female only problem

[chezzychee 0]

Hi all i really need help u am 23 years old and would like to get the sleeve done on me. I weight 286lbs and i am 5'7. but boyfriend said i shouldn't get it done because he is afraid to loose me if anything was to happen and he tells me i can exercise instead of getting the sleeve. but would i do exercise i have a hard time breathing my knees hurts my heart feels like it's stopping or jumping out of place. Even walking up the stairs is hard because i can't breath after 5-6 steps. He threw away my application for the orientation away and now i don't remember who the doctor was because a lady i used to work with had given me the application and now she moved away... but thats no biggy. the biggy is the boyfriend being scared of loosing me and i'm kind of scared myself.:thumbup:

[Malaika 50]

Chezzychee - First of all, let me welcome you to our site - you've found a great place to be for answers and support.

Now, as for your boyfriend, it's not his life - it's your's - and you have to do what you need to do for yourself. It sounds as though if you don't do the surgery and lose weight, he's going to lose you anyway - permanently - to death. I think when he says he's afraid of losing you, he's afraid when you lose your weight, that you're going to leave him and move on. He's apparently insecure.

I would have been LIVID if my fiance had thrown away anything of mine that I wanted to do and to check out - that is NOT his right. Find another seminar to attend, keep the paperwork at work where he can't get to it - tell him about it and ask him to attend with you. Also, have him read the posts on this forum (maybe not this one since I'm trashing him) and he'll see that the complication risks are low - not non-existent, but low % wise.

If your insurance doesn't pay for WLS, check out Dr. Aceves in Mexicali - many of us on this forum have used him and he is so totally awesome. There are other surgeons around as well.

Keep us posted on your progress and don't be afraid - you can either live in your fear and continue to gain weight and suffer the consequences of the weight gain or take control of your life NOW and begin a path to a healther life. The choice is YOUR's and NO ONE ELSE!

[Tiffykins 672]

Hi there, and welcome to the forum.

I agree with everything that Vegas stated.

My husband was initially concerned with me having WLS. I simply told him either I can do this, and get the weight off, or I can die 10-15 years earlier because of obesity related health issues. I also informed him all of my family history of heart disease, diabetes, strokes, and etc.

It's your body, it's your future health, you can't do it for anyone but yourself, and if he can't be supportive then you don't need him. I'm sorry to sound harsh, but there is no reason for him to stand in the way of your future goals.

I'd be absolutely furious if my loved one tossed something of mine, and tried to sabotage my success.

Find another bariatric surgeon, attend a seminar, you can do this, and you can be successful. Don't allow someone else's ignorance defeat you.

[chezzychee 0]

but i am also very scared because i had a friend who had a leak and they had her on all these kind of antibiotics and she had an infection after infections. you guys :thumbup: i am going to see Antonio K. Coirin for my WLS. i know i know thats what i tell him but he is like it cant be that hard for someone to loose weight gosh your always trying to find the easy way out damn your so lazy and blah blah blah about me being LAZY when i am the one supporting him. ahhhhhhhh gosh :cursing:

[chezzychee 0]

oh and thank you all for the comment and support i am going thru with it as soon as i get accepted (fingers crossed)

[Malaika 50]

I'd dump his dumbass so quick - he is not supporting you - he is not encouraging you - for someone who allegedly loves you to tell you you are so lazy, blah, blah, blah, I think you need to reevaluate your relationship. And, if he thinks surgery is the EASY way out - he's NUTS. This surgery is a TOOL and that is all it is - you still have to WORK the tool to get your weight off and to keep it off.

I would tell him to go take a long walk off a short pier!

You don't NEED that kind of support - sounds like he may be one of the reasons you're gaining weight - you're unhappy so you eat. I can't say that for sure; however, I think you really need to re-evaluate this relationship and what it is YOU want for your future - NOT what he wants you to have.

[Tiffykins 672]

but i am also very scared because i had a friend who had a leak and they had her on all these kind of antibiotics and she had an infection after infections. you guys :thumbup: i am going to see Antonio K. Coirin for my WLS. i know i know thats what i tell him but he is like it cant be that hard for someone to loose weight gosh your always trying to find the easy way out damn your so lazy and blah blah blah about me being LAZY when i am the one supporting him. ahhhhhhhh gosh :cursing:

Like I said, don't allow his ignorance defeat you. He probably hasn't dealt with being obese, or he doesn't care. Either way, you have to do what is best for your life and your future. If he isn't supportive, stand up, and make the changes. It would be great if we could all have supportive significant others, but it doesn't always happen. And, to know you're supporting him, he definitely sounds insecure. He's more worried about his meal ticket being taken away if you leave him. If he truly loved you, he would NOT insult you, he would support you, and he would never try to insinuate that you are simply "lazy".

