male only Relationship Help

[cr354 15]

I say stick it out, get out of living with the in-laws as soon as possible, and seek some professional help from counselors. No offense to the ladies but pregnancy tends to make them..... well for lack of a better word crazy. I love my wife. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. There have been some ups and some downs as with any relationship but, sticking it out is important. Don't ever let anyone put you down for seeking help. We are doing it for our weight managment issues through surgery so why is getting help from a counselor any different? There are plenty of free and low cost counseling services. Remember parenting is hard. And even as fathers the parenting starts when your wife gets pregnant. For my wife it changed her during and for a year after each pregnancy. For one thing sleep becomes much harder and that can be problemlematic. Also, remember your wife is probably gaining wait, a good thing when your pregnant, but that can make them feel insecure especially if it is at a time that their spouse is losing weight and getting a lot of attention. But, think of this, if she married you at 300 she is probably going to stick with you no matter what because she loves you. I give my wife props becuase she married me as the ex football pro who weighed around 225 lbs of pure muscle. Now I have degenerated into a 370lb lazy couch potato. But, she has been through my side. Perhaps it is becuase I am getting older, I am 35, but I want someone who is going to be by my side in the good and in the tough. Just my two cents. Either way good luck and best wishes.

[Star1221 270]

First off, congrats on the little one on the way. It's life changing. Also, another big congrats on the weight loss. It's amazing. Those 2 things alone will mess with any stable relationship. ESPECIALLY one that is in the first year. Of course she's feeling left behind and a little jealous. You have lost so much weight, and she's going to be gaining. It's a hard moment when you hit a big stall in your relationship. But nothing worth having comes easy. I think, IMO, that the best thing would be to either sit calmly with her, explaining your feelings and fears, and ask her to do the same. Sometimes, all it take it putting it out there. Now, how you bring it up makes a huge difference. Don't just go to, what is wrong with you lately. This will make anyone mad. Just plainly state that lately you've noticed some changes, (state them) and that you would like to know if there's anything you can do to help. And it's ok to like outside compliments. Just realize that she was there literally through thick and thin.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

This is really brief, and by no way intended to be something you rely on BUT:

You need to step back - seriously. I have seen this is in so many people, and it was one of the major factors in me avoiding surgery for years and years.

You are going through a narcissistic phase (I am NOT A DOCTOR OR COUNSELOR) that I have hear referred to as "if I had always been thin" - it is OK, you can't help but be overwhelmed, but you should, especially since a child is involved, step back and recognize that YOU and HER are overwhelmed - you lost weight, she held a fertilized egg in her uterus, developed it through to a baby, went through an incredible amout of hormonal change, gave birth, and her body will be regulating for months.

You dont have to react to her berating, just pay attention to the dynamics her father and her have and avoid those triggers - also - get the hell out of that house.

Don't make any life decisions yet.

oh, yeah - the affair you have either had or are seriously thinking about having - don't.

[KingOxNyc 22]

I say stick it out' date=' get out of living with the in-laws as soon as possible, and seek some professional help from counselors. No offense to the ladies but pregnancy tends to make them..... well for lack of a better word crazy. I love my wife. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. There have been some ups and some downs as with any relationship but, sticking it out is important. Don't ever let anyone put you down for seeking help. We are doing it for our weight managment issues through surgery so why is getting help from a counselor any different? There are plenty of free and low cost counseling services. Remember parenting is hard. And even as fathers the parenting starts when your wife gets pregnant. For my wife it changed her during and for a year after each pregnancy. For one thing sleep becomes much harder and that can be problemlematic. Also, remember your wife is probably gaining wait, a good thing when your pregnant, but that can make them feel insecure especially if it is at a time that their spouse is losing weight and getting a lot of attention. But, think of this, if she married you at 300 she is probably going to stick with you no matter what because she loves you. I give my wife props becuase she married me as the ex football pro who weighed around 225 lbs of pure muscle. Now I have degenerated into a 370lb lazy couch potato. But, she has been through my side. Perhaps it is becuase I am getting older, I am 35, but I want someone who is going to be by my side in the good and in the tough. Just my two cents. Either way good luck and best wishes.[/quote']

I wish we could change the living arrangemt but right now it's not doable...I was laid off april 2nd and she was laid off in feb. I I back to work July 10th. She had been back to work for 2 months now and her doctor just put her out on disability. So money is tight. We had both agreed on not having a child till we owned our own home...but someone didn't take her pill for over a week. Not pointing any fingers we both did it and have to take responsibility for it. But it's getting taxing on us...this pregnancy is tearing us apart.

