female only Relationship Troubles

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

BBJ' date='

Not much to say here... but I am thinking of you and although it seems a little harsh at the moment, in time it will get better. I suppose it is a little like the greiving process. Take care of yourself x[/quote']

Thanks.... I was able to sleep reasonably well and it's already better. Also, I was really worried about lack of support because I don't have family here and my friends are all scattered across different hospitals doing busy rotations, but a lot of them contacted me yesterday saying they are available to hang out. So tonight I'm going shopping and then having dinner with two of them, and then tomorrow I'm meeting up with another friend I haven't seen in a while. So I'm hoping I won't feel too lonely. I'm not sure when to start dating again. I've been more or less checked out from this relationship and noticing other men for quite a while, but I don't know how soon is too soon.

[PhoenixFire 10]

So I'm hoping I won't feel too lonely. I'm not sure when to start dating again. I've been more or less checked out from this relationship and noticing other men for quite a while' date=' but I don't know how soon is too soon.[/quote']

I can tell u from experience that my single life was the best part of my life so far. I could do say or go wherever I pleased I could date as many men as I wanted and didn't have to answer to noone. Enjoy ur new found freedom. Live ur life to the fullest! U will know when to start a new relationship. :-)

[Lissa 2,631]

Blackberry juice, I already thought you were the bomb, but the way you've handled this just raised you in my opinion! There was no way to break up except to just DO IT, and you did. Yes, the wound is pretty fresh for you both right now, but this was the right decision. Eventually he would have figured out that you just weren't in love with him and it would have been worse. (((Hugs))) for what you're going through, but you've done the right thing here.

27 is definitely too young to settle for "okay". Heck, IMO, any age is too young to settle for "okay".

[Amanda131 214]

Hi BBJ-

I'm came into this post late so I'll be brief. Marriage is too hard to go into it without the promise of great sex to smooth out the rough edges. You're worth toe curling big Os AND a best friend that treats you right (that means not holding your former size over you). But you're smart and have already figured this out.

I wish you peace and strength as you work through this break up. They're never easy; even when you do it for all of the right reasons. He hurting and likely to lash out right now. Continue to follow your instincts. It sounds like they're dead on.

Hugs-

Amanda

PS Hubs (even with a 50 lb weight gain) still makes my toes curl after 11 years. That's what you deserve. Hold out for it.

[LadyIvy 159]

Yeah, I'm really bummed by the fact that we have this trip coming up. We already put down our deposits and booked plane tickets, so we'd be out like $3000 each if we cancelled. I don't really have 3 grand to just throw away. To be honest, since we aren't necessarily having any sort of acute problems, I would be completely fine waiting until after our trip in November to figure things out....but he's determined to actually get married in Antarctica, which is a big problem. All he does all day is talk about how he can't wait to get married, how we're going to be together forever, etc.

It's a nightmare, I feel like a terrible person.

I would be happy if this were an open relationship and I could see someone on the side, but he definitely wouldn't be ok with that, as he's rather insecure. Interestingly, though, despite him being very insecure, he adamantly refuses to work on his weaknesses (e.g. having a bodyfat of 35% despite not even being overweight). Instead, he just trashes the people at my gym for being "meatheads" if they are guys or "looking like dudes" if they are female. I've definitely touched on the topic of looks and fitness with him before, and he gets upset and/or starts mocking me for being a hypocrite because I had WLS. I've tried to get him hooked on working out, it just isn't happening. I'm not gonna lie, his body is a turnoff to me. Oh, and to answer a question that was raised in a number of replies above, I was not terribly attracted to him in the first place. I remember the first time we had sex, I was very disappointed, but told myself it'd get better with time. Well, it hasn't. One thing I've been telling myself since is that looks fade over time, anyway, so even if he looked like a Greek god today, 20 years from now, he wouldn't, so I've tried not to focus on that too much. But I don't know if I'm making a mistake.

This is the longest relationship I've been in to date, so I was wondering, for those of you who've been married for 5, 10, 15+ years....are you still physically attracted to your partner? I don't really know what's "normal."

I have been with my husband for 12 and a half years. Right now, we are not really in sync in the bedroom, but it isn't always like that. Our sex life tends to cycle depending on what is going on in each of our lives. However, even when we aren't in sync, I find my husband very attractive. I think attraction has a lot to do with personality too. Have you ever met someone that you initially thought was really good looking and then you get to know them and mentally say "ugh, what was I thinking? How did I ever think he was good looking?" The fact that you find him so repulsive is not just physical. There is more there.

Just looked up and saw how late in the game I am on this. How are you doing with the changes?

[sarsar 824]

Sounds like you did the right thing. Hang in there.

As far as dating goes, I say go out and have fun. Just remember you came out of a long relationship so don't jump into another one too fast. Enjoy yourself!

