How do you handle PMs?

[clk 3,519]

I'm just curious how you folks handle PMs from newbies.

I get quite a few of them and usually do not mind helping out and answering. For fear of this becoming a rant or something that will get locked, I'll just generalize, but I get a lot of messages that are more along the lines of "justify this surgery to me" or "do my research for me" or "give me the magic answer for my weight loss pace/struggle/scale woes/etc." and similar things. I get plenty of folks that actually have a similar situation or stats and feel more comfortable sending a message off there. And of course I love comparing stories with other folks that have reached goal or are close to it and have seen a post of mine and want to talk more about it privately.

I feel like there's a line here, too, and I walk too close to burning my self out completely on VST sometimes. I have a life outside of WLS - a new baby on the way, five year old twins and I just moved 8,000 miles and am staying in my in-laws house until my husband can join me and we can start the final leg of our journey. And we still have to find a place to live!

Ninety percent of why I'm active on VST really is to help other people out, but I am not Google, you know?

What ways have you other vets found to deal with this kindly and politely? I do want to help but the vast majority of PMs are about things I've discussed on the forum already and that other folks have talked about a million times, too. But I'd also feel guilty just deleting messages or ignoring them, too.

~Cheri

[kyllfalcon 768]

I get a few but obviously not as many as you. You've been around a long time and your success is evident.

I just answer as patiently as I can.

[lessofmeismore 1,405]

I get a few but obviously not as many as you. You've been around a long time and your success is evident.

I just answer as patiently as I can.

Me too... I answer them. I like getting to know people through pms and helping them.

[No game 14,436]

I get a few but obviously not as many as you. You've been around a long time and your success is evident.

I just answer as patiently as I can.

believe it or not I get quite a few..

I say that because by no means am

I a veteran.

They are sometimes basic questions yes, but I think people just like to reach out and confirm sometimes, that what they are doing Is right, whether it be general surgery question, Vitamins, pain,or diet.

I answer them when I come online..

Perhaps signing on less? So you can just read?

The only other thing that I can think of would be posting less because people see your posts and think wow that girl can talk! (JK)

That's hard one...

Laura

[*Dean* 1,594]

I usually give a brief and friendly answer.

I figure SOMETIMES they might be people who don't have the self confidence to talk in an open forum, which makes me a bit sad. Sometimes I've had PM's from people who haven't posted publicly ever.

I usually finish with something along the lines of 'everyone is really friendly here' (ok, I lie) and 'I'm by no means an expert and you'll get a lot of diversity in the answers you'll get from the group'.

Deano

[Puja 148]

I'm on several different forums (non-sleeve related), and get super-irritated when people message me with questions that have been answered a million times all over the board.

If the question is unique, and perhaps I can offer some specific advice, I always answer it.

Otherwise, I tell the person that the best way to find their answer is to use the "search" option at the top right hand corner of the page. That way, they get lots of different viewpoints, and not just mine!

[gmanbat 5,889]

When I read the title I thought you were saying, "How do you handle PMS?", (the woman thing). I had my smart aleck answer ready,... "Avoid her."

I don't get very many PMs. The ones I do get are very nice, mostly thanks for some post I made. Like Dean I think some folks don't want to expose themselves to general comments so they pick someone whom they think will be sympathetic.

[No game 14,436]

Haha!! Gmanbat, I thought it was PMS also at first.. I was going say, "I handle by telling my family to stay the f**k away" ( and they do )

Hehe

[amytug 996]

I'd write in my signature "no Pm's at the moment, blah blah blah"

Paraphrased of course.

[lessofmeismore 1,405]

I'd write in my signature "no Pm's at the moment' date=' blah blah blah"

Paraphrased of course.[/quote']

Thats smart!

Problem easily solved

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

I don't get too many. I try hard to answer questions from people who I feel are genuinely knowledge seeking. I have at times felt that people are not quite open to "working the sleeve" to it's fullest - and it is their journey not mine so who am I to say? i just don't have the time or energy to debate it.

I failed at the lapband. I learned a few lessons, beyond the fact that it is a crappy tool. I also learned alot about me and my readiness and desire to be a success. I picked a few really succesful people and followed their example. I worked with a GREAT NUT and learned alot - and I thought I knew alot, but I was open to the learning a better way.

I am at times amazed that there aren't more people, band to sleeve revisions who need to lose 100+ who don't look to me like "how did you do that" because i posted alot in the revision forum in the past. I am the kind of person that I was looking for in the early days...lol

[lsereno 2,525]

I've only gotten a handful in more than two years on the boards. I guess some of us seem more approachable and knowledgeable than others :-) I do agree if its a question that has been discussed to death (bougie size anyone?), suggesting a search is a good option.

Lynda

[Butterthebean 8,146]

I've gotten a bunch....and alot of them from the guys because there aren't too many around. Often they want tips on maintaining muscle or maximizing their loss. I think my total weight loss sometimes makes people think I have some secret. My only secret was being extra fat so I had more to lose.

Of course, in the past I've been more than willing to wade into some of the more heated debates, and even start a few. That behavior has gotten me many PMs saying "that a boy" and a few saying "go f*** yourself."

[iegal 460]

While I don't get a ton of PM, people are usually reaching out to make contact and feel good about their choice more so that getting an answer. Sometimes there are so many conflicting information on this board or some newbies don't know yet how to search for answers.

So...I teach how to do a search and have some commonly asked questions saved in MS Word to copy and paste in response. Just enough to get them going but not to tie them to me for future information.

Be glad they trust you. You are an inspiration!

[*Dean* 1,594]

You could always just reply with a link to the screaming goat.