adamsmom

Thank you, Band Groupie. Puttng my self on the list is a daily challenge, but I'm getting better

So, after much soul-searching, I made the decision in October, 2008 to pursue weight loss surgery. I already knew that I did not want gastric bypass. I kind of like having my internal organs the way God made them, thank you very much! The Lap Band seemed less scary and a compromise I would be willing to accept, even though it would mean living with a foreign object inside of my body for the rest of my life. Everybody has to come to their own informed decision for their reasons for choosing one procedure over another, and I equally respect bypass and band patients who have their personal reasons for the going with choices they have made.

I scoured the Internet and read practically everything on the World Wide Web that has anything to do with weight loss surgery. I Googled “Bariatric surgeons, Sacramento area” and found Dr. Waldrep’s name, among several other local surgeons. Through Obesityhelp.com, and some other sites, I was able to read patient accounts of their experiences with the various bariatric surgeons. The countless glowing reports about Dr. Waldrep outnumbered those of every doctor in the Sacramento Valley and the Bay Area. After attending the Group Consultation meeting, I was convinced unequivocally, that I could trust Dr. Waldrep to cut my belly open on an operating table.

I had to change medical groups and sever ties with my PCP of sixteen years, so that I could get a new Sutter PCP who could get me the referral I wanted with Dr. Waldrep. This required additional research because I needed to select a PCP that I could stay with for a very long time. The SALSA team were wonderful, gracious, helpful and informative. I sailed through the pre-op process in record speed, so I am told, and had finally made it to this day when I would make one more effort for a chance at thinness, better health, an improved self-esteem, and the myriad of other reasons why all of us find ourselves succumbing to drastic surgical measures in pursuit of the otherwise unobtainable.

Throughout my journey, one recurring theme that surfaces above many of the others is that the band is only a weight loss tool, and not a panacea for weight loss. Even though I was a little disappointed that it wouldn’t be as simple as having the device implanted, and voila!, the weight would melt away with no effort on my part, I knew in my heart that in order for the Lap Band to work, I would have to work it. It would mean changing how I do a lot of things, most importantly, it would mean rearranging my priorities by “putting my self on the list”, as Wynona Judd says in her Alli commercials. Perhaps this is why I was compelled to reflect upon the past 15 years the night before my surgery. By doing so, I could take an honest look at how I had allowed myself to get to this state, and perhaps this time, I could enjoy permanent success and say goodbye to each and every one of those extra pounds forever.

Our children’s care giver arrived at 7:00, and finished getting the kids ready for school. I held my sweet boys tightly, kissed them both goodbye, and wished them a great day. They had been told that mommy had a doctor’s appointment today and she might not be home at the usual time. My husband and I decided not to tell our boys about the surgery because they are both extremely anxious about anything to do with hospitals or medical procedures. A part of me wanted to change my mind and be truthful about what I was about to do today, but their need for peace and calmness will always be greater than mine. The boys left for school, oblivious to my secret, but leaving me enough time to pour a deep, hot, swirling bubble bath, a small luxury I normally keep for the end of the day before I go to bed. Knowing that I would not be able to submerge my body in water for an entire week, I allowed myself this last indulgence one last time before surgery.

The surgery was uneventful and a complete success. I came home later that evening, told my children that I had a little operation on my tummy, and then I went to bed. My older one went with his dad to a medical appointment, and my little one climbed up on my bed next to me and read his Goosebumps book out loud. Only six days out, I have already lost eight pounds and I feel great! I even surprised myself by attending SALSA’s Gastric Band Support Group on Saturday. I have begun to work in daily exercise and I’m following the rules. My children know that Mommy will be taking “Me Time” from now on, and they accept that. My husband, who has been my rock, and has always loved and supported me no matter how much I weighed, continues to offer his full support as I embark upon this adventure. Being on the “other side” will be a learning curve for a while. I was never a protein shake drinker, and I’m learning how to eat all over again. I’m not so naive as to think it will all be smooth sailing, but for the first time in years, I have hope that this time, this weight loss effort will work.

