catfish87

My last band took a lot of fills to get me into the green zone. 8.5cc in a 10 cc band, and when I was leaking, it got up as high as 10cc.
 
With my first band, at 6cc, I couldn't even feel my band. And yet here I am now, at 6cc again with a new band, placed by a different dr, and I feel like I'm in the green zone.
 
Maybe because of my history I keep expecting it to disappear but it's been 4 days since my fill and I still feel like I can't eat more than a couple of poached eggs tops. I actually think it's not swollen or anything anymore, and I'm either at the green zone or close to it.
 
Also my hunger is almost completely gone, which is also another sign for me.
 
After 15 months of my band leaking, this feels almost too good to be true.

Wow I can’t believe yesterday has been one month since I got banded. I am happy to say that I have lost 27 pounds and I feel amazing.
I really didn’t have any plans yesterday I just made me some coffee and use Atkins French Vanilla protein shake as creamer and worked out for 15 minutes until I received a phone call from my Bestie Mandy. She stated that she had a surprise for me. Mandy had tickets to the St. Louis Cardinal game! I was a little bit excited until my fears kicked in.
So what were my fears?
Yesterday I was able it start drinking alcohol but will I be tempted to have a beer or mix drink.
What if I get hungry and Busch Stadium didn’t have 5 week post op friendly food. Unfortunately I did not have time to research their menus and I need a better cell phone.
My least favorite fear was am I ready to do this?

I decided to not shelter myself because I am banded I need to live and learn. Mandy brought her cooler and added 4 bottles of water. At the stadium we found an Asian stir fry place and they had shrimp. I ask the hostess if I can just order a side a shrimp because I am lap band patient but they charge me $10.50 anyway. Mandy didn’t care about the price and paid for it. The cool part about it was they gave me a Large Chinese to go box full of shrimp! We got more than $10.50 worth of shrimp. Mandy stated laughing at me because I got full of 12 pieces of shrimp. She ended up taking the leftover home. It was a great game because the Cardinals won!
After the game me and Mandy met up with our friend Jessica. I haven’t seen Jessica since she came over and made me homemade soup for day one of my 2 post op diet. Jessica complimented me on my lap band success and told me that I look amazing. I have to admit I felt pretty good. We went to our first bar and I had a glass of water with lemon. I wanted to have a drink at the second bar we were at. I was thinking shot of grey goose with water and I was going to add a crystal light packet in it or maybe a beer and let it fizz out for a bit before drinking. I had all these scenarios going through my head and I decided to drink at home first to see how it feels before I drink in public. So water was my drink of choice last night and I was okay with that.
If felt good going out last night and just having fun. I am so bless to have great friends in my life.
Thanks for reading.

I like to think that If someone is in pain I feel Empathy for that person and will do all I can to help. Since being Banded in 09 I've researched allot online and gone to numerous sites that promote forums for the Band. But the Thing that occurs consistently is the Lack of compassion for others If your going through a tough time, or went through it, SHARE your experience, research, or humor ( it goes along way to heal) about that experience. The people needing help don't always know the right thing to do, or questions to ask. Maybe their Doctor wasn't "the Best", and who's to judge? Do any of us really know all their is about our Health care professionals, or about the band? No, I think Not.
 
NO ONE PERSON has ALL the answers to LIFE or surgery
 
Negativity only breeds MORE Negativity. If someone said, you may only post FACTS, your experience is then irrelevant, and Thus, there is No need for forums like this, because we would only be able to view "The Facts" as presented by the manufactures, doctors, scientists, and researchers and then must take that as Fact. I personally believe Life experiences are more fact based at times than anything else but that is just my opinion ( and Yes I know we all have one )
 
Unfortunately, it's not only online that compassion has been lost, society as a whole seems lacking as well.. I guess I'll continue to listen to the little voice inside that keeps saying "If you can't say anything nice Don't say anything at all" Because I don't know everything, ( I've yet to meet someone that does) and I surely don't know what the Other person is going through right now..so I wish them, and You Well......

"You are beautiful. Your beauty, just like your capacity for life, happiness, and success, is immeasurable. Day after day, countless people across the globe get on a scale in search of validation of beauty and social acceptance.
 
Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.
 
