Are we messengers?

[BuRnOuT 0]

With all the success that the vsg operation promised and delivered to you and I...I was contemplating the idea of helping others. Here's what happens 3 or 4 days every week in my life:

Every time I'm having a break from work, me and a couple of guys go downstairs from the office building to hang out for a while. And there, you see all sorts of people (it's a very busy building). And like you'd expect, some faces become familiar..in fact very familiar that you start noticing a routine (kind of like the movie Disturbia )

Now, in this story...there are two guys I do not know but always see and they both are very heavy and need help.

One of them doesnt seem to be doing anything about it but certainly gives me flashbacks of yours truely...and the other one always comes with a gym bag (theres a huge gym in the building), but he always seems reluctant to enter..and from what I've witnessed, he ALWAYS parks his car, walks slowly to the stairs facing the entrance..has a cigarette or two with soda..goes inside the building for 10 min and comes out with a sandwich...and then leaves!! all this with the gym bag on his shoulder (it has the gym's name on it).

so here I am back to what I was thinking off.

Shouldn't i intervene?

Shouldnt I go to the first guy and tell him, you're still young and there is a way? what about the other guy..he's definitely trying to do the right thing..but we all know how hard it is for him..we've been there I'm sure all of us. Shouldnt he be facing the facts? he is way past the gym and he obviously not motivated to lose the weight that way. He must be around 400 pounds.

But here's the truth. I wouldnt dare say anything to them although i feel i should. Would you??

[loser 0]

I would not. Everyone has the right to live as they wish. Unless he is totally out of touch he knows about bariatric surgery. If I were to have a conversation with him and weight came up, I would then tell him my story. I do have sympathy for people who are very overweight, no insurance, and do not have the means to pay for it themselves. I would donate to an organzation that helped others in a bariatric way.

[WingRider 1]

I am in the same situation, sort of. I am in outside sales in the food business. My top client is a woman and she is where I was about 5 years ago, big but not as big as I would become. She and I share a lot of personal things, she knows about my process of getting approved for lap band, sleep study, and eventually choosing VSG. She is seeing the results now and has even complimented me on my success. She needs to do something, I don't know what her current routine is, probably nothing as she works a lot. Even with all of the information I have shared and with the visible results I am having she has never asked a question that pertained to her. I have even tried to lead her into that by telling her about how some of my friends are considering it and talking to my patient care coordinator. She hasn't taken the bait. I am haven't just blurted it out because she is my biggest customer(stop it, I mean spends the most with me) and I don't want to upset, offend, or embarrass her. I truly thinks she is in the same state of mind I was in, denial. I never visualized myself as fat, the only time reality would smack me in the face was when I couldn't squeeze through a narrow opening, or I couldn't fit in a booth, need the extension belt on the airplane, etc. I think that is where she is now.

In your case, you have no relation with these guys. Thus nothing to lose really. They are the ones who have everything to gain. You have had great results and would be a perfect poster boy for the sleeve. Maybe not hit them right over the head with it, but ease into it over a couple of visits.

Good luck.

Bill

[Tiffykins 672]

For the one with the gym bag, can you offer to work out with him?

I tell everyone about my surgery. One of my dear friends here is seeking the sleeve because in the last few months, she's seen me drop 60 pounds. We bowl as partners on the league, we eat out 2-3 days a week together, she sees how happy I am, she knows the ins and outs of the surgery. When she confided in me that she had some bloodwork done, and at the ripe age of 38, is pre-diabetic, we started talking seriously about her having surgery.

I believe everyone should know about this procedure, but not everyone is going to be open to it. So, I would not talk to the other guy because it seems a little intrusive, but you could offer to work out with the "gym bag" guy, and see if that spurs any conversations.

[MlkPas 5]

I wouldn't. We are all on our own path. If a perfect stranger ever came up to me and suggested I have weight loss surgery, I would be so traumatized and humiliated I wouldn't know what to do. It would be just devastating to me.

