Dating, cultural acceptance, opportunity, OH MY

[Meredit 15]

So, HI! My life has been flipped upside down and inside out. I have lost 122lbs and now have so many things to figure out. I have had to analyze why my weight ballooned, and I have found that I was in a very bad job that brought me back to my childhood dysfunctional family. I was also in a relationship that wasn't working. I am now realizing that being a young attractive woman that I have no more "guard" from bad people. I also trust everyone when I am happy, which is bad, very bad. I use to hate everyone, and everything because of the world treated me, but now it is easier. I am having a VERY hard time dating because a lot of the guys bring out my old qualities as an obese woman, like when I had to beg for attention and such. I don't want to have to work overtime to be noticed anymore. I have no need to be obnoxious because I am not longer a "joke". Is anyone else having a hard time with dating, or dealing with life in general?

[Richard Foor 655]

I believe this kind of thing is normal with any true life change. Those of us that are married even find changes in our marital relations for similar reasons. As with all things I would hope it gets better with time. Good Luck.

[*Dean* 1,594]

All sounds like part of the journey to me.

Also sounds like you have a huge amount of insight into where you're at, so you're going to be fine.

And nice work with the weight loss

Deano

[sweetie2003 36]

Yes...its amazing what feelings are hid behind the weight

[chitowngirl 884]

I think what your going through is normal. You are discovering your self, which is great. As individuals most of constantly evolve and change this is a normal process. Give yourself time to figure out who you are and what you want at this point of your life. Best of luck to you.

[kyeta96 50]

First, congrats on your achievement! That's awesome.

If you are bumping against stuff from your past, I would recommend finding a mentor or therapist to help you work through it.

I can tell you, I have been doing that over the past several years. I have learned the tools to handle the dysfunction of my past.

Best of everything in your new life!

[Squizzo 15]

Ugh! I know what u mean girl! I lost 100 lbs and all of a sudden people were nice to me and for once, my family was treating me with respect and even calling me pretty and all that nice crap... It was sooo nice... Then I gained it all back super fast and I tell ya, I had more confidence as a blissfully ignorant fat person than I do now as one who got to step on the other side briefly and flung right back into this horrible reality. Fat people get treated like crap!

Anyhow, you must learn to let go of all that baggage and live the life you've always seen yourself living. I know it's hard... I know it's not fair that these guys never got to see the real you under the fat and I know you feel pissed that you gotta try to find a decent guy who (even though you're never going to gain that weight back) would love you anyway. It's so unfair that we can't find mr. Right while we are chunky... But as time goes on, I'm wondering how much of that is my fault.

You deserve to be happy. You always have and you will find an awesome guy! Cuz you are awesome!

[Arts137 1,811]

Our brains made us fat. The surgery helps us lose weight, but we all still are working on our heads. All in all, you DO sound "together" so keep on with your reflection and plan.

[Indigo1991 1,612]

Meredit,

I am with you (although I am probably old enough to be your mother!), it is a strange new world when you lose weight. I completely get the whole fighting for attention thing and a friend sent me these words that might help:

"if he wants you in his life, he'll put you there. You shouldn't have to fight for a spot..."

I am now trying to follow this myself (30 year relationship ended 3 years ago and I have managed to hide from men since) and remember my own worth in the face of increased attention, some welcome, some less so, at this early stage of my weight loss. There is man out there who will like you for you, just relax, you have time to make good choices.

Good luck x

[abranewme 98]

Ugh! I know what u mean girl! I lost 100 lbs and all of a sudden people were nice to me and for once' date=' my family was treating me with respect and even calling me pretty and all that nice crap... It was sooo nice... Then I gained it all back super fast and I tell ya, I had more confidence as a blissfully ignorant fat person than I do now as one who got to step on the other side briefly and flung right back into this horrible reality. Fat people get treated like crap!

Anyhow, you must learn to let go of all that baggage and live the life you've always seen yourself living. I know it's hard... I know it's not fair that these guys never got to see the real you under the fat and I know you feel pissed that you gotta try to find a decent guy who (even though you're never going to gain that weight back) would love you anyway. It's so unfair that we can't find mr. Right while we are chunky... But as time goes on, I'm wondering how much of that is my fault.

You deserve to be happy. You always have and you will find an awesome guy! Cuz you are awesome![/quote']

I'm married and I must say the respect from my MIL went out the window the moment I got big and she's obese herself! Mindblower!