Is my mom jealous :(

[joyfuljoy 3]

Ok, so my surgery is scheduled for November 23. My plans were to not tell my mom but I did anyway. She talked down about it and was totally against it! OR SO IT APPEARED TO BE THAT WAY!! she tried to make me feel bad by saying the money could be spent on my son. I do everything for my 3 year old. I'm a single parent and I have him enrolled in private school. So she later asked why is insurance not paying for it. I explained to her that they just recently starting covering it.

Her response REALLY!!! WILL I QUALIFY? WHAT THE HELL!

SHE TRIED TO TALK ME OUT OF IT AND SAID SHE'S GONNA DO IT ON HER OWN BUT THEN ASKS THAT!!!!! I FEEL SHE DOESN'T WANT ME TO LOOSE WEIGHT

[Maddie 9]

This is a very common problem. Family, friends, co-workers. If they are overweight, they don't want to be left behind. Sometimes they are afraid of losing the friendship. Like once you're thin, maybe you will change your circle of friends, etc. There are a lot of reasons people get jealous/afraid. All you can do, is what you know is best for you and hope they will understand.

[lamsunshine 2]

I'm a single parent, and fill that was not fair of her to throw it in your face that you were spending the money on you and not your son, because actually you are doing this for your son. I wish I would of had the surgery when my daughter was younger, she is 15 now, and think of all the activities I missed with her when she was younger, don't get me wrong I have done alot with my daughter, but feel if I was thinner, and healthier when she was younger, I could of done so much more. Don't let your mom get to you, and just think if she does go through the surgery maybe you can do it together, and be each others support system. Good luck, and remember you have support here if you need. I also aplaud you for doing this for yourself and for your son.

[Tiffykins 672]

It's really common with family. My mom and I got to a point where we didn't discuss my weight loss. She has a band, and all the problems with the band. She got super pissed when I surpassed her with my loss. She's been stalled for over a year, can't get a fill, she already pukes on oatmeal, and is just frustrated. But, she won't revise to the sleeve because she believes it's reckless to remove your stomach. I told her for me it was more reckless to puke all the time, and not be able to eat a healthy diet.

Once I dropped below her weight, the evil comments started. "You look sick", " you look like an Ethiopian", "you're going to look old if you don't stop losing weight". . . All of it led to a huge confrontation, and blow out war over my weight. It was pure hell, but since then we've patched things up, and we just agree to disagree on my weight.

[cwalker 12]

It sounds like jealousy, my daughter had RNY and I was so happy for her to lose- I had sleeve and she is my biggest supporter besides this forum :confused1: Your MOM sounds like a competive person, do this for yourself and your son, try to ignore the negatives if you can.

We are here for you.

Tiffy you look beautifuil!!!

[possumtrot 2]

Not only does getting sleeved turn OUR lives upside down, but it also does that to others...other folks in my life who have always been smaller than me are now really interested in my weight loss, and I suspect that a lot of it is because they could always say, "well at least possumtrot is bigger than I am"...so what are they going to do or feel when possumtrot is smaller than they are? It's not exactly like having your parents get divorced, but when something you have always counted on suddenly changes (not in your favor) it does impact everyone's world.

I sincerely hope you and your mom are able to get past this problem Pronto!

[Donna4545 13]

My mom was really against it at first and I told her I made up my mind and she knew that was it. But now she has accepted it, and has hinted she'd like to get it done herself. She has been nagging me about my weight my ENTIRE life, so she really didn't have a leg to stand on for objecting to the surgery. She has also been overweight since she was about 25.

If you have a mom who won't let the issue go, or makes cutting comments, tell her the subject is closed from now on--no discussion. Find other things to talk about.

[chiderah 0]

I had a similar issue with my mom. She is very overweight and has been all of my life and we were also eating buddies. She just couldn't imagine how I would live without overeating and made every negative comment possible. She was suppose to go with me to mx when I had surgery and the she backed out. I stayed strong about the decision to have surgery and went alone and have no regrets. I don't think my mom is jealous, she is so addicted to food and it's so much a part of her life that she can't imagine living without it and is not willing to face the fact that the diets are not going to work, she has to change her relationship with food in a drastic way.I think my mom projects her own fears on to me because she's not ready to make changes, but I AM! She has been a lot better since surgery, in fact she makes comments about how I appear to be more at peace with life, she is very proud of me but can't bring herself to the point of looking at her own problem, I pray she will one day, she's very important to me and I worry about her health all the time.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