[TinaMari 75]

I wish we could change the living arrangemt but right now it's not doable...I was laid off april 2nd and she was laid off in feb. I I back to work July 10th. She had been back to work for 2 months now and her doctor just put her out on disability. So money is tight. We had both agreed on not having a child till we owned our own home...but someone didn't take her pill for over a week. Not pointing any fingers we both did it and have to take responsibility for it. But it's getting taxing on us...this pregnancy is tearing us apart.

Tisk tisk*!

[chitowngirl 884]

First, congrats on your weight loss and your wife's pregnancy. Being married myself I can tell you that the first three years are the hardest. I'm sure yours is even harder because of the fact that your living with your in laws. Do not walk out on your marriage, just like loosing weight is not easy neither is marriage. As a woman I can tell you that your wife is craving attention, so give it to her. I'm sure with all your weight loss the attention has been focused on you. She's pregnant and she will most likely be irritable and grouchy, but that is the nature of being pregnant. Be glad and greatful that is is putting her body through all the stress and changes to give you the best gift you will ever know. Marriage is a struggle At times, don't walk out at the first sign of trouble, you owe it to your child to give this relationship 110%. Best of luck to you and your wife.

[IsB 209]

I try and talk to her but she feels as though in attacking her...she doesn't communicate well she's very condescending she fights with her father all te time and now shes speaking to me how she does to him.

That's a good reason why a councelor could really help both of you. Having a professional who knows how to get couples to communicate is a good thing. If you willing to talk about it on a board with strangers you should be willing to see someone who is trained to help in this area.

[italianlady13 80]

I wish we could change the living arrangemt but right now it's not doable...I was laid off april 2nd and she was laid off in feb. I I back to work July 10th. She had been back to work for 2 months now and her doctor just put her out on disability. So money is tight. We had both agreed on not having a child till we owned our own home...but someone didn't take her pill for over a week. Not pointing any fingers we both did it and have to take responsibility for it. But it's getting taxing on us...this pregnancy is tearing us apart.

doesn't sound like this is the surgery at all. Sounds like you feel trapped by an unwanted pregnancy....just remember.....God makes absolutely no mistakes. You don't have to own a home to have a baby, you don't have to have gobs of money either, you just have to accept that it's happening and deal with it. My husband flipped out when we got pregnant unplanned as well (we lost our baby) and it destroyed our marriage. Don't allow the feeling of being tied to a marriage spook you. Love is a feeling but marriage and commitment are decisions. You just have to step back (as someone else said) and take a look at the person who loved you no matter what. If you leave her eventually you will regret what you have done especially when you realize that those women who are giving you "attention" are skin deep when your wife knew you at your worst and loved you. Think about it:)

[circa 333]

First of all, keep talking, even if she doesn't - either she will start to understand , will start to ask questions so ahe can understand and will also start talking or she won't. But you have to do your part.

Secondly, this pregnancy is not tearing you apart, tye lack of communication is. Someone who doesn't take their pill isn't someone who doesn't want to get pregnant- at least somewhere deep down.

Thirdly, your loving situation sucks. Change it as soon as you are able. I don't know your inlaws and they might be the best inlaws in the world but you're in their house with their baby girl - most of the time you'll be the odd man out on anything. It's not her fault, your fault or theirs- it just IS. It would be the same for you if you were at your parents

She's watching you change and insecurity is rising in her. You're losing what has held you down. She just got put on disability and is now pregnant. Talk about some emotional weight there. Help her carry it. You can do that by confusing your feelings in her and helping her realize that life is changing but from this, a stronger bond between you can occur.

