some big changes in my life... stress and maintaining

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I have been at goal since Feb and maintaining well. My 15 year relationship (not married, but together as though married) ended fairly recently and I am finding it to be an interesting challenge to go through this without food as comfort. I haven't talked about this before because I guess I wanted to think about it a bit and be a little more objective in sharing my feelings.

Oddly, in an old pattern he bought me ice cream to make me feel better. It was a 6 pack of skinny cow ice cream sandwiches which i polished off in 2 days and didn't feel any better - just goes to show that food wasn't that good of a friend, was it? Also goes to show I can still try to abuse food and must remain very diligent. I am hungry alot, but often find that if i just focus on drinking Water and getting Protein, I am okay. I also need to tolerate that it is okay to feel hunger - I won't die from it.

So, alot of people talk about how losing weight causes breakups. In my case, it isn't quite that simple. We have been living more as friends, not so much a couple for 4-5 years and i guess I had a fantasy/dream/hope that losing weight would reverse that and we would go back to being more of a couple again. That didn't happen, I couldn't make that happen - so the losing weight connection is that as a thin, energetic and vivavacious person, I simply can no longer tolerate the status quo. I finally forced the issue and the way things happened, i guess that even though I did the "break up" in reality, it happened a long time ago, just quietly. Maybe I was the last to know, I am not really sure. It has been a low drama breakup, we are still very supportive of each other, and in spite of the ice cream incident, he is wanting me to enjoy life more fully as a thin person. He is encouraging me to have a full social life, date, do fun stuff.

During my weight loss journey, my partner was supportive of me... sorta. Meaning, he helped me during the recovery and certainly did not actively discourage me. I would characterize his response to my weight loss as indifferent. After losing 125# I finally asked him if he noticed, if he had any "reaction" and now in hindsight i guess I understand it a little better. He was happy for me, but it didn't impact him that much really. It was hurtful at the time, but I guess just another sign that this relationship was already pretty much dead, not even on life support.

So, I am venturing into the dating world a little bit. Interesting experience. Luckily, I have a high degree of self confidence and all that so not freaking out so far. My thing right now is to go out on a few dates, but not really looking for any sort of replacement in my life. Those that follow my story know that my excess skin is a bit of a cosmetic bother to me, so for example I wear sleeveless dresses with a little jacket or sweater. You know the big surprise - I dated someone for awhile and revealed some of that ugly skin and his reaction was like "what's the big deal? you are very pretty". Turns out that even with the excess skin I am still looking pretty good compared to average women my age..hahaha. who knew.

I guess the main point is that being fit, being happy, being confident is attractive and a little extra skin is more of a deal in my own eyes then perhaps it is to others. I have had girlfriends tell me the same thing...

I have an action packed summer planned - trips almost every weekend etc etc. I have a younger horse to ride (borrowed for now) since I was riding the fur off my old wonderful horse. I plan to buy a mountain bike,... and maybe even a road bike. I just want to DO stuff right now! I feel so good I am just wanting to suck in as many experiences and activities as possible.

Then, I plan to get plastic surgery in November - and my ex (who is now my best friend??) still plans to help me out with the recovery. I am thinking 2014 is probably the year to be thinking about new relationships in my life....for now, probably just too dang busy.

some recent adventures attached...

[NtvTxn 1,262]

You've got it together, good for you and congratulations all around!!!

[kyllfalcon 768]

Wow! You are one mature, grounded person! You will be just fine.

[Butterthebean 8,146]

Sorry to hear about your break up. I agree that you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Starting a new life at this point can be daunting, but it can also be an adventure. Good luck.

Oh...and isn't it funny about the food? I, for one, never knew how much I depended on food to help me cope until I stopped doing it. It was like having a limb cut off.

[takingbackcontrol 137]

Congrats on such a healthy attitude and how far you've come! I have watched your story here and really admire you, now even more so. You will do just fine, and find love again that is for real:)

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Cowgirl, love your adventure photos! Way to go Jane! Life is change and you have seen a lot of change for sure. Best of luck on your new adventures and relationships!

[nanaspez 58]

Your positive attitude is what will pull you through this time. Congratulations on your weight loss! Good-luck with your new adventures of a beautiful skinny single lady looking for someone who DESERVES to be with you and will share your love for the outdoors and most importantly love you forever!

[Paul11011 372]

Thanks for sharing this with us Cowgirl. You have a great perspective on what you want out of life and realize you deserve to be happy. Enjoy your dating experiences and remember they are the one lucky to be with you.