Need a pep talk, PLEASE!

[juliarh 35]

Hi Everyone - I feel kinda awkward about being sad, but I need someone to give me a pep talk -- here it is --

As many of you know, I just moved to Paraguay to be with my husband who is a diplomat with the US govt. Ok, well, when you move to an Embassy, it's kinda like high school all over again. You have cliques, you have the "in" group, yada yada. So, it's Thanksgiving this week, and 2 weeks ago, we decided to invite people to our house because my two oldest children are in the States for Thanksgiving and it would be just the 3 of us. Well, after all the invites, we find out that EVERYONE has other plans and we were not included. I don't know if it was just oversight or what, but I'm so sad.

And then on top of it, I haven't been losing any weight the past two weeks -- last week I gained .4 pounds (not a big deal, I know, and end of my period, etc.) but I've actually gone up another 1/2 pound this week. And I'm doing everything right -- exercise, Protein first, low carbs, all the Water.

And the thing of it is, if I had not been sleeved, I would be eating over all of this. So my emotions are running wild -- I can't stop crying (I know it's a little over the top), I want to be able to say, "oh well, it's not a big deal" about Thanksgiving, but I just can't seem to do that. And I want to be able to say that as long as I'm doing the right thing, my weight will come off.

I don't know if this makes any sense, but if any of you had any words of wisdom, I would really, really appreciate it!

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,280]

Hi Julia hon :'(

You know, the Holidays will do that to us sometimes. It is a very and overly emotional time for us. It is sad in a way that we will not be able to enjoy ourselves as we did in the past. I myself am trying to find the light in it - though I do feel a bit sad about it in a way.

I have decided to only stay home this year. No going to anyone else's house, simply because I can not eat. We always do something at my house every year too, but usually I'll still make an appearance in a few other homesteads to see my extended family. No can do this time. I really don't want to have to explain why I'm not eating, etc. Just don't want to. It does in a way make me terribly sad. Though, because I'm losing weight it does make it better.

Julia, you are still far above average in your weight loss right now. You have a lot to be thankful for today and this entire week. You are experiencing a minor stall, and I'm positive that is all it is. We were sleeved around the same time. You nearly already weigh the same as I do now, and in starting we were a good 25 Lbs apart. I even consider myself a fast loser, so you are at lightning speed!

Feel good about yourself!!! You are a great inspiration to many folks here!

Also, with the whole invitation thing, you and your husband are still new to the area. My suggestion is that over the next year, do your best to try to make new friends. It's just the way it is, I believe anywhere. Folks need to get to know you first. Not how it SHOULD be, but sounds like that is the case.

For now, enjoy your intimate family time. You are still getting to know your new sleeve. I personally think it's for the best. Next year you will be more up to it.

Hugs!!! I hope I've been able to help out a bit for you this morning.

[M2G 1,836]

Awwww, Julie. I'm so sorry. Can I just start by saying how INCREDIBLE I think you are?!!? I cannot even *imagine* living in a foreign country and being away from 'home'. Plus you have taken this huge leap to have surgery and change your life, and you have done a fabulous job and are quite the inspiration to a lot of us!

About thanksgiving, I would hate that feeling of being left out. Maybe it was an oversight, but it still hurts. IT IS OKAY TO FEEL HURT. It's okay to cry, even though it might seem *silly* to other people, it's not to you because you are feeling hurt. And since you can't eat (as many of us tend to do when we are stressed, or sad) I think you need to come up with other outlets. Can you sneak in an extra workout? Or do a little shopping for yourself (even if it's just undies, lol). And here is what else I think you should do. I think you and your hubby and your youngest son, need to come up with a really cool way to spend Thanksgiving. Turn it into a family game day, or even do a restaurant for dinner and leave the cooking to someone else. Come up with something that would be fun for the 3 of you to do (zoo, walk in the park, swim, whatever) and someday you will look back at 2010 thanksgiving day and be able to say what a fun a special day it was because you made the effort to make it special in some way.

Now about that little gain. OMG you are doing WONDERFUL on the weight loss front. I *know* exactly how you feel because anytime I see even the tiniest of gain, it's like such a slap in the face. Even though I *know* I didn't do anything to *deserve* that gain, it still is frustrating. So it is okay to be frustrated, but remember this is a journey. One day, one step, moment by moment you are slowly changing your life. We all want that instant gratification, but the only way to get from "here" to "there" is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Keep doing what you know is right, and remember how far you have come. And be thankful that your sleeve is going to prevent you from burying yoru feelings and be thankful that you are learning new ways to cope with emotion. Embrace it and know that this too shall pass.

Hugs friend!

[hopeandfaith 6]

Hey Julie! It's ok to feel hurt but Irene is right...it's ONLY because they don't know you well enough yet. I've been to 9 diffent schools in my life so TRUST me the ALONE feeling HURTS but once they get to know you it will get BETTER. Holiday's are suppose to be a GREAT TIME OF YEAR but when you are away from home and away from your other children it can be a sad time. I would rent some GOOD HOLIDAY MOVIES and just ENJOY your QUITE time with your Husband and Son! Put your Christmas Tree up with your son! Go to a Zoo or a movie. My FAVORITE Thanksgiving was the time I went to the movies for the FIRST time on Thanksgiving and saw POLAR EXPRESS! I mean I NEVER thought about going OUT ON THANKSGIVING but it was SO MUCH FUN!

