SMMC LB support group chicas

[TheGh0st 9]

UHGHHH!!! I so want to eat right now!

I'm not hungry just upset. DH has been sick last 2 days. He's finally feeling better this evening but has been a jerk all night. He has this annoying habit that when he decides he is upset with me about something he can't seem to get over being upset until I either get furious or more likely cry. Even if I'm apologetic and agree with him 100% on everything he says he doesn't seem satisfied. Instead he sulks for a while then finds more and more topics to bring up that he is upset about. I was particularily determined not to let myself lose it tonight with anger or tears so had to deal with him flaring up with re-hashes or new topics off and on all night. But finally gave up and got mad enough at him for him to back off a few minutes ago after having to go through a 2 hour "conversation". It's like he doesn't think I really understand how serious he feels about something until he sees me get as upset as he is.

He's basically a good guy even tonight there were no obscenities or other extreme behaviour. Just the constant pressure of being on the defensive, trying to prove myself to someone I don't think I should have to prove anything to after 13 years of marriage. (After 1 year of marriage as far as I'm concerned)

Again, UHGHHHH!!!!

Thanks for letting me vent. Now I think I'll go to bed and dream of all that food I'm trying so desperately not too eat.

[Wheetsin 714]

If you cry he "wins". :couch2:

[TheGh0st 9]

Sometimes my tears are self pity "no one loves me" tears. But usually my "Tears" usually signal that I'm so angry I want to beat the holy *bleep* out of him but know I can't.

[Wheetsin 714]

I don't know anything really about your relationship, but if I heard the same story from someone I knew better my first reaction would be that getting you to the point that you lose emotional control (doesn't matter what emotion... if it's expressed through tears, or yells... it's still emotion) is his way of seeking control in the relationship. It's not uncommon, that someone who maybe feels they don't have a lot of control, will see this as their way of getting some. That's why I say "wins". Each member of the relationship needs to win sometimes, and we all define "win" differently. For someone who feels like they're struggling for some control, a sign that they have some would be a "win". A sign, to them, might be that they can exert themselves in a way that impacts you emotionally. If he keeps on until he gets this signal ("win") from you, and then is willing to back down -- maybe that's the case. Maybe he feels he has "won" and can let go of the argument.

It can also be a measure of security -- if he can see "proof" (via emotion) that you're still invested in the relationship, it might help his security (and hence he "wins" that way). It can also be a lot of other things, and I'm really just full of crap. :couch2:

<insert lots of other advice that I'm not qualified to give regarding anger, relationships, what the anger means, where it really comes from, and how you can manage it>

[TheGh0st 9]

I don't mind the advice at all.

I think you are probably right. I don't think DH does feel he has much control in either his life or our relationship. I think we both struggle with the feeling that the other has more "control". We really need to work on it more. Just so hard when you have a child at home.

Thanks for making me smile.

[TheGh0st 9]

Why Me! :frusty:

here I thought yesterday was bad. Today at work was MUCH WORSE!

Keep in mind one of the things my husband & I "discussed":argue: last night was "decision" that I go to work today and announce to my boss I won't help repaint the office just 3 days before our new carpet is to arrive and after it was practically my idea to do the painting ourselves.

So, I went to work today and was prepping for the painting I was going to work on despite my husband's comments. Before we could start painting it was decided that we should use a different color than we already bought and I was sent a few blocks down to the Home Depot to exchange the paint. But when I got there both gallons of paint had managed tip over AND open. :hurtDumping their entire contents all over my back seat and its contents, Clothes, Toys, Papers....my car tends to be messy. Home Depot was completely helpless they wouldn't even give me some free wash clothes or a bucket of Water to try to clean the car out. I was literally in tears. Upset about how this had ruined the value of the car, upset about the paint all over my shoes, clothes, hands, upset about how DH would react after last night.

I finally got home at 7:40pm tonight after spending 2-1/2 hours & $110 at a car detail shop waiting to see how much paint they could remove. Then going to Kohls covered in paint, in my socks to buy replacement clothes.

After struggling with the temptation for over 2 hours at detail shop I caved and bought a piece of Baklava from te Greek shop next door. (Of course when I was 70 pounds heavier and had no band I was not an emotional eater. I have no idea where this habit has come from:rolleyes: )

On the bright side. The DH has been surpisingly calm (so far) about it. And... the new jeans I bought were another size smaller than the ones they were replacing.:clap2: Also the boss has offered to pay for the car's cleaning bill and my new outfit. I still told him I'd help with the painting on Monday during work hours but am no longer going to help over the weekend like I thought I might.

[Wheetsin 714]

I would spontaneously form a new head if someone tried to tell me I had to paint the walls at work. I'll accept "other duties as assigned", but have pretty strict limits as to what I will let that include!

I hope you were able to get the paint out. Hopefully it was acrylic paint that spilled, and not oil or enamel?

[TheGh0st 9]

It was acrylic and most of it came out. The boss will is paying the $110 cleaning bill for the car and he also said he'd pay for my paint covered clothes.

I actually was enjoying painting as it was a nice break from the stresses of our normal work. At least until what happened yesterday.

One other great thing happened yesterday. After buying new SMALLER jeans at Kohls I went to Dress Barn to buy a new top. (Couldn't find anything at Kohl's) And to my complete amazement I was able to buy a great top out of the misses side of the store!:dance: I never thought with my DDD/E size chest that would ever happen.

As of this morning I've also managed to drop the pounds I put on over the holiday and am back to the same weight I was before I left town last Friday.

[doughmommy 0]

I hope I am posting this in the right place. I am from Salina Kansas, my name is Johni Sue and I am 34 years old as of tomorrow. I have been banded now for 7 days and doing pretty good. I have about 200 lbs to lose. I have lost 25 lbs so far and was wondering if some of the things I am feeling are normal. In the evening after I eat supper it feels like little pieces of food keeps coming back in my throat. I dont know if this is normal or not. Also I have more pain after eating in the evening. The pain seems to be in my back. All of this is so new to me. It is hard to know what is normal and what I need to be doing differently. So confused!

Johni:help:

[sea 0]

Got on scale after 11 days on modified South Beach. Lost 12 lbs. Very happy. Phase two is much easier to live with! Will try once again to increase exercise . (I hate to exercise) Trying for 10 more lbs by end of month.

[nolagirl2 0]

down to 254

[TheGh0st 9]

Johni - I can't really give you any wonderful advice but didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Each person experiences the band very differently. Many are more restricted in the mornings but I have heard of some more restricted in the evenings.

I've been banded for a year this week and just in the last month I've started to experience food coming back up in my throat along with heartburn. I'm afraid its a sign of being too tight but don't want to get an unfill. Seems way too early for you to be too full but it wouldn't hurt to talk to your doc about it.

I'm also not trying to sound any large alarms here. However, the only time I ever experience pain from eating that was in my was just before I had my gall bladder out. And it was nearly always after eating an evening meal. So again I'd say it probably would be a good idea to ask the doc about it.

I'm glad you found us. Do you mind me asking who was your doc? Most of us here were banded by Hoehn.

- Diane

[TheGh0st 9]

Pat & Cate - Congratulations to both of you!!! Keep up the good work.:clap2:

[Rockin' Robyn 15]

Keep up the strong work girls!! The accountability log (and low carb) is working for me.....I am down a total of 7 pounds since I started logging/keeping track (I'm back down to my low, plus lost one more pound on top of that!!!) I got to change my ticker..... FINALLY!!!! YAY!! Also, changed my goal weight....would like to be 215 by Dec 1...that's 2 pounds per week:scared:

[nolagirl2 0]

thanks diane and wtg robyn.