The Elephant In The Room....

[mrjgetssleeved 30]

Mr. J-

I feel for you. My Husband is your same height and weight. He is in a field where looking intimidating is to his advantage though. I often have new friends think he is mean because he is so big... my favorite is when someone assumed he tends towards physical violence due to his size. He is constantly having to work to make others realize he is friendly. It's a difficult place to be.

I can relate....I alway get the "What football team do you play for." I mean most time it humorous... but a few situations it's down right aggravating.

[mrjgetssleeved 30]

I really can't relate to this(socially or Intimately) my weight only became an issue for me when it started effecting my health...was I a victim of the fat jokes in school yes...but I still had groups of friends. My main problem is when people in BUSINESS setting judge by COVER...not the BOOK.

My wake up call was when my Grandmother Pass...from being over weight. So when I see others(friend & Sibling) like me my heart goes out to them becuase I know how the story will END. If they don't address the issues with there health.

[favoredone 590]

I'm sure some people have probably wanted to comment or something, but have not.. I, too pursued VSG due to medical reasons.. I messed my back up some years ago after a fall.. it was either back surgery or lose weight...

[Liberated Sleeve 148]

I have to admit i too am one of those that look at others and say " please lord dont let me get that big" I would not say that i am so judgemental as i am sad.. I know what it is like and how hard it is to fight for the smaller you. I know that not every one can get this done and that saddens me even more. I just wish that every ones medical would cover this and then that would give every one a chance to be healthy.

Yes, it saddens me that they speak so openly about the epidemic of obesity but yet the insurance industries keep excluding any WLS from their policies. Not everyone can afford to self-pay or even afford insurance for that matter. However if you do see someone that does seem to be running in the money you do wonder why they might not seek such an option for themselves or then again maybe they are quite content with their circumstances. I don't believe that all overweight people are unhappy with themselves. Just a thought??

I sought the surgery to help with several issues: Diabetes, HBP, sleep Apnea and weight.

[mesaucedo 207]

The way people treat larger people is terrible! In college no one has the decency to be "polite" about it and not tell you something.

Two recent occasions really bummed me out.

I was in a restaurant getting a to-go order for me and a friend when some skinny girls came in and made a comment that I shouldn't be eating so much unless I wanted to get even bigger and more gross. I was humiliated and left the food there and took off.

Another, I work at a dining common and was busing tables when some college guys were talking about how any girl with big breasts is attractive and they looked over at me and one said, "Any one but fatties like the busser! Boobs don't make up for rolls." It was so awful.

I don't get why people treat overweight people like we are less than.

[Pookeyism 1,143]

One of my very best friends for a long time was very similar height and weight wise to you, except he was a bit taller and probably a bit heavier. I can say I think it varied from intimidation to fear. We even discussed it at times and he said it was mostly his weight. He never had the issues with intimidation or fear or avoidance before the weight gain as much as he did after the weight. I know another guy about the same in size who is white and I used to hear generally the same complaints – so I think it is more a weight thing.

Your sleeve date is coming up soon and I bet you are excited! Good for you. You already seem to be a bit of a heavy thinker (OMG no pun intended!). It is good that you have these thoughts and I bet you are the type that will have these and more several times a day, every day. Keep a journal, there is no ideal formula, just keep it. Maybe keep up with a counselor or stay with or find an in-person support group.

I have a lot of things I find myself thinking and doing that fall out of the area of what I thought I would think, or what I might think. I also notice I do not react the same to everything the same as I have during my previous weight losses. I can also “see” my shift in a lot of thinking, which is reassuring that my counseling and talking it through is working.

Judging others – I am guilty. Not when I just see someone, however. It is when I see them eat. I am trying and I feel so very sinful when I judge like that. When I see someone just eating the foulest fried foods and such (I have not ate in a fast food restaurant more than 4 times in 10 years, and the last time I was sooo ill) I get so nauseated. I actually feel physically ill! There are also thoughts of wanting to talk to them. I have started very discretely watching obese people eat and sometimes I let my mind do what it wants – and I journal at the same time…I write, draw, tear apart a magazine and make a collage (no kidding)…orgami, whatever…I then go back and review it and I have often found I think I am working through my feelings of hopelessness I was beginning to feel before (and during) this last weight loss and decision to be sleeved. It complex to say the least, however.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

That is really mean and I am sorry you have had those experiences! it is unkind and unhelpful to say the least! One word of encouragement is that as you age a bit... this kinda crap is less and less of an issue. In fact, I would say that college was the last time I remember dealing with this kind of ignorance - I wasn't obese, but it had more to do with judging female body and making public remarks about your attributes, or lack thereof.

The way people treat larger people is terrible! In college no one has the decency to be "polite" about it and not tell you something.

Two recent occasions really bummed me out.

I was in a restaurant getting a to-go order for me and a friend when some skinny girls came in and made a comment that I shouldn't be eating so much unless I wanted to get even bigger and more gross. I was humiliated and left the food there and took off.

Another, I work at a dining common and was busing tables when some college guys were talking about how any girl with big breasts is attractive and they looked over at me and one said, "Any one but fatties like the busser! Boobs don't make up for rolls." It was so awful.

I don't get why people treat overweight people like we are less than.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

Interesting observation. I think we are coming to similiar conclusions - that this watching/judging obese people has more to with working through our own issues then it really is about the other person.

I think that the world is full of people doing stuff that may not be the best for them (shopping too much, smoking, drinking, hanging out with people who aren't the best etc) but we only focus on the eating/weight because that is what obese (and formerly obese) people loath in themselves.

Last time I was at Wendys restaurant, there was a very large person there - perhaps in the 400# range, and i don't care if people think they are discretely watching - I noticed several people watching his every move and what he was eating. I found myself more intrigued by the "starers" then I was by the obese person - just really asking myself the question of what makes this such an obsession? of all things to think about other people - their character, their clothing, whatever - why is it weight that seems to draw this kind of ... negativity.

Judging others – I am guilty. Not when I just see someone, however. It is when I see them eat. I am trying and I feel so very sinful when I judge like that. When I see someone just eating the foulest fried foods and such (I have not ate in a fast food restaurant more than 4 times in 10 years, and the last time I was sooo ill) I get so nauseated. I actually feel physically ill! There are also thoughts of wanting to talk to them. I have started very discretely watching obese people eat and sometimes I let my mind do what it wants – and I journal at the same time…I write, draw, tear apart a magazine and make a collage (no kidding)…orgami, whatever…I then go back and review it and I have often found I think I am working through my feelings of hopelessness I was beginning to feel before (and during) this last weight loss and decision to be sleeved. It complex to say the least, however.