Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Recommended Posts

So before I got my surgery, Jan 18,2011 one of the nurses warned me about friend reactions. I was just wondering if other people had similar situations. My best friend who is just a little overweight...but who has always been way skinner then me 100lbs 150 lbs lighter then me...would bring up my surgery with other people.Some people we know but mostly new people, random strangers. For example we were out at a resturant...I didn't eat all my food and the waitress asked if my food was okay. She seemed like she kind of went out of her way to tell her that i had weight loss surgery. .. And there are other examples,I have some of her other friends and at some point my surgery always comes up ...Just find it odd when she puts my business out there to people i dont know.. Pointing out my flaws...Didn't see a topic on this so i thought i would start one...anyone else ??? I know shes proud but it feels like there's more to it

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had the same thing happen where I was "outed" to a stranger (waitress) by a friend. I just gently remind them that it's my story to tell and I get to choose where and when. She probably is proud, and/or not really thinking. I think jealousy can be an issue, too. I've been really lucky with my friends...they all seem genuinely happy for me, but I also rarely even talk about my weight loss or other issues...good or bad. I'm just trying to be as "normal" as possible out in the world. :)

I can still remember, though, going out dancing with a friend (back in the olden days) and there was a hot guy who would not leave me alone. She seemed pretty pissy about it, and on the way home said, "I guess he just likes BIGGER girls." That was definitely not something a friend would say. I could have gone on and on that maybe he liked girls who were pretty, nice, had a great personality...etc., but the truth is, heavy or skinny, we all have our insecurity demons...and I'd much rather have mine than somebody else's!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've just told a few of my friends, the closest ones and they were all good with it and happy for me, especially when I told them that it caused me to stop taking all of my medications. One guy even asked for a good bit of information on the surgery due to his mother's present interest in bariatric surgery. I gave him a lot of information and referred my Dr to her and last I heard, she was following through a little more seriously and starting the road to getting the sleeve herself. Nothing but positive reactions on my end. But maybe it's a little different with guys.......who knows.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes Sir definitely different with females!!! Women are sooooo Catty! It's about "***** Control!" ( not all women!)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been friends with "Kathy" for over 35 years. Love her to death, but she cannot keep anything in confidence. For most things it didn't bother me too much. But for this surgery, I made it very clear to her that any information about my surgery was to come from me, period. I asked her specifically not to share it with anyone. She, of course, didn't think she had an issue with keeping things private. Remind your friend that this is your story to tell if you choose to, not hers and you would appreciate her respecting that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have had a jealous friend moment. Someone who I thought understood a little better what wls patients go through, or at least would not use it to belittle me. We were out having a good time together, when she started talking about her weight. She wanted to lose 30 pounds, so she could go from her size 10s to her size 6s that she fit in when she was 19 (she is 28). She actually said, "I've thought about going the easy way out like you, and having surgery. But decided I'd do it the right way instead." I was so flabbergasted! So many things wrong with what she said. Disrespectful to me, wrong information about who should consider or get wls, just to point out the obvisous two. Since that day, I've placed some distance between us. She is a friend still, but I don't trust her in confidence as I once would have, and I do not see her hardly at all. The sad part is, she probably doesn't even notice or know why.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This surgery is a test...for you having the guts to get it and for those who know about it: how they are going to deal with you?

Ignorance of this operation is a given unless they have extensive medical training or have had experience personally or with someone they are involved with.

Ignorance is easily forgiven and remedied.

Cruelty and outright disrespect are another thing. Sometimes something like this surfaces what has been hidden all along. Having you along leveraged their ego, made them feel superior. Now you are looking better than them, (in their neurotic mind), and their tool is broken. They've switched places and don't like it. Apparently the affection that you thought they had for you was phony. It was only skin plus a fat layer deep.

If you have friends that rode this out with you and still love you...you have real friends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well said "gmanbat"!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is one of the reason, I have kept my surgery to myself. But even though I haven't told my friends about my surgery I know a few of them will have something to say when they seem this summer. (We live in different states)

Honestly..when you loose weight...you loose friends. Some women like to be the smallest in the group or they like being around all plus size women. So when that changes, jealousy and drama start.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This surgery is a test...for you having the guts to get it and for those who know about it: how they are going to deal with you?

Ignorance of this operation is a given unless they have extensive medical training or have had experience personally or with someone they are involved with.

Ignorance is easily forgiven and remedied.

Cruelty and outright disrespect are another thing. Sometimes something like this surfaces what has been hidden all along. Having you along leveraged their ego, made them feel superior. Now you are looking better than them, (in their neurotic mind), and their tool is broken. They've switched places and don't like it. Apparently the affection that you thought they had for you was phony. It was only skin plus a fat layer deep.

If you have friends that rode this out with you and still love you...you have real friends.

EXACTLY!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am 10 weeks pre-op and when I told a good friend of mine, she was very concerned about it being a healthy decision. I didn't take it as jealousy, just real concern because she wasn't knowledgable about the facts. So I told her more about it and thought we were ok. Now, anytime I bring it up, she ignores me or changes the subject. I am hoping that, as she gets used to it, she will come around. But she has her own weight struggles so I think there is a little side of her that is resentful/jealous. We will see how things play out as my journey progresses.

On another note, I am trying to take a proactive approach with people's reactions. Before I looked into VSG, I, myself, was ignorant of the facts and thought it was the easy way out. I am going to try to be as open as possible about my experience with people because I am so proud that I am taking this step. Maybe I can change some people's ignorance into knowledge and acceptance. We could all use more support, not criticism. I am so inspired by all of you! Thank you!!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 2/7/2013 at 9:41 AM, Mayra said:

This is one of the reason, I have kept my surgery to myself. But even though I haven't told my friends about my surgery I know a few of them will have something to say when they seem this summer. (We live in different states)

Honestly..when you loose weight...you loose friends. Some women like to be the smallest in the group or they like being around all plus size women. So when that changes, jealousy and drama start.

I totally agree with you. My friend and I have been friends since High School, but when she found out about my weight loss surgery, her demeanor changed. She is way overweight and has been for some time, but since I decided to do something about my weight, her whole personality changed. I called her the other night and she pretended like she didn't recognize my voice. She answered the phone and said, "who is this?" Nevertheless, I cut her off from that moment. I don't need friends who are unable to Celebrate my wins but are quick to celebrate my losses. F**k her!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

On 6/22/2022 at 5:44 AM, Thik4Sho said:

I totally agree with you. My friend and I have been friends since High School, but when she found out about my weight loss surgery, her demeanor changed. She is way overweight and has been for some time, but since I decided to do something about my weight, her whole personality changed. I called her the other night and she pretended like she didn't recognize my voice. She answered the phone and said, "who is this?" Nevertheless, I cut her off from that moment. I don't need friends who are unable to Celebrate my wins but are quick to Celebrate my losses. F**k her!!

Damn...sorry you had to go through that and for her being that way. Her loss on losing a great friend. Guess I'm lucky I have had nothing but support from my friends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×