We returned from our trip to Barbados in early January. Messages on our home answering machine from our son’s geneticist asked us to return her urgent calls. Our son had undergone a plethora of genetic testing before we’d left for our trip, and an abnormal 11th chromosome was identified in his genetic material. I was now 13 weeks pregnant with my second child, and had to see a prenatal geneticist immediately to get my unborn child tested. Doctors were suggesting that I consider terminating my pregnancy. I didn’t think I could cope with the stress anymore. My weight began to soar again. Even though my baby’s genetic testing came back all normal, I stayed on edge for the balance of the pregnancy. I just waited for the next shoe to drop. Pre-eclampsia developed by the fifth month, and I was hospitalized once because it got so bad. My new baby was born on the 4th of July of 2000, and I was again 100 pounds heavier than the day I got pregnant.

This birth was also a nightmare. Isaac was born with bruises all over his body, and wherever the nurse wiped him dry, he broke out in another bruise. A blood test determined that his platelet count was dangerously low and that he would need a transfusion immediately. He was unceremoniously whisked off to NICU, where he stayed for the next few days. More testing of my husband and me showed that I lack a certain protein in my blood—very rare and not routinely tested. My body created antibodies that attacked my unborn child, which almost killed him. I told my doctor I felt depressed—I thought I could use some counseling; she said I had the baby blues, so I never revisited the idea again; I just ate a bag of cookies instead.

One week after my son was born; I re-joined Weight Watchers, for at least the 10th time. Over the years, I continued to join and re-join Weight Watchers more times than I can count. I also tried Nutri System, Jenny Craig, Ediets, and many more diets. I’d lose a little; gain it all back and more. And thus the cycle continued. When my son turned 6 months old, I noticed odd behaviors. By now, a veteran parent of an autistic child, I was quick to notice the signs, and pushed to get him assessed. Most worst fears were realized: Isaac was also on the autistic spectrum and suffered from a mild seizure disorder as well!

I pushed hard in my career, possibly as a way to escape the grief of having my dreams for my children stripped away from me before they were really even born. In my work, I was now training and coaching teachers for my school district. In the summer, I trained teachers from other school districts for the County Office of Education. Always a learner, I again decided to go back to school and earn an administrative credential. I pressed ahead, working in a highly demanding job, raising two special needs children, and going to school on nights and weekends. Overtime, I developed arthritis in my knees and asthma. I suffered from terrible back pain, and headaches and my hormones had gone awry. A year-and-a-half-ago, when I had to get a breast lump surgically removed, I finally developed hypertension. Not surprisingly, I was permanently exhausted. It doesn’t take rocket science to see where my health was headed because of my weight.

The stress in life my never subsided. Since the birth of my first child, it has been one stressful event followed by another, with never enough time for me to fully process what just happened before the next stressful event occurred. My older boy had his heart defect repaired in 2004, and did exceptionally well; he struggles in school, but demonstrates a work ethic that could stand as an example to many adults I know. Last summer, he became a Bar Mitzvah, and humbled the congregation of more than 200 family and friends with his poise and command of Hebrew and Judaism. My younger son, because of very early interventions, has overcome most of his autistic tendencies and outgrown his seizure disorder. He is currently at the top of his 3rd grade class in all academic subjects, and will be recommended for the Gifted and Talented Education (GATE) program next year. After working for nineteen years to build my career in one local school district, I had to make the hard decision to resign from my position and take a job with a 30 mile commute. My husband and I have fought hard and relentlessly with the schools to get the appropriate special education services in place for our sons; however, we finally reached a point where we had no choice but to hire an attorney. As an aspiring administrator in the same school district that my children attend school, I knew I could not stay on any longer as I was about to sue my employer in order to get my kids the services they need. I have been in my current position with my new school district for 18 months, but the transition and pressure to perform for a new employer has taken a huge serving of what’s left of my inner strength. The stress won’t ever go away, but I have finally decided to make sure that I take care of my needs someway, somehow. Continuing at my pre-op physical condition is no longer an option if I am going to live long enough to see my children grow up.

