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RestlessMonkey

LAP-BAND Patients
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Posts posted by RestlessMonkey


  1. YAWN….

    Damn, that was a LONG sleep.

    Nice to be back, even if only for a few moments.

    Ok. Right to Business, before I get kicked off.

    In spite of the “unpleasantness” that transpired between myself and Donna2153/FailureIsNotAnOption/Happy2Lose last year, I wanted to stop in and offer a heartfelt and sincere congratulations to Donna for the loss of 100 pounds.

    Losing weight in ANY way, utilizing ANY surgery is not easy. It requires discipline, determination, resolve, and some very hard work. 100 pounds lost is a wonderful accomplishment, and it should be applauded by everyone here.

    Some of you here might recall the difficulties I experienced with multiple surgeries and the rather hard-headed stance I took with regard to certain aspects of these procedures. I know, first hand, about the “Dark” side of Weight Loss Surgery, so when I see someone who has had the courage to work hard, stick with the program, and do what NEEDS to be done, I cannot help but offer my most sincere congratulations and admiration.

    So, Donna, My hat is off to you. I know you have a little bit more to lose, but I have every confidence that you will go forward and do just that. And, don’t forget the forum….your experience can and should be an inspiration to every one here.

    Ok, time for me to go back to my lock-up. I’ve come to enjoy the Turkish prison the Mods here have kept me chained up in. The Guards here are so…uh…..."friendly”.

    Headhunter.

    HEADHUNTER! Hugs my friend! How nice it is to see you back on here...even if just for a short while! How've you been?

    I've often thought of all your even, fair advice about choosing the correct WLS FOR YOU....you always were a sound, reasonable source for facts about pretty much any WLS.

    And of course, while I would expect nothing less from you, how pleased I am to see you congratulate "Failure" for her loss. You always were quite a cheerleader for people's success :redface:


  2. If I may approach this from a different direction....

    If you are being screened for, say, Diabetes, and you don't have the disease, then the screening may be a waste of your time and money. If it is done incompetently it doesn't harm you because you don't have the disease. BUT if you have it...IF you have it...

    you would expect the screening to be performed properly, you'd want the information interpreted correctly, and you (probably, unless you're in denial) would want medical intervention to prevent worsening of the disease, future loss of a limb, an eye, kidneys, your life....

    In much the same way, the psych consult is a screening tool. Not everyone will test "positive" and unfortunately, some who do the screening are lackadaisical or flat out incompetent or apathetic. But the facts are that some people get the band and freak out. Some sane, happy, "normal" people who pine, yearn, DREAM of the band come to and thank "Oh my dear GOD get this OUT of me". Some "normal" people, when they find their food intake is restricted, turn to alcohol, drugs, sex. It's funny unless it happens to you.

    SO...our best bet is to get the consult, HOPE it is performed properly, and HOPE it catches those who need it. We aren't all alike, you know. We may all be fat, but that's a minor similarity. Each person is, of course, entitled to think it's a waste, and some of the consults described here ARE wasteful. That's too darned bad.

    Bottom line, though. Spartan, however flamboyant, is correct. No WLS should be undertaken lightly and without research, thought, and every medical and psych test we can get. If you are one of the many who have no issues with the band, the surgery (or bypass, whatever) then good. If you are one of the few for whom the band would be a dreadful disaster, let's hope it catches you.


  3. I think that if you don't want advice, you shouldn't ask.

    It's tacky to get "advice" that isn't what you want to hear, and insult the person or persons who disagree with you. But some people thrive on drama, apparently.

    Whatever. Ignoring the rules early on is a recipe for disaster. I agree with Spartan; lets see a year from now how well doing what you want works for you; it didn't seem to keep your weight down preband (it doesn't for most of us) but the band is magic, right?


  4. of course eventually you have to "finesse" the band. Four weeks, though, is a little early. If I may pull an example from my personal experience; carbonation is one of the few items that most surgeons agree should be forbidden (and they do seem to disagree about a LOT, I know). Once I'd had my band a year and was doing well, my surgeon told me to go for it if it didn't cause me discomfort (in my case I missed beer, not diet cokes or such LOL) So I do very occasionally indulge. I still have a lot to lose, though, and have to "weigh" (oh ha ha!) my desire for a beer against my desire to lose weight.

    So we DO have to use judgment; however to start off disregarding your surgeon is imprudent, at least in my experience. We need to learn the ropes before we start to modify our approach.


  5. Personally, I initially ignored my physician's advice, because, HEY I'm human, Right? No one is perfect, right? This is life, right? uh huh. I didn't get the band because my liver didn't shrink. I learned the hard way to do what my doc says, and if I do not trust him/her, I NEED A NEW DOC.

