Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Have You Lost Friendships/relationships Since Weight Loss?



Recommended Posts

This topic has come up in pre-op discussions and I was curious if it does affect relationships. What signs to look for? Thank you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I honestly havent had this issue, yet...I know its coming but as of right now I haven't had it yet...

ALthough there are some co-workers of mine who used to talk to me on a daily basis last year, will not even look at me now....I dont take offense to it, everyone has to deal with themselves, its not my problem....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My surgery was on 4/30, and I'm down 60 pounds. As a 53 year old post-menipausal woman, im pretty thrilled with the progress. (6 pounds to wedding weight!) Pretty much everyone at work knows I was out for WLS and I'm like the poster girl now, receiving lots of attention and (for the most part) encouragement. Some folks are weird, much more attention from men, and most people are just kind and curious. There are 3 other sleevers at work: one who is a total success, one who lost then gained a lot back, and one who just recently had surgery and is eating a lot of sugar and fried stuff and complains about getting sick all the time(!) Coworkers openly compare me to the others and it makes me uncomfortable ( I say things like, "we each have our own challenges...)

My BFF is a year out from a successful double mastectomy, chemo, radiation, and other ravages on her poor body. She is about 100 pounds overweight and we've talked very frankly and openly. She's jealous of my weight loss, she knows it hasn't been easy, she would like to look into it but doesn't want to put her husband and two young sons through more medical drama right now. It is kind of awkward between us at times. We used to bond over meals; not a big option for me now. She is very conscious of what I eat and curious about how it could possibly be okay.

Finally, my family is supportive and happy ad long as I continue to crank out dinner every night and stock the pantry and fridge. Fortunately, my sons are all athletes and my husband appreciates healthy, well balanced meals. Still, there are slider foods in my house, and some days that's a challenge.

I love my sleeve but I have to say it has changed pretty much everything! Most for the better....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Great question, I hope to see more responses as I am curious also!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have. A person who I thought was a close friend rarely contacts me anymore. Basically her attitude has been 'lucky you' & jealousy. Even though I tried to explain the process and then downplayed how lucky i am. She's lost and gained the samw 70 pounds over and over again.

I gave up. A person who's a truly good friend would support & be by my side. Very sad. But at 51yrs of age, I'm way past changing to make people like me. Give me a few really close 'sister friends' rather than a room full of aquaintances.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't lost any friends yet, but I do see some jealousy and competition. Now a lot of my friends are on fad diets and exercising in an attempt to "keep up" or maintain their status as smaller than me. Maybe I should be flattered that I motivated them to make some changes, but it really makes me feel awkward because of what I think their motives are.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't lost any friends yet, but I do see some jealousy and competition. Now a lot of my friends are on fad diets and exercising in an attempt to "keep up" or maintain their status as smaller than me. Maybe I should be flattered that I motivated them to make some changes, but it really makes me feel awkward because of what I think their motives are.

I'm pretty much experiencing the same thing. A few girlfriends are on super strict diet and one goes to the gym twice a day. She sat quietly while another coworker that has not seen me in a month, started complimenting me on how smaller I looked. When she was asked: can you believe how great she looks? She got up and said: I see her every day, so she looks the same to me and walked away.

I was a little surprised but said nothing. She came back and asked me if I brought my lunch with me, stupid question, to which I replied yes. She then screamed: great see you at lunch sexy!! and gave me a big, awkward, hug!!

She confessed to our other friend what she did. She tried to bring it up a few times. I shut her out every time. But yes surgery did change the dynamic of my friendship with her.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I lost a friend who I was extremely close with. It was the typical story: she's always been thin, I've always been bigger than her. She would get all the male attention while I played the wing(wo)man role. You all know how it goes...

When I told her I was getting surgery, she hit me with the "Why don't you just diet and exercise? Get a trainer, not a surgeon!" and a few other pretty hurtful statements. I have seen her twice and spoken to her maybe 5 times since surgery; even though I have reached out to her several times. It used to really bother me...now not so much. It's her problem, not mine. I'm focusing on the positive people and things in my life.

