TORN on what to do

[hopeandfaith 6]

Ok so for the past two weeks I've been SO TORN on what to do. I have two Sisters and they are both nurses. I was an OOPS baby...so my older siblings LOVE me. I was like an only child because when I got old enough to remember they didn't live with us.

One of my Sisters WAS over weight like me the other is a runner and watches what she eats. So the over weight sister had Gastric Bypass and the other sister didn't talk to her for a LONG time! She was so MAD that she would do this to herself! The sister that had the surgery I TOLD about my up coming surgery and she is SO SUPPORTIVE the other one I haven't told. You see when my Uncle died of Cancer the skinny sister started working with Cancer patients to learn more. When my Dad died of a heart attack she then started working with Heart patients to LEARN MORE and she DID help my Brother when he had his 5 bypasses! WELL NOW she is on a MISSION for ME. She just took a job studing and researching OBESITY! She told my Mother that she wants to HELP me! So here comes the PROBLEM! My Mother is SCARED my Skinny sister will get SO MAD at me and HER for NOT telling her what I'm doing!!! I KNOW IT IS MY LIFE but when I was 15, 17 & 22 years old and had to have surgery for my Kidney stones she DROPPED EVERYTHING and came to my bedside and TOOK care of me. I still believe she SAVED my life because she REFUSED to let the nurses do what the doctor told them to do to me. She said you will not TOUCH her until the Dr comes to see her in person and can see what is what is going on! FINALLY the Dr showed up and sure enough did NOT proceed with what he wanted to do! She did the same for my other sister when she had problems six months after her bypass...got the first airplane out and took care of her. NONE of us live close to each other....CO, FL, MN, and TX!

I know she will be MAD at me BUT I AM doing what I THINK is BEST for ME! I DON'T want her to get MAD at MOM for not saying anything since they talk to each other at least twice a day! My Mother lives by ME! I'm THINKING about emailing her the day I go for surgery because I DON'T want to get lectured before my surgery. What do you all think? AM I WRONG for not wanting to say anything right now? I REALLY don't mean to HURT her feelings. I can't tell your HOW MANY DIET books, ADDICTION books and SELF HELP books she has purchased and MAILED ME! For the last year she has REALLY PUSHED ME to lose weight to the point my oldest daughter called her and told her to leave me alone already. That she knows she means well but when I talk to her my blood pressure was going up!!! LOL

I'm venting again sorry!!! So MANY EMOTIONS during the WAITING game!!! I SURE HOPE BCBS makes up their mind FAST!!! LOL

[AutumnLily 77]

Sounds like a sister that wants to help but is causing pain while doing so. Only you will be able to make the decision if you tell your sister before you have the surgery or on your way to the surgery. If she truly loves you she will come around eventually and she did with your other sister.

You will figure it out. But in the mean time you can come and vent here all you like. Better to get rid of the anger than to suppress it.

[klus263 9]

I know she will be MAD at me BUT I AM doing what I THINK is BEST for ME! I DON'T want her to get MAD at MOM for not saying anything since they talk to each other at least twice a day! My Mother lives by ME! I'm THINKING about emailing her the day I go for surgery because I DON'T want to get lectured before my surgery. What do you all think? AM I WRONG for not wanting to say anything right now? I REALLY don't mean to HURT her feelings. I can't tell your HOW MANY DIET books, ADDICTION books and SELF HELP books she has purchased and MAILED ME! For the last year she has REALLY PUSHED ME to lose weight to the point my oldest daughter called her and told her to leave me alone already. That she knows she means well but when I talk to her my blood pressure was going up!!! LOL

I'm venting again sorry!!! So MANY EMOTIONS during the WAITING game!!! I SURE HOPE BCBS makes up their mind FAST!!! LOL

I have not told all of my family members. My parents are elderly and wouldn't understand and 2 of my sisters I am not close to and have always felt their disapproval of my weight. From other post, let your sister know when you are comfortable to talk to her about it. You do not need the stress before or after surgery. Personally based on her past behavior-I would be hesitant to tell her at all. Let her think that the books and other stuff is working for you. Or just let her know that you are following a doctor controlled diet-which is true. The sleeve is just a tool like a book or weight watchers. Of course it is the greatest tool to have to be successful. I had my surgery on Dec 1st and have not had any complications at all.

[sadie_mo 2]

My suggestion would be to sit down write her a letter and ask that she be a part of the process with you. Ask her advice on after care and getting enough Vitamin intake. You can't live your life to please others no matter who they are or what they have done for you . It seems she is an awesome caring person who might get disappointed at first but in the end wants to be part if the solution. Best wishes I hope you work it out

[M2G 1,836]

I think no matter what her initial reaction might be (shock, disappointed, sadness, anger) that like Sadie said she will eventually come around. I think that most people reactly negatively towards "optional" surgery. They sort of think, why would you mess up a perfectly good organ inside your body, why can't you diet again and lose weight without surgically altering your body, etc. etc. I mean aren't we all sort of worried about it ourselves? Going under, not being able to lose weight the good old fashioned way, and of couse this is major surgery, it's not a minor little thing. So I don't want to say that her feelings aren't valid.

But if this sister truly loves you, she will come around. I have found the very best way to treat the naysayers is to have done my reasearch. I can quote facts, figures, and know exactly what I was getting into with this surgery. I tell people that I did not come about this decision lightly, that I take it very seriously, etc.

After all, this is YOUR life and you are doing what you need to do for you. Not only do I think she will come around, I think she will be sold on this surgery after she sees you go through the process (of course the process takes a long time, so you might have to patient with her!)

[hopeandfaith 6]

THANK YOU ALL for your feedback!

[hopeandfaith 6]

SO I FINALLY got the nerve up to write the letter to my Sister and I emailed it to her! I explained EVERYTHING and even told her about my SUPPORT GROUP....YOU ALL!!!! Sure enough my cell phone started to ring after a few hours. I didn't have the GUTS to answer it. I waited until she left a message then listened. I know you would think a 46 year old would be more grown up....LOL She left a VERY nice message SUPPORTING my decision!!!! She told me she LOVED me and just wants me HEALTHY! Since I was an OOOOPS baby she said I've always been her baby girl since she never had kids. She wouldn't want ANYTHING to happen to me! She told me HOW PROUD she was that I did my research and found a SUPPORT GROUP!!!

I tell you I was so MOVED I called my Mom first thing this morning. She said WELL I GOT the call from your sister...I LAUGHED...she said she is OK with it! Wanted to know how long my mom knew about it and didn't say anything. POOR MOM!!! LOL

Anyway, I wanted to share my JOY! I hope everyone that is going through this finds this forum helpful!

[jenniferkentucky 1]

How wonderful! I am so glad that your sister can be supportive and happy for you!