Do You View Your Glass As Half Full Or Half Empty?

[SKCUNNINGHAM 298]

I had a very thought provoking encounter yesterday. I went to get a new set of custom orthotics made yesterday (I have foot problems that pre-date my sleeve surgery). I mentioned to the tech I wanted to get a new pair, as my old ones were not fitting well because I had recently lost a bunch of weight. We got to talking about weight loss, and come to find out she was also a sleeve patient. Her surgery was around Thanksgiving of 2010.

The first question she asked me was "Do you regret having the sleeve?" I said "Absolutely not, it's the best thing I ever did for myself." She got quiet and I asked her whether she regretted surgery. And, to my surprise, she said she did - she wished she hadn't done it. And, she said she hadn't lost all the weight she wanted to yet (she is about 30 pounds from goal). I don't know how much she had lost, or where she started from - she looked about a size 14 to me.

As we were talking, and I was sharing all of my positive health benefits, she told me she had gotten off of all blood pressure medication, all cholesterol medication, all diabetes medication and gotten rid of her CPAP machine. To me, sounds like she should be pretty happy. I have the same results as her (except I wasn't diabetic) and I am ecstatic about it.

I asked her why she was unhappy with the sleeve. She said she didn't like not being able to go to restaurants like she did before. She didn't like having to be so careful planning before she went somewhere (like a day at an amusement park) to make sure she could get her Protein in when she needed to. And, she is having some digestion problems with eating certain food (hamburger patties, for one) - although she doesn't routinely take any PPI's or acid medications.

We got to talking about waking up at 2 or 3 am ravenously hungry if we didn't get enough protein in during the day. This has happened to me occasionally, and I now make sure to get enough protein in for dinner!

Not a hard problem to overcome.

Our experiences were so very similar - yet I am absolutely THRILLED and HAPPY with my sleeve and she is UNHAPPY and REGRETS her decision. I look for solutions to the bumps in the road I experience - she seems to just keep hitting the same bumps, and is unhappy and regretful.

So, my take-away from this encounter is this. Your attitude towards what happens with your sleeve is critical to whether you view your experience as a success or not. Your attitude will determine whether you are a happy post-sleeve patient or an unhappy one. I also think have realistic expectations about goal weights and life after sleeve are important for people to understand. If you are unrealistic in your expectations, you can set yourself up for failure.

I don't know if she goes to a support group (there are plenty here locally) and I don't know if she uses this forum. I think both types of support have been very helpful to me in helping me find solutions for the bumps in the road, and for having realistic expecations for this new life.

I challenge all of us to view the glass half full. I think many of us got accustomed to viewing it half empty when we were obese. There are great resources on getting or keeping a positive attitude towards life. Lil Miss Diva here in Vertical Sleeve Talk is a great source for inspiration and for positive attitude.If she could bottle her attitude and sell it, she could be a millionaire! I recommend you read her posts to soak up some positivity about this sleeve journey we are all taking.

Another source is Norman Vincent Peale - his "Power of Positive Thinking" was the first in a long line of attitude books - and Peale is the precursor to other motivational speakers like Tony Robbins. Both of them have wonderful writings on keeping things positive.

Both Peal and Robbins were influenced by a book called As A Man Thinketh. It has a great message. It was written by James Allen in 1902 and is based on his meditations on Proverbs 23:7. "Your mind is like a garden, it will bring forth. If you cultivate it, it will produce good results, results that you want. If you let anything grow then your results will be the same as if you let your garden grow – you will get weeds."

Didn't mean to make this so long and rambling. I am going to keep a positive attitude! I am going to keep looking at my glass as "half full". And, in the garden that is my mind, I will strive to "plant flowers" and "pull the weeds".

