Did you tell?

[Deb 0]

I am wondering about telling friends and co-workers about having this kind of surgery. Did you tell? Why or why not?

[Tracy46545 6]

I had a miserable experience with the lapband. My co-workers have seen me suffer with it. I have told them that I'm going back to have it removed. I haven't told them that I'm having the VSG. Not sure I will, at least until I have some noticeable results.

Tracy

[Bambi 0]

Hey Deb - I have told my mom, hubby and 3 friends. 1 friend just had a lapband put in, another friend is considering wls and the 3rd friend is extremely heavy. I am choosing to not say anything to anyone at work or any of my other friends at this point....Even though this will be the center of my world and all of my attention will be focused on weight loss and new lifestyle, I don't want to have to discuss myself and my choices with everyone that is in my life. I read in a book that wls is extremely selfish and I have written on another post that I want to do this and be selfish!!!! The thought of sharing this decision with everyone and then having to listen to them rip apart my decision and my food choices and my lifestyle changes, just totally stresses me out. My decision to have wls is mine and mine alone. It is my time to put myself first and be a little selfish....

Maybe in time I will change my mind, but for now this way of thinking keeps me motivated and moving forward regarding the choices I am making....

Good Luck with your decision....

[JudyJudyJudy 7]

I only told my MGR. Husband and best friend at first. But then I had to when I was planning my leave of absents. So now pretty much everyone know's at work. The reason I didn't want to tell was the same....I didn't want to hear it. I'm was 235lbs, in most people's eyes "not big enough" to have the surgery. But to me 100 lbs. over weight is enough. Plus I've been trying to loose weight for 25 years and I can't do it alone. This IS the answer for me, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. I had some people try and talk me out of it. They told me of friends how'd died from having WLS. Why do people do that? Try and scare you do death? But it didn't work. I did it, the 1st, and I'm glad I did it !!!!

[deedee 5]

I began telling everyone when I first started exploring wls because I wanted feedback as I researched, BUT I tend to tell most people everything (everyone knew about my fibroid surgery last year and I had no problems discussing that either). Now I didn't go out of my way to share this news, but if we were talking (and I talk a lot, to a lot of people) about our lives, weight, upcoming plans, etc. then it was something I'd share...so most people at work, a retirement party last spring and any friends I talked with.

I shared with Jazzercise group when I first started back because I was only 1 month post-op and modified quite a bit. The only people I haven't told is my tap class. I started with them 2 months post-op and had never met any of them before, the first class a couple of ladies were talking about diets and I mentioned I was working hard to lose weight too. Now that are really noticing the weight loss, I might try to figure out a way to mention it, but I'm not sure yet. We really do not have a lot of "chat" time at class and unlike my Jazzercise people, I don't see any of them outside of class.

I don't think that I got many negative reactions, although I got many people saying I wasn't big enough, but I looked at that as a compliment and told them they were wrong of course with a big smile...it pretty much ended that, if it didn't I kindly let them know that the conversation was over, still with a smile.

So I guess it depends on your personality, outlook on life, and what you want to deal with. I've heard of some people telling only a couple people before and then sharing with those who ask after (because it's already done and there is nothing to debate). Good luck!

[Jachut 487]

I think you make a good point Judy, that when you're *lighter* (only relatively speaking) than other WLS patients, people seem to think they have a right to tell you you dont need surgery. I had a BMI of 36 when I was banded and I dont care what anyone thinks, I was not losing that weight on my own. I would have a BMI of over 40 now if I'd continued on as I was going. I needed that surgery as much as someone who weights 400 lb needs help. I was just lucky enough to get that help at an earlier stage.

I also bristle when people insinuate that you shouldnt have WLS for cosmetic reasons. Well, I wasnt sick, in fact I was still pretty fit, which is why I've been able to build to such levels of athleticism post band. But I looked terrible - fat, sloppy, out of control, I was behaving that way, I was getting lazy and my fitness was beginning to decline. I wanted to look a certain way, dress a certain way, start my new career looking great, have the energy to stay young and not become another fat frumpy 40 something. What on earth is wrong with that and why shouldnt I have surgery to achieve it, particularly when said surgery will protect my health and quality of life for decades to come? Why is it OK to fill your face with toxins, stuff silicone in your chest, go through major surgery and pain to slice off bits of your body but I'm unforgiveably vain for having WLS (and no other cosmetic procedures I might add)? Give me a break, that's a ridiculous argument!

Keeping it to yourself avoids all those judgements. Unfortunately, i dint come across them in real life, I came across those opinions on lapbandtalk! Astounding.

[Bob_350lbs 105]

I agree, this is so personal, and who needs judgment from people who really don't care about us anyway. I only told the people who love me about it, but some of them thought my BMI of 39 was too low. One even said that other, bigger people need it more than I did. Well, maybe so, but I deserve to be healthly too.

Anyway, deciding to tell or not is personal decision and everyone is different.

Maybe I just want to succeed first, then I can tell and help others who are trying to decide to have WLS.

