ElusiveQuality

I think there are two issues with anal for most women. One is between the ears and the other between the cheeks. You can't solve either of them in a single night no matter how much Jaegermeister and Astroglide are at hand.

My wife was against anything back there when we first met but was willing to experiment to satisfy me. Started out with fingers, toys, licking etc and making sure she finished while I was playing. Over the course of months she got physically and emotionally comfortable to progress to anal sex. We've been together 28 years and anal play has been on the menu the entire time.

When some gal's story starts out: "Well, I was drunk and my new BF asked me to bend over the sink and let him shove..." there are two potential endings.

1) ... it was the greatest experience ever. Found in Penthouse Forums and cheesey late night talk shows

2) ... it felt like a wolverine was trying to dig a new burrow for the winter. Heard from women going from anal virginity to total penetration in one session.

YMMV...

Daisy writes:

So if someone could explain to me why they like oral sex, I would greatly appreciate it. I don't see how it could be enjoyable. I know people say if they relax it is enjoyable, but how is it possible to have an orgasm that way? There isn't anything in the anus that would cause an orgasm. I am confused.

So am I. :w00t:

I believe if you think about simultaneous stimulation you'll connect the dots.

Cal

Fireman,

I second Tapshoes comments

Get legal and financial advice. Get your 'ducks in a row'; don't have the affair. Suggest and participate in counselling (with or without your wife).

A similar thing happened to my brother. He was totally unprepared and took the worst of it (lost the house and half of his inheritance). I'm not saying your situation is desparate or hopeless, but you've built the estate, you've worked your half of the relationship for a number of years.

My suggestion is to find the sharpest divorce lawyer in your area and get his council. At least retain his services before your wife does.

Hopefully everything resolves itself amicably.

EQ

Here's the analogy I have for restriction. It's like teenagers talking about sex and aren't sure if they've ever had an orgasm.

Once you have it, you'll know.

Take it slow and easy. It takes time to learn the foods you can tolerate.

Y'all,

Can someone help me pick out a tasteful and affordable giveadamn? Prior to surgery, he was my buddy and answered all questions. As long as the weight was coming off he was all smiles. Whenever I plateau, he's really not interested in fills or problems. I don't need anything fancy, just a good solid giveadamn in a mediuam or large would do fine.

Cal

I'd go with what the sheila said about kicking caffeine but also cut carbs. You don't need to go low carb for the diet but definitely up the Protein and reduce the carbs.

Three helpful tips:

1) Learn to chew. If you can't chew everything to a pulp right now, get the dental work done prior to surgery.

2) Saliva is your friend. Since you won't be drinking with your meals and not eating slider food, saliva is all that's available to help the food particles pass through the band.

3) Sample as many forms of Protein drinks, powders, suppliments, bars, etc prior to surgery and find the ones you like/tolerate and stock up on those. There will be some that you can't stand and some that are quite good and it seems the preference is individualistic.

Cal

No catheter.

I was walking about 6 hours after surgery. Walking is easy. Twisting and getting upright with the new incisions is what hurts. Went home the next day and walked around the park for an hour in 15 minute chunks.

Walking is good. Plan for lots of it after surgery. It helps you get feeling normal again.

That was over 2 weeks ago. I called last week and left a message. No body even called me back.

I spoke with my surgeon about all the difficulties I had with scheduling and he admitted that it's somewhat purposeful. If the patient really needs to fight to get it done it shows that they're committed and it will be much less likely for someone to have buyer's remorse.

Cal

I'll only say it once, GO SCREW YOURSELVES.

But I'm so tired of doing it by myself to myself. That's why I'm here looking for a threesome.

This side is so much more entertaining than the men's.

It mattered in my case. No CPAP, no surgery.

i feel bad, cause i've been lying to her, but if you knew this girl, you'd be appalled that i even called her friend...she is the friend that if some one said hey you look great (to me) she'd say "well thats only cause she had surgery"

Yup, I'm appalled that you're calling her a friend. She's holding you back, and from what you describe, not adding one positive thing to your life.

My advice would be to lose her. People put you down because of insecurities in themselves. As you described, when you do something positive she undercuts it. She has a problem with her self-esteem and you shouldn't waste any of your time and energy on her dysfucntions.

Get the band, lose the weight, don't give a damn about whether she finds out or not. Get your degree, get a job and leave the negative people in the dust. Too many good things ahead of you to waste a moment of time on somebody that wants to screw up your life.

You're probably experiencing a clumping episode where the small particles of food are bunching together at the stoma and the combined mass can't slide through. This happens with dry meat for me. Doesn't matter how much I chew that pork chop, the itty-bitty meat fibers are going to bunch up. The only remedy is to eat super slow or eat a bite of something else with this food to help lubricate the particles.