I had a leak, and it was repaired successfully. I was on antibiotics, and had a 2nd hospitalization about 6 weeks after my revision from band to the sleeve. BUT, I would do it all over again without hesitation. In 5 months, I've dropped 90lbs. I feel amazing. I am 5'2", started at 263, and this week I'm at 173. I am a mere 23lbs from my initial goal weight, and I would go through all of it again to feel as good as I do today.

Leaks do happen, but definitely research your surgeon. Find other patients who had their surgery performed by that surgeon. Gather as much information as you can. You'll feel more comfortable with more information, referrals, and reviews from other patients.

[cajun 46]

It sounds like this guy is a serious obstacle to your future. If you feel you don't deserve anyone who treats you better, I suggest some counselling to help you appreciate yourself more. You deserve better.

[DownInSocal 12]

Whoa!

This individual does not respect, support, or love you. It is that simple.

You are an adult woman and have a right to make your own medical decisions. He had no right to throw the application away.

Lost him. You deserve to be treated with respect. You are worth it! You can do this without his "support". I promise.

[chezzychee 0]

i know you guys i know this is what he say if he loose me (by death) he is afraid no one is going to care for our son and he is going to miss me because i am his life. but he now says if i want to do it i have to at least try my hardest to exercise and see if i can loose an inch or two and if i cant then i can get it done plus feel that i might or should try to excercise harder a bit and change my eating habits first because if i cant change my ating habits now how can i change it with VSG i eat like 5-10 double cheese burger a day or in a week... i know that's very unhealthy... any suggestion about DR.Corirn? Has anyone gone to him? Thank you all for this support.boy i cant wait, hopefully in six months i can get the surgery done after i research everything more thoroughly. i am some what unhappy because of everything in life i feel like a failure 23 and haven't accomplish anything yet uggggggggghhhhh... how can you tell if you have a leakage? does it hurt?

[Ruthi 60]

Cheezy,

Read everything you can on this forum, it will answer alot of questions for you. As for your boyfriend,....no one that calls you names and degrades you can possibly love you as you may think he does. There is no excuse for his using that kind of insult or abuse because he fears losing the mother of his child. Anyone and I mean anyone who abuses you like that for what ever reason should be kicked to the curb. I understand that you may not have enough self esteem to consider this but women on this forum can see what you may not be able to see. DO NOT rationalize his behavior. He DOES NOT have the right, so dont enable him. The women on this forum have many years of experience in this area, myself included. We want you to succeed regardless of how you choose to do it. Take care of yourself first. We are here for you. And PLEASE, remember, YOU MATTER and you know yourself better than anyone else, if you feel this is the best way for you, then it is. Dont let someone else determine your fate.

[cajun 46]

Cheezy,

Read everything you can on this forum, it will answer alot of questions for you. As for your boyfriend,....no one that calls you names and degrades you can possibly love you as you may think he does. There is no excuse for his using that kind of insult or abuse because he fears losing the mother of his child. Anyone and I mean anyone who abuses you like that for what ever reason should be kicked to the curb. I understand that you may not have enough self esteem to consider this but women on this forum can see what you may not be able to see. DO NOT rationalize his behavior. He DOES NOT have the right, so dont enable him. The women on this forum have many years of experience in this area, myself included. We want you to succeed regardless of how you choose to do it. Take care of yourself first. We are here for you. And PLEASE, remember, YOU MATTER and you know yourself better than anyone else, if you feel this is the best way for you, then it is. Dont let someone else determine your fate.

This post is absolutely on target. Please read it over and over...is it possible that your bf just wants to have a free babysitter??? It appears that he does not have any love or respect for YOU...that is sad for you, but you deserve more in a relationship. His behavior is abusive, and based on what I've seen in similar cases, it is my opinion that eventually it will become physical abuse. Please get out of there while you can and take care of yourself. You'll be so much happier!

[Chancie 65]

Had to pipe in here too....

This is something YOU want to do, YOUR decision, YOUR body, YOUR future, YOUR health.

Granted, being in a relationship it's good to have discussions and common goals, but this doesn't sound like whats happening in your case. It sounds like he is being controlling...... and YOU have to choose your own destiny.

Sometimes in a controlling relationship you lose "yourself"... find YOU again and make up your own mind. Do your research, and decide on your own.