It’s true, the scale can only give you a numerical reflection of your relationship with gravity. That’s it. It cannot measure beauty, talent, purpose, life force, possibility, strength, or love. Don’t give the scale more power than it has earned. Take note of the number, then get off the scale and live your life. You are beautiful!”
Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

My brain is my worse enemy! My brain loves to play the second guessing game. I am still trying to understand my band. I am eating every 3 and half hours sometimes 4 hours. How do I know if I am full or satisfied? And why do I have a have a snack around 430pm? Craziness. I know I will get better with time
I went to bed early last night for two reasons: one I was tired because it was my first day back at work and two either my furnace or air conditioning went out. It’s a good thing I have home warranty insurance because I can’t afford anything new right now. I think I was tired yesterday because I did a lot of walking around yesterday at work. My coworker welcomed me back with flowers and I was getting much praise on my weight lost from everyone! I have to say my ego gotten a little big yesterday. I also learn that one of my coworkers got the Lap band 5 years ago yesterday! When she told me I told her I would never guess that. She told me that she had great success with the Lap Band and has been maintaining her weight for years. She shared with me some recipes that she uses and things that she keeps at her desk like back up lunches and snacks.
Now she emails me to check in on me. How amazing is that! I am so glad that I told everyone that I have gotten the Lap Band. Apparently I have opened some doors for people I work with that that were considering getting the Lap Band to go ahead and do it. I feel good about that and I’ve been completely honest with them too. I told them this was a 7 months process for me because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do this or not. It wasn’t like I woke up and decided to get the Lap Band this was some serious soul searching. But that is all I can tell him I am only 2 weeks out. I can’t answer their questions about what food I can eat and what can I tolerate. The only thing I can tell them is everyone is different but I know I will have more stories to tell them.
Oh for those who are wondering if I took my day care kids on a Nature Walk yesterday….. I did and we walked for 15 minutes. They like it and they want to do this every day when they get out of school. How cool is that!
Thanks for reading!

In fact I'm pretty much feeling 100% now. My port incision still hurts a little but that's the extent of my discomfort of late. I'm even back to wearing the jeans that I couldn't quite get into earlier this year. This pic is of me in those very jeans TODAY.
 
I did my post op appt early too, by one week, because I can't make it next week. So I saw my surgeon yesterday, two weeks post band replacement. He was SO pleased with how I was healing, weighed me (I've officially lost 4kgs since he last saw me) and he put 4cc into my 10cc band to 'start me off'. I'm nowhere near my green zone but I'm feeling a tiny bit of restriction and you know what feels amazing? It's NOT disappearing, like it always did with my leak.
 
I'm so hopeful for the future now. I'm not even stressing about getting back to the green zone. I didn't have much to lose to get back to my stable weight of 60kgs but I'm already at 65kgs 2 weeks out of surgery so if I don't lose anymore now, I'd be perfectly happy. As long as I don't have to struggle not to gain, I'd be happy!
 
So regrets? No, not anymore.

I'm not sure why and I'm not sure how, but early on in my life I learned to lie to myself about many things, but most importantly about what I ate. It is one of the things that I am having to unlearn in order for my band to work for me.
 
Today, even though I ate less than anyone at the table, I over ate and I'm not ashamed, I'm not guilty. I made a choice, and went past my soft stop. Yes I was uncomfortable. No, I didn't PB or vomit. No I didn't stretch my pouch or cause my band to slip.
 
But the important part, I am not going to lie to myself about what I did. I am going to log the calories (as best I can), I am going to eat lightly tonight (protein shake) and I am going to go back to my normal eating pattern because if I eat like I did today on a regular basis I won't lose any more weight.

This seems to be a topic that comes up often so I will try to explain all of them and how they happen. Over eating causes your 2-4 ounce pouch to stretch and force food up into your esophagus causing it to dilate. Just because people think that food does not stay in the pouch long that is not true as you get tighter. The food takes longer to go down and eating fast or over eating causes pouch stretching. Band erosion is also caused from over eating. Imagine your band around your stomach and every time you over eat you are forcing your band into the stomach wall. Over a period of time your stomach tissue will wear away and your band will erode into your stomach causing your stomach contents to go into your abdominal cavity which is poison to your system. If you feel like food is backing up into your throat then you are over eating. I know some people eat a cup of food but if you look at most pictures of the band and ask your doctor how much food will my pouch hold not how big is my band, I am sure they will tell you 4 ounces which is a half cup of food. Now the cup to half cup can be debated all day long but the fact is if you over eat which ever that means for you, you are risking your pouch to stretch, dilate your esophagus (which will cause problems pushing the food down) and band erosion.
 
