BlessedMomma91

Hey,
I'm about 6 months out from my sleeve. I've lost about 90lbs from my surgery date. I have been working out and eating my best. However, my life has changed dramatically in the last 2 months. So it was already difficult to find time to workout. I felt like my weight-loss goals were starting to be pushed back for other obligations such as my new job, my kiddos sports schedules, summer break, and such. So finding the motivation at 5am or at 10pm to workout was tough but I was doing it. Then about 2 weeks ago, my husband and I got into an argument. He confesses that he isn't attracted to me and never was. He said he loves me for other reasons and he was emotionally invested before we met in person. We've been together since 2007. I know I should be working out and losing weight for myself and my kids but I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. All my motivation is gone. Why workout if the man you'll be with forever isn't satisfied either way? I feel heartbroken and betrayed. Am I being too dramatic or shallow?
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Hey,
I'm about 6 months out from my sleeve. I've lost about 90lbs from my surgery date. I have been working out and eating my best. However, my life has changed dramatically in the last 2 months. So it was already difficult to find time to workout. I felt like my weight-loss goals were starting to be pushed back for other obligations such as my new job, my kiddos sports schedules, summer break, and such. So finding the motivation at 5am or at 10pm to workout was tough but I was doing it. Then about 2 weeks ago, my husband and I got into an argument. He confesses that he isn't attracted to me and never was. He said he loves me for other reasons and he was emotionally invested before we met in person. We've been together since 2007. I know I should be working out and losing weight for myself and my kids but I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. All my motivation is gone. Why workout if the man you'll be with forever isn't satisfied either way? I feel heartbroken and betrayed. Am I being too dramatic or shallow?
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We've even talked about what he said later on and he is still sticking to his story. So it wasn't just out if anger which hurts more. I'm trying to retrain my mind to do it for me and build my own self confidence and be secure in who I am. However, it's hard when I've been rejected my whole life and now the man that is suppose to love me tells me this. Trying to build myself is causing a little resentment and anger towards him. I just feel depressed and a little lost. Then I'm angry at myself for believing the lies and staying for the last 16 years just because I love him. Then the kids also come into play. Then he asked me today how long am I gonna be depressed for and act like this? Really! I was taking a nap after work because I am exhausted mentally.

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Thanks for the support, advice, and encouragement from all of you. I haven't decided what I'm going to do from here yet. I'm trying to let my emotions settle before making any drastic decisions. I have a lot to think about. I just wish I could tell myself that his opinion doesn't matter and I wanna do this for me. However, I can't shake it and I'm hurting. I'm drained. However, I did workout this morning before work. I think it's even harder when he is home because I can't even look at him. We are very involved in our church and that is also making things harder because I don't know how to proceed with that in mind either. And my whole family thinks my husband is amazing so I just feel alone.

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Hey,
I'm about 6 months out from my sleeve. I've lost about 90lbs from my surgery date. I have been working out and eating my best. However, my life has changed dramatically in the last 2 months. So it was already difficult to find time to workout. I felt like my weight-loss goals were starting to be pushed back for other obligations such as my new job, my kiddos sports schedules, summer break, and such. So finding the motivation at 5am or at 10pm to workout was tough but I was doing it. Then about 2 weeks ago, my husband and I got into an argument. He confesses that he isn't attracted to me and never was. He said he loves me for other reasons and he was emotionally invested before we met in person. We've been together since 2007. I know I should be working out and losing weight for myself and my kids but I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. All my motivation is gone. Why workout if the man you'll be with forever isn't satisfied either way? I feel heartbroken and betrayed. Am I being too dramatic or shallow?
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I had thought I did this for me, my kids, and my husband. However, this hurt more than I would like to admit so I think I was doing it more for him than I originally thought. I knew I was off track with my exercise and snacking but didn't realize it started shortly after the argument until yesterday. I mentioned how much it hurt, my loss of motivation, and being off track to him. He said I can't put that on him and he is still working out even though we have marriage issues and other stress. I guess he's right though... I am responsible for my own actions. I just don't think he understands how I feel and to know I'm married to someone who will never make me feel beautiful or confident. I want the compliments and for him to be proud that Im his wife. He is a handsome man and has never dealt with issues like that. I have all these people around me telling me how great I look and all my hardwork is paying off except for the one person that I need to hear it from. He has told me I've lost a lot and look better. But I guess it's still not satisfactory.