I don't think it's going to matter who you go to for information. They'll both have the answers to the beginner's questions. For that matter, the posts on this board probably has answers to most every question you have.

I'd suggest going to the close one.

Beer would be bad if you gulped, but sipped over an extended period of time probably won't hurt. I've had my second fill and I still drink (very slowly) carbonated beverages. I'll do a 12 oz can in a half hour. Sip, burp-burp-burp. Sip, burp-burp-burp.

Regardless of what you choose, it's up to you to moderate. Alcohol is emtpy calories and it goes down quickly. The more you drink, the more poor decisions you're apt to make. And since you're probably not going to be eating during this time (right?), the alcohol is going to affect you quickly.

Do you have a fried at the bar to help you stop or moderate?

So this overweight person is putting you down, calling you a fat pig and insisting you don't get surgery? I think my response to her would be, "talk to the hand, the hand listens, the hand cares."

Sounds like you know the facts and you should listen to your own advice. There's always going to be people that want you to live your life on their terms. I bet you that if you went on weight watchers and lost all the weight, she'd still be ragging on you about how right she was and how you should listen and do whatever she says. Yup, I think hater sums it up right.

My doctor also guages fills by how hungry you are between meals. Once he found out I was snacking, I got my next fill, no problem.

The band doesn't cure diabetes or high blood pressure. Your weight loss does and the band is a big factor in that.

I've been banded for 2.5 months and I'm off my blood pressure meds and my diabetes symptoms are gone. If I start eating like I used to before, they'll come back.

I am having similiar doubts too sldeitrus, if I can't make those changes now, how will I make them after surgery?

It's hard to describe but after the band, I'm not really craving the junk like I used to. I don't know what it is but I haven't been in a fast food restaurant for over two months and I don't miss it. Can't explain why.

Also, I can have less and feel sated. The tricks that have worked for me are:

1) Keep small snack portions handy. those 100 calorie cookie packs are a life saver for me. If I'm craving sweets between meals, I do one. Same for 70 calorie pudding cups and yogurts. Plan it into your allocation for the day. Still have sweets.

2) Eat something healthy and blocking before the treat. Baby carrots do it for me. Five or six of those fill the pouch and get a little blockage at the opening so when I have a tiny slice of pie, I'm full.

If you're planning daily milkshakes, sundaes, alcohol binges, etc, the band is not going to work well for you. You might do better on a malabsorbtion procedure like RnY which won't let your body absorb all the calories and put you into dumping syndrome if you try.

Cal

You will likely need a few to hit the sweet spot. Trying to do it all at once is impossible since everyone is differnent and each fill causes irritation to the pouch.

Didn't your doc explain this?

Elusive, it's my dad's family, not my husband

Aunts, uncles, cousins? Lose 'em. Don't look back.

I recently cut ties with many many friends because they were just plain awful. Now I have a lot less to do on the weekends, but I don't have to have anything to do with their lifestyles I don't agree with or their negative energies.

You will soon have plenty to do on the weekends. Just learn there are other options.

went in with BF and we both stood there mortified as a sales assistant proceeded to show us how everything worked and the new in toys!

Amazing! I could never have the stamina to work in a place like that. :confused:

I got one too. Used it for the coughing exercise (trust me, it helps a lot) and to wedge against my left side while I slept for the first month so I wouldn't roll over on my port incision.

Cal

This is normal. Yes, you're going to eat more than they say and you can't help it because the food is sliding right past the band now because there's no restriction. My advice is don't punish yourself. Eat to you feel sated, but not full. Eat healthy, not junky.

I've lost 24 pounds over the first two months with almost no restriction after two fills. I'm not getting mad or upset because I know until I hit the sweet spot, the power of the band won't be working. No binging, no junk and things are moving along steadily at a couple pounds per week. Hopefully in the next fill or two, I'll be there cruising along.

Don't panic, this isn't RnY. Things move a bit slower with the band. It's likely going to take more than one fill to get the restriction you want. Expect to feel some restriction after the first fill but that will likely go away. This is a process. Take your time.

Cal

I couldn't give up coffee, but did dilute the caffeine level. I'll by 2 parts Decaf to one part caffeinated and mix them together. 3 full cups of coffee, one third of the buzz.

It's easier said than done, but ignore it. Most people that know I've been banded are supportive but I've come to learn in recovery that other opinions don't matter. I'm sure of my motivations and actions and I can live and be happy with it.

If you keep looking for other people's approval, you're doing what's in their best interest, not yours. Go forward, be happy.

Good Luck,

Cal