Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

Support From You Signifigant Other?



Recommended Posts

I was wondering of others expierance with their husbands/signifigant others? Good, bad anything. Were there any that actions pre op were kind of out of the normal ? My husband had made a comment to me last night that he has never said before to me and it was negative towards my size. I was just wondering if anyone had expieranced this before. I was very hurt by the comment but then started to wonder if this wasnt something with a under lieing issue.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear about your husband : ( That's not cool. My husband has been a rock for me. He wants to loose about 20 pounds, so he's been doing the same things as me and been successful in his own weight loss journey. I hope things turn around for you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you, I know he has gained alot of weight since we have been together he used to be Mr. fitness I was always big. I dont know if the anger behind it was that maybe he resents me because I am going through this and he knows I will be losing weight and he had gained weight since us being together and now needs to lose again. I guess maybe it would be a good idea to try to get him in on it too and involve him more and get on track together as a couple.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My other half has had to lose some weight too so he ate what i did just more of it, he dropped 80lbs while i dropped all mine he has been brilliant, but he was brilliant before the band so i knew i could rely on his help !

Maybe ask your husband why he said what he did, he might be feeling insecure that u are gonna lose all this weight and then leave him, or u are getting attention he isnt etc etc, if it was out of character then i would definitley speak to him about it, if not in my honest opinion the remarks will continue after surgery, they might not be about your weight but something else next time. Remarks are hurtful and unneccesary so try and sort it out now before u have the surgery and have to start concentrating on living with the band .. good luck :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Seems like the best thing would be just to ask him what his feelings are and what he meant by the remark. To "try to get him on it too" may be perceived as criticism which since you didnt like it, he probably wont either. Just tell him he hurt your feelings and ask what is behind it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh my!

I have been lapbanded a long time ago. My husband is so happy that he is not someone that I can rely on. He is great for everything but the band,

He brings in things, and I throw it out. You have to see my freezer, I give away the things that I can and the rest goes down the drain.

I have learnt my lesson and for me we do not repeat eat at the same table. Now,, I am on a low carb so when I have to be with him I suck salad.

He can take my good healthy shakes and it has been updated for him by him and it probably is thousands of calories.

I have to stop writing since this is a sensitive point for me.

My way is seperate eating and when out with friends, do not sit next to him

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We were having a really stupid argument and we have had them before and he had never said anything like that before. It wasnt until reciently that he has known how important it was to me to get this surgery Iv been talking about it but once I had found out aht I had alot of health issues that were related to my weight did I really get seirous and start moving forward on the process. I dont know if he really wanted to hurt me or if he didnt think before he said it. This morning he woke me up before he left for work and told me he was very sorry and would never say something like that again and that he thinks I am sexy no matter what size I am. I will just beware and if it happens again weather its a comment of my weight or something else I wont stick around in a enviroment thats unhealthy for me and my children.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i think when we start on this journey and tell those around us that we are doing this, they think it is an open invitation to criticize us. they may not be trying to harm us but in there head they may be thinking "well if she is having WLS then obviously she knows she fat, therefore I can comment on it as well" I'm not saying that that is right or even the correct thing in your case but I have definitely seen that in other situations. Good luck to you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mine keeps saying "jokingly" that when I get skinny that I will leave. It know it is an insecure response and that the truth is often said in Jest. So every time he says that I tell him that I am the same person regardless of my size and on my feisty days I mention that I already get looks so if I wanted to leave I would have already... On a positive note...he has asked that I stock his lunch kit with healthier snacks....this journey is good for both of us.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We were having a really stupid argument and we have had them before and he had never said anything like that before. It wasnt until reciently that he has known how important it was to me to get this surgery Iv been talking about it but once I had found out aht I had alot of health issues that were related to my weight did I really get seirous and start moving forward on the process. I dont know if he really wanted to hurt me or if he didnt think before he said it. This morning he woke me up before he left for work and told me he was very sorry and would never say something like that again and that he thinks I am sexy no matter what size I am. I will just beware and if it happens again weather its a comment of my weight or something else I wont stick around in a enviroment thats unhealthy for me and my children.