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Hey,
I'm about 6 months out from my sleeve. I've lost about 90lbs from my surgery date. I have been working out and eating my best. However, my life has changed dramatically in the last 2 months. So it was already difficult to find time to workout. I felt like my weight-loss goals were starting to be pushed back for other obligations such as my new job, my kiddos sports schedules, summer break, and such. So finding the motivation at 5am or at 10pm to workout was tough but I was doing it. Then about 2 weeks ago, my husband and I got into an argument. He confesses that he isn't attracted to me and never was. He said he loves me for other reasons and he was emotionally invested before we met in person. We've been together since 2007. I know I should be working out and losing weight for myself and my kids but I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. All my motivation is gone. Why workout if the man you'll be with forever isn't satisfied either way? I feel heartbroken and betrayed. Am I being too dramatic or shallow?
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So sorry to hear that you are with a piece of ****. “Never attracted.” “Emotionally invested”? What the heck. I hope you can look in the mirror and be proud of what you are doing and how far you have come. I hope you can find the strength to know you deserve to be loved and supported the way YOU need. I hope your children can look at you and say damn, my momma is so strong she don’t take **** from anyone. You deserve to be respected and if you have to ask for that then maybe it’s not the right relationship.
💕💗💕

I had thought I did this for me, my kids, and my husband. However, this hurt more than I would like to admit so I think I was doing it more for him than I originally thought. I knew I was off track with my exercise and snacking but didn't realize it started shortly after the argument until yesterday. I mentioned how much it hurt, my loss of motivation, and being off track to him. He said I can't put that on him and he is still working out even though we have marriage issues and other stress. I guess he's right though... I am responsible for my own actions. I just don't think he understands how I feel and to know I'm married to someone who will never make me feel beautiful or confident. I want the compliments and for him to be proud that Im his wife. He is a handsome man and has never dealt with issues like that. I have all these people around me telling me how great I look and all my hardwork is paying off except for the one person that I need to hear it from. He has told me I've lost a lot and look better. But I guess it's still not satisfactory.

Sent from my SM-S115DL using BariatricPal mobile app

Hey,
I'm about 6 months out from my sleeve. I've lost about 90lbs from my surgery date. I have been working out and eating my best. However, my life has changed dramatically in the last 2 months. So it was already difficult to find time to workout. I felt like my weight-loss goals were starting to be pushed back for other obligations such as my new job, my kiddos sports schedules, summer break, and such. So finding the motivation at 5am or at 10pm to workout was tough but I was doing it. Then about 2 weeks ago, my husband and I got into an argument. He confesses that he isn't attracted to me and never was. He said he loves me for other reasons and he was emotionally invested before we met in person. We've been together since 2007. I know I should be working out and losing weight for myself and my kids but I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. All my motivation is gone. Why workout if the man you'll be with forever isn't satisfied either way? I feel heartbroken and betrayed. Am I being too dramatic or shallow?
Sent from my SM-S115DL using BariatricPal mobile app

Such an inspiration. I'm about 6 months out from surgery and have started training to run a marathon. Some days it is super difficult still. Seeing this post has given me hope that hard works really does pay off. Congrats on all your accomplishments.

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My progress has been almost entirely built on routine; if I'm going to change my life I have to build a life that can be successful.
I told my husband once I know Future Me is lazy; Current Me has to prepare for that so Future Me has no excuses. So for instance, if I've already got veggies and things cut up for salads or dipping, Lazy Me isn't going to go for the less-healthy option that needs prep work!

Apologies - on re-read I can see how this came off that way. I’m a lawyer and it is my curse to be using overly persuasive language even when it’s not my intention. I meant no offense and certainly understand why GERD would play a big role in the decision for someone who’s had it previously- I perhaps misread the OP’s concern about GERD to be about future GERD and not previously having it as well.

Regardless the right surgery is ultimately the one that will make each of us thrive based on on personal needs and that’s only appropriately determined on an individual basis.

What was most important for me to convey to the OP was the malabsorption of daily medications - as someone who takes adderall for adhd, and occasionally Xanax for anxiety malabsorption for me could have been crippling. This was front of mind for me in seeing a recent post of someone 10 years out who had struggled with the same for her anxiety meds.

I apologize if what I actually typed seemed like a rant against bypass. I think it’s an amazing life saving surgery and value all my BariatricPal bypass havers for the fantastic support they’ve provided me.

Finally thank you for teaching me something about malabsorption I was under the mistaken impression unlike dumping it was experienced by all bypass patients and now I know better.

I think everyone probably goes through a mourning period of sorts. But it gets better. I won't lie and say I don't miss ice cream some times. but when the weight starts falling off, its all worth it.

I am about 12 weeks out from the sleeve. I have more variety and fewer restrictions. However, I have noticed I stopped eating slowly. I still use a baby spoon to keep my bites small but stopped timing my bites 1 minute apart like suggested by my team. I think I stopped because I was tired of my food being cold after a few nibbles. Also, I would stop eating not because I was full but because it took so long... I'm a busy mom of 4 kiddos. So I really picked up the pace. I've noticed it's easier to overeat due to delayed hunger signals but I still have never vomited or been in pain. My full signal seems to be pressure in my stomach/chest area.. almost the same signal I had if I overdid it at a buffet before surgery. However this feeling only lasts about 20 mins now versus hours before surgery. My question is why do we eat slow? Is it just to avoid delayed hunger signals? What are the cons of not slowing down?
I'm still pre-weighing my food so I know I'm not eating more than I would if I ate slow. Could I have stretched my sleeve already? I do consistently have the stuffed feeling after eating the last few weeks.
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I'm about 16 months out and I never make 2 meals. That wasn't the case when I was immediately post-op and could only eat mush, of course, but after about 8 weeks when I had been cleared for a "normal" diet, things were pretty status quo. If I make Pasta, I use Banza and then serve myself more meat/sauce/veggies and very little pasta (if any at all). If I make burgers, I eat them on lettuce. If I make a casserole, I might eat it as-is, depending on what's in it, or I might just pull out a scoop of the meat/veggies and forgo the carb addition. If I make a pot roast, I might have a portion of the meat and a small salad and skip the potatoes. All in all, its pretty normal for us. I adjust for myself as needed, but its very minimal.
Only you can decide what the right approach is for your family. But if they currently live off of nachos and ice cream, something will absolutely have to change for you to be successful. And if you are the primary cook for the family, it may fall to you to make those changes. Or, you'll be faced with making 2 meals, which is really impractical (and may very well lead to resentment).