These guys know they are fat -- they certainly don't need you to tell them that. And information about weight loss surgery is readily available on the internet, on TV, and in the print media. Anybody who is serious about losing weight can find it easily enough.

We all have our own timing and our own way of coping with things. And when we're ready, we're ready. I totally honor and respect your urge to help others, but you can't know what's in their minds and hearts and bodies, and I really don't think it's your place to intrude into their personal lives.

JMHO.

[deedee 5]

I agree with MlkPas. I remember mentioning wls to a boyfriend about 6 years ago and surprisingly he was very supportive of the idea and wanted me to look into it. I wasn't really thinking of it for me at the time, I don't remember how it came up. But over this past year, I've thought a bit about that conversation and realize that if he would have pushed me to look into it more, it probably would have turned me off because I just wasn't ready.

Now, if you ever have the opportunity to socialize with these people, maybe you could share your experience with the vsg, but not in a "preachy/pushy" way for them to look into, just in a "sharing about yourself/getting to know each other" way. If they hear about it and are ready, then you've been able to plant a seed.

Just my opinion and probably what I would do.

[Josephine 1]

One of the best things that ever happened to me was 12 years ago when a lady at work ate half her cheeseburger and tossed it in the garbage. She saw me looking and started to say something and then stopped herself. After a few seconds she came and sat by me and told me that she'd had gastric bypass surgery and had lost 200lbs, and it would be a wonderful option for me.

I didn't get offended, but it did start me on my path of researching and finding my own way. =)

[cajun 46]

I wouldn't. We are all on our own path. If a perfect stranger ever came up to me and suggested I have weight loss surgery, I would be so traumatized and humiliated I wouldn't know what to do. It would be just devastating to me.

These guys know they are fat -- they certainly don't need you to tell them that. And information about weight loss surgery is readily available on the internet, on TV, and in the print media. Anybody who is serious about losing weight can find it easily enough.

We all have our own timing and our own way of coping with things. And when we're ready, we're ready. I totally honor and respect your urge to help others, but you can't know what's in their minds and hearts and bodies, and I really don't think it's your place to intrude into their personal lives.

JMHO.

I agree...it's one thing to be a friend, and in the appropriate conversation to share my own story, but I would not suggest WLS to a total stranger. If I were the stranger, I'd find it intrusive.

[carolyn24seven 11]

when I had first dropped 30lbs after surgery, I made the "overenthusastic" mistake of going on and on to a person I did not know personally. Yikes what a goof up. I sure hope that poor woman forgives me in some way. I review that encounter in my head a bunch. It makes me not do it again. We are messengers by our actions and deeds, not words~unless asked.

[MlkPas 5]

One of the best things that ever happened to me was 12 years ago when a lady at work ate half her cheeseburger and tossed it in the garbage. She saw me looking and started to say something and then stopped herself. After a few seconds she came and sat by me and told me that she'd had gastric bypass surgery and had lost 200lbs, and it would be a wonderful option for me.

I didn't get offended, but it did start me on my path of researching and finding my own way. =)

I think that woman used wonderful discernment. She saw you looking and there was something about you that told her you would be receptive. I think that's the lesson here -- it's best to have at least SOME indication that the person you want to talk to has some interest or would be receptive.

Josephine, did you ever see that lady again after you had your surgery?

[WingRider 1]

Good thing Jesus talked to people he didn't know about some great ideas he had.

I guess since I am in outside sales I am forced to talk to people about things that they might not be comfortable about. Yes there are going to be some people who get offended or blow you off, big deal, you didn't know them before and you won't know them afterwards. The pay off is if one person listens to you and it makes a difference in their life. Regardless if they get WLS or not, maybe they go another route, maybe they share what you told them with someone else. Who knows where your words will travel, but if you never say anything then you aren't going help anyone.

