Guilt and what to do?

[happy1957 138]

Hello everyone..

I had VSG on 12-28-11. At that time in the excitement of finally getting approved and the possibility of a healthier future I became an open book about my upcoming surgery. After being slapped in the face so to speak and dealing with so much negativity regarding my ability to lose weight without VSG, I decided to close the door(my mouth). Of course my close circle of friends knew, and we all know that if you tell one you've told 20. As time has gone on and I have been successful, when someone asks how I lost all this weight, I just say, you know "calories in, calories out" and working out 5 days a week religiously everyday at 4:30 am.

I have never been blatantly asked if I had surgery with the exception of one time and I told the truth. Of course they had asked if I had a by-pass and I felt that I needed to educate them. I have become much more private about it. I actually am so routined I don't even think about it. I work in a public place and there are clients that only see me once a year so they are blown away still making it a daily subject of conversation although I try to quickly turn it off.

Today I had a client / outside acquaintance ask my opinion about a friend who has lied to her about having bypass and passing it off as "hard work and determination" and she apparently is one who flaunts her new body around like a 3 carat diamond. She felt that this friend told a blatant lie and wanted to dissolve the friendship. She asked my opinion. I just told her that some things in life are private. That had I had breast implants I wouldn't be telling the world. I asked her if she had asked this person flat out if she had surgery or just asked how she lost the weight The conversation never really went anywhere because other interoffice stuff was happening. The one thing I did take from this was the GUILT of not telling her about myself when she asked. Was she really asking me if I had had surgery? She and her mom have asked me numerous times how I did it. I use the same line over and over.

Well, this struck home.. I am not a liar, but have I been lying by omission? Is it my right to surgery privacy? I actually feel depressed tonight thinking that this person may have lost trust in me for lying. I didn't feel like I was lying, told a 3/4 truth. I do watch my diet, I do work out religiously and I try to be a model VGS recipient. I just am sick of the "explaining" myself. How can I lose this feeling of GUILT? Moving to another state or having a sex change operation has crossed my mind tonight. :-)

[TES 858]

Is it my right to surgery privacy?

YES.

[mirrim58 33]

I've thought about this a lot. Whether to tell everyone I'm having surgery or no one. What to say once I've started losing weight. On the one hand, there's often a stigma associated with surgery. Folks discount the hard work that goes into losing weight with a sleeve. The exercise needed and the strict adherence to a way of eating. I also feel that I'm entitled to privacy about my medical information. Like it was said above, not everyone who's had a breast augmentation needs to lead every conversation with that fact. If I'm asked straight out about whether I've had surgery, I will probably say yes, but right now I'm not planning to tell everyone about it beforehand, just my family.

[missmeow 156]

No one is entitled to know your personal business. If she was indirectly asking you, that's a chickspit way of doing so. If she doesn't want to be your friend over that, then let her move on with herself. Sorry, but if you had a hemorrhoid removed and didn't reveal it was a hemorrhoid removal and not wild butt sex was the reason you were walking funny, would it even be a question? No. Let her be. If she asks again, straight out tell her it's not her business how she lost weight and leave it at that.

[Pixie Dust 526]

No one is entitled to know your personal business. If she was indirectly asking you, that's a chickspit way of doing so. If she doesn't want to be your friend over that, then let her move on with herself. Sorry, but if you had a hemorrhoid removed and didn't reveal it was a hemorrhoid removal and not wild butt sex was the reason you were walking funny, would it even be a question? No. Let her be. If she asks again, straight out tell her it's not her business how she lost weight and leave it at that.

OMG, I just scared my youngest I laughed so hard! Thanks for the laugh missmeow! LOL!!!!! I do agree with your response. It's nobody's business. Period.

[esantiago2871 1]

No one is entitled to know your personal business. If she was indirectly asking you' date=' that's a chickspit way of doing so. If she doesn't want to be your friend over that, then let her move on with herself. Sorry, but if you had a hemorrhoid removed and didn't reveal it was a hemorrhoid removal and not wild butt sex was the reason you were walking funny, would it even be a question? No. Let her be. If she asks again, straight out tell her it's not her business how she lost weight and leave it at that.[/quote']

I truly have to agree, some people just are to nosie. That is privileged information n if u didn't feel comfortable telling her the first time she asked then don't feel guilty that's just your defense telling u she ain't your friend she is an associate. There truely is a difference. Good luck

[pinkpeonies 42]

It is absolutely your right to decide who gets to know and how they are told.

I'm struggling with a similar issue, with my new boss. She's complaining to my coworkers about how secretive I am. No, I'm not secretive, I'm private. There is a difference. Whenever my need for leave came up in conversation, she's wave her hands in the air and say "whatever you're having done." It's absolutely killing her not knowing.

