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lawyers, money and my ex (3 kinds of evil)!


loopylou

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Most of you know I am in the process of getting divorced. We are still living in the same house and will be for the next 3 weeks until I finish up my job and move to Sydney. Well today things hit a bit of a snag. Initially when I said I wanted to leave I told hubby I would like $3.60 (amounts have been changed to protect the innocent), but would settle for $3.00 and he agreed. Then when it looked like things were really going to end (I always knew they were but I dont know if hubby did) he secretly went to see a lawyer, and reneged on our agreement, he came back with an offer of $1.80, moving costs and health insurance for a year. I didn't want to fight so I said I would accept $2.10 and the other costs. He had it all drawn up and told me to take it in to another lawyers to get signed. So today I had my appointment and the solicitor refused to sign it as he believed it was unfair (this guy is legal aid so I dont think he is milking the situation) he said he was thinking more along the lines of the original agreement ($3.00). I told all this to hubby as soon as I got out and he has gone beserk!! He said I should have demanded he signed it and then signed another waiver to say I wouldn't sue the lawyer for not doing his job properly (I didn't even know you could do such a thing). He's been crying, throwing things, threatening to throw me out (and the cat on the street) and accusing me of being out for his money. I dont understand it. I didn't ask the lawyer to try for more money, I really wanted him to say it was ok as is and leave it at that. I dont know what to do... I think things are starting to turn nasty and I really dont want that, but I also feel like hubby is trying to blackmail me into sticking with his agreement. He really could do some damage - I wouldn't have anyway to get to work so I could lose my job, I would only be able to take what I could carry so I would have to leave all my stuff behind - I dont care about furniture and stuff, but I have artworks and many many books. I dont want to rip hubby off but I am interested in what my lawyer thinks is fair - is that really so wrong? Hubby is making a song and dance about me reneging on our agreement - but he did the very same thing, and honestly, if my solicitor thought it was fair and signed the agreement I would have too. Any advice???

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Hey Lou,

Go with what your lawyer told you, and ur hubby can't just throw you out, tell your lawyer about that too and he can help you arrange something. When my mom divorced my father she took watever he gave her because she didn't want to make waves. Which was practicly nothing. Do you know what my father said about that? He said she was stupid. He wasn't grateful that she didnt take him for all he had, which she could have done, instead he said she was just stupid. I think that if your lawyer says you deserve more then you do. Your soon to be ex hubby will just have to get over it.

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I don't know about laws over there, but where I am, he could not throw you out. If he does try, would calling the police help?

DOn't let him control the situation, you are entitled to your money and he needs to pay it.

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Not sure about the Laws in Aussieland. However, check with the lawyer and see if he can come up with an agreement of who gets what stuff, and about living arrangements (timeline). Take the solicitors advice. He's probably been through 100's of divorces. Do what is in your best interest. Feelings will get hurt.

Shawn

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I would definitely go with your lawyer's advice, and definitely give him a heads up on your soon to be ex's new attitude and threats.

(((hugs)))

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Loulou,

Please, please, PLEASE keep this in your mind: This is NOT about money. THis is about control and fear and the anger it generates. You've seemed pretty calm sofar, but get ready, you might find yourself feeling some BIG fear and anger of your own.

From my own experience and many, many others I have observed your Ex2b's reaction is COMMON. When told my former husband I wanted a divorce he was his usual calm and silent self. I went out and bought a "Do it Yourself" divorce book and was shocked when I did the calculations (there's a program that comes w/ the book) and he just flat-out refused. I was floored that we ended up with lawyers in court and between us spent over $30,000 in legal fees. (We were just an average-income couple & that was just debt for me.)

My ex was an engineer...Caltech math major, who I believe is half Vulcan. He's about the most unemotional person you could ever meet and yet the divorce brought out a side of him I just would not have BELIEVED existed. And that's just not unusual. My own mothering instinct & instinct for self protection brought out some unpleasant stuff in me also. You would be a very rare person to come out of this unscathed. But when it's over you will have become stronger and smarter and much more empathetic to those struggling with the same issues.

Do what you have to do. Just remember he is afraid on an instinctual level. I doubt logic is going to work here. Be as loving and kind to him as you can (remember you're going to have to look back on your own actions too), but protect yourself.

I'm amazed at the people who go thru a divorce and don't really learn anything. At the very LEAST you can come out of this wiser. That's worth more than cash in the long run.

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be guided by your lawyer i wish i had listened to mine but didn't want to damage is business and while i am comfortable didn't end up living in a penthouse like him i was totally manipulated, you just do what your advised and don't let your heart be the boss

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