marriage

[☠carolinagirl☠ 18,721]

i am wanting to get healthy (for me) and i know (me) feeling better about (me) makes (me) a happier person...i am beyond blessed with a southern good ole boy who for whatever drugs he took in high school affected him enough to love me at 150 when he married me to the 336 hefer i was 8 months ago..

i remember my vows, for better or worse...i had the worse, am working on the better now

[SnowgirlnTX 9]

My hubby is my biggest supporter and fan. His love and affection for me has never changed no matter what size I've been. We've been married 26 yrs (27 yrs this June) and I look for the next 27 yrs to be even better than the last.

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

I have been married for 42 years and started dating my husband at 15, he was 16. We have both been thin, heavy and obese. Sometimes together, some times alone but we have always been each other's cheer leaders. Right now he is always calling me skinny (far from it) and he is losing weight too. He found a gross looking picture today, taken about 5 years ago, I thought I looked great then, I was wrong. I just don't know how to put it on my profile. I was heavy and not even my heaviest and looked awful. I had my very long hair, it is short and kept now.

But my marriage is super, thin, thick or obese, we are together for ever and I hope everyone else is.

[Frederic 500]

My wife isn't very supportive I think she's tied alot of her identity to being the physically active one in our relationship.

I think she's also afraid that if I'm physically attractive (since I'm already have such a captivating mind and irascible charm dwarfed only by my modesty) I won't be able to resist the waves of women she imagines throwing themselves at me.

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

My wife isn't very supportive I think she's tied alot of her identity to being the physically active one in our relationship.

I think she's also afraid that if I'm physically attractive (since I'm already have such a captivating mind and irascible charm dwarfed only by my modesty) I won't be able to resist the waves of women she imagines throwing themselves at me.

Sounds like she has the problem not you. She is hiding behind your weight. At my monthly support groups there are some people who say that their spouse are not their supporters. I once introduced my husband as my support team and so many said that are alone in that department. Is your wife overweight? Maybe you need to talk with her and a counselor to get deeper into the problem she has. Please don't let it hurt your WLS.

We are all here if you need to talk more.

[Frederic 500]

She thinks she's overweight but she isn't; she runs marathons and jogs over 10k every morning. She's just used to being the runner and me being the fighter. She had speed I had Strength I believe she's afraid she'll lose her identity that I'll become faster and more active than her. That I'll simply be better than her at the things she feels she's best at. She seems to be in denial about how obese I am and would rather wait until my diabetes and high blood pressure are out of control rather than doing the surgery now when I'm relatively stable with my meds and more likely to benefit from the surgery.

[babykins529 189]

The studies show divorce rate of 70 percent for wls patients. Its on the net and I've been told by my married, banded psychologist at the clinic the same thing. He said its not the surgery that ups the rate, there is already an underlying issue with either spouse or as a couple (insecurities; unfaithfulness; ect) that when the weightloss happens, it tips the scales. Which is sad really. My marriage has actually improved thus far from after surgery. Sex is better and has doubled and I'm only a month post op tomorrow. Wls might safe my marriage.

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

She thinks she's overweight but she isn't; she runs marathons and jogs over 10k every morning. She's just used to being the runner and me being the fighter. She had speed I had Strength I believe she's afraid she'll lose her identity that I'll become faster and more active than her. That I'll simply be better than her at the things she feels she's best at. She seems to be in denial about how obese I am and would rather wait until my diabetes and high blood pressure are out of control rather than doing the surgery now when I'm relatively stable with my meds and more likely to benefit from the surgery.

Do you take her with you to your doctor appointments? My husband has never missed any until 2 weeks ago when he was sick. Maybe she needs to hear from a doctor that your health is very important so she has a long marriage with a healthy husband. I joined a gym, per doctor's order, and my husband joined with me and we love going there together. Is there anything like that the 2 of you can do together? Do you have children? That is a common ground for doing things together. For me it is now grandchildren.

I hope I have helped some.

[LadyDreadHead 90]

There are several couples in the local Bariatric Support group that I attend. Most of the couples are one who has had wls with their spouse going to the groups to support them. Maybe attending a local support group with you might help your spouse to better understand your weight loss journey.

[Frederic 500]

No going to the gym together didn't work since she's a morning person and I'm a night owl compounded with the fact my workout is so radically different from hers since we have different body types. She's practically phobic about going to the Dr. for any reason (she's had some big scares in the past) so that wasn't an option. She sees me as an active heavy set guy whose respected at work and surrounded by friends with an active social life. Since I manage my health she doesn't appreciate how much work I put into it just to maintain it. We don't have children and she doesn't like competitive activities because I often win and when I don't she either assumes I let her win or that beating me was too easy.

Ideally she would go see a counselor to talk out her problems but she's said she doesn't want to pay someone to tell her she's wrong.

[KAATNS 1,473]

I'm actually interested in hearing the male perspective on how you feel about overweight spouses. Time to get honest guys!

[Terry Poperszky 2,784]

My wife isn't very supportive I think she's tied alot of her identity to being the physically active one in our relationship.

I think she's also afraid that if I'm physically attractive (since I'm already have such a captivating mind and irascible charm dwarfed only by my modesty) I won't be able to resist the waves of women she imagines throwing themselves at me.

This is more true than you think. A lot of people here are saying "Not my marriage", but I hate to tell you that for a lot of us who have been fat all of our lives, we aren't prepared for the temptations that will come when we are thin and fit. Ditto for our spouses who have built their identity around a fat partner.

[dylanmiles23 2,198]

This is more true than you think. A lot of people here are saying "Not my marriage", but I hate to tell you that for a lot of us who have been fat all of our lives, we aren't prepared for the temptations that will come when we are thin and fit. Ditto for our spouses who have built their identity around a fat partner.

You are so right.

[laurigee 545]

No going to the gym together didn't work since she's a morning person and I'm a night owl compounded with the fact my workout is so radically different from hers since we have different body types. She's practically phobic about going to the Dr. for any reason (she's had some big scares in the past) so that wasn't an option. She sees me as an active heavy set guy whose respected at work and surrounded by friends with an active social life. Since I manage my health she doesn't appreciate how much work I put into it just to maintain it. We don't have children and she doesn't like competitive activities because I often win and when I don't she either assumes I let her win or that beating me was too easy.

Ideally she would go see a counselor to talk out her problems but she's said she doesn't want to pay someone to tell her she's wrong.

Sounds like instead of supporting each other your competing with each other! That might work for siblings but it's not something a marriage should be based on! I couldn't tell you, nor do I care which one of us is better at what! I find that we complement each other! Marriage shouldn't be about "one upping" each other! I hope you two can come to a point where you want the best for the other without thinking of yourself first! If she thinks a counselor is going to tell her she's wrong, she must be pretty sure she is! I wish the best for you in your future, accept nothing short of what you give, everyone deserves that!

[laurigee 545]

This is more true than you think. A lot of people here are saying "Not my marriage", but I hate to tell you that for a lot of us who have been fat all of our lives, we aren't prepared for the temptations that will come when we are thin and fit. Ditto for our spouses who have built their identity around a fat partner.

Temptations??? I wasn't heavy my whole life, but I can honestly say that if I had "temptations" I wouldn't stay married. I didn't settle when I picked my partner. He didn't pick me, nor did I pick him because no one that was attractive would have us! LOL.