Edited December 4, 2009 by Steph_123

[JudyJudyJudy 7]

Thanks Girls....I can relate to everything you said. I guess I'm a little less fearless than most. I was never scared at all, I looked forward to having a better life, and I still do. I've already lost 5 lbs in just 24 hours...that blows my mind!! And I agree with you all, we ALL deserve to be fit and healthy. Some of us just can't do it alone. I don't regret any of it. I feel great, and am doing fine. I do feel bad for the ladies that are having a hard time adjusting, and I do agree that you should have a pych. evaluation to know for sure what you getting into. But I think this is a blessing, and the answer to my prayers for so long. I am very happy.

[twobluecats 1]

I tend to be like DeeDee, I'm sorta an open book. When I first started exploring this idea I talked to many folks, even here at work, who have been through banding or RNY as I've always found that I learn more and more each time I talk to someone. Once I made the decision to do this, I did start telling people. I just remember how odd and uncomfortable it was for me as a friend to "know" that someone had surgery but did not discuss it. It was like the giant gorilla in the closet. I guess I didn't want that same thing to happen with my friends and coworkers, so I'd rather be open about it. But, this is definitely a personal decision, and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

Theresa

[Tiffykins 672]

I'm pretty much an open book. I told friends and family about my band surgery in October '08. I suffered with my band for 8 long months before revising to the sleeve, and I tell anyone and everyone that asks about my weight loss.

I have found more support, and a lot of women who want more information, and advice on their own WLS journey. Some people don't recognize me at all when they see me, and I have to remind them of who I am. Then they freak out, and what to know what I "did" to lose the weight. I have never had any negative remarks, or any eyerolls, or "ohh I see" responses from people. It's different for everyone, but for me, being open has been a blessing, and I feel like I've inspired a couple of people to give WLS surgery a chance in their struggle with obesity.

[yayawhat 0]

Hi

I've been thinking about this for awhile, I'm on the waiting list and meeting with the nutritionist in January with an expected surgery date of March 2010. I've been researching for over a year but have not told anyone besides my family. As the dates begin to get closer and it becomes more real, I keep thinking how am I going to explain the weightloss? I don't want to tell any of them since none of my friends have ever had a weight problem-- not 1 of them. Sometimes I think that once I'm healthier and the personal struggle and adjustment is behind me then I'll be more open with my decision.

[mutti471975 0]

I told no one except my husband. I had to have hiatal hernia repair and was told I had an ulcer two months prior to my surgery. My daughters were not happy with me (after surgery) but I felt it was a personal decision and didn't want to hear anything negative. I had tried everything I had heard of and wasn't successful with any of it (including a personal trainer 2 days a week and going to the gym 3 additional days a week along with a 1200 calorie diet. I lost 8 lbs in 5 months and only 8 inches. My health was bad. HBP, high chorlestral (sp) and the beginning of diabetes. My BMI was 41.

I am now three months out and down 52 lbs. with my BMI at 33. When people ask me - I tell them.

[DALITEDESIGNS 1]

what an amazing bunch you/we are.

The more i read the more i am astounded by our strength. I had my sleeve done a week ago and ive been emotionally and physically up and down all week.

Ive got a huge gob (liverpool term for mouth) and told everyone i know and more wether they wanted too know or not. Im afraid if you would have told me a year ago you were having any stomach operations for weightloss i would not of thought kindly.

Thats probably why i am personally OUT AND PROUD now. The world has different sets of rules for beautiful people and another for us fatties (dont be offended please).

As a very strong and usually happy and some have said brave person i have always since day 1 been overweight. But on the odd occasion that i have lost weight i have noticed how people react differently with me. I am always confident, but feel a different, more positive response when i am "slimmer" there are a lot of people who do not unfortunately give us respect when we are not the "norm".

Anyway i will stop babling, but would like to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone on this forum, we are amazing!!

Dalite

[Chancie 65]

After my surgery is when I told everyone.

I only told one person prior and she never breathed a word to anyone.

I was HUGE and knew if people saw the weight falling off fast- would start a different wave of gossip-

And in my case I had knee replacement surgery then my WLS- and was off work 6 months.... so of course they were going to see a difference.

EVERYONE has been soooooooooo supportive and encouraging!! Totally surprised me too.

Altho lately alot of people are telling me not to get too skinny- "you don't need to lose anymore weight" yadda yadda yadda.........

When I went and seen my PCP and my surgen for my 9 month check up I discussed this and they BOTH told me thats ridiculous! "Tell them that your doctor says you are ok- blood work good and you are healthy. "

So thats what I did- someone asked me how much more I want to lose and when I said 40 pounds their jaw dropped.. and started to say something about it and I stopped them with my doctors words!

Thats been about the only negative thing that has been said to me- and it actually did put them in their place so to speak... it is MY choice and my decision -

[sarita 1]

I am so happy that Deb posted this question, because I have been wondering about this since the day I got my date for surgery. Outside of my immediate family, I have only told my bosses, 2 coworkers, and 2 close friends. I have a few other friends I think I should tell because they will probably be insulted afterwards that I didn't tell them, but something is holding me back. Now, reading what you all wrote, I see that most of you feel the way I do. I feel funny being secretive because I am usually an "open book", but this seems more private to me, something I need to keep to myself for now. As you all said, as the weight comes off, I will tell people how, but for now, 8 days pre-surgery, I am going to try to keep my mouth shut!

Judy - can you write more about how you are feeling 2 days post surgery? I like to read everyone's stories, before my own story begins!!