It took me years to come to the decision to have weight loss surgery—countless diets, punctuated by regaining the little bit of weight I’d lose, plus a few more pounds, added up to my coming to the realization that the small weight loss successes I did realize were fleeting, temporary, and left me feeling like an even bigger failure than before. For me, diets didn’t work. Like the majority of obese people I know, I am not stupid or lazy. I understand about nutrition and exercise. I have succeeded in absolutely everything I have set my mind to in life. Everything that is, except for maintaining a healthy weight.

The alarm sounded at 5:30 on the morning of January 13th, 2009. My husband leaned over to silence the buzzer, and then he turned and kissed my cheek. “Wake up, Honey. Today’s your big day.” No need to wake me up. I’d been lying wide awake since 4:00, and had only slept fitfully throughout the night in anticipation of this day. Sleep? Who can sleep on the night before surgery? And this wasn’t just any surgery. This was Lap Band surgery! This day, I would “cross over to the other side”—a term I had learned from lurking on weight loss forums. Sleep was the very last thing on my mind! Instead, a variety of surgery scenarios floated through my head: how much would it hurt? How long would the pain last? Would it be successful? These and other questions helped cause my lack of sleep, but dispersed in between the thoughts of how my surgery would play out were floods of memories. My mind forced me to relive snippets of the last fifteen years. Memories bounded back to me in random snapshots, with no respect for chronological sequence—just bits and pieces of events in my life that I could identify as times when I experienced the significant weight gains and losses that put me in a position today where I was facing bariatric surgery.

I was married in the summer of 1993, and worked fulltime as a middle school English and reading teacher. I routinely beat myself up about being about 30 pounds overweight, but I was no where morbidly obese. By April of 1994, I was pregnant with our first child. This is when the first big weight piled on. I was sick with bad headaches every day of my pregnancy and developed pre-eclampsia. I gained 100 pounds by the time my son was born, and had a horrific birth, which resulted in an emergency cesarean to save both of our lives. Juggling the responsibilities of a fulltime work, and handling a tough pregnancy, and now a sickly child, who never slept through the night until way past his fourth birthday took its toll on me. However, with lots of determination and hard work, I took off 118 pounds within about 2 years.

Our son was always ill, hardly ate, and was not meeting his developmental milestones. He was clingy and lived with permanent dark circles around his gaunt, sunken eyes. At 18 months, he had surgery to repair bilateral hernias. While in surgery, the anesthesiologist noticed that our son had a suspicious heart murmur. Subsequent visits to a pediatric cardiologist confirmed that he had a heart defect that would need to be repaired if he could ever gain enough weight to endure heart surgery. When he turned three and still could not speak intelligibly, we had him assessed by the school district and a pediatric neurologist. The word, “autism” was thrown around by the professionals, but we did not get a definitive diagnosis until he was at least five years old. The strain of caring for our child wore me down. I was permanently sleep-deprived, and constantly worried about his health. Additionally, I had decided to go back to school to work on a master’s degree, plus I continued to work fulltime. The weight began to creep back on. Looking back, I realize now that I was probably clinically depressed. No one ever suggested that I seek therapy, and I was too overwhelmed at the time to realize that I could probably use it. I was putting the needs of my child and my job first, leaving no time or energy to take care of me; hence, I continued to gain weight.

I completed all of my course work for my master’s degree in the spring of 1999. I discovered I was pregnant with our second child in October of the same year; on December 15th, I turned in my thesis, thus completing all of my requirements to receive my diploma. And that same night, my husband, son, and I boarded a plane for two gloriously, tranquil weeks with my family in Barbados. I spent my time relaxing on the beach every day, and reading all four of Maya Angelou’s autobiographies. Each book was better than the last. Angelou impressed me with her indomitable strength and spirit to overcome all kinds of adversity. I thought I would like to have her strength; she was an example to me of the kind of woman I would want to be. Before long, I learned that I would have to summon some of Angelou’s strength to get me through the next challenge.

