank you Cathy and Kim and Denise for the concern, I began the Copaxone injections on Sunday, I am supposed to shoot myself (haha)every 3 days. I was supposed to shoot myself this morning but completely forgot, even though I have an app that reminds me, so I will have to do it immediately when I get home.

I have discovered that, regardless of my total calorie count, if my carbs are higher than 35, I gain. End of story. I can eat only 500 calories, and my Protein can be excellent and my hydration excellent, but so long as those carbs are upwards of 40, I WILL see a gain on the scale. FACT. That is F.U.B.A.R, and fills me with rage, but my rage doesn't change the facts. So, I will eat my MS diet but without the grains, which basically just means white fish and vegetables, and see what happens.