To be honest, it's really pushed me into looking for a new job. Jobs in HR are hard to find these days, and I really loved my job. I've never worked so close to home (10 min away), have a wonderfully supportive group of co-workers, and am doing work I'm good at and enjoying, for employees I truly care about. I got this new boss three months ago and she has no boundaries. She piles the work on me, then sits in my office talking to me about her kids/family/personal issues. She lays off our HR assistant, then tells us we're not allowed to work overtime to get our work done. Then she approves my FMLA leave, and complains to everyone that will listen about me being out of the office, and talks crap about how I won't tell her why I needed leave.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread. I'm just at a breaking point regarding the privacy issue right now and need to VENT!!!!

[yourbanker 8]

I didn't tell anyone except for my wife. It's nobody's business.

[sharonintx 1,275]

You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to and don't feel guilty at all. It was your choice to have the surgery and you can choose who you will or will not tell. I just went ahead and told everyone I see on a regular basis because it was just easier than having to explain over and over. Most everyone was supportive - one lady even went on a diet (lol). But you are not obligated to tell a darn thing.

[Not Applicable 52]

It is absolutely your right to decide who gets to know and how they are told.

I'm struggling with a similar issue' date=' with my new boss. She's complaining to my coworkers about how secretive I am. No, I'm not secretive, I'm private. There is a difference. Whenever my need for leave came up in conversation, she's wave her hands in the air and say "whatever you're having done." It's absolutely killing her not knowing.

To be honest, it's really pushed me into looking for a new job. Jobs in HR are hard to find these days, and I really loved my job. I've never worked so close to home (10 min away), have a wonderfully supportive group of co-workers, and am doing work I'm good at and enjoying, for employees I truly care about. I got this new boss three months ago and she has no boundaries. She piles the work on me, then sits in my office talking to me about her kids/family/personal issues. She lays off our HR assistant, then tells us we're not allowed to work overtime to get our work done. Then she approves my FMLA leave, and complains to everyone that will listen about me being out of the office, and talks crap about how I won't tell her why I needed leave.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack your thread. I'm just at a breaking point regarding the privacy issue right now and need to VENT!!!! [/quote']

She sounds like a nightmare! Sorry you have to deal with her antics. Sounds like a hostile work environment to me (maybe not legally) but regardless, she should know better, especially working in H.R. !!! After all that, I definitely wouldn't tell her, just out of spite if nothing else!!!!

[lsereno 2,525]

OMG, the privacy issue. It's such a personal decision to tell or not to tell. I'm all in with telling everyone, but I totally understand that is not best for everyone. If you decide it's private, leave it at that. There will always be people who pry and want to know information you don't want to share. Learn to recognize them and move on.

Best wishes for a speedy trip to the goalie's bench!

Lynda

[ajhalls 0]

I will be taking 2 weeks off of work. How did you handle that when people asked where you were and some people already know that you are getting surgery? I have only told 2 people at work who I trust but I have a feeling a lot of questions will be raised when people ask why I am going to be gone for 2 weeks!

[No game 14,436]

I'm sorry that you feel guilt over this.. I've been in that situation quite recently, and had thoughts afterwards about "should I have said something different"

But you know what in the grand scheme of things this is not something you should lose sleep over!

This woman was not harmed by your

"Lie of omission" and she, because of her attitude did not sound like a very safe person to tell anyways

Take care and don't sweat the small stuff

Laura

[*Dean* 1,594]

It is everyone's personal decision what they tell people. I'm a completely open book. That's worked great for me.

As far as the guilt you're feeling for me there is only 2 ways to make it go away -

1. Reconcile with yourself that you've done nothing wrong and haven't lied or

2. Tell them

You have no control over the thoughts and opinions of someone else. Her opinion is her business, just like what you disclose to people is yours.

Deano

[happy1957 138]

I've thought about this a lot. Whether to tell everyone I'm having surgery or no one. What to say once I've started losing weight. On the one hand, there's often a stigma associated with surgery. Folks discount the hard work that goes into losing weight with a sleeve. The exercise needed and the strict adherence to a way of eating. I also feel that I'm entitled to privacy about my medical information. Like it was said above, not everyone who's had a breast augmentation needs to lead every conversation with that fact. If I'm asked straight out about whether I've had surgery, I will probably say yes, but right now I'm not planning to tell everyone about it beforehand, just my family.

Thank you for your reply. From my experience, I wish I had just went on vacation and NOT told a soul. I had a very quick recovery without any set backs, was out of work one week and no one noticed a difference in me with the exception of what I ate. If I were in your shoes, that is exactly what I would do. Loose lips sink ships, tell one and the world knows. It's not that I'm ashamed of my surgery, but my work is not a place to explain, most people have never even heard of the sleeve in my area. It's a way of life and I don't ask people what they eat, how much exercise they get etc, so why do they feel that they need to know? I work hard at this and hope I maintain a handle on it forever as I've always been able to lose, it's maintaining I've never been successful at. Thanks again.