Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

This is very long, but I need some advice


Tamiko

Recommended Posts

I have had this friend for about 5 years know I will call her Cleo. when we first became friends we hung out all the time and had a good time together eventhough we worked together that made our relationship better. We have both been their for each other through bad times in our lives and could talk to one another when we needed a shoulder to lean on. Although we have similar backgrounds as far as how we grew up, we don't have much in common as adults, but I still thought she was a good friend.

Okay know this is what happened, First I had this other friend I will call Sandy she did not know Cleo but Cleo and I knew her boyfriend because we worked with him. Sandy and her boyfriend were going through problems and I would talk to Cleo about it but not devulge to much detail about their situation. Sandy always seemed intrested in what was going on beween them and I was none the wiser. I would tell Cleo that Sandy said that he was acting distant and he didn't want to be with her anymore by the way he was acting he just didn't come out and say it. So this roller coaster ride went on for about 6 or 7 months between Sandy and her boyfriend until finally they did stop seeing each other. All the while I was still giving Cleo information about what was going on between them. Know Cleo had a boyfriend and she would tell me about him and how they were going to the movies a lot which is something that she does not like to do and how he always hangs out with his friends. So I already knew about Cleo's boyfriend and Cleo knew about the guy I was seeing. CLeo told me after 8 months that she had been dating Sandy's boyfriend the whole time and that was why he was acting that way towards Sandy. I felt terrible because I considered Sandy a good friend and was telling Cleo things about her boyfriend I felt like I betrayed her and Sandy used me to get information about them. I cryed because I knew how much pain Sandy was going threw and to know that a person I considered a good friend would do something like that. It was not just that Cleo was dating him it was that she was talking about him to me the whole time and just used the name of the old boyfriend. I felt betrayed because of what she did and how she went about it I told her everything about me and she didn't have to tell me everything but she did not have to lie either. It took me awhile but we resolved the situation and became friends again, although my trust for her was a little thin and I stoped talking to her about everything after that.

As time went on an ex that I had kept in contact with after we stopped seeing each other was talking to me and the subject of Cleo came up and he mentioned that when they went out her behavior was rude. (What!!) I asked him when did you too go out and he said soon after he helped me move into the apartment where she lives. They both helped me move and Cleo and my ex were teamleaders on the same team. That is the last thing that I thought she would do because I told her about him sexually and everything. Come to find out a few months after they helped me move they had started going out to Breakfast and lunch together without me knowing and he said that at the time I was still talking to him she would tell him to watch what he says to me because I could catch on to what they were doing. I was shocked so I confronted her and she said that that was a long time ago and she can't believe that he brought that up. She said that she felt like he should be the one to tell me because I was dating him (What kind of bull**** is that). After a lot of he say she say I decided to give her another chance but I really didn't want to I wanted to cut this b**** out of my life for good. I couldn't do it because we worked together and lived in the same apartment complex. So our friendship has continued and it has been a couple of years since then but I still don't like her and I just don't know how to end this relationship wih her, I could never trust someone who has lied like that to me and called themselves my friend. I think the only solution is for me to move when my lease is up and maybe I could futher cut the ties from her. Although I am currently in school right know I don't have time to socialize that much when I do have free time I don't want it to be with her. I have tried to get past those incidents but I just can't because know when I listen to her I believe everything she says is a lie. I don't know what to do?

:angry :confused: :help:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tami...

With friends like Cleo, who needs enemies? I know that old chestnut is kind of a no-brainer, but it really fits your situation.

Cleo is an opportunist. Do not give her another chance. She has no intention of changing. That should be evident, since she has expressed no remorse for her sneaky behavior - nothing but excuses.

You have the right idea. Move to another apartment complex and avoid this vulture like the plague!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, well all I can say is get away from her, she is bad news..She doesn't care for you, all she is interested in is a good time. She prefers men over women and I personally don't trust women like that . I think she sounds nasty and very self centred. You want a friend that you can trust..You can do better..Move and find a new circle of friends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tamiko, Ditto to all who tell you to get away from this woman as soon as possible. Tell her nothing more personal about your life than, "looks like rain today."

I like to think the best of our fellow humans, unfortunately, there are people who get themselves into a competitive mind set and it all becomes a game where they only win if they can make you lose.

You are taking big steps in managing your life and getting yourself together. Turn your face to the sun of a new life and your steps upward and onward and don't look back.

Best wishes,

Jo Ann

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like you've already got it figured out. You are thinking of ways to distance yourself from her (good.) She has shown you who she is. Now all you have left to do is learn to control how much you reveal to others, especially after they have shown you they are not trustworthy. Perhaps this is the lesson you are supposed to learn, and why you have this person in your life. As soon as you learn it, you will be free of her.

You're on your way! Good luck, and sorry you are going through all this!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't even think it's necessary for you to move. Just stop the 'give and take' that comes with real friendship. When you have to talk to her, just don't give her any personal information - stick to the weather and current events. If she tries to give you personal information, don't be drawn in, just give it the old 'isn't that nice' and change the subject back to the weather. She'll catch on.

Maybe you ARE meant to learn something from this user, but it may also be that she was meant to learn something from her dealings with you - like how NOT to treat people if you want to maintain their friendship.

There are plenty of nice, caring people in the world - time to find a few of them and leave this "friend" behind.

Best wishes.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tamiko, I don't think you know what the word friend really means and I don't think you choice of people to share personal information is very astute. Moving will solve nothing because the problem is within you.

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me!!

If you can't keep your own secrets, do not expect others to keep them secret.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the advice, you all are right. From that experience with her I have learned not to be so trusting of people and to look for the signs that something is not right with this person. It has also taught me not to tell everything and to keep personal things about myself and someone else to myself, but I do need to move because although I didn't mention it because we stay in the same apartment complex she can tell when I am at home and always calls (especially on the weekends) if she sees my car in the parking lot which is totally annoying.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the advice, you all are right. From that experience with her I have learned not to be so trusting of people and to look for the signs that something is not right with this person. It has also taught me not to tell everything and to keep personal things about myself and someone else to myself, but I do need to move because although I didn't mention it because we stay in the same apartment complex she can tell when I am at home and always calls (especially on the weekends) if she sees my car in the parking lot which is totally annoying.

Just because someone calls, it does not mean you have to answer the phone; that's what caller ID is for! :doh: And if she comes to the door, stop her at the door and say, "It's not a good time for me right now." Do not explain or apologize. You do not owe her an explanation. She'll get the idea. Your having to move means that she is in charge of your life -- I thought you were.

Good luck

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You can always freeze her out by telling her nicely that you are busy or in the middle of something at the moment. She will eventually get the message that you no longer wish to play with her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×