I Am Worried

[MyNeWLiFein2013 15]

I have so many fears. First of all my marriage is a bit rocky right now mainly because I have been so mean to my husband for so long due to the fact that I am angry with myself. I've been stuck in this horrible body for far too long it is cause pain for myself and others I'm worried it after the surgery when I get my new body that I may lose my husband at the same time not because I am trying to leave him but because he is been so resentful towards me for far too long and I have allowed him to deal with this pain on his own instead of doing something about it. I want to tell him the same story over and over again that everything will be fine I will change and you have nothing to worry about but I know that I can't continue that any longer I just want to be happy again like I was before my mother passed away when I was 19. That episode changed my life I have a beautiful daughter an amazing husband that would do anything for me in all I seem to do is be unhappy. I know that this surgery is not going to fix everything and I will have to work in many other areas but I know that being so overweight for so long has dampered my outlook on life. It is time for a new start a new me a new wife for my husband.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

wow......your honesty is very heart warming and real......

You can never be happy until you find happiness within yourself....acceptance of the past and a desire to move forward and improve yourself...not those around you..

There is no blame here just circumstances that could never be dealt with and put away....

Look at your life and see what is worth giving up and worth keeping....sounds to me like you have a very patient husband who has been there through all of it.....

Dealing with what is wrong within yourself is a journey and it will not take one day or a year even to change yourself....the point is to do it with out making unkept promises and one step at a time......go outside of your comfort zone and push yourself to show extra attention to the ones you care about and love....one day at a time will start the change to the new and better you......

Beating yourself up so much is only going to delay the needed changes that you want to make.....

I have been where you are and it took me a long time to like parts of myself so that I could find happiness within..then it shows outwardly......

It is a road that will take more then losing weight.....but it will be worth it..I promise you...

Knowing you have issues is the first step....changing them is the next....

You are a brave person to see that you want to change and be a better person and happy..

Not all is lost......you are a fighter....find out what you need to become to make yourself and your loved ones happy.....

I hope you understand what I am trying to say here....be kind to yourself and reach out for help...your moving forward already by saying it out loud.....

keep journaling it helps a lot!

[Holly5.3 423]

Wow! I just had surgery a week ago today and on the way to the hospital my husband made a comment alluding that I probably will never feel sexy again because I always promised him I would and never got my weight low enough to get my sass back! He was 100% right about that, but my plateau and subsequent weight regains did not happen without me putting up a fight! but I got so mad! He Is selfishly worried about himself and his labido! We've been arguing every day since my surgery! It doesn't help that my mom came from Florida to help out, but she's been wonderful-cooking, laundry and helping me. I was like, do you think I would go through all this if I didn't want a drastic life change? My job, my weight and my marriage are all being re-evaluated! I suppose I'm having my mid-life crisis! Thank God! Maybe he's scared I'll start having a life outside my office snd home. I used to be very social, he never was. But I let my size be an excuse to not being out there as much as I would love!

[MyNeWLiFein2013 15]

Thank you both for your wonderful responses. I know this cannot happen overnight it just seems so dreadful right now I go through bouts of depression I always come out on top but I have yet to figure out the way that I need to act towards my husband it seems to be the 1 great area that both of us struggle with he doesn't know how to communicate and tell me when I'm being rude and I don't know how to stop it I'm working on it it will b day by day and I will not let my marriage go I love him so much I've known him since I was 7 years old. This is just another road block we will be that old great couple together walking hand in hand my determination will not fail me.

[tallysfunny 363]

Life changes, big or small tend to make or break relationships just as they tend to set into motion huge choices that must be made. Do what is best, use your head and life will turn out as it is meant to.

[Jen35 283]

My heart goes out to you! I have really low self esteem and so many things that happened to me in my life that cause me to be angry. I took a lot of it out on my husband and we were separated for a while. We were in counseling for a year and it was an amazing experience. I learned so much about myself and we both learned how to interact with eachother. It really saved our marriage. I can truly say that at 16 years our marriage is better now than ever.

Don't give up because anything is possible. It doesn't always seem that way, but you are worth the effort to change. I still need to work on my emotional eating that got me to where I am. I plan to go to counseling again on my own before, during and after my VSG surgery to work on my mental issues with food so that I never get back to where I am now.

Hang in there and I wish you the best:)

[pretty-pink 43]

I want to strongly encourage you to go to therapy. Not only will it help with your relationships, more importantly it will help you through the many changes (physical, mental AND emotional) that result from WLS.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

If you have known your husband since you were 7...then you know when you are hurting him.....sometimes we do things to push people away or to just see how far their loyalty to us goes...If I do this to him will he leave......how do you like me now....attitude...you don't even know you are doing it...but it is our self hate that makes us reach out and prove to everyone that we are not worth anything...

But you are wrong....always testing is over...time for you to go forward and heal yourself and build a great family life...

I have been married for 35 years this year...and my husband is one of the kindest and loving people I have ever met...but I tested him over and over again to see if he would stay...

Finally I changed myself so that he would want to stay....Losing my weight is the last big change I am making to better myself so I can be better for those I love.....you are on your way....

I so hope too that you will walk hand in hand with your best friend 30 years from now.....were with you here too.....use us to help as well...we are good listeners on this forum.....