So, I am almost there. It's weird to think this time tomorrow, I will have had THEE SURGERY! I met by BF for coffee on Saturday morning and had my bagel--the last one ever perhaps? My son took us out for Chinese food on Friday night. As I sampled the different dishes we ordred I studied the texture of each in my mouth and wondered if I would ever again be able to eat sesame chicken or foil-wrapped chicken. WHat about chow mein or rice? The filet of sole in black bean sauce would seem soft enough. Then I thought it was weird that I had never had to do that before, but would probably be sdoing that a lot in the near future.

My DH went grocery shopping. I reminded him not to buy as much of our regular staples because I would not be eating those for a while. He looked surprised--It made me realize that this will be a family event, not just something that's happening to me!

When DH cooked chicken for dinner, I reminded him, not to cook for me. I would be having creamy broccoli soup for dinner (blahhhh). The two-day liquid diet has been tough--I feel weak and shaky, but I'm trying not to be a wuss because so many others have to do this for 2 or 3 weeks. I can manage! The broccoli soup was all I could do to gag down. Yesterday and today has been a potporri of creamy soups, shakes, water, jello, and pudding. Something solid would be great. The hunger is painful at times. I know this is a means to an end, but the hunger pangs are tough.

I am ready for this change, though, and and proud of the amazing gift I am givingto myself. Don't get me wrong: I know I will have struggles along the way and that I may even have complications, but I know I'm doing the right thing by myself and by my family because they will have a stronger, healthier mom, wife, daughter, friend.

If anyone out there reads this entry this evening, or before 12 noon Pacific Standard Time, please send good vibes my way for an uneventful procedure and a speedy recovey. If you read it after, maybe, I'll have added an update. I am proud to moving onto the next exciting phase of my life.

So, I haven't posted in a while, but that doesn't mean life hasn't been hectic. For starters, my almost 14 year old son, who's autistic, has been suffering from depression--all about adjusting to middle school--it has taken its toll on our lives at home. My DH was home on Tuesday with abdominal pain--probably sympathy pain for mine coming up. I had my pre-op and had to tell my boss that I will be out for a while with hernia surgery. A student at my school was killed in a car accident; his dad is in critical condition and the older brother is injured too. He was a sweet child, and just 3 days older than my youngest child. I have cried for this little soul.

Met my surgeon at the pre-op. Dr. Waldrep has those bedroom eyes--he's definitely eye candy, that's for sure. But also professional, and as my friend reminded me today--a zero death rate with is patients. That's always a plus!!! He's done loads of WLS and knows his stuff. Has a great sense of humor and treats people like intelligent individuals. I know I'll be in good hands on Tuesday at noon when I go under for the procedure!

He will be using the smaller one of the two Lap Bands on me as he thinks it will work better with my body frame. I am not exactly on a pre-op diet, but I have been cutting back and was completely and utterly surprized to discover that I'd lost 4 pounds since my last visit back in December. How the hell that happened is a mystery to me--after all the holiday goodies I consumed! Go figure: I try like hell to lose weight and I can't, I dont try, and it comes off like nothing. I'll never figure that one out.

So in preparation for my big day, I have been doing a bit of shopping: gas-x strips, liquid tylenol, creamy soups, jello, and I ordered the Unjury protein powders off the internet. I got one of each flavor: chicken soup, chocolate, vanilla, strawberry sorbet, and unflavored. I tried the strawberry in a glass of water and it was pretty good once I got past the smell--a bit of a yucky smell, but I can handle it OK. My son is taking us out to dinner this evening--my last Chinese meal for a real long time. So, I'm glad the protein shakes taste good because I'll be missing my Chienes food for sure. The shakes are 20 grams of protein each, and can be consumed in all phases of pre and post op diets.

Yesterday., Iwent to pharmacy and picked up my post-op medication--a liqud loratab--like vicodin and an antibiotic capsule that looks bigger than what i thought I could take. We'll see. Well that's all for now. Thank God it's Friday!