About your weight you are doing FANTASTIC!!! Keep your head up and ENJOY your family time! I will keep you in my prayers!

[juliarh 35]

Thanks guys -- I really really mean it. I don't know what I'd do without everyone on the board -- you guys are life savers!

I've been thinking about my roller coaster emotions today and yesterday, and I really do think it's because I miss my family and friends in the States SOOOO much and because of the holidays coming up, I can't eat over it.

Gosh, this is ridiculous, I am a literal fountain of Water today -- anyway, I think if I went back to the bad habits I would have eaten a ton of chocolate by now (and I don't really like it anymore - sob!)

I know that they tell you when you go in for surgery that you will have to work on the "whys" of your eating, but WHO KNEW that you could cry over stuff that normally wouldn't have had you all worked up . . .

I don't know if I'm making sense, rambling on like I am -- but this is a very interesting (to say the least) experience for me -- a time when I would normally pig out is now Water fountain time. Hopefully, with time my emotions will be more under control (crossing fingers).

Thanks so so so much you guys -- you don't know what it means to me just to have everyone's support. Really, you guys are the best -- biggest hugs ever (amidst the water fountain).

[myrori 55]

It is funny that just yesterday I was reading articles about living in foriegn countries and I came across this link: expatriate news

I hope you find some comfort from the articles talking about acclimating in new cultures. I have to admit I would be hurt too if no one was coming and I was not invited to other goings on. When I am feeling left out of the loop I remind myself there are others in far worse situations. I volunteer at the holidays, it gives me so much to be thankful for.

[juliarh 35]

Thanks everyone -- I kinda feel ridiculous now (Water fountain has stopped) -- I'm thinking that something is going on inside (release of hormones??) -- you all are exactly right, volunteer, get to know people, etc. -- in fact, you all gave me advise I would have given someone else (isn't that the best -- you all are so wonderful! )

In any case, I'm not a wreck anymore -- don't really know what my Water fountain was about, BUT!!! I didn't eat over it (don't really have the desire to) -- so, whether it's hormones (ugh), real emotions coming out from not eating over them, whatever, THANK YOU!!

I know one thing I have to be thankful for - you guys --

[AJW 18]

You're just going through a RELEASE. Releasing stress, that's how it comes out of you. You moved to a foreign country, that's huge. You've had major surgery, that's huge too. Give yourself some credit; I think you're doing really, really well. I personally don't like tribal gatherings at the holidays; I'd rather it just be me and my husband, but that's me. I was an only child; my husband comes from a tribe of 5. Whatever. I do fine by myself. I realize I'm not the norm, but whatever. I think you're doing great. You'll make new friends in time, until then just do the things you enjoy with the people you love. The rest will come. I can't imagine moving to a foreign country; it's quite enough that we are preparing for our 28th residential move in 30 years. Yep, you heard me right. It's craziness, but the Universe moves us around a lot. We moving out of state and that's quite enough headaches right there, and we have to pay for it all. Also starting a new retail business in the bargain, so there's lots of stress. I was sick on Thanksgiving so we haven't had our "feast" yet. It's completely wasted on me because I can't eat more than a morsel anyway. You're just grieving for your comfort zone, my dear, that's what happens when we experience radical CHANGE. All your reactions are completely normal. It gets better.

Thanks everyone -- I kinda feel ridiculous now (Water fountain has stopped) -- I'm thinking that something is going on inside (release of hormones??) -- you all are exactly right, volunteer, get to know people, etc. -- in fact, you all gave me advise I would have given someone else (isn't that the best -- you all are so wonderful! )

In any case, I'm not a wreck anymore -- don't really know what my Water fountain was about, BUT!!! I didn't eat over it (don't really have the desire to) -- so, whether it's hormones (ugh), real emotions coming out from not eating over them, whatever, THANK YOU!!

I know one thing I have to be thankful for - you guys --

[chilo1 62]

OMG Julie, I hadn't seen this before, or else I would have given you some words of support. I'm kind of in that situation now, and even though it's been 10 years since we moved to England, I still miss Paraguay and my family and especially round Christmas time. Your post brought tears to my eyes, I'm supossing it was all OK in the end? Here it's snowing, I'm not going to Paraguay for christmas, and as you say I can not eat "over" it. I miss the hot sticky weather near christmas, i miss the smell of flor de coco that blossoms at my window every year near christmas, i miss my family and friends, i miss the messy traffic, but most of all i miss the blue skies, and the yellow lapachos which are probably starting to blossom! Oh well, i guess i'm just having a bad case of winter blues. Hope all is well for you, isee you ar losing steadily so well done! Give Asuncion a big hug from me!