new friends as a vet

[Fiddleman 4,376]

Prior to WLS, I did not have friends outside of family and work. Honestly, I think it was because I was such an introvert before with antisocial tendencies. My self esteem was in the dumps after years of being rejected as an obese person.

Now that I have gotten to goal weight and have made many lifestyle changes for the better I am finding myself to be a much more social individual. I am seeking friendships. The question is how do you guys go about making new friends now that you are at or near goal weight?

I know it is about finding like minded people in shared activities, but it seems a bit foreign to me. I joined cross fit partly last week in an attempt to meet new folks and widen my social circle, not just for the physical training. Is getting involved in shared group events the only way or should I swing into bars? Any advice?

[isajck 229]

Very good question! I am not at goal yet but at this point I need to make new friends and really have no idea of how to go about it either. The majority of my long-time friends are married with childred or otherwise occuppied which means they are not available to do much anymore. In addition, 99% of our activities were/are food based. I no longer want to be the eating, watching tv couch potato but am not really so outgoing to just make new friends at the drop of a hat.

When you figure this all out, do share with the rest of us!

[Aussiegirl 580]

This is hard

I had found, pre-surgery that most of my friends had moved on from me in life, started having families etc.

Now I am well and truly recovered, and looking pretty darn good (for me anyway ) I am looking to meet new people.

I have tried joining work out groups, looked at Meet up groups for things that I am interested in. I am looking at taking some adult learning classes at a local community college etc.

Still havent met a really great group of people yet but i gotta keep trying.

Add to that I am also single and looking for a partner, which is even harder!

So I am looking for a wingman/wingwoman and a partner lol.....apply within lol

[bethxxx 304]

There are lots of ways to make friends but it can be difficult, here are some ideas I thought of:

Join a club

Introduce yourself to someone at the gym

Use mutual friends, do you have an acquaintance you think could be a friend? Get a current friend to introduce you to his friends. This one has worked a charm for me in the past.

Find a new hobby

Remember to try and accept every invitation you get. Once you start turning things down no one will invite you anymore

Maybe you have a work mate you could invite for a few drinks

Volunteer to help a charity

Take a night class

You could try meeting someone at a bar. I'm 20 and I've done this but the friends never last. On the other hand my boyfriend has had mates for 10+ years that he met at bars. He is very social though, way more then me.

If you have a girlfriend or wife, set up a double date with one of her friends and her husband. This is how I met my best friend plus many others.

I hope this helps!!

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

fiddleman, I went through a major life event 6 years ago and totally revamped my social life. It continues to evolve as a result of becoming trim.

In our part of the country just joining a thing like cross fit is unlikely to result in new friends you have to make something happen with those people you meet at cross fit.

This did not happen overnight but I have lots of friends now so here are some thoughts:

1. be open to people, take a few risks, say hi and be friendly. This was a fundamental shift for me.

2. join a group around common interests and do something with them. I made tons of friends being active in a horse riding meetup. I am thinking for you something...fiddle related might be the ticket.

3. Try stuff even if it doesn't sound exactly what you want. I went to a women's dress up and network event on Sat. I didn't meet a new BFF, but there were others there seeking friends for sure! This Sat night I am going to a meet up for a mixed gender social event on the east side. It isn't for singles, it is not a dating thing, it is for people who want to do stuff with others! PM me for an invite!

4. initiate stuff! invite people over, organize things around a common interest. This means putting yourself " out there " but heck worst thing is they say no.

5. actively seek individual friends too because Seattle is full of passive people waiting for someone else to fire up the party so to speak. I started inviting casual aquaintances to stuff and I have turned a few into good friends. One of those friends and I meet monthly for a drink. Another one and i are going to "double date ". As soon as I suggest something people "light up " but for some reason it takes me initiating.

6. ask for help like you did here. Have a brother who is a social butterfly? Ask him to invite you into his social circle. Some of the fun stuff I have done lately is with a group that I am only friends with 1-2 of them... But I am getting to know more of them and have been invited to yet a 3rd fun event now.

[Fiddleman 4,376]

Thanks everyone. I knew I could count on you guys for suggestions. It is great to be transitioning into a more social person. Life is so much more enjoyable when sharing with others.

[It's all new 453]

Seattle's meetup.com is super active from my understanding, as CowgirlJane mentioned. A friend of mine uses it all the time and has met many friends that way.

[Fiddleman 4,376]

Seattle's meetup.com is super active from my understanding' date=' as CowgirlJane mentioned. A friend of mine uses it all the time and has met many friends that way.[/quote']

Thanks- I am going to follow up on these meetup suggestions from both of you. It sounds exciting to be a part of these. Also it feels good to have the self esteem and energy in order to get out there and be with people. I am going to also look into music (Irish fiddling is my specialty in the last 10 years or so) and hike/ running meetup groups.

[chitowngirl 884]

I currently enrolled at a arts college and am in my last year, I definitely notice that I am making a lot more friends. A big thing for me has been actually smiling. I noticed that I am more friendly and people tend to be more receptive to me now. Facebook has always been helpful to me, my husbands cousin just invited me to join him in a running group, I think I will take him up I his offer.

Take initiative and plan things, i.e, a guys night out to go check out a Beetles tribute band, hiking group, ect. And invite people make it an open invite so people you know will also bring other people. Another good idea, maybe a guys day paint-balling.