Am I Going To Lose Friends Over My Lapband?

[lellow 1,713]

My sister turned out to be the one person who struggled most with my weight loss. She went from being the skinny, beautiful one with the 'fat sister' to suddenly having guys walk right past her to talk to me. Initially I thought, 'well now you know what it's like' but then I realised she didn't ask for this, and it was an adjustment for her too. And no woman likes a blow to her ego, and that they already are thinking that you will be should be taken as a compliment (back-handed or not).

My sister got married on Friday and I was her matron of honour. She put me in a Kermit-coloured shapeless dress because she said 'the bridesmaid cannot look better than the bride'. After initially getting offended, I realised what she was really saying - that she felt like she couldn't compete now I was thinner than her - so on the day, I wore the dress with pride, and was the best damned matron of honour to her that she could have asked for.

Now I can't really 'lose' the friendship of a sister, but I guess I'm saying, see the insecurity from which they say these things, and don't take it to heart. You'll be this new woman, and they too need to adjust to that.

[jennifer1 180]

I got the same comments..even had a friend say she couldn't go out to dinner with me anymore cuz I was gonna be the skinny girl..then she said later on that once I lost all my weight I could take my band out and we could go eat some real food.wth..that's like tell a crack head..oh u have been clean for a year lats go Celebrate and smoke some crack..girl shake yo haters off and keep it moving.

[kll724 3,055]

I got the same comments..even had a friend say she couldn't go out to dinner with me anymore cuz I was gonna be the skinny girl..then she said later on that once I lost all my weight I could take my band out and we could go eat some real food.wth..that's like tell a crack head..oh u have been clean for a year lats go Celebrate and smoke some crack..girl shake yo haters off and keep it moving.

Love your attitude! Karen

[Short and Chunky 230]

NJ2NC- You had your surgery by now and I was wondering how you are feeling. I hope you are doing well and dealing with the gas stuff. Hang in there..in a day or two you will feel great ! Hope all is going well for you and a healthier/skinner you is just around the corner !

Melinda in Jacksonville

[Ready for this change 0]

I was banded December 7, 2011 and I'm already 27 lbs down! You will most definitely lose some people that you may have considered friends! Truth is they were never your REAL friends if they can't support you in this life changing decision. Some may be jealous and some may just be humoring you to make this an easier transition for you! The reality is you made this decision for YOU and not for your friends and family, and although its great to have their support YOU are your number 1 fan! (run on sentence) Lol. The bottom line is your life is about to change and it will change for the better! Congrats to you!!!!

[TracyC 32]

The comments on here have moved me emotionally. The strength it takes to not only make this decision but to also be successful at it is applauded for all of you. Thank you for the inspiration.

[NJ2NC 62]

NJ2NC- You had your surgery by now and I was wondering how you are feeling. I hope you are doing well and dealing with the gas stuff. Hang in there..in a day or two you will feel great ! Hope all is going well for you and a healthier/skinner you is just around the corner !

Melinda in Jacksonville

Yes I did have my surgery Tuesday morning..Day 2 isn't so bad. I haven't had any nausea and very little gas. Soreness is getting better I actually skipped a dose a pain medicine by accident. Guess I really didn't need it lol I'm taking it easy and walking a few times throughout the day, sipping Water and Protein shakes without issue. I feel great and have no regrets. I'm looking forward to a healthier and more active life!

Everyone is so supportive! thanks.

[Grider 92]

I work with close to 100 men and a few women. They gossip just as bad, they have an idea, but my lips are tight. Too many opinions. Some of the ladies talking behind my back, but not speaking to me directly. Oh well,, my life and I will do what I need to to feel better.

[Grider 92]

I hope you feeling good today is 20th and you should be home recouperating. Let us know!

[suzbuni 32]