I haven't lost any friends yet, but I do see some jealousy and competition. Now a lot of my friends are on fad diets and exercising in an attempt to "keep up" or maintain their status as smaller than me. Maybe I should be flattered that I motivated them to make some changes, but it really makes me feel awkward because of what I think their motives are.

@ShoeLover: I agree! & when they ask about my progress I wonder if it is because they care about my journey or if it's for the "unspoken competition". It's strange.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Other than my hubby, daughter, 3 very very close girlfriends and 2 coworkers, I didn't tell anyone else (not even my siblings/relatives). They were suppose to be sworn to secrecy! After seeing my weight drop drastically, one of my coworkers blabbed on me....I was hurt, surprised and bewildered! She had been on my pre-op journey with me for over a year! Not only did she just tell of the surgery...she broke it down and told people to watch what I eat and how small my portions were! I mean, nobody paid attention to what I ate or that I was losing weight until she said something about it...I really thought I pulled off my secret well! When other coworkers started asking me about a "rumor" going around bout me & surgery, I asked her if she told....she halfway denied it like she didnt know what I was talking about...totally lost a friend from that point on! She knew that I knew it was her! I never outright confronted/jumped on her about it, I just stopped associating with her completely, and she started avoiding me...afraid I was gonna get on her about it! I did damage control by telling people that I had hernia surgery and was on diet pills. Altho I still have people eyeballing and whispering behind my back, nobody asks anymore. Im in my 9th month post-op now and thank goodness im a slooooow loser, so my continued weight loss is not so noticable.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I told a few people but all of my co workers have noticed my weight loss and have been so supportive and complimenting me all the time. My family has also been great. I have not lost any friends that I know of and if I have I guess they were not my friends so far this has been a great journey down 63lbs about 25 more to go

Sent from my SPH-D700 using VST

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I lost a friend who I was extremely close with. It was the typical story: she's always been thin, I've always been bigger than her. She would get all the male attention while I played the wing(wo)man role. You all know how it goes...

When I told her I was getting surgery, she hit me with the "Why don't you just diet and exercise? Get a trainer, not a surgeon!" and a few other pretty hurtful statements. I have seen her twice and spoken to her maybe 5 times since surgery; even though I have reached out to her several times. It used to really bother me...now not so much. It's her problem, not mine. I'm focusing on the positive people and things in my life.

@ShoeLover: I agree! & when they ask about my progress I wonder if it is because they care about my journey or if it's for the "unspoken competition". It's strange.

Yes, I almost don't want to tell them about my progress, and I NEVER bring it up to them. But of course just the sight of me if they haven't seen me in a while will spark their curiosity. I haven't figured out a way to not tell them the truth when they ask. But If I want to brag a little about my accomplishments, I post here.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wasnt going to tell people but then when push came to shove and I wasnt accepting dinner requsts a week past surgery, i realized i HAD to tell the truth. I take the truth seriously and I think it owuld ruin my credibility if i started lying to people at this point over such a trivial thing. Yes I had a weight loss procedure is my answer when asked, though complications have lead me to NO Fing WEIGHT LOSS but since i'm stuck on bed rest for six weeks people ask why.

we should all take our own path but i'd rather sya "hard work and portion control" than gall bladder surgery and diet pills. Keep to the truth :) it will set you free :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been honest since day 1 with my entire family(mom, brothers & sisters,aunts and uncles). I wanted their input & to ensure i had their support. Once i knew this is what i was doing for sure i shared with friends and co-workers. Everyone has been supportive and i found out more ppl who have had it. My husband is very insecure and tells me daily that he gives us a year until we are divorced. We have major issues that were here well before surgery. That is my only concern is losing him & my family falling apart! Has anyone had a marriage fail post op?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Someone posted an article regarding that subject I think it started it does cause problems in relationships but as you started there were problems before the surgery . I think some partners who are insecure cannot handle our new confidence level.

Sent from my SPH-D700 using VST

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This just reminded me, included in the surgoens paperwork that I had to sign was a statement that said something to the effect that patient is aware that this sugery can cause relationship issues which could led to divorce and that the surgoen suggests counseling but is not liable for the demise of any relationship. I found that kinda sad.......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×