Ok, so I went through all the pre-op stuff, and I guess it went pretty quickly. Shiela, who coordinates patient surgeries at my surgeon's office says I should teach the clinic on how to get through the pre-op process fast. I completed my psych eval yesterday, and the doctor came to the conclusion that I am sane and a good candidate for a Lap Band. I could have told him the same and it would have saved my insurance heaps of dough! Anyway, I had my interview with the nice guy and filled out 2 questionairres: one had 165 questions and the other had probably less than 20. Mt PCP faxed over the medical clearance, and I got the call today that I have successfully jumped through all of their hoops and am therefore "Band worthy". My pre-op will be next Tuesday, the 7th and my surgery date is the 13th! Holy &%*! I am both excited and nervous, plus amazed that it went so quickly!

So the next big obstacle is getting this past my boss---she's a workaholic and very high strung. In 30 years as an educator, she has saved 300 sick days and almost always works on weekends for no pay! I am her vice principal and I know she will totally have a cow when she hears I will have to be off for about a week to recover from "hernia surgery". If I tell her I'm having something elective like this, she will surely have a cow and then kittens too! SO my plan is to go back to work next week (the 5th) and tell her I had tons of heartburn during the winter break and the doctor thinks I have a hiatial hernia. I have to meet with a surgeon on wednesday. Then , I'll come back to school on Thursday and tell her I'm having surgery the folloing Tuesday. SOrry, it can't wait; must be done, blah, blah, etc, etc. I hate to lie, but I feel I have no choice.

This morning is the first day of my winter break! My body sooooooo wanted to sleep in, which I was able to do to a certain extent. But, I had to be at my medical office to do lab work by 8:30 this morning. The blood work is a bit annoying because I already had it done last month, but they wanted a pregnancy test too. AS IF!!! I also had to pee in a cup for some other tests. Then off I went to Sutter Roseville Hospital, a fair commute from Elk Grove. I had to attend the group support meeting, another prerequisite before I get to have thee consult with Dr. Waldrep. This was their first gastric band only support meeting. Until today, they had bypass and band patients in the same group, but the bandsters complained that many of the topics didn't apply to them so it they started this group today. There were a combination of pre and post-op patients--mostly post-op. There was one woman who'd lost 95 pounds since her surgery a year ago and one guy who'd lost 60 pounds since his surgery about 5 months ago. Pretty much everyone else was a struggling bandster, with not much weight loss. This was discouraging.

I was interested to learn that this practice (SALSA) is now seriously considering doing first fills one-week post-op! This was a new one on me. ALso, there are very few patients who have to do the pre-op diet, and the post-op diet has very few restrictions: clear fluids on day one, full fluids on day 2, pureed foods on day 3, mushies on day four, and regular food thereafter! I have read lots of blogs and forum postings and never heard of any clinic doing it like this.

I also talked to my mom, via Skype this evening as I do most evenings. SHe lives overseas, so it's a great way to talk and see each other in real time. I only told her this week that I am planning to get the Lap Band because I didn;t know how she'd react. I was pleasantly surprized to to see that she's very happy for me and all for it. I have her full support and that means a lot. :biggrin:

So, yesterday I drove all the way from my job in Stockton to my surgeon's seminar in Roseville--that was about a 90 minute drive in busy traffic. Dr. Waldrep is very informative and didn't make people feel like they asked stupid questions even when they did. He showed videos of band surgery and also explained bypass. The room was a mix of prospective bypass, band, and undecided patients. A woman there was supporting her husband; she was a former bypass patient of Dr. Waldrep's 'she'd lost 185 pounds. SHe told her story and that she had just run the California International Marathon 2 weeks ago--very inspirational. When we were leaving, I ended up being on the same elevator with her and thanked her for sharing. It was a long walk to the parking lot. She said to me, "Remember how you feel walking right now, and don't ever forget how this feels to you." I said, "I'd like to forget it right now." And she said, "But don't you ever forget. A year from now when you're thin, remember this walk so you'll never go back." Those words will probably stay with me a very long time.

