Unhappy With Life

[SparklingSarah 18]

I am a year and some change out from surgery, I have lost half of myself and I feel the same way.

I have been on and off depression meds all my life. But, I can honestly say- I feel better in so many ways. I do about me. Not about my relationships with other people including my parents and husband.

Something I noticed about with me is the co-dependent, one sided relationships that I never recieved any type of love or care from. So, I ate my feeling away and put up with the sadness, anger and frustration that it brought. But now- I am forced to face and deal with all those emotions. I chose to see a therepist and find out why I got to almost 400 pounds and how to fix not getting there ever again.

Long story cut way short- getting help was what cleared the air for me. I made really hard choices for myself and the toxic relationships in my life.

I no longer speak to my parents (my choice I made for myself, to get out of the long history of abuse I recived from them daily) and it's not for everyone, and not everyone agrees. But I made this for ME. And I am doing a so much better because of it.

I have spoken with my husband about my feelings of emptiness and boredom in our marriage. I have found that by me expressing myself to him (not that it was well recieved at first) it has made our relationship slowly on the upswing. he has opened up too. Couples counciling has also helped a lot. He also sees someone to help him with his anger and resentment he has towards me for all the years I fell at the wayside.

Change- is hard on everyone. But you have to sit and decide for yourself- what should YOU do for You. And don't rely on anyone for 100% of your happiness. That is to much to put on someone and you will always let yourself down. You must look inside and figure out whats best for you.

Hang in there- we all in this together.

And just like 2BonederfulAgain said: Do all you can to save yourself. (**and if it's truly important to you** my two cents) Save your relationship.

[2BonederfulAgain 17]

There is something else you said in one of your responses. You said you would be okay on your own and prefer it!

I secretly feel that way...but I let that out in anger every chance i get...THIS IS THE ROOT OF MY RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM.

SO WHAT IF WE CAN BE OKAY ON OUR OWN...the question is IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT...

I know I dont want that...I love my husband...just because we can be and probably could be better (no responsiblity to anyone but yourself) there is something amazing and beautiful about marriage....and even more A MARRIAGE THAT CAN SURVIVE and BE REBORN...like we are after surgery!

<3

[smilebig2012 4]

My friend who had this surgery figured out that she was in her relationship because she had found someone to give her attention she never had because she was overweight. She had this surgery and lost the weight realizing the attention she was cherishing over the years was not the loving, patient and respectable kind. She had to leave the relationship. I guess what I'm saying is the weight came off to help show her she is worth more big or small, and it was realized after her weight decreased.

Not sure if this helps. Just thought I would share. I'm 2 weeks out and my husband has been supportive. I just hope our relationships doesn't change.

[Joiebean 53]

So this week is better....surgeon called (my appt last week got rescheduled due to an emergency surgery, but he called to follow up on the blood tests he ordered) and apparently I'm really low on Vitamin D (which is common i guess) but he wants me to start taking a supplement for it. So on top of the depression I have anyway, I guess a vit. D deficiency can make it worse. The surgeon also asked me to follow up with my PCP, which I am doing this week too. But overall, I feel better this week. I have to admit....and I am admitting this to you...my friends...because hopefully you'll understand....but part of my desire to stray was the whole "grass is greener" mentality. But when I actually saw the ex I had in mind...he had aged horribly...and I realized I have absolutely no desire for him at all....like I thought I did. And my husband truly is the catch I've known he is. Sometimes I just get the whole "what am I missing" woes and they get the best of me. But we are on a better path now, and I'm just feeling more positive, so its a step in the right direction.

[chitowngirl 884]

Glad to see that you are feeling better. When you take food out of a relationship that can leave a void. Even before my sleeve I did go through periods of unfulfilment. I then started expressing this to my husband, so we make a point to make us time, such as mini getaways. I also make time for me, I feel that I have sacraficed so much of myself for the sake of the marriage, that's never good. I also asked my husband to buy a bike since I love to bike ride, so that's going to be our together activity.

[NancyJerry 139]

It's easy to get married. It's hard to stay married. I see that you have a lot of support her and through your health professionals; but I'd like to add my 2-cents. Please check out this link....http://www.jayandlaura.com/

Really look at their WebSite and even like them on Facebook. I know these people personally and they have a passion for MARRIAGE. If you can arrange it, Jay and Laura do a "Destination Event" on Mackinaw Island (Michigan) and it's 2 days of reconnecting with your spouse. They are bringing in an AMAZING guest speaker from Texas. They also travel all over the US, and even into Canada, for their "Ultimate Date Night" Seminars.

I pray you get the health, help and guidance to do what is best for you. In the meantime, I highly recommend getting a dog. Spend time training the little guy (get a smart one, like a golden retriever) and certify him/her to do therapy work. I did this when it became impossible for me to have children and I didn't know how to feel "fulfilled." The time I spend with my Charlie bringing happiness to others that are in nursing homes, hospitals, schools and libraries is very fulfilling!

Good luck to you!