Keep talking.

Sent from my iPhone using VST

[Nate 292]

Not trying to upset the ladies here, but speaking from experience... Pregnant women are hormonal, emotional, and weird! You have to keep that in mind. Her body is going through basically the opposite changes that yours is right now. While you're getting thin and healthy she's faced with the issue of putting on baby weight for the next how many months. That alone could be enough of a reason for her to become detached and distant. Add in the fact that there are other women paying attention to you now and flirting and your wife is probably a wreck inside. And believe it or not, her being distant is probably her way of trying to cope with it and not wanting to rain on your good time of loosing so much weight and feeling good (Or she could be testing you and waiting for you to reach out to her, women tend to test us dense men sometimes). Talk to her. Make her feel good and loved. Ensure her that you're not going to stray and that you love her no matter what.

Is potential poontang worth throwing away your wife and unborn child? Is it worth 18 years of child support? Is it worth only being able to see your child half the time if you're lucky? Are you willing to have your child grow up resenting you for not being there? These are all questions that you need to do some deep soul searching over. Don't just give things up and leave on a whim or because the ladies are looking your way now.

[KingOxNyc 22]

Thank you...you all have very great advice and we have a long road ahead of us. I don't want to loose my wife and along with that I don't want to be treated like I did something wrong now because I on the outside look different then when we first started pu life together. I think that's also what she does t understNd is that I'm the same guy on the inside And her insecurities is hurting that man

[thinoneday 445]

Im definately not perfect and my marriage isn't the best in the world, but hubbie and I have held it out for the past 34 years. It is so hard and you have to really work at it. When kids where in the picture, it was hard too, we argued all the time, and there were days we were ready to throw in the towel as well. . . well now that we are empty nesters and finally can reestablish our relationship, it is so much better. We have come to realize that we are each others best friend. . I could never do without him and him without me. . .we have learned each others quirks and can laugh and joke without anger. But all this takes time and patience. You got married for a reason and that reason was love (hopefully) . . . there was something about her/you that the other loved and wanted to be with for the rest of your lives. Living with in-laws really sucks and that in itself can cause havoc within a relationship. . . but hopefully all will get better with that. . . there is a child on the way who is going to need both parents, raising a kid singly is very very difficult. . . we all have to walk our path in life, we don't know where it will take us or what we'll do with it once we get to a obsticle in the road, but just walk it, one step at a time, one day at a time, and one day you and she will understand why things happened the way they did. . . good luck and may blessings come your way. . .

[MrzSongbird 53]

Remember the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and marriage takes unbelievably hard work. Marriage goes through seasons, but selfishness is not an option. My 10 year anniversary is in a few weeks and we began under some of the same circumstances with our first child. We have since the first child added 3 more. During the rough times remember what made you fall in love with her. Shower her with sweet nothings, no woman can resist that. She is carrying your seed which should make her beauty paramount above all the mood swings. I believe you guys will make it with some effort.

P.s don't let the attention blow your head up

[MrBig 17]

Not trying to upset the ladies here, but speaking from experience... Pregnant women are hormonal, emotional, and weird! You have to keep that in mind. Her body is going through basically the opposite changes that yours is right now. While you're getting thin and healthy she's faced with the issue of putting on baby weight for the next how many months. That alone could be enough of a reason for her to become detached and distant. Add in the fact that there are other women paying attention to you now and flirting and your wife is probably a wreck inside. And believe it or not, her being distant is probably her way of trying to cope with it and not wanting to rain on your good time of loosing so much weight and feeling good (Or she could be testing you and waiting for you to reach out to her, women tend to test us dense men sometimes). Talk to her. Make her feel good and loved. Ensure her that you're not going to stray and that you love her no matter what.

Totally agree with Nate ~!

Preoggos are nuts~! No offense, but seriously ...

[gustavo52974 369]

Remember the sanctity of marriage. I'm willing to bet that you said something like, "Till death do us part", or "As long as we both shall live" when you made your vows. This might just be my opinion, but I don't think vows are something one should abandon when they become inconvenient.