    Ignoring your surgeon's advice is akin to playing Russian Roulette or having unprotected sex. You may get away with it, you may not. By all means, as grown ups, decide what you want. But don't expect those of us who know better to applaud or recommend acting recklessly.

    If you are 4 weeks post op and know better than your surgeon, well good for you. I'm pretty bright, and I didn't.


  6. Ok Here's a true story from MY misspent youth.

    Kindergarten, age 5. Boy was chasing all the girls around during recess and either pinching them, pulling their hair, or pulling their dresses up (this was 1960. Girls wore dresses). He came up to me; I stood my ground and punched him dead in the nose. Knocked him down. (No I had no brothers and had never hit another soul in my life). We were marched to the director's office. When asked WHY did you hit him I said "He was making everyone cry. I had to stop him". LOL Fallout? He was mortified and never hit another girl, at least in kindergarten. I was told "ladies don't hit" and was a minor hero.

    Maybe that's why I feel it's good to take on things (people, institutions) that I feel are malfunctioning.

    True story.


  7. I'm trying to work on the LBT peace accord behind the scenes and now I have to be busy explaining privacy policies ;-) .

    You've been around long enough to know that I'm usually fair and I do the right thing at the end of the day. I'm not favoring Susan over any other mod or member.

    HH personally sent me a message stating that he understood why he was banned.

    Please be more specific. What in heavens are you talking about ? Ahhhhhhhhh come on! (Yes, that's me shouting out loud in frustration.)

    HH was banned. He knew why he was banned. After he was banned, he signed up under multiple new aliases because he was ticked off. This is an extremely clear cut case for banning a member if I ever had to pick one.

    As you can see, the topic did pique my interest :bored:.

    I'm all ears......I'd still prefer PMs for specific private member or mod complaints. I play by the golden rule, treat others as you want to be treated.

    If my LBT peace deal goes through I think it might solve some of the issues at hand. It's a tough job guarding privacy and having publicly available checks and balances.

    Ok, here goes. Laws exist for a reason. I had an issue with a poster months back. He was, well, rude and escalated to nasty. Each post I made in response, I tried to de-fuse, be conciliatory, etc. Each time he would ratchet it up a notch. I realized what I was doing wasn't working so I reported him and STOPPED communicating with him. I also PM'd plain for help. It took a while, but eventually (a day or so? Don't remember) he was banned. During that "waiting period" I DID NOT engage him. Just because he called ME a bowel movement didn't give me the right to call him something nasty. See my point? Headhunter was out of bounds but he was NOT alone. His "partner in crime" should've been banned also. She wasn't. Why not? She seemed to stalk him and bait him, and some of her posts were just as hateful and nasty, just not as "creative". If someone steals your car, in this country at least that doesn't give a person permission to go steal THEIR car. And yet the other person wasn't banned too. Why not?

    Many of us, in the absence of good info, assume this was a vendetta against HH. Maybe we're wrong, but how would we know? As they say, actions speak louder than words. SHE was still posting.

    I commented on this and was finally told by plain "How do you know she wasn't chastised" (I paraphrase) Hmm, digesting this I realized...HOW DO I KNOW SHE WAS? Why are some things blatanly public and then OOPS time for a team huddle, closed doors, "private communication". Either the rules are broken or they aren't. Why the grey area? SHE should've been banned too. Period. And if we asked why she wasn't, a good answer should've been forthcoming, not nudges, innuendo, "I wish I could tell you but I can't" etc.

    Later, I was participating in a thread and the "other" person involved most publicly in the HH fiasco made a snide comment. I told her "If you don't like it don't read it". She jumped on me, told me "You don't own the board" etc. What happened? SUSAN stepped in and slapped us both down publicly. What was THAT about? And why is THAT ok for public fodder but the other not? I don't give a rip about Susan trying to spat at me. I wasn't doing anything wrong or untoward. But do you see my point? The rules are not being applied fairly, evenly, without prejudice.

    Another case in point is a poster who many MANY of us see as a bully, at the least. But she was given seeming laissez faire to ride roughshod as she saw fit. Why? Friends in the mods?

    I think one of the major flaws is the mod system. We ARE human. Mods too. We people can't help but have favorites, others who get on our nerves, others who we see as boring as dirt, etc. The mods should be the rule enforcers. It's hard to be part of the crowd and then be able to step back and police the crowd as well. That's almost unfair to ask.

    I think Susan should be removed as a Mod. I think no matter how loudly it is proclaimed that she is fair doesn't make it so. Moreover though the entire mod structure as defined by LBT needs to be revamped.

