spirit4@rochester.rr.com

In the late 1990 I had an auto accident where 2 disc's were herniated, broken ankle, ribs and shoulder. I went from being a very active mother of 2 to being unable to lift, run, teach dance classes and bike with the family.  Becoming more and more dependant on others, medications and several runs of high steroids were used to decrease pain and inflammation.  I was married to a man who expected the perfect Size 7 trophy wife on his arm. For our 1st Anniversary my husband presented uswith a lifetime membership to the Holiday Health Club.  From the beginning I knew what I looked like was what mattered most to him.  I was in the gym with a trainer no less than 3 days a week.  I remember a few days after given birth to our last child he patted my deflated stomach and told me I needed to get back to the club ASAP.  I teetering on the edge of an eating disorder.  A few years later we divorced.  I became a single mom with 2 young children.  I went back to work but quickly realized my hospice nursing career was over.  I would always have a lifting restriction.  I went back to school and became an ordained Minister.  Spent years, working in the community taking care of others., Pastoring my own church. Taking less care of myself. Skipping meals, then eating on the run, or late at night.  I never returned to the club or gym again.  About 5 years ago I saw myself in a window. I couldn't believe it was me. I got more and more depressed. Never looking in full length mirrors.  Avoiding shopping.  Full dresses and skirts hiding the bitter truth my Size 7 had long been replaced by Size 24's and 26's.   I would diet on and off but without excercise a few pounds off, only to find a few more added later.  This yo-yo pattern continued. Then 2 years ago the 2 disc's in my back which never healed from the accident, slipped out further., they collapsed and curved into my spine. My weight then 272 lbs was taking it's toll, pain kept me flat on the floor. I could crawl to and from the bathroom. Medicated and steroids again and lots of them.  I felt completely hopeless. I was referred to a ortho surgeonwho had a 6 month waiting list.  In the 1st 5 minutes with him, he criticized me about my weight.  I had never had anyone speak to me in a disrespectful manner: his hurtful words wounding my further ended with: "Big girls don't do well with surgery. Loose wait and come back in 6 months" and he would see then if he would consider helping me. In the meantime, he sent me to pain management clinic. For injections in my spine.  I found out that I am allergic most of these.  And without them, there is no way I can exercise until some weight comes off to take the pressureoff my back.  I am diabetic. Steroids raised sugars so high last May I began insulin. This hamster wheel has challenged me beyond belief.  I am over feeling so helpless. I WANT to dance, ride horses, ride my bike, walk with my family again. I have spent too many years waiting....for something to help me help myself. Dec 2009 my Dr told me to check into having a lap band. She sent me to a seminar.  I met my Dr. and for the 1st time I know this is the something I have been waiting for.  Today I weigh 258. Meeting my pre-surgery weight loss goal. I just got insurance approval last week. I am grateful this road block was removed.  Today I have a date for surgery. Mon May 10, 2010. That will be my offical "Re-Birthday".  I have wonderful friends to help out. Some of them have had lap bands, bypass surgery done.  The team is ready....and so am I.  I am ready to begin finding me again.  ~Robin