I heard that the weight lost from surgery day to the 12 week mark is most commonly half of what the patient will lose total by their 1 year mark? For example, if I've lost 30 pounds by my 12 week weigh-in, I will only lose another 30 by my 1 year surgery anniversary. For a total of 60 pounds lost in the first year post-op. How true is this for you guys? Are most of you done losing around the 1 year mark?
I know everyone is different and each situation is unique. I'm just wondering out of curiosity.
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I lost 53 pounds in the first 12 weeks and an additional 68 pounds for a total of 121 pounds the first year (not counting the weight I lost before my surgery). The second year I lost another 26 pounds. Then this year I gained back some weight and am up about 13 pounds from my lowest weight (but this is common to gain back in your third year).

I highly recommend this video (which another very kind member shared a little while ago) which may help with your question.
The thing about weight loss is there is a lot of averages & the stats you mentioned are an example. There are averages for how much weight you’ll lose, how long it will take, how fast or slow you’ll lose, etc. They’re averages because there are so many factors which influence those stats: age, gender, starting weight, weight loss before surgery, weight loss & gain history, health issues, medications, your new set point, how closely you follow your plan, the lifestyle changes you implement (food choices, activity, …) & so on. As with all averages some will exceed them others won’t reach them. What averages give you are an idea of what might happen. Not a rule but a guideline of what might happen.
I’m one of those who exceeded the average. At 12 weeks from surgery I’d lost about 15kg. I’d lost 31kg (including the 5kg pre surgery so about the double amount & got me to my goal) at 6 months. At 12 months I’d lost a total of about 41kgs (not intentionally but it was where my body wanted to be - my new set point). I bounced around there for another couple of months before settling about another kilo lighter (total 42.5kg lost). This was my experience.

I've heard that as a rule of thumb, but it's not true for everyone. I'd lost 40 lbs at 12 weeks, and 129 lbs at the year mark (so in other words, an addition 89 lbs).
and no, I wasn't done losing at the year mark, but my weight loss was pretty slow after that mark. I didn't quit losing until I was 20 months out.

I think I lost 30 by week 12 and I've currently lost 80. Hasn't even been a year yet it's been 8 months.

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I'm a Christian who tries very hard to live my life as God would want me to. Nothing in my beliefs says this surgery is a sin. I'm sure there are some people of various religions (and no religion) who believe you shouldn't do it, but it's not mainstream. I hope you don't let this bother you too much. My pastor is also my father-in-law and he is very supportive of this decision.

I understand that hormones can change with weight loss surgeries. You have a lot on your plate but you need to stop -just stop with the battles. Let go and give them to God. One person alone with having major surgery amid making life time changes it is too much. Crying is good, but laughter is healing for the body and soul.
first take care of you. Find a quiet place, and take time to just be still. Put in a funny movie - something lighthearted that makes you happy or music, a sermon. Call your Dr or support group or find a therapist so you can vent, but get help.
we can’t fix the world, and sometimes the more we try, the worse it gets . Concentrate on you. The eviction thing, tell the attorney to handle it, it’s why you pay him. What’s in the past, try to let it stay there. Court things taking forever right now, there’s always a lot of back n forth. Calendar it 4 weeks from today.
people can’t hurt you more than what you let them. You stay in control, of you . Learn to respond and not react to unwelcomed news. Wish you the best.
just read your profile. Happy Birthday. For you and me both. 4/29/ 53 here. 🎊

As a guy, I’d like to know…especially in a growing relationship.
Look at it this way, if you tell him, and he is not receptive, do you want that in your relationship? If you tell him, and he’s receptive, it’s another step towards intimacy in your growing relationship and proof he’s a keeper. The longer you wait, the more you risk TRUST.
Lying is no way to start any relationship.

I had my sleeve on 11/7.
During the strict 2 week preop stage, I was utterly exhausted. My first 5-7 days after surgery I was miserable so my fatigue was the last of my worries. Then I felt fine and had my energy to do normal cleaning and errands. However, I tried the treadmill and after 5 mins I was worn out (I used to walk 3 miles daily pre-surgery). However, this last week, I've been exhausted to the point I have to sit and take a break while cleaning or even showering. I'm not sure why. My bairatric team strongly encourages walking still and will expect regular routine exercising after I get clearance. It's just so difficult to even get normal tasks done without the extra walking. Plus the weather is freezing here.
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