Dr. Waldrep's staff are also very efficient. I'm a bit annoyed because I have to redo blood work I just had done last month because they have a lab slip with all the blood tests and urine tests, etc, preprinted. What a waste of time to have a pregnancy test. For crying out loud! I'm 45 years old, the lining of my uterus was burned away in a uterine ablation and my husband's had a vascectomy. If I'm pregnant, that would indeed be a sign from God! This end of things is a bit conveyer belt -ish, but I guess it's their way of making sure everything is done. They have a very extensive website at www.salsa.md/

We began the meeting by getting weighed on a fancy machine--gave all sorts of body fat analysis reports and other inforamtion to make you want to cringe. Then they took the humiliating "before" picture" front and side views--not pleasant. I envisioned myself a year or two from now, with my "after" picture--me all made over, with a new hairdo, cute clothes, make-up, and high heels. My before and afters in a magazine or commercial for Lap Band. More likely, though, in my wallet as a reminder of where I was and how far I'd come. I weighed 2 pounds less than last week when I was at my doctor's. I don't think I necessarily lost weight as much as this is a kinder scale.

So to date I have done my EKG--a non-eventful experience at my PCP--healthy heart :biggrin: Psych eval is on the 29th; nutrition eval is on the 23rd; I will get my new lab work and chest x-ray during Winter break, and my mandatory group support meeting, which is on Saturday. After that, I will be ready for my one-on-one with THE DOCTOR:biggrin:. Only a matter of weeks now before I get my surgery.

December 5th, 2008

So a lot went on this week: I now have my appointment for my EKG on the 11th--that's Thursday. I have my group appointment and chect x-ray on the 15th--the following Monday. My dietician appointment is on the 23rd, and my psych eval is n the 29th. All that will be left to do will be my one-on-one consult and then schedule the surgery. Quite honestly, I never expected things to go this quickly. I switched PCP in October, which went in to effect on November 1st. I saw my new PCP on Nov 11. and now I'mthis far along already. I am now beginning to think that my surgery will be scheduled sooner than I can take time off work to get it done. This is not a good time to be taking time of for "elective surgery". I must wait until school is out for spring break. With the current budget crisis, people are losing thier jobs right and left. I want to keep mine and not piss anyone off. ANyway, this has moved bvery quickly. If anyone's interested, my health insurance is with HealthNet HMO. :thumbup:

Met with my BF for coffee and a bagel this morning--as we have done for more than a decade. Decided to tell her that I was going forward with the surgery. I have insurance approvals for everything but the surgery so far: group health education, psych eval, dietician consult, surgeon's consult. Blood work is done, and the EKG will take place on the 11th. She was pleased. I was surprized. She said she wished she had the courage to do it too. She also said that my mother had said she hoped I would "do something" afetr I casually mentioned it a couple of months ago. Good to know I will have mum's support too. I've not told her because I thought she'd be against it too. I'm kinda of wondering though: my approvals mentioned above, give me until about mid-January to get done. If I jump all these hoops with flying colors, then presumably I'll be eligible for surgery by the end of January. I thought the process would take longer and was planning to get the surgery during summer vacation. If I could get it sooner, then WOW!:thumbup:

SO, I am on this journey of weight loss--have been for more years than I wish to remember. I think I was first conscious of my weight when my horrible aunt Miriam told me I was fat at the age of 9. I was not fat, I just wasn't emaciated looking like her daughters. I dieted through my entire teenage years to stay at 115 lbs and thought I was fat then. I emigrated to America from England at the age of 17 and began to gain weight. Maybe I was depressed about leaving my friends and everything I knew about home. Maybe I couldn't adjust my eating to a more sedentary lifestyle in America--always traveling by car instead of by foot. Eating lots of unhealthy processed foods intead of foods cooked by scratch. Whatever the reason, I began gaining--added a good 20 pounds in my frst year. Through college, the pounds crept on. At 160 pounds, I cried and joined weight watchers for the first time. From that point on I gained and lost, gained it back and then some. Did WW, Nutri System, Jenny Craig, all the others. Got married in 1993, weighing 175. Had my first child in 1995 and had ballooned up to 292 by the time I came home from the hosptial. Lost the 1st 52 pounds by myself, then joined WW again and eventually lost another 66 pounds to get down into the 180's, but the weight crept back on. When I got pregnant with my 2nd child, I was back up to 205. I had struggled with discovering my 1st child is autistic, has a heart condition, is borderline mentally retarded. and has a host of other problems. Stress was my middle name. 2nd child came along in 2000 on July 4th. He too had major health problems at birth and I left the hosptal after having him, weighing 285. After 8 years of trying WW more times than I can count and not getting any lower than 255, I am now back up to 286 and know this weight isn't going to go anywhere.