[medictazman 2]

First off you need to not loose who you are. Just because you loose weight and become a healthier person doesn't mean you need to loose the person you was, he loved you before weight loss and still loves you. On the other hand you shouldn't be with someone that you don't love but one that as well it sounded like you was really just friends then became friends with benifits as far as sex if he DOESN'T DO it for you it does involve communication, you need to tell him what does do it for you. If you think it would make home insecure then this is where non verbal communication comes in, if you want it this way move your hips so he can hit the right spot or move his head while holding in his head. Regardless what people say sex is a part but not the only part. Relationships involve caring and love communication and laughter, sex is a portion of the glue but technique can be honed but caring forever love and being able to laugh, have fun, and enjoy life together is the most important thing. But as everyone says you need to do what makes you happy but don't just up and throw away your relationship without really talking, that's not fair to him. First have a very good heart to heart with him and then think over what happens during the talk. But once again just because you loose the weight don't become a I think I'm better than everyone else attitude of the skinny people that we as fluffy people despised. Good luck in everything and life.

[Amanda 3.0 140]

So, I've spent a lot of time crying and agonizing over this the last 2 days, and then tonight I got home from the gym and just told him right away. I just said that he's my best friend and a wonderful person, but I don't feel attracted to him physically, and that will never change, so I don't think it's fair to either of us to drag it out.

He was very angry, and made some pretty unpleasant comments to me, including (of course) commenting on how he stuck by me when I weighed 200+ lbs. He even said he would've gone to the gym had he known it mattered so much, but honestly, it's not the real issue. Like some of you above said about your past relationship, it just felt like he was my brother. No matter how gorgeous my brother got, I'd never want to have sex with him, you know? Anyway, he said he hopes I find some meathead who will treat me like crap so I realize what a mistake I made by breaking up with him. Packed a small suitcase and went to his grandparents, telling me he'll make sure most of his stuff is out of here by end of May and that he will avoid seeing me like the plague because "the sight of you will make me vomit."

URGH.

I "liked" your post because of the bravery, not because of the pain.

But, while it is obvious that your breakup is extremely painful for both of you, and he got very mean, I think you are so smart and kind to do this rather than to lead him on. Or, to stay in a relationship, "just because".

You, and hopefully he, will find soul mates in the very near future.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Wow, so he's already found a new place and plans to move all his stuff out of my house this Wednesday....that was quick! Also, turns out our deposit for the Antarctica trip was $1500 total and not per person, so it's not that much of a loss there. I've also e-mailed to see if I can use that deposit towards another trip with this tour company - they have lots of other tours that'd be more affordable were I to go with someone else or even alone. Still trying to figure out the plane ticket issue.

I'm a little bummed because he wants to switch cars....the car he drives all the time is technically mine and vice versa, and I really like the car that's registered in his name and it's a much better fit for me (it's a 4WD and I like outdoorsy stuff, whereas my car is a Yaris). I e-mailed him about it and his response was "Even though I would much rather keep driving the Yaris, I don't want to deal with having to go to the registry to transfer titles and interact with you in person." Ok, whatever, grow up.... he keeps sending me these super-long e-mails and texts peppered with comments like "Please only focus on business issues when responding, I don't want any personal conversation," even though it's always him who contacts me and I stick to "business issues" only, anyway....

Anyway, I also connected with a cute guy online, we've been texting lots and he seems pretty sweet and funny....but he works the next few nights while I work days, and then he's leaving town for a few days, so we're trying to coordinate meeting up in person. I'm pretty excited!

[TheNewSusie 471]

You're a very strong woman and it looks like you're doing great! That is awesone and women like you are very inspirational. God bless and keep being who you are.

[Dooter 1,457]

The pain will fade for you both. You will look back one day and say WHEW!!! You did the right thing for you AND for him. You both deserve fiery passion in a marriage. Not years of resentful bitterness. Go get yours!

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

Yeah, there is bound to be some awkwardness for awhile, but you did the right thing!

Good luck with online dating. That can be a roller coaster, but it's should be a fun ride!

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

The pain will fade for you both. You will look back one day and say WHEW!!! You did the right thing for you AND for him.

Damn, ladies, I may or may not have spent the night at a very good-looking gentleman's place last night, quite possibly in a horizontal position, and let me tell you, I'm ALREADY looking back and saying "WHEW"! I forgot things could be so much....um...fun, if you know what I mean. Hehehehe.

BRB, responding to a bunch of texts from guys, lol.

[coops 1,790]

BBJ... I've just gotta say I LOVE your SPIRIT!

Now, I am assuming you realise that you did the right thing... and besides which, all exercise is good for you, right?

Oh and what is wrong with a YArs *HMMM*... I have one....lol!

[Iliana82 84]

I am glad I read this post. I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 2 yrs today. He was my best friend, which makes me sad. But I too was not attracted to him but mostly because he just wasn't self motivated. He has been complaining about the same things for the past 2 yrs.... These are things he can change easily but he takes forever!!! He is also very mediocre in bed. I love him he is my friend. For that reason I broke it off because I was lashing out at him and well I know it's over