Wow some people...!!!

[Shazam 517]

Last night I went out to dinner with a long time friend. I never told her I was banded, but towards the beginning of my journey I did tell her I began watching what I ate.

We were talking about medicine and how needed to get on track, watch what she ate so didn't need to take meds. And I said, I got off my meds. She had asked how, and I simply told her, I lost weight. After I said this, I honestly would have thought she would have complimented me and say something like, oh I thought there was something different about you, or I thought you lost some. Well after I told her - nothing, not a peep. And here's the thing, she has trouble with her weight, which is why I thought of all people she would say some kind words. And more people are noticing, so I know people can tell.

I was floored. I really thought of all people she would have said something nice. I have known her for nearly 14 years! I'm kinda upset about it. Though I did suspect some people would be jerks, I guess I didn't really know which ones.

I know I shouldn't let it get me down. But it is. I'm trying to hang in there. :|

[Janiece 64]

People are the worst. Don't even let her ruin your success! We're all very proud of you and can appreciate how difficult it is.

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

Last night I went out to dinner with a long time friend. I never told her I was banded, but towards the beginning of my journey I did tell her I began watching what I ate.

We were talking about medicine and how needed to get on track, watch what she ate so didn't need to take meds. And I said, I got off my meds. She had asked how, and I simply told her, I lost weight. After I said this, I honestly would have thought she would have complimented me and say something like, oh I thought there was something different about you, or I thought you lost some. Well after I told her - nothing, not a peep. And here's the thing, she has trouble with her weight, which is why I thought of all people she would say some kind words. And more people are noticing, so I know people can tell.

I was floored. I really thought of all people she would have said something nice. I have known her for nearly 14 years! I'm kinda upset about it. Though I did suspect some people would be jerks, I guess I didn't really know which ones.

I know I shouldn't let it get me down. But it is. I'm trying to hang in there. :|

some people may not know what to say....i find i am that way as if i say something it maybe took wrong or something......maybe that is what happened here...i dont know.....but do not let it get you down. its YOUR journey..it is about you....no one else can make you happy or sad but your decision to be that way.....so make the decision to rise above whatever, head up and keep on moving forward to goal......very happy for you and super proud as janice said.

[toritz 64]

Hi - Have you ever heard the saying it’s not about you? I can remember back to being 270 pounds and literally feeling crushed by my weight. I hated how I looked and felt I was so unhappy. Sometimes a friend or family member would lose weight and it was a reminder of everything I couldn’t do. It was heart breaking. I was happy for them of course BUT sometimes due to the shame I felt it was hard to show. I see it now with friends that are heavy and even my sister. I am in the 180's now they smile but I see in their eyes the disappointment they feel about themselves. So give your friend a break - you’re the one happier and healthier. Think about how she must be feeling. On a personal note I have told a couple of people about my band BUT I always tell people that are heavy and struggling with weight. That's my choice but if we have spent the last 10 years talking about dieting I wanted to be honest with them.

[bandster12345 49]

I can remember back to being 270 pounds and literally feeling crushed by my weight. I hated how I looked and felt I was so unhappy. Sometimes a friend or family member would lose weight and it was a reminder of everything I couldn’t do. It was heart breaking. I was happy for them of course BUT sometimes due to the shame I felt it was hard to show.

I agree with this. I'm still at the beginning of my weight loss journey, but I can equate it to my infertility issues. It took 5 years to get pregnant. I was so upset over it and every time a friend or family member got pregnant, it just reminded me that I couldn't. It was crushing. I was truly happy for them, but at the same time, it was debilitating for me.

Maybe your friend feels the same way about losing weight. Maybe she's struggling. After all, you got banded so you must've struggled with it at some point, too.

[Kelli1016 52]

My Mom is someone who typically doesn't compliment or comment on weight loss. She once told me that it is because she doesn't want to cause the person to stop doing what they are doing. For her, when she would lose weight and start getting compliments, it was a trigger to say "Hey, I look good maybe I can have that food I shouldn't eat" and it would halt the process. So, she would never comment or compliment even me when I would be losing weight for fear of having a negative impact on the person.

The other issue could be plain and simple jealousy, as the others have pointed out. If she's jealous that you're losing the weight and she's not then she may be unable to be happy for you or compliment you on your successes.

Either way, I'm sure the reason she didn't mention it is more to do with her own demons than anything to do with you. Try to focus on yourself and your success. You know what you've been doing. You know all the hard work. That is the part that matters. Good luck.

[Graceful One 4]

Just had my revision yesterday and got the same vibe and comments from my sister..."hope this one works for you - gosh you've had a lot of problems with your band...this is my diet (shows me smoothie)". To that I had to say...gosh I take a sip or two of coffee or my Water and I am so full...sure hope this lasts. Needless to say she has a significant weight problem as well but has never been supportive of my struggles or successes with the band over the years. What it comes down to is some people are not empathetic...and most people, especially those with weight issues are probably jealous that you have a tool to help you. Glad to hear your doing great!

[JBT222 51]

One of the unforeseen things about losing a lot of weight is changing the role you play in certain relationships. You will no longer be the "fat" friend or the "fattest" one in the room. I know in my family it was hard for some people because I had always been the one they would say at least they weren't as big as me. Well now that isn't true and it absolutely changed how they treat me.

You may find that old relationships need to change as there is literally less of you to go around and fill that need.

This is your friends problem that she needs to address, but you can't let this get you down. You have a huge accomplishment of getting off meds. That is AWESOME. Way to go!

[Shazam 517]

There are some wise peeps here!! Thanks! And you all are correct. Knowing of her, she never was one to compliment much, I didn't think of that or the green eyed jeousy monster. And I'm certain all of the above mentioned from you peeps and that might have something to do with her lack of response.

Oh well, but yay me!

[dawalsh 919]

Don't be floored by your friend's "non" response. I'm sure your friend is happy in their own silent way. I was like that before being banded. I was happy and envious of people who lost weight through WLS and was always at a loss for words thinking I might say the wrong thing. Be happy for yourself and eventually your friend might come around and say something.

[ShastaPants 74]

I have noticed that when you are friends with someone that is also overweight and one starts to lose weight and not the other, it can be an issue for the other person. I am not sure if they are jealous or feel like they now don't have someone to eat with, but I have noticed this with a friend of mine after I lost about 50 pounds a few years ago.

It is their issue, not yours. You are doing great.

11 days until surgery....

[tonya49 95]

I truly understand how hurtful this can be sometimes I feel like I get the most support from strangers vs my friends and family but I just remind myself who I'm doing this for and how good this 90+ pounds feel off and have no plans on gaining them back

[Lady VS 1,147]

You have to unfortunately understand that not everybody is going to share in your joy and success. Yes, being your close friend you thought the obvious response would happen but no, it didn't. Some people just can't handle other people's success. I have learned that there are some people I can share things with and others that I just can't. Good luck.