You Should Really Get Professional Help!

[*susan* 1,709]

I should have also explained the context of the questions as well. The post I saw this morning the OP stated that she had cheated on the medifast diet and someone told her she needed therapy. In my case I said I was a chronic over eater and wanted to know how the sleeve would help me. Both responses were "you need to seek professional counseling to deal with your issues with food." I am not talking about people who are sincerely offering help by saying' date=' "I too had this issue, I saw a therapist and it really helped me. You might want to try that." See the difference? One is not trying to help but offer a blanket judgement and the other is really offering heart felt advice.[/quote']

Exactly, it makes a huge difference in the way you post your response. In one sense, it sounds like you have gone from being an overweight person to a qualified expert telling me because I asked one simple question, I need therapy. But when you share your own personal experience, say this is what happened to me and how I dealt with it, suddenly the person is not judging you, they are empathizing with you and that makes all the difference in the world.

The written word has much power, and we need to be careful how we utilize that power.

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[peacequeen 434]

I've only made suggestions of therapy only because I'm in therapy myself,,and it has helped..me. I think most have to go through a psychological eval anyway so whether I suggest it or someone else does,,more than likely they will see a psych if they want the surgery. I agree,,it's all in the words and how you say it. I certainly don't want to offend anyone. This is a place to come for information,,sometimes it comes in the form of advice from experience and sometimes from opinion,,you just have to be open minded enough to accept it and try not to be so uptight over it. I learned that here after being smacked down a couple times.

[iggychic 1,405]

Hey Gustavo I have nothing nasty to say to you! Infact' date=' I appreciate your post. I have actually read many of your past post and appreciate your advice. My point is that it is frustrating to ask a question on these posts and have certain people who feel "you need therapy to deal with YOUR food issues" is a bandaid answer to any question. I have no problem with therapy at all. I just feel judged when that is the advice I get. That's all. I am sorry if I offended you.[/quote']

I think you are jumping to conclusions and need to do some apologizing. I read that thread and didn't see that you were quoted in the need for help lines which means they weren't directed at you.

[gustavo52974 369]

Making suggestions and telling people what to do are very different things. I've never told anyone on here what to do. I can't make anyone do anything. If someone doesn't want solicited or unsolicited suggestions, they don't have to take it. I never said I was a medical professional just because I had surgery. If no one is allowed to give advice, then why does this forum exist?

And I'm sorry, but I don't like to be called a "pot calling a kettle black."

[*susan* 1,709]

Absolutely, this is a support forum. I am not saying we shouldn't offer advice or support when asked for, that is why we exist. But, sometimes people read a lot more into a post than necessary, and as all people are different and react differently to different things, we need to be conscious of how we say things. Just because someone asks when can they have Doritos does not automatically mean they need counseling. They may just genuinely be curious when they can have one. Most likely, they already know it isn't exactly a healthy choice, but maybe it is something they wish to have as a nice treat on occasion. Can you imagine how frustrated they would be if a simple question they asked suddenly turns into a major debate about whether they need counseling, shame on them for wanting a treat or whatever? They just wanted to know when, lol.

Again, so much of it comes back to how we formulate our response, whether it sounds judgmental, or it sounds like, "hey, I feel for you and went through something similar and this is what I did.". The advice may be the same, but the way it is formulated makes all the difference in the world. I know I personally respond much better to someone who says to me, "what I hear you saying is this, and here is my suggestion on how I dealt with that or would if it happened to me" as opposed to, "absolutely not, you are sabatoging your surgery and you need to seek out counseling immediately before you kill yourself.". Now, I admit, the latter was a bit extreme, but I hope you understand the point I am trying to make.

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[Izuri 428]

I don't understand why you wouldn't suggest getting some help to some of the issues people deal with on here. I don't see why getting help with anything would ever be a bad idea. Especially when many of us have had trouble in the past with issues eating.

Not everyone has considered counseling or had an experience like you before. I've talked to friends about my experience with counseling and have had more than one of them surprised that I had seen a counselor. Some people get this idea that counseling is only something crazy people go to, but every time I've suggested/talked about it is because I think a number of people could use it, even if it's just to get some things off their chest, get another view point, get help with coping strategies. Is it for everyone? No. Does it work for everyone? No. Is it worth a try if you're doing something like cutting out a large portion of your stomach just as an added measure to stay on track and help you through issues? I think so, but that's just me.

Any time I've said anything about counseling it's only because I think that if I was in their shoes it might help me. It's never meant as condescending or insulting or you're a crackhead get some help please.

Also, not everyone is as clear or as eloquent at getting the true meaning of what they're trying to say across. Sometimes it sounds different when other people read it online than it was originally typed, if that makes sense. I doubt the people who said you needed professional help were trying to be offensive in any way, but rather that they were trying to highlight the fact that the sleeve is a tool, and that you may still have issues that need to continue to be addressed post surgery. Could they have said it better? Sure. Did they mean for it to be offensive/frustrating to you? Probably not.

[RJ'S/beginning 5,357]

There will be one set of rules....your surgeon's rules. Go by those, not what other people are doing. That will take the guesswork out of it for you. If your surgeon doesn't have a complete preop and post op plan for you, look for another surgeon.

But yes, all surgeons seem to have different plans.

Yes he does have a plan and I will try to follow it to the letter...I am talking about afterward selecting Protein powders and Vitamins..there are a ton out there and I keep reading that this person tried this one and another that one.....one lady mentioned that she is a Vitamin junky...I gave up following her feeds because I stopped understanding what she was doing.....Or how she can afford to try that many different brands.I got very confused because I know there are things I need to buy to prepare myself for the sleeve........what I am looking for in any product is no artificial sweeteners......if anyone knows a brand that does not contain these toxins...I would love to hear about them.....ty

[DZ1RMQ 20]

The same people, thinking they are perfect.

[LouiseC 1,029]

I get some great ideas from forums like this. I also read a tonne of shite that I ignore. I do find it fascinating to watch how others interpret posts.

Every thing here is suggestion or personal experience. That is always how I read it. I never read it as instructions. I never write instructions. I share my own experiences and occasionally my own opinions. I have no expectation whatsoever that anyone will wholeheartedly agree with me. It is nice when they do, because I don't feel alone, but I certainly don't seek agreement. I just share.

I feel no strong desire to help the stupid. I give my two cents worth and move on with my life. if people want to chuck a hamburger and fries into their blender two weeks out then I could care less whether they listen to my point of view. I will give it, but beyond that I consider it is their life, their sleeve, their choice.

I see a few chicken littles on this board, those who are always concerned that if everyone is not following their plan that they will get a leak or regain weight, or their stomach will explode etc. They amuse me more than annoy me. Do gooders will always exist. And that is their intention, to do good. They just don't understand that everyone is different and there is no one true way to live post sleeve.

Because that is what this boils down to. There is no one true way to live post sleeve. We each find our own path to health and forums like this can help us in that journey and search but if we look here for the one set of directions we are limiting our own potential well being.

Follow your own medical professionals advice and then listen to your body. Learn what you can from forums like this and from others experiences. Try what resonates with you and listen to your body's response. Learn and find your own path.. Share what you discover to help others learn and find their own path.

/soapbox

[gustavo52974 369]

The same people, thinking they are perfect.

Oh don't worry. I'm never giving advice on this website ever again.