Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Something I never thought I'd have to cope with...



Recommended Posts

This is probably sort of a weird thing to be worried about, but I've noticed recently that guys have started flirting with me, enough that as oblivious as I've always been, even I notice it. Frankly, I don't know how to deal with it. I'd always thought that simply wearing a wedding band would act as a sort of STOP sign.

Part of the time, it's kind of flattering. I mean, it's nice to have it confirmed that I am starting to look pretty enough to have people notice my appearance. I never thought I was anything but average appearance, so it's nice to find out that people think otherwise.

But in other ways, it makes me really, really angry, makes me think, "Why wasn't I good enough BEFORE the surgery?" And it makes me doubt myself, too, like, "Am I somehow giving off vibes that are inviting these strangers to flirt with me?"

I'm still not comfortable in my own skin. And this is not something I can exactly talk to my husband about and get real empathy. He can't say, "I understand." He's male (duh), and he's never been overweight.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I agree with Lori 100%. I never had a problem dating or getting attention from men when I was single and fat, and it really hasn't changed the amount of flirting that goes on day in and day out for me at 125lbs.

My husband notices it more than I do, and he was obviously completely oblivious to men flirting with me when I was fat. He's a bit more protective, and bit more frustrated when I get all the attention. But, he's learning to just deal with it. He knows I'm not going anywhere. I've actually found that when I wear my wedding band, I get more attention from men. It's like a magnet. My husband said "it's because they know if you were to go home with them, you'd leave them in the morning and go back to your husband." It's a sick and twisted mindset, but it's true. Plus, it's a challenge for a man to land a married chick.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is probably sort of a weird thing to be worried about, but I've noticed recently that guys have started flirting with me, enough that as oblivious as I've always been, even I notice it. Frankly, I don't know how to deal with it. I'd always thought that simply wearing a wedding band would act as a sort of STOP sign.

Part of the time, it's kind of flattering. I mean, it's nice to have it confirmed that I am starting to look pretty enough to have people notice my appearance. I never thought I was anything but average appearance, so it's nice to find out that people think otherwise.

But in other ways, it makes me really, really angry, makes me think, "Why wasn't I good enough BEFORE the surgery?" And it makes me doubt myself, too, like, "Am I somehow giving off vibes that are inviting these strangers to flirt with me?"

I'm still not comfortable in my own skin. And this is not something I can exactly talk to my husband about and get real empathy. He can't say, "I understand." He's male (duh), and he's never been overweight.

I am the exact way. . I've noticed that men are so stupid over thinner women. . it really ticks me off. . and just like your thoughts i too think "was I not good enough before surgery" but now I've noticed that I've become what they like to call us "A B---ch" I flip my nose to them, don't smile when they do, and get really sarcastic if they compliment me. . for example one asked me if I'm married, my response was "aren't you? Aren't most of you?" and walk off. . . I feel that now it's my turn to snob them just like how they snobbed me. . . eye for an eye. . .

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've noticed that men are so stupid over thinner women. . it really ticks me off

Woah now, at least you have good subset of guys that like bigger women. Us fat guys are totally ignored. Looking over the family pics on this site (and others), I see bigger women with mostly non-obese husbands and boyfriends.

The fat men are rare to find. :scared0:

I've had women TURN AND RUN FROM ME in a club when I approached. So don't think the "thin preference" is one-sided. It ain't. :thumbup:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thinoneday- you sound really bitter. I'm sorry you feel that way, because it really will hold you back personally and waste your time.

I have posted before, I am not attracted to obese men, or short men, or men with bad teeth... it is all about what you are attracted to. You cannot fault a man for having preferences. Chemistry can't be manufactured- you are either attracted to a type, or you aren't.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thinoneday you gotta let that hostility go darlin'. WildIris too, don't let it eat you up, it's just the way the world is. We don't have to accept it but certainly don't let narrow minded jerks get the better of you. There are PLENTY of men out there that either don't mind our heft or prefer it. I've been married to both and what a difference. And, oppositely, there are plenty that won't have anything but an ethiopian build hanging off of them. Just the way it is like we prefer tall over short men or vice versa. Doug is right too, fat men get plenty of predjudice aimed at them as well but it's true, men with a little extra weight can get away with a lot more than women can. Just the way it is.

I've had the same kind of thoughts with my new bod and the attention I get now but... I also think that some of that attention might stem from my constant, glowing, happy smile that I never used to wear because I was mad at the world for my being fat or that I no longer am afraid to make dead on eye contact with anyone any more because I'm no longer worried that the first thing to their mind will be "fat" and then, if I'm not instantly dismissed, maybe see the deeper layers of me. I think happiness is an incredible attractant and, hopefully, that is what you are exuding more than simply being thinner.

C

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Fat or thin, I've never had a problem attracting men. IMHO they are just doing what they are trained to do--they're throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. Wedding band? They don't care if you don't--they're just trying to figure it out--or you're "safe" to flirt with because there's no future. I wouldn't be bugged or bitter about it. Just flirt back, with boundaries. Enjoy it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Well I've barely begun my sleeved weight loss so I'm still huge and I'm here to tell you, it is ALL about attitude. There are LOTS of men out there who revel in lush soft curvacious women. Those who weren't attracted to me, why would I care what a person who isn't attracted to me thinks? The most recent guy had pursued me heavily and when I finally asked him why, he said I was really pretty and had a certain something and he just couldn't take his eyes off me. I don't think it could have been any more pleasurable hearing that sentence if I had been skinny!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Obesity is another area of diversity and discrimination as well folks:tongue_smilie: It's obvious for some when it comes to relationships...pay attention to professional relationships as well.

It may be me; however, I'm still the same professional fat or thin and I've noticed differences in how people approach me and include me in work related decisions.

End result, people are people and we all have biases...it's funny how I have to be careful about not becoming "frustrated" with people who make fat jokes or disrespectful comments...what do they know, they've never walked in my shoes yet, I've never walked in theirs either.

Enjoy the change and don't over think it:blushing: Let people notice the person you are both inside and out...don't be mad or upset about the past, you are moving forward so don't let our old "stinkin thinkin' and hurt feelings" take us back when we've worked so hard to move forward. I'm still in discovery mode and hope to be until I die...makes the ride a beautiful thing you know:biggrin0:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Everyone has their preferences....I don't like thin men. I like a little meat on their bones. Not fat, but not thin. That's just me.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Woah now, at least you have good subset of guys that like bigger women. Us fat guys are totally ignored. Looking over the family pics on this site (and others), I see bigger women with mostly non-obese husbands and boyfriends.

The fat men are rare to find. :scared0:

I've had women TURN AND RUN FROM ME in a club when I approached. So don't think the "thin preference" is one-sided. It ain't. :thumbup:

i agree 100 %...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×