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Nervous about telling friends/family that I want surgery



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I have thought long and hard and have decided that I want to have the surgery. But I am terrified about what people are going to think. (I know, I shouldn't be) I would love to drive myself to the hospital, have the surgery, and not tell anyone about it! I know that nobody will think it's a bad thing, but I don't want anyone to think I am taking the easy way out. Because this is definitely not the easy way,it is my last resort. Anyone else have this problem before they had surgery? I don't even want to tell my mom, and she is like my best friend! :)

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#1 Sit down and talk about it with your mom. If she tries to talk you out of it or thinks it is the easy way out, be patient with her and educate her. Her love and support will be very important just as it is with everything else. I speak as a mother and as a daughter......and as a bandster :blushing:

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I was very nervous about telling my family and friends, too. I wondered if thought I was taking the easy way out, but the people who really care about me were supportive and understanding. They had questions, but I had educated myself on the procedure and was able to lay out my reasons.

I did not share it with people I work with in general until the procedure was over. There are always gonna be some people who just want you to fail, but those people mean nothing to me in the grand scheme of it all.

I think you will be pleased with the support you will recieve. If someone is negative about the idea, maybe you need to reconsider their place in your life.

There is a woman in the support group I attend who has not told anyone she had the Lap-Band and is still actively hiding it. She has lost next to no weight and is miserable. Like anything in life, we need support to conquer our goals.

Good luck to you and everyone else on this journey!:blushing:

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Congratulations on your decision!! I was banded in February 2009 and have never looked back. However, I too did not want "everyone" to know, so I told only my immediate family (some, not all of them either!! :smile2:) and a few friends that I knew would support me and respect my privacy. Now that I am this far out, I do tell others about my surgery if they ask, especially those that are struggling with weight issues themselves. I stress to all that I WORK at this on a daily basis, it is NOT the easy way out. By making lifestyle changes, better food choices, Portion Control and exercise, I have finally been able to have my life back.

Having said all that, we all need support, it is not easy, some days a just better than others.

Best of luck, let us know how you are doing and by all means, however you decide to chart YOUR journey, it will be the right way for YOU.

Ann :blushing:

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I know how you are feeling and I see that we are close to the same age so I can really relate and to this day, the only people who know that I had surgery are my parents. I remember the day I sat both of them down and told them that I needed to change my life because I saw the road I was headed down. I thought they were going to try to talk me out of it, but they actually did the complete opposite and were proud that I decided to make such a big decision. They saw my struggles and how hard I had tried to lose weight before, so they saw the surgery as a good thing. I did have to educate them though about everything related to the surgery.

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I can so relate. I knew that my family would be supportive but at the time I still kind of saw it as admitting defeat. In reality you are putting yourself on the offense. If at all possible I would consider doing it inperson and having a computer so that you can show them the manufacturers' website. If may help people to understand how the device works. Personally I am visual learner.

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My Mom was the ONLY one I was worried about telling. I think it's because they care about us so much that they are going to automatically be worried that something bad is going to happen. But once I told her about it and gave her a little education on it, she was totally fine. :huh2:

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I was really worried about telling some people in my family. For a long time only my husband and a good friend knew. When I finally told some of my family members they were much more supportive than I thought they would be.

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As for it being the "easy way out." It isn't. It is a way out of obesity, yes. It is also a medically accepted treatment for a disease. What are you supposed to do? Continue to suffer when a possible solution is here? You'll still have to do your part, and it isn't all moonbeams and roses.

If you needed a new kidney, but could live dialysis...and you did not need to wait until you were near death to get it, wouldn't you accept it?

Why do we have to punish ourselves for years and years trying to lose weight when studies show that the majority of the time the lost weight and then some will return?

Should you be miserable for a few more years before reaching out to medical science to help you? Or should you continue traveling down the path to diabetes and heart disease?

I'd grab the chance to stop the disease process now and live longer and happier in the interim!

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I understand where you are coming from. its scarey to put yourself out there. I always tell people this is just another tool I have to help me lose the weight. Its not easy and if your friends and family ever eat with you (and they will) they will see how much you have to now think about every bite. In the beginning I did not want to tell friends or family especially my in laws because they have always been very judgemental people but to my surprise they are my number 2 supporters #1 is my husband. I wish you the best of luck. Keep in mind the more support you have the easier the process can be.

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You all are so wonderful! :thumbup: I am so happy I have found this site. You have all given me a new outlook on the whole situation. I have to stop worrying so much about what other people are going to think. I am doing this for me, and no one else! I know that I will have support, its just a matter of building up the courage to actually tell people!

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You should tell who you want to tell. This is a personal decision. I presonally have only told family and two friends...not exactally close friends but they also have the band and are a good source of support. I personally didnt tell anyone at work and only told extended family because I had to (they were visiting from out of town the week I had my surgery) You will probably be suprised at what your mom will say. Mine was worried but once i showed her info, this site, and a few videos on youtube she felt alot more comfortable. Good Luck with our journey!!! This site is an amazing source of support and knowledge!!!

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My sister, with whom I am very close, has a medical condition called gastro-paresis where her stomach does not empty right. Along with many other medical conditions she has, it causes her great distress. She is also an RN.

When I told her I was having this surgery she was very concerned, and thought I was crazy to have surgery to get a condition where my stomach would not empty normally. She was afraid I'd end up with problems like hers.

But now that I am healthy and she's seen the results, she understands why I did what I did. She still thinks it was a huge risk, based on everything she has been through in her life.

Not everyone will be a huge supporter, for whatever reasons they might have. It doesn't mean they don't care about you. But their opinions are based on their life experiences, not yours. You have to do what is right for you.

I still haven't told my mother-in-law that I had this surgery. She'd just make too big of a fuss over it all. If someone in the family says they have a headache, they get asked about it for weeks on end. Have a cold? Oh boy, the calls don't stop. So, hubby and I decided to just keep quiet and tell her I am watching my diet, which is no lie. I've been at this weight for about eight or nine months now, and she is still commenting on how I look. I cannot imagine the fuss if I told her I'd had surgery.

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HI EVERYONE

I WAS OR AM IN THE SAME BOAT. I FEEL IF PEOPLE KNOW I HAVE HAD THE SURGERY THEY WILL HAVE EXPECTATIONS OF ME THAT I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN FULFIL. I WANT TO GO AT MY PACE NOT SOMEONE ELSES.

I TOLD ONE OF MY SISTERS WHO CAME WITH ME TO THE STATES FOR SURGERY. I GUESS SHE FEELS SPECIAL THAT I CHOSE TO TELL HER AS SHE IS VERY SUPPORTIVE TO MY SUCCESS.:laugh:

I CAN'T THANK EVERYONE ON THIS SITE ENOUGH FOR ALL THE ANSWERED QUESTIONS AND EDUCATION I FIND HERE. CAN'T WAIT TO SHOUT OUT MY GOOD NEWS AS IT COMES ALONG.

ONWARD AND UPWARD!!!!

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I have another question. How do you enter one of these sweet trackers? I would like to track my success with my journey. Please tell me how to go about it. Thanks everyone!!

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