Bill

Bill

[MlkPas 5]

But you have to weigh that against how upsetting and intrusive it's going to be to the people who aren't ready. This is a horribly painful and sensitive issue for many, many people, and I think if you go around approaching obese people willy-nilly, it's entirely likely that on balance, you are going to really wound more people than you help.

Assuming, of course, that you're not Jesus.

[WingRider 1]

No, I am not Jesus. I understand what you are saying, and I think being tactful is prudent. I am not suggesting that blurting out to every overweight person you meet that they should have WLS is a good idea. Probably going to get you butt kicked a couple of times a day(might be a good exercise regimen though...LOL). I think the OP has studied his subjects and might be able to make a connection because they see each other all of the time. You never know the guys he is watching are watching him and might be thinking how the heck is that guy loosing weight? But they are scared to ask because people's weight is so taboo.

One of my best customers point blank told me one day to lose some weight that I was going to die. I will never forget that. He was right, and he had the balls to tell me when no one else would, even the people who love me the most. He didn't care if I was offended. He had nothing to lose, but after meeting about 5-6 times he felt it important enough to tell me what he thought. He is the first person I want to go see when i get to goal, even before I see the one's who love me the most.

Bill

[BuRnOuT 0]

@loser, I agree with the donations idea you mentioned..probably the best way to help out people with no means at all. its a great idea.

@wingrider... from what u've described, im thinking the lady did take the bait but shes probably to embaressed to share with you. u've done well to highlight it...and now its up to her i think.

@tiffykins, you probably have the best approach...it involves getting personal with the case on hand..getting close and friendly. investing enough time into it. but to tell u the truth, im not the social gym type...i prefer my biking (actual down the block) and my building's gym. so wish i could help the gym guy that way.

@mlkpas I totaly agree..nothing more shocking than to hear the worst about u from a stranger...then again, some people really do live in denial and what might seem like harsh words today, could be what started a chain reaction that lead to them gaining their health back. this is specifically why this issue confuses me:

its weird how being indifferent to strangers is considered the socially correct behaviour, but being involved is not despite the fact that it might actually help someone DO SOMETHING even if what you said momentarily hurts them.

@deedee yes u said it "if u had the opportunity to socialize" but thats the missing link unfortunately. I just wish talking about weight was less taboo than it is now (especially if u mean well which we do)...

I remember in the documentary "Supersize me" someone was talking about how its not acceptable to talk about weight to a stranger but its ok to shun a smoker..although they are both deadly paths. he thought it was hypocritical, and i kind of agree.

@carolyn, actually u never know..u might have started a spark...have u seen this lady eversince? dont be hard on urself, u meant well and there is no way u could have made her life worse cos what u said was part of the solution not the problem i believe....fat is the problem.

and for when u said "we are messengers in our actions"...i see ur point totally, but dont u think these guys are looking at me as a healthy person who doesnt know what they are going through when in reality i am probably the most living example to them of what they can achieve health wise? but they will never know if i stay quiet will they:001_unsure:

i dunno..i might just go on filming a documentary about this hehe. "the michael moore of fat taboos" ...which reminds me, michael moore would probably take an advice about weight well I think.

[MlkPas 5]

I'm going to timidly suggest that the dynamic might be different for men and women. As much fat shame as there is for men, I have to think that it's much worse for women.

BuRnOut, I'm not so sure that approaching a stranger can't make his or her life worse. I know if it ever happened to me, I'd about die. I still remember the time a worker at Disneyland asked me (quite politely and as tactfully as possible) if I were under the weight limit before he let me get on a ride. That was more than 15 years ago, and I still cringe every time I think about it. Seriously -- that's one of many seemingly small incidents that's scarred me for life about this issue. Plus, how do you know that the person you're talking to hasn't thought about surgery and for some reason can't qualify? Wouldn't that be just pouring salt on the wound?

Oh, and the reason it's okay to shun smokers is that they're stinking up the air for everybody. Fat people aren't hurting anybody but themselves.