Take your time to eat, don't over eat and take care of your band and yourself so that it can last a long time. Also being too tight can add to much pressure to the band and cause it to erode also. So make wise choices when eating and getting fills.

Well I did it! I am now banded! Yesterday I had the lap band surgery and I don’t know how to feel and I am not going to stress over it. I had to be at the hospital at 530am and I guess my surgery was around 7 then only thing I remember was me being cold. The nursing staff was amazing and they took really took good care of me. There was a lot lap band surgeries going on yesterday. I had a walking buddy name Melissa and we walked around now the hospital floor at least 12 times. My dad is amazing he was off at 8am the morning and was with me the whole time. I was more concerned for him then myself but he was able to catch a few ZZZ while he was there. My best friend Mandy came up to see me and was there until I was discharge at 730pm. My dad stayed with me until Mandy came to my house. Mandy was my unofficial nurse last night. Oh I forgot to mention that my dad went to work last night! I was shock but that is my dad and that is why I love him!
 
Last night was hard because I had a hard time sleeping I thought if I sleep on my couch it would be easier for me. I was so wrong! However I was comfortable in my bed and I slept on my side and had some pillows on my stomach. I just had hard time getting out of bed. I have this fear of if I do too much I will burst my incisions. I am moving around my house hopefully some on of this gas pressure will get release. I feel like I have 5 burps stuck inside me so I am going to keep moving until something comes out. I have a water bottle besides me at all times. Sipping is hard but I think I got the hang of it. This is a slow process. I am not really hungry but I know I need to eat something more like drink something. I meet my surgeon and my primary doctor next week.
Today I will take it move around as much as I can and keep my momentum going!
 
Thanks for reading.

My initial loss with my band was amazing (and a little scary), but the joy of seeing pounds dropping off on a daily basis was truly fantastic. As I was looking at my weight this morning, I noticed that I had only lost 5 pounds during the month of April and was tempted toward the negative by comparing my loss with what I did when I was first banded.
 
Then I started to think about my bike ride on Sunday, 28 miles, 23 miles two days before, Both at speeds that it took me 5 months of work up to last year to be able to sustain for 15 miles.
I thought about my spin class and the progress I have made during it, where I had to stop and rest halfway through when I first started.
I thought about the fact that it is time to go shopping for clothes again because my pants are starting to bunch at the waist when I tighten my belt enough to hold them up.
I thought about the fact that I am down to one belt because I haven't punched holes in the other two.
I thought about the fact that the fat percentage on my scale hit a new low number this morning.
I thought about all the weight that I lost on WW, and how 5 pounds in a month would have been a cause for celebration.
 
Yup, the low hanging fruit of my band journey is all gone, but that's ok I burn more calories when I have to climb the branches to reach the higher fruit.
 
Father God, please help me to remain thankful for all that you have given me instead of focusing on what I don't have...

I am at peace


What can I say… I have accepted the fact that of me doing this pre op diet. Today is 4 day and I am at peace. I have lost 3 pounds and is ready to lose some more. I am more mentally prepared than ever and I just want to have my surgery and move on. I AM THE POINT OF NO RETURN! J I am looking forward to my ups and downs of being banded. So I wrote down my unofficial Top 10 things I look forward to being banded and I would like to share with everyone.
10. Crossing my legs
9. Finding an athletic hobby
8. Asking for a go box
7. Walking a 5K
6. Getting back into the dating scene
5. Cutting my grocery budget in half
4. Shopping for new clothes
3. Outlasting the day care kids at my second job
2. Reintroducing myself.
1. Standing in the mirror and telling myself….. DAMN I LOOK GOOD.
Not bad right? My momentum is still going and I am feeling good.
Thanks you for reading.

For now anyhow, had my second appointment were we decided that I didn't need a fill. Steady weight loss (Of course not as fast as I would like), 3-4 hours of satiety (Depending on if I stay away from simple carbs and focus on protein). Can pretty much eat anything, but have to be careful and have had a few stuck episodes in the last month when I wasn't.
 
It is kind of a bittersweet place to be, the green zone is this magical fairy land that is held out to us from the time we are banded, and yet here I am. I still wrestle with eating too fast, I still am plagued by head hunger, I still have to exercise, I still have weight to lose, I still get plateaued.
 
WAIT A MINUTE, YOU MEAN I STILL HAVE TO WORK AT MY WEIGHT LOSS, I THOUGHT THE BAND WAS MAGIC!!! I WANT MY MONEY BACK!