Yes I heard all the same comments and even more. One of my best friends tried to talk me out of surgery. When, she realized I wasn't changing my mind she said. " well, what am I going to do, I'm not big enough for surgery. How am I suppose to keep up?" She was scared I would be skinny and she would still be over weight.( not by very much). She is good now, but as the weight is dropping off and her is staying the same, I can tell she is not pleased with herself. When I go to the gym and she says. "you need to take me with you, why did you go without me? I need to get in shape!" I replied- I DID call you and ask if you wanted to go, remember? So she said next time make me go. haha. Most of my friends and family have been really supportive. I know it not easy change for some people. It changes their own self preceptions. My sister had WLS in september. Ironically we both had set up our first appointments with the surgeons the same timeframe but didn't know the other sister was doing it. She called me and told be she was thinking about having WLS, and I laughed and told her my appointment with doctor was in two days. She had allready been seeing a nutriutionist for over a year so she got approved and had surgery done within a month of that call. I just had mine done last month. It worked out great because she was there for me when my turn came around. Let me know what worked and didn't work for her. She has always been the heavier the sister. And I have to be honest, It stung a little inside,when she first told me her weight was under mine. So I kind of understand how that feels. But I was am happy for her and how healthy she was becoming. I'm her biggest fan and she is my greatest support! We send photos back and forth and text our new weights to each other. Last time I took a picture of me standing on scale - I had dropped to 218(from 256 highest)lbs. she wrote back. PLEASE , now that you lost all this weight,treat yourself to a pedicure before you send another photo like that. Scary toes!

[suzbuni 32]

Glad you are doing so well. Good Luck.

[Grider 92]

yes how are you!?? its a few days after your scheduled surgery?

[MrsInsanity 4]

I know there are already a ton of comments on this page but I really wanted to share my experiences and thoughts on this. I lost a friend right before my surgery day. The months leading up to my surgery she constantly asked me if I was still going to be her friend after I was thin. I told her of course I would be. I will be the same person, only thinner and healthier and I'll always value your friendship. She eventually stopped replying to text messages, answering my phone calls, etc. She was jealous is all I can think of. She hadn't even gotten to the point yet where she would need to deal with my new body or outlook on health.

I feel as if most comments that are made to me are sarcastic or jealous. Most women that I thought were friends will say things like 'must be nice to just have all that weight melt away.' and lord do I hate correcting everyone all the time by explaining that I work out like a damned fiend and eat very little not to mention the very difficult healthy food choices i constantly battle with. People have asked me if I'm on drugs because of the weight loss and I laugh. I'm open with everyone about my surgery so I just set them straight.

I actually had my sister in law tell me many a cruel comment. Most recently she asked me what size pants I wore. I told her I was in tens and she literally sat and stared at me without saying a word for a good full minute before saying 'i hate you.'

I went from a 20 at my largest to a 10 now and my goal is a 7. I would like to lose another 30 lbs because after those 30 lbs are gone I will be at a healthy bmi. I try to shrug off all of the mean comments and move on. Just know that what's important is your health, your happiness and your will power and willingness to accomplish this. All I want from this journey is to be happy with my body and to nip all health concerns in the butt. I love my band. I struggle and am not always a model bandster but I try hard and I bust my ass doing the insanity workouts 6 days a week sometimes 7. I am determined. =) I wish you the very best. Keep your chin up and your body moving!!!

[NJ2NC 62]

My sister turned out to be the one person who struggled most with my weight loss. She went from being the skinny, beautiful one with the 'fat sister' to suddenly having guys walk right past her to talk to me. Initially I thought, 'well now you know what it's like' but then I realised she didn't ask for this, and it was an adjustment for her too. And no woman likes a blow to her ego, and that they already are thinking that you will be should be taken as a compliment (back-handed or not).

My sister got married on Friday and I was her matron of honour. She put me in a Kermit-coloured shapeless dress because she said 'the bridesmaid cannot look better than the bride'. After initially getting offended, I realised what she was really saying - that she felt like she couldn't compete now I was thinner than her - so on the day, I wore the dress with pride, and was the best damned matron of honour to her that she could have asked for.

Now I can't really 'lose' the friendship of a sister, but I guess I'm saying, see the insecurity from which they say these things, and don't take it to heart. You'll be this new woman, and they too need to adjust to that.

Wow thats beautiful..thanks for sharing your story, you are a great sister.

[NJ2NC 62]

Wow so many similar stories I guess I should wait and see how people adjust and they will see how hard I'm working and be ok with it..if not..OH WELL as you all said if they dont, they weren't really friends.

OK 5 days after surgery I'm doing great I even went to Church today..liquid diet isn't so bad I never actually get the feeling of "hungry" I just drink a shake/water or sip on some Soup when I realize its been a long time since my last drink LOL I get sort of a tightness after I have the creamy Soups I guess that the band telling me I had enough so I stop eating at that point. I am a tiny bit sore but moving around very well. I will try going back to work tomorrow..Luckily I can do my work from a desk and I have a great team!