[New_Hope 54]

I think you are absolutely right. I have not had my sleeve yet. Probably about 1-2 months out. Finishing up my six months to request approval from insurance company. Right now wearing a size 24 I would be ecstatic to be in a 14. That being said, my dream weight would be about to get into my wedding dress, which is a size 9 from 30+ years ago, lol. I think you need to set several goals, and if you don't reach every one of them, you are still successful in reaching the ones you do reach, and still strive towards the other ones. Your happiness in life can not depend on one outcome. I am a pretty happy person most of the time now. Overall my life has lots of positives. I have a great loving husband, two wonderful kids, a good job and a Lord that loves me. I am not happy about my current weight, and the health issues that is causing me. Life is never perfect, but there are lots of things to be grateful for if we look around.

[Happy Camper 266]

SK, what a great post. I have always lived my life with a "half full" attitude.

So thank you for the specific reminder. We all can look around and find successes, even if it is just that we are reading about getting healthy...it is a first step!

[cookies 56]

A friend of mine who is a therapist suggested I write a very long letter to myself before I have the surgery, laying out exactly how I feel every single day at this weight and why I want to have the surgery, etc.

She suggested that later if ever I feel I haven't changed or get discouraged that pulling out the letter and reading it will reinforce how far I have come and how I never want to feet this way again.

I think some people just forget the misery they used to have and then maybe they're not-so-happy with where they are. I don't know. It's unfortunate she feels that way. I think glass half-full is definitely the way to go.

[Afro_Cyster 74]

Awww....I posted something earlier, but I guess it didn't take. Anyway, I agree with you. Always look at the glass as being full (half Water + half air = a full glass).

[frumpynomore 204]

Great book...As a Man Thinketh! You can actually download if for free off the web. GLASS IS HALF FULL for me!!!

[Rootman 1,101]

I take a different approach, the glass is COMPLETELY FULL - half with liquid, half with AIR.

Not to be a smarty bottom but I've always tried to challenge myself to look at things in a DIFFERENT light. You'd be surprised at how many times coming at things from a new angle indeed gives you a new perspective on things.

That being said, I would say that coming off all her meds and losing SOME weight seems like a real winning situation to me. She obviously has additional issues that should be addressed by her, her doctor and perhaps with psych help.

I am reminded of a stupid joke I heard years ago:

Two twin brothers were known to be polar opposites, one a glass half full the other a glass half empty. Christmas came and they both received gifts.

The glass half empty brother got a magnificent toy train, it was outrageously expensive, known for it's quality and exactness to scale and incredibly hard to come by. He opened it and immediately had a crestfallen look. His only remark was "It's the wrong color".

The glass half full brother opened up his gift and it was packed with horse manure! He started to whoop and holler and jump around in excitement and run all over the house and yard. The other brother asked why he was so excited about a box of manure, "Well it's horse manure so there's gotta be a pony around here somewhere!"

All too often we look at something and simply look through our greed and self interests and neglect the wonderful blessings we are given. You can look at the box of manure (glass if you will), see it merely as being packed with crap or see the gift of a pony, it's up to you.

[kyllfalcon 768]

Four weeks out, no regrets so far, don't expect any! I agree with Rootman - Full to Overflowing!!!

I burst off the elevator at work each morning with something ridiculous and out loud, such as:

"Good morning, Viet Nam!"

or singing, "I'm walking on sunshine..."

or singing "What a day for a daydream.."

you get the picture.

I was happy fat, happier getting unfat! Already dropped three of four hypertension meds! Pants are too big! Face looks younger! Walked through Walmart instead of riding the buggy yesterday!

What's not to sing about???

[4ALongerLife 329]

My dr. told me a story of his family the last time I went to see him (this past week). He's from a bunch of "foodies" and they all were shocked at one point in his WLS journey. They asked him if he missed eating as he did before and if he missed food. You know what he told them? I think it's a brother in law that takes pills for HBP, diabetes, etc etc. He told them, they made their decisions to take 15+ medications every morning so that they can eat obnoxious amounts of food. And he decided to have surgery to live medication free, where food doesn't rule life. He chose adding life to his years over his addiction.

