Should I Tell The Inlaws About My Surgery?

[soontobeskinnymini 20]

I have been debating telling my inlaws about my surgery. My family and close friends know but it feels like I'm almost hiding something from them not telling them. DH's family except for him and his brother are all morbidly obese and proud of it, everything about them revolves around food. Anyway, right now they think I'm just been on the liquid diet and having surgery to fix my hiatal hernia which is only half a lie I suppose. It's kind of funny because the 12 days of liquid diet I've been on so far we visited them twice and both times she made a chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream which is my favorite and she NEVER makes when they all knew I was on this diet. I sipped on my Protein Shake and watched them all eat and acted like it didn't bother me. I can see just from that they wouldn't be much support if they think I'm on a liquid diet for having to have something repaired idk how they would act if they knew I elected to have this surgery...... what would you do???

what do you tell people if they ask why you won't have another cheeseburger or hot dog (because I know they will)?

[IsB 209]

Why not see what your husband thinks since he knows his family? That's going to be a more expert opinion than any you'll get here.

[WLJourneyJ 89]

i'm not. .... by mine are really judgmental. ha ha

[traceyinflorida 499]

Hmmm, that's a tough one. Personally, I have been an open book about my surgery. I find it's just easier than lying or telling half truths. That's not to say I am walking around announcing it to the world, but if someone asks (or if they are a close friend or relative) I tell them. The funny thing is, the last people I told I was going to have the surgery were my parents. I was afraid they would not be supportive and that they would try to talk me out of it. It turns out that just the opposite was true. They were wonderful. They insisted I try to have the surgery when they could be here to help me. And they were a great help to me when the time came. I know they would have been really hurt if I had not told them until after I had it done.

If I were in your situation, I would probably tell them since the rest of your family already knows. They might be really hurt if they find out some other way and they know that you never trusted them with the information. I would go to their outings really well prepared because it sounds like sabotage could be in the works over there. Eat before you go, bring a Protein shake, bring a dish to share that you can eat...etc. Who knows, someone in their family might see your success and be inspired to do something for themselves to lose weight.

Good luck with your dilema! Let us know how it turns out.

[I_Sd8_em 28]

Hard to say. Your first thought or instincts are usually the correct ones. Obviously you thought it was a bad idea b/c you didn't tell them. So what makes you think you should tell them now? Hard to keep things from family but sometimes it is the thing to do. Its you life your choice and this is a major decision that can't be undone once completed. Choose wisely. It is easier said thatn done and I personally have flip flopped several times b/c there are many negatives and positives. Good Luck to you.

[soontobeskinnymini 20]

I should add ----Only reason why I haven't really told them already is my mom had it done 4 years ago and they had the nastiest response and rude things to say to me. Her sister had major complications during gastric BYPASS which she doesn't know there is a difference so she said my mom was taking the "easy way out" and that it's an extremely dangerous and unnecessary surgery.

Even with MIL's type two diabetes she still eats whatever she wants including desert every night so she wouldn't understand the whole me wanting to be healthy part.

I don't want to be judged or for her to think I'm being irresponsible since I have two kids under 3 and if something god forbid goes wrong...... but like somebody said I don't want her to find out and be mad I didn't tell them either.

[SunnyCox 245]

I wouldn't tell. Before surgery I only told people that I knew would be EXTREMELY supportive (and that list was very small). Since surgery, I have been able to handle myself a little better with a little more confidence, and I've told a few more people. I don't want anyone to shove having surgery in my face or tell me I was taking the easy way out, so I didn't give them the chance. I'll never know how they would react.

When people ask why I am not eating much, I tell them I am still having a hard time since my surgery. If I'm full or not hungry, I say so. I think people are less observant about what you eat if they don't think you are on a diet. Most of the people I am around have no clue and no one comments when I barely eat what is on my plate, so I don't have to deal with those comments.