At least for a little while. Went out to breakfast with a friend, ordered off of the menu with no substitutions (scrambled eggs with veggies and feta), enjoyed a nice conversation, took small bites, ate slowly, sipped my coffee a couple of times and when I was no longer hungry piled my plates up and pushed them away. I ate about 2/3 of my eggs, 1/4 of my potatoes and half a slice of dry toast. AND I WAS FINE WITH THAT!
 
Now, that wasn't say that the head hunger voices weren't screaming in the background about wasting food, about how good it tasted, about taking just one more bite. They weren't as loud as they usually are, I just checked and made sure that I wasn't hungry (Satiated), and dismissed them.
 
There is hope...

I remember during my undergrad studies in Psychology reading a paper that talked about people who were addicted to gambling and a peculiar memory trait that only allowed them to remember the times that they won. This caused them to constantly misjudge the odds when placing a bet, because the were overly optimistic about their chances.
 
I think that we who are fat have a similar trait, but in reverse. We only remember the times that we have failed in our journey to be fit, and so when there is temptation, when there are rough spots we err by forgetting all the scale victories, all the nsvs, all the times that we beat temptation and made a right choice and we only remember the times when we failed. So we believe that failure is inevitable and give in.
 
Today has been a hard day for me, I am experiencing a bit of bandster hell, combined with a generous portion of head hunger and emotional eating and the only thing I can think about is why bother, I am just going to fail anyhow. No, I haven't given in to those voices, but I have had one NSV after another this last week, I am within 4 pounds being at the lowest weight I have been at since I was a freshman in high school, and yet my failures are the memories parade before me today.
 
One of the things that the people of the Old Testament did when God did something spectacular in their lives was they built a marker, a pile of stones to remind them of the victory that had happened in that place. I think I need to start building some markers in my life so that I can concentrate on the victories, and not the defeats.

So two days ago I got really disappointed in myself, because I did something I shouldn't have. That night I said a long pray and God answered it for me. The very next day I got my head into the game and I'm proud to say I have been to the gym two days in a row. And today alone I did a mile and a half on the traidmill and a half mile on the eliptical. Go Team Me!

When I'm smaller. Instead of worrying about laying in an uncomfortable position to make sure my rolls, chins, big boobs, and other things don't create unwanted tan lines. I can't wait until I am able to just lay down and not worry about it. This is just one of my many non scale victories.
 
Tomorrow I am going to start swimming laps, and walking or biking to work. And Ty is going to start walking home from work to get in his 30+ minutes of exercise for the day. I just need it to be the end of the month.
 
Happy losing everyone! Have a great week!
 
Shelley

This morning I did my norm morning routine. Got up pottied and got on the scale before dressing (TMI I know, but it is always best to weigh in you birthday suit). The hubs walks in and hugs me and says "geez I can reach my elbows when I wrap my arms around you". Then he said "I'm proud of you babe, but don't get so skinny I have to shake the sheets to find ya".
 
For those who don't know my husband is visually impaired. His vision is 20/800 - legally blind since birth. Granted he is well educated graduated with honors with a degree in computer science and is a well respected software engineer. He just can't see very well. So it's always been the running joke that he feel for me because I was large print (he always replied to that with you said that not me). Now he is joking saying I am getting so small he won't be able to see me anymore.
 
The joking is all in fun- he is very supportive of my weight loss journey and is helping me leaps and bounds.
 
But I must say it would be nice for him to have to shake the sheets to find me

3 little letters...
 
F...A...T...
 
FAT...
 
Something I have carried with me my whole life, something I have been called my whole life, something I have felt my whole life...
 
Something I am ready to let go of.
 
 
I have always struggled with my weight. I was never the kid that felt confident at gatherings or at school. I was teased...badly. There have been so many times that I have cried because of my weight, whether it be due to someones cruel comments, or because it has inhibited my life. Even as an adult, I have been struggling.
 
It is time to let go and be the person I always wanted to be...
 
I can't wait to be the girl who stops to look in the mirror twice because I don't believe the reflection is me. To be just "one of the girls" in a photo, instead of the "fat friend". To deal with my "inner fat child" demons and live a healthy life.
 
I am going to start my pre-op diet on the 14th. Once that day comes, there is no turning back...
 
I pray this momentum and desire carries me through this journey...
 
Cheers to a new me!