Is our "love addiction" to food over? Yes, but your mindset has to be 'in the right place' or this surgery isn't the tool that it's intended to be. Sleeving is NOT a magic "cure all." It's only a tool - your mind is the final and biggest frontier that has to be "overcome" in order for you to be successful or not.

Thanks for your positive post. It's true in anything in life. I used to see it whenever I worked in the hospitals and visitied cancer patients and older folks who were going through rehab due to taking a fall or something that they usually didn't plan. It always amazed me what a positive attitude did vs. a negative one.

Your attitude can make you - or break you. It's all up to you.

[Carly 56]

Very nice post and reminder to me to always be thankful and view what is real as most important. The rest is just distraction.

[Lissa 2,631]

I'm an optimist by nature, although I'm not sure WHERE I got that attitude. I've been on a couple of message boards for over 20 years with the same two groups of ladies and, over time, we've probably discussed everything under the sun. One of the gals on those boards started calling me the "Queen of the Silver Lining" because, no matter how bad a situation was, I was always looking for the positive in it.

Sometimes I feel almost like Pollyanna because I just ignore a lot of bad things that happen. Maybe ignore isn't the right word, but it's like I don't even recognize how bad something is until I'm hit over the head with it. IMO, if that's what it takes for me to stay cheerful, then that's fine.

I have my days where I falter, but I keep reminding myself that I've come SO far from where I was. I'm down over 90 pounds from where I started. I can walk longer distances than I could handle before, and I feel like I've lost 20 years off my age. What's not to be thrilled about? I still have a long way to go to get to my goal, but I WILL make it there. 7 and a half months ago I could not imagine that I would willingly go to the gym every day, or be thrilled when I got off the exercise bike dripping sweat. I couldn't imagine that I'd be happy to do calisthenics or to lift weights, but THAT is where I'm at now. I ride the bike (almost) every day. I lift weights daily and even carry a small weight in the car so I can do biceps curls when I'm driving.

My future's so bright, I gotta wear shades!

[ShouldBlittler 89]

A friend of mine who is a therapist suggested I write a very long letter to myself before I have the surgery, laying out exactly how I feel every single day at this weight and why I want to have the surgery, etc.

She suggested that later if ever I feel I haven't changed or get discouraged that pulling out the letter and reading it will reinforce how far I have come and how I never want to feet this way again.

I think some people just forget the misery they used to have and then maybe they're not-so-happy with where they are. I don't know. It's unfortunate she feels that way. I think glass half-full is definitely the way to go.

I LOVE this idea, and I am going to start it TONIGHT!

[coops 1,790]

Sharon,

What a great post and an awesome reminder that we are the leader of our own destiny. Mostly my glass is half full, there are times where I feel it is completely empty... but they are few and far between these days. A positive mental attitude is really important, not just with the sleeve, but I feel in life in general. My hubby always says that I can find positive out of negative and to an extent I do...

Thanks for posting this - perception is very subjective!

[chitowngirl 884]

Wow it's a shame how someone can have so much positive change in their lives and still not appreciate it. It almost sounds like she didn't understand the full extent of the sleeve. It makes me wonder if she is resistant to put in the work needed for her to loose those last 30 pounds. Or if she made a hasty decision in having the sleeve, seems like she didn't really go into it understanding the sacrafices she would have to make. I love my sleeve and all it's quirky restrictions, I'm grateful that I cannot eat like I used to.

[BKMama 179]

The original post and all of the replies brought tears to my eyes. It makes me sad that someone has gone through all of the trouble of having surgery, losing that much weight, and yet is still that unhappy. I used to worry that I'd find myself in the same situation but part of my pre-op journey is remembering to love me just as I am right now. When I lose all of the weight, I'll simply be a better version of my already fabulous self! If you are completely miserable and negative before losing weight, chances are you'll be the same after you're done.