Smart girl! Best of luck!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So funny... Mine tells me the same exact thing.. "your gonna leave us aren't you"..... He also says it jokingly, but it hurts my feelings a little that he would even think that!! I would never ever leave my beautiful 6 and 2 year olds...I just want them to have a skinny sexy mommy and j want my hubby to see that thin woman he fell in love with 13 years ago!!!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I had jokingly said that I am going to be one of those wives that does a reverse in my wedding photos instead of me being young and skinny in mine I would be young and chubby and then reverse over time and become skinny instead of like most who gein weight. I just have to think positive and not let this get me down. My aunt went through something like this but it was after her wls her husband and teenage son had starting making fun of her overweight self after she had lost her weight. It was something that hurt her very badly because she had learned the truth of what everyone was thinking. I guess in a way I would rather know the truth then to learn it later. I am glad for everyone mostly having supportive husbands. I showed him some of your before and after pictures and he was amazed that this isnt a joke this changes peoples life for the better.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My fiance has always been supportive, but he never knew what it was like to really be in my shoes. He was never criticized by his parents for his weight and made to feel worthless like I was. He didn't understand why I cried when I looked at myself in pictures. He loves me no matter what I look like...he proposed to me when I was at my highest weight! He has celebrated my successes with the band and listened when I was having problems. Now he has a band himself, and what better support is there than that? Everyone jokes that when we get married no one is even going to recognize us :lol:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Awe thats so sweet, who knows someday my husband may end up having one him self. Since we have had two children together he gained weight right along with me ! He used to be very buff and in shape. I was always large. That is awesome and congrats to the both of you ! Now you will both be happy and healthy!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Mine keeps saying "jokingly" that when I get skinny that I will leave. It know it is an insecure response and that the truth is often said in Jest. So every time he says that I tell him that I am the same person regardless of my size and on my feisty days I mention that I already get looks so if I wanted to leave I would have already... On a positive note...he has asked that I stock his lunch kit with healthier Snacks....this journey is good for both of us.

Omg.... my husband has been telling me the same thing from the get go.... then when i get skinny i was going to find another man..... i told him if i wanted another man i could have had many already even at 223lbs. That normally shuts him up for a while. A while back he said... how much more weight are you going to lose.... I said, i don't know why. He said, cuz your starting to look like a bag of bones... INSERT KNIFE IN HEART...

Now that i had the tummy tuck... He's been hitting the gym even harder.

So this is my theory.... Now that we have lost or losing the fat.... they are pissed that they are not getting the attention anymore.... and for years they have counted on we as "fat" girls have self esteem problems and they know that we would not feel comfortable with other men.... but now that they see other men looking at us and complimenting us..... THEY ARE SCARED.... Scared that we will leave. The other night one of our "biker" guy friend told him...(i over heard) Damn Jim... Chris sure is look fine.... He turned white and his expression was one of fear... Of course he said, yes she is.... but that was all he said.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • Prdgrdma

      So I guess after gastric bypass surgery, I cant eat flock chips because they are fried???  They sell them on here so I thought I could have them. So high in protein and no carbs.  They don't bother me at all.  Help. 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        It's possible for a very high fat meal to cause dumping in some (30% or so) gastric bypass patients, although it's more likely to be triggered by high sugar, or by the high fat/high sugar combo (think ice cream, donuts). Dietitians will tell you to never do anything that isn't 100% healthy ever again. Realistically, you should aim for a good balance of protein, carbs, and fat each day. Should you eat fried foods every day? No. Is it possible they will make you sick? Maybe. Is it okay to eat some to see what happens and have them for a treat every now and again? Yes.

    • NovelTee

      I'm not at all hungry on this liquid pre-op diet, but I miss the sensation of chewing. It's been about two weeks––surgery is in two days––and I can't imagine how I'll feel a couple of weeks post-op. Tonight, I randomly stumbled upon a mukbang channel on YouTube, and it was strangely soothing... is it just me, or is this a thing? 
      · 1 reply
      1. NickelChip

        I actually watched cooking shows during my pre-op, like Great British Baking Show. It was a little bizarre, but didn't make me hungry. I think it was also soothing in a way.

