Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Divorce After Losing Weight!



Recommended Posts

I have been banded since June 2010. I went from 290 lbs to 150 lbs today. I had plastic surgery June 2012....which included inner thigh lift, lower body lift, and Lipo. My self esteem and confidence is extremely high. I feel and look great. Only thing is....my husband never complimented me throughout my journey! I have been with him for 15 years....married for 10! He has put me through a lot of bad stuff in the past....things that I cannot forget/forgive! Now that my confidence is built up.....I want a divorce. I told him I was not happy back in Feb. 2012....Things did not get any better since then. We fight all the time, haven't had sex in 10 mths, he always sleeps on the couch, etc, etc. Anyways, last month I told him I wanted to be alone and that he needed to move out. He did, on Sept 18. I have been so much more happier....the house is quiet and peaceful! :) Now that my wls journey is over.....I am now on a journey to try and find the new ME!! I need to find what makes ME happy!! Am i being selfish?? Anyone else get divorced/separated after losing their weight? I have some guilt for doing it....I could really use some reassurance!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Life is too short not to be happy. No you are not being selfish. I got divorced after 12 years of marriage. We were so unhappy with each other I hated coming home to him. What went wrong? I don’t know but what I do know is we couldn’t be together anymore. Now, five years later we are friends, both remarried and happy.

So, my advice is for you to do what will make you happy. You lost weight for your health now take care of your feelings and emotional needs. Take care and good luck.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What you're doing isn't selfish at all. In fact, it's incredibly smart and brave. It sounds like your marriage was spiraling the drain before you ever had WLS. All the weight loss did was give you the self esteem and confidence to do the right thing and start taking care of yourself. Please, don't ever feel guilty for loving yourself and wanting to be happy. You deserve that!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think how you are feeling since he has left speaks to whether you were being selfish or not. You have felt happier and a sense of relief. Certainly, if the marriage was repairable I would suggest getting counseling; however, it sounds like he wasn't interested in trying to repair it.

Congrats to you for staying strong. People can grow apart and life is too short to spend it unhappy or even worse, miseable.I was married years ago and it was very toxic after time went on. It was scary being on my own initially but such a sense of relief to not be weighed down.

An unhealthy relationship can be very draining and wear on your soul. It is better to be alone than continue living that way.

Best wishes to you!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You have one life to live and if his season in your life was up, so be it. You deserve more happiness than your heart can handle! GO GET IT!!!!!! Best Wishes and Have Fun ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What an inspiration. I to want a divorice.I lost 230 lbs and would love to have plastic surgery.I look great dressed.but not so much without clothes.we haven't had sex in 2 years but fear no one else would be attracted to all the loose skin so I stay but not happy.congrats and I don't feel you are selfish at all.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you need to do what is right for you. The fact that you have the confidence to go forward and make all these positive changes is great.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Steph1967...if you aren't intimate with him and unhappy...why not be happy without him and at least put yourself in a place to be single and prove yourself wrong about no one else wanting the loose skin. Find someone who makes your feel good emotionally and once you trust them tell them that you lost all that weight to get the loose skin. They will probably admire you and love you as you are...if they are worth having you they will

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have been banded since June 2010. I went from 290 lbs to 150 lbs today. I had plastic surgery June 2012....which included inner thigh lift' date=' lower body lift, and Lipo. My self esteem and confidence is extremely high. I feel and look great. Only thing is....my husband never complimented me throughout my journey! I have been with him for 15 years....married for 10! He has put me through a lot of bad stuff in the past....things that I cannot forget/forgive! Now that my confidence is built up.....I want a divorce. I told him I was not happy back in Feb. 2012....Things did not get any better since then. We fight all the time, haven't had sex in 10 mths, he always sleeps on the couch, etc, etc. Anyways, last month I told him I wanted to be alone and that he needed to move out. He did, on Sept 18. I have been so much more happier....the house is quiet and peaceful! :) Now that my wls journey is over.....I am now on a journey to try and find the new ME!! I need to find what makes ME happy!! Am i being selfish?? Anyone else get divorced/separated after losing their weight? I have some guilt for doing it....I could really use some reassurance![/quote']

Hi, I love my husband but he has been really mean to me ever since I gained weight 7 years ago now that im losing weight since having my lapband I feel that I dont know if I want to stay, if you are not happy with live for you

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

What an inspiration. I to want a divorice.I lost 230 lbs and would love to have plastic surgery.I look great dressed.but not so much without clothes.we haven't had sex in 2 years but fear no one else would be attracted to all the loose skin so I stay but not happy.congrats and I don't feel you are selfish at all.

Omg....we use to have sex maybe twice a year....When I noticed all the wrinkly skin, I made a comment to my husband that he would never have to worry about me ever sleeping with anyone else...lol and then I got plastics done....and now, I am not sure I want anyone to see my scars :( I saw the way my husband looked at my body....and when I told him the look on his face, looked like he was disgusted....he did not deny it! that is when I knew we were done!! And for me....sex is not that important!! I would rather be alone then to be unhappy!! Oh....by the way....I had plastics done in mexico....much cheaper!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for all the advice. I was starting to feel a little guilty today. He went to my daughters work to talk to her, and he started crying. So a part of me was feeling bad....but I know, if he moved back, the problems would still exist!! I am trying to do what is best for me.......

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You're exactly right. If he were to move back in the problems would still be there. Sometimes people grow apart. It happens. And I'm sure it's a difficult adjustment, but if you're happier, then you've made the right decision. Good luck to you on your weight loss maintanence journey. :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My dr cautioned me on my first visit that more patients then he could count who had a significant weight loss ended up divorced. Of course he doesn't know if it's because the spouse preferred chubbys and lost interest or if the person who lost the weight found the confidence to realize he or she didnt need to stay in an unhappy relationship which I happen to believe. Either way I went home and had a long discussion with my husband and told him I was going to do this for me and he could reap the benefits... Or not. He is still here. Lol. However I will tell you that we have noticed changes in our relationship and have had to make adjustments. So far so good.

But for you it sound like you gave it a lot of thought and while I never want to see a marriage end it sounds like it was for the right reasons.

Good luck to you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×