[kyllfalcon 768]

To each his own, but the last thing I want is to keep a mental tally of who knows/who doesn't know, what did I tell this one or what did I tell that one.

I told my family, friends and coworkers, basically everone in my life. I didn't make a big deal about it, just gave them the facts. My husband, sons and best friend were all very supportive from the beginning, and that was all the support I needed. At work there were a couple of naysayers in the beginning, and now they have become supporters.

Maybe it's my advanced age combined with my own life experiences, but I really don't care what people think or say about me! I just knew they would notice the difference in my eating habits and weight, and I'm just too old and busy to make up stories!

Good luck with your surgery and with those in-laws!!

[chitowngirl 884]

I wouldn't tell them. I didn't tell any of my inlaws, period. As far as my family I did tell a few after the surgery, so I'm sure it spread like wild fire. I pretty much stayed away during my preop diet and post op, until I was able to eat.

[Forensikchic 528]

I would not tell them. I didnt tell my inlaws either. You know them and what they will say to you. You dont need that negativity and you know it will happen if you tell them. Its not their business anyway. If they ask you about why you arent eating much, just tell them you have to take it slow because of your hernia surgery. I bet they stop noticing as long as they dont think you are on a diet. And you arent on a diet so.... I would not visit much if they are nasty to you. You need healthy boundaries with these people. They can chose their lifestyle but so can you! You dont tell them what to eat and what not to. You are not asking the diabetic mil why she is eating desert when she is not supposed to and so on and you deserve the same courtesy! Stand up for yourself! Its none of their business at all what you eat and dont eat. I would not tell them unless you feel it necessary and I cant imagine why it would be necessary. JMHO

[danyelleb 386]

I agree with forensikchic. I didn't tell my inlaws. They see me coming and going in my workout gear (they live on our property) and I guess they figured I've done it with diet and exercise. I got a few comiments but now my father in law says that I need to stop losing. Last night at fair he even bought me a strawberry milkshake! Luckily I had my sons to pawn it off on.

[Dinora7 39]

I wish I had not told my sisters inlaw. They always say " but she got that surgery" always downplaying my commitment to this life change. I've even asked my partner to please not discuss my weight or size with them because it almost always results in negative comments. So if your inlaws are slightly negative people I wouldn't tell them, but I would make sure that your husband has a support group or someone close other than his family because sometimes we forget how this journey can also be hard on our spouses.

[O.T.R. sleever 3,386]

I'm sorry, but I don't believe for a minute that they are proud/happy about being morbidly obese. There is an old expression "Misery loves company". They may have a love affair with food, and may have become complacent in knowing that they are unhealthy. But none the less, I would tell them what your doing, they will likely scoff at you for making this decision, but this is your opportunity to show them that there is another option out there. Be the shining example that just may motivate them to improve their lives. Lead by example. They will be watching, whether they admit it or not.

[soontobeskinnymini 20]

Thanks everybody for your good points! I am so not going to tell them. The more I analyze this the more I realize if I tell them I would have to be prepared for all the friends and family, cousins, 4th cousins and dog groomer to know since they are horrible at keeping things to themselves. I watched my mom get pretty beat up by rude comments that some of her "friends" made when she told some of them she got sleeved. She kept the secret for 4 years now I think I'm just going to do the same with some people to avoid unnecessary drama.

[kmwheel 127]

I told a lot of people the first time I went and did not end up getting the surgery (insurance denied), so I felt like a fool. My husband told the people at work (two skinny b*****s included) stating, "I had to, because I had to get the time off." Ummm...no, you did not have to tell them, thanks for invading my privacy. Anyway, that really ticked me off, so I swore him to secrecy on this one. I will have no problem telling anyone after it's done, but I want the actual event to be private and I don't want anyone telling me horror stories about a friend of a friend or surgery in Mexico, etc. I'm not telling my mom and dad. She's a nurse, and I think she'd worry too much. I just don't want to deal with everyone else's opinions or ideas. This one's for me! I totally support your decision!