6 months ago if you had suggested weight loss surgery to me I would have given a resounding NO. I know a few people who'd had gastric bypass and they are now dead or have horrible side effects. I watched AL Roker seem to gain back some of his weight after his public WLS. I read Carne Wilson's books--this was not for me. Then I saw a TV commerical about the lapband and decide to read up. I became more interested and made up my mind to get a lapband in OCtober. I have been working towards that goal ever since. First, I researched surgeons in my area and found that the only one covered by my medical group will only do surgery in a hosptial where I'd had surgery before. The nursing staff were awful and I didn't by choice want to be at their mercy again. In order to get the surgeon with the best reputation, at the hospital with the best reputation, I had to change medical groups and my PCP--I had been with the same PCP for almost 20 years. This will also mean that I have to give up the gynecologist whom I've been with for 15 years and my breast surgeon. Added to the sacrifice is that the first hospital and surgeon are 15 minutes away from my house, the new ones are over an hour away. Add to that that I already work 30 minutes away from home in the opposite direction, I will have some long commutes to make my appointments. But this is the biggest health decision I have ever made in my life and I want to get it right the first time.

My change in PCP was not in effect until November 1st, but I had an appointment on the 11th, and got my referral to the surgeon of my choice. I am going for the group seminar on December 15th, and just got insurance approvals in the mail today for my psych eval and dietician consult. Things are moving right along. I am so jazzed about this, I wish it could have been done yesterday! Realistically, I should be able to get the surgery the 1st week in June as I will have completed all of my requirements by then and school will be out for the summer (I am a vice principal). Ambitiously, however, I could possibly get the surgery in March because I geta 2-week spring break and I could possibly have all of my requirements done by then, too.

It was kinda weird yesterday--Thanksgiving. It was at my house and we had all this food. My best frind and her family was there, along with a cousin she just found on the Internet--she never knew this cousin existed. Her cousin has he same first name and she came with her husband. SO we're at my house for thanksgiving, a long standing tradition--and we have way more food than the 9 people present need. There's me--almost 300 lbs, my husband--skinny, though says he could lose 10, my firend--probably in the 230s-240s, her husband--bit of a beer gut and just found out he's pre-diabetic, so trying to watch his sugar as he piles on more cranberry relish--my friend's cousin--bigger than me by a god 20-30 pounds, and her husband, the biggest human being I have ever seen in person! I'm not kidding when I say this guy is probably in excess of 500 pounds! I hope I was surreptitious enough when I watched how he moved from place to place in the house, the effort it took for him to get up from a chair, the fear that he would break a kitchen chair when it disappeared underneath him. I was both fascinated and sympathetic. If I feel depressed about my weight, how must he feel? How does his size affect his life negatively? How did he get to be this size? Did he stress out about meeting us, wondering if we would judge him? Could I possibly get that big if I don't do something drastic? At one point in the evening, he and his wife rationalized th amount of food he was thowing down because this was his "last Hurrah" before he started a diet. How many time Ihave I said that? Here I am secretly trying to practice chewing my food to a pulp, and taking small bites and there's this other guy across from me having one of several last hurrahhs! Here I am thinking, I'll never be able to eat like this next Thanksgiving, and this guy is complaining that the dessert plates I put out weren't big enough to fit the wedge of cake he'd cut for himself. There were 4 people in my house that qualify for WLS at dinner yesterday, I am the only one going for it--I don'y discuss it with my best friend because she's very negative about it. Fortunately, I have a very supportive husband who would love me if I weight 85 or 885, but wants me to be happy and healthy and is supporting my decision for WLS>