I won't see my mother until end of December. That's almost 5 months out, so I'll probably be at my lowest weight since age 13 by then - and definitely my lowest adult weight. I can already predict that I'll have a lot of the same problems outlined here. In fact, I'm dreading the trip already. I've already heard enough negative comments. The other day, I told her I've lost 18 lbs and she was like "You need to stop losing weight immediately for your health's sake." Uh, I'm 5'5" and 190 lbs. Then, during the same phone call, she tells me to bring my old clothes for her when I come back. I told her she won't fit into them (she's size 18, my highest was 16), she's like "I'll lose weight! I'm starting to get a belly overhang, can you imagine!" Yes, yes, I can, and the visual of having a giant gut hanging over my pubes is one of the many reasons I went for the VSG.:w00t: Looking forward to having EVERYTHING I eat being dissected and fought over when I'm there. I plan to book a flexible flight so I can get out of there early if they really get under my skin.:w00t:

[Globetrotter 1,340]

Reading all these posts I am grateful for the female family and friends in my life that are super supportive. One of my closest friends even felt comfortable to voice the fact that she may get anxious as I start losing and she starts gaining (she's pregnant), I love that we are open enough with each other to voice our emotions.

My Mom is my biggest cheerleader and it was she who took care of me 24/7 the first couple of days after surgery. I have an Aunt though, who is very much the "Queen Bee". She rules her hive, nobody opposes her, and she is one scary lady. She is also quite overweight, at least 100+ pounds. She has always been in charge and loves to direct people's lives. I've decided not to tell her about the surgery, when I show up on her doorstep at a healthy weight in cute clothes, then I may mention it, but I do not need her bossy opinions and pronouncements from now till then!!:scared0:

[Jane_J 117]

Tiff your mum is wrong, you look lovely. I was lucky like Globie with my mother but sadly she is no longer with us. I can only speak as a mother myself now and I would never action jealousy of my kids although to my shame sometimes I understand the feelings. Not very often I hasten to add but it is a normal thing for an older woman to feel some resentment of younger women, especially when the older woman feels fat and frumpy and the younger one is doing an ugly duckling into a swan deal! So the moral of this rambling prose is understand them but don't let it get to you.

Jane x

Edited August 31, 2010 by Jane_J

[Cleosan52 6]

I have an Aunt though, who is very much the "Queen Bee". She rules her hive, nobody opposes her, and she is one scary lady. She is also quite overweight, at least 100+ pounds. She has always been in charge and loves to direct people's lives. I've decided not to tell her about the surgery, when I show up on her doorstep at a healthy weight in cute clothes, then I may mention it, but I do not need her bossy opinions and pronouncements from now till then!!

Do we have the same Aunt?!?! lol!!!!

My mom is a huge support but I do have a feeling she will feel a little insecure when I get smaller than her. It has happened before but I've come to realize it was both of our insecurities. Her's because she likes feeling healthy and good that she weight less and mine because I have all the "fat" bagage on my back. When I lose weight, it forced her to look in the mirror and she how over weight she is. Change is scary but I know it's for the best. I need to be around for my children for many many years!

[StaySea 2]

Wow I am really sorry to hear about all of these jealous/negative people out there. It makes me really sad that people can't see we are trying to better our lives. It's not personal against them. Everyone has got to do for them what they got to do for them. Reading this thread makes me feel so lucky. My Mom is all for my surgery- she was the one who initially mentioned it to me and got me seriously looking into (I had always thought about it but never thought it could ever happen). The most unsupportive people are my boyfriends parents and they just seem to think I'm going to die on the operating table or something (so not so much against the sleeve per say):confused1:

So glad we have this awesome forum to share, ask and rant to each other! :001_wub:

[Jolanda 23]

OK, just speaking up for the mom here (I don't have kids though, so I'm just guessing): I think the gut reaction she had was to want to protect you, even though it came out sounding like that. Surgery is scary! Especially when done to people you love.

[joyfuljoy 3]

Wow!! Thanks everyone for your support. I thank God for this forum:) Just thought that I would inform you guys that I pushed my date back to January. I didn't want to do it so close to the holidays

Also, were going to California on a train 2 weeks after Thanksgiving. Thanks again everyone!!!