    • Clueless_girl

      How do you figure out what your ideal weight should be? I've had a figure in my head for years, but after 3 mths of recovery I'm already almost there. So maybe my goal should be lower?
      · 3 replies
      1. NickelChip

        Well, there is actually a formula for "Ideal Body Weight" and you can use a calculator to figure it out for you. This one also does an adjusted weight for a person who starts out overweight or obese. https://www.mdcalc.com/calc/68/ideal-body-weight-adjusted-body-weight

        I would use that as a starting point, and then just see how you feel as you lose. How you look and feel is more important than a number.

      2. Clueless_girl

        I did find different calculators but I couldn't find any that accounted for body frame. But you're right, it is just a number. It was just disheartening to see that although I lost 60% of my excess weight, it's still not in the "normal/healthy" range..

      3. NickelChip

        I think it's important to remember that the weight charts and BMI ranges were developed a very long time ago and only intended to be applied to people who have never been overweight or obese. Those numbers aren't for us. When you are larger, especially for a long time, your body develops extra bone to support the weight. Your organs get a little bigger to handle the extra mass. Your entire infrastructure increases so you can support and function with the extra weight. That doesn't all go away just because you burn off the excess fat. If you still had a pair of jeans from your skinniest point in life and then lost weight to get to the exact number on the scale you were when those jeans fit you, chances are they would be a little baggy now because you would actually be thinner than you were, even though the scale and the BMI chart disagree. When in doubt, listen to the jeans, not the scale!

    • Aunty Mamo

      Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery day and while I'm feeling remarkably well and going about just about every normal activity, I did wind up with a surface abscess on on of my incision sights and was put on an antibiotic that made me so impacted that it took me more than two hours to eliminate yesterday and scared the hell out of me. Now there's Miralax in all my beverages that aren't Smooth Move tea. I cannot experience that again. I shouldn't have to take Ativan to go to the lady's. I really looking forward to my body getting with the program again. 
      I'm in day three of the "puree" stage of eating and despite the strange textures, all of the savory flavors seem decadent. 
      I timed this surgery so that I'd be recovering during my spring break. That was a good plan. Today is a state holiday and the final day of break. I feel really strong to return to school tomorrow. 
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • BeanitoDiego

      Now that I'm in maintenance mode, I'm getting a into a routine for my meals. Every day, I start out with 8-16 ounces of water, and then a proffee, which I have come to look forward to even the night before. My proffees are simply a black coffee with a protein powder added. There are three products that I cycle through: Premier Vanilla, Orgain Vanilla, and Dymatize Vanilla.
      For second breakfast on workdays, I will have a low-fat yogurt with two tablespoons of PBFit and two teaspoons of no sugar added dried cherries. I will have ingested 35-45 grams of protein at this point between the two breakfasts, with 250-285 calories, and about 20 carbs.
      For second breakfast on non-workdays, I will prepare two servings of plain, instant oatmeal with a tablespoon of an olive oil-based spread. This means I will have had 34 grams of protein, 365 calories, and 38 carbs. Non-workdays are when I am being very active with training sessions, so I allow myself more carbohydrate fuel.
      Snacks on any day are always mixed nuts, even when I am travelling. I will have 0.2 cups of a blend that I make myself. It consists of dry roasted peanuts, cashews, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, pistachios, and Brazil nuts. This is 5 grams of protein, 163 calories, and 7 carbs.
      Breakfast and snacks have been the easiest to nail down. Lunch and dinner have more variables, and I prepare enough for leftovers. I concentrate on protein first, and then add vegetables. Typically tempeh, tofu, or Field Roast products with roasted or sautéed vegetables. Today, I will be eating leftovers from last night. Two ounces of tempeh with four ounces of roasted vegetables that consist of red and yellow sweet peppers, sweet potatoes, small purple potatoes, zucchini, and carrots. I will add a tablespoon of olive oil-based spread, break up 3 walnuts to sprinkle of top, and garnish with two tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese. This particular meal will be 19 grams of protein, 377 calories, and 28 grams of carbs. Bear in mind that I do eat more carbs when I am not working, and I focus on ingesting healthy carbs instead of breads/crackers/chips/crisps.
      It's a helluva journey and I'm thankful to be on it!
       
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×