    Lastly this is LAP-BAND® talk. I commend you for the variety of experiences you try to produce. Good and bad. I also find the threads for other types of WLS enlightening and informative. But you have in the past had mods who ALMOST seemed condescending to those of us with bands. Mods who seemed to imply that banded people were idiots if they thought it was the best option. Is that what you intend? There are other forums for the sleeve, for bypass. This IS a band site. Differing opinions are healthy but not when mods step in with judgments.

    Mods should be above the fray. They aren't. Rules/Laws should be applied evenly. They aren't. There should be no reason to "hide" someone's punishment. I don't mean to put 'em in the stocks and let us walk by, but if someone is told to watch it, it needs to be out here, not behind the scenes. And the application of the rules needs to be fair and even handed, not dependent on if a moderator worked 70 hours or had a fight with a spouse or has a soft spot for this poster over that one.

    I am unhappy and prone to leave NOT in a "take my ball and go home" way, and not because someone I liked was (rightly) banned, but because I'm uncomfortable seeing inequities and not taking a stand. It's how I was raised, we all have our "buttons", I guess. Rules are rules. In the real world, often they are unevenly applied based on privilege, money and power. One would hope here in "cyber space" that things could be more right and fair. Can't you at least TRY to be unbiased? Susan should step out for a bit, at the least. But she isn't the "whole" problem, any more than Headhunter is. The mod system needs to be revamped.

    And an update: I believe I misused the word "banned" or if not, perhaps needed a modifyer. I don't think ANY of the posters I mentioned; HH and his sparring partner, the "gentleman" who called me a bowel movement, nor the "bully" should've been banned permanently. I meant, I supposed, "banned for a set time" or suspended, allowed to cool off. Even being in Texas, a capital punishment state, I still think people deserve a few chances. I KNOW HH had/has a lot of productive content he could contribute, and the others may very well have the same; now we'll never know. I think there needs to be guidelines for "first offense" etc...rarely is an infraction so egregious that it deserves permanent banishment.


  8. Alex, truly if you can't see that this is wrong, that it smacks of favoritism, then truly my PMing you won't achieve anything. I don't mean to be a drama queen about it. But if Headhunter said "please post any warnings I got" and you don't, that must mean the mods don't want it known. One cannot help but wonder why?

    And as many of us have stated, it's not only, not just, not even that a member was banned for infracting the rules. That is as it SHOULD be. It is how it was handled, how subsequent questions have been handled, that is the big issue. Speaking only for myself I'm a grown up. I try to be helpful. I try not to nurture dissonance. But anytime the "law" is practiced in private chambers, any time punishments are kept private, any time the truth must be hidden and obfuscated, something is very wrong. If you don't agree, my PMing you won't really be of help to either of us.

    I am honestly sad about this; I have so enjoyed getting to be a little part of so many new bandsters' experiences, and in turn learning from the pros on here who have been banded longer.

    But this is wrong. If so many cogent, intelligent, long term members are ticked, odds are it isn't because we're all giddy about a certain poster and piqued that he was banned. Odds are there is something wrong on a deeper level, there's a rat in the walls, as it were.

    You must know this. I assume you've built the "infrastructure" of the board. Maybe it's time to look at it, check for cracks and stresses. Maybe you should hire some mods, enforce the rules across the board. That would be a good start. I don't know how to fix it, I just know it needs to be fixed.


  9. I will ban any member who posts PRIVATE information (such as PM's) that have been sent from one member to another member, from a mod to a member and vice versa.

    It's called "Private" Message because it's private and meant to stay that way.

    I think we can all agree on this one....

    Hmmm...Elizabethsew told me I could post a PM of hers when I complained of a bully and was told effectively that I could "report" her but she wasn't going to be banned.

    Was that wrong of her? This is just assinine. It really is. I believe this most likely means the warnings weren't done as stated, the "ethnic slurs" etc didn't occur as stated. Good grief. How wicked to besmirch anyone...ANYONE...and not give them recourse.

    I'm done here. I know you won't miss me much, although I feel I've given prudent sound advice over and over again.

    But I won't be a part of an organization with such a fatal flaw at it's core.


  10. I have to be honest, though, when I say that because of Susan's propensity to post and then pull, or to pull other's posts, I would be prone to believe the flip side, creating posts that "weren't". I'm just not all that trusting of her actions, because of past experience.

    OH and I came up with that all on my own; no one put that thought in my head. Well, maybe reading people like George Orwell, but he doesn't post on here.


  11. To the mod or mods who "warned" HH, he has given permission for them to be posted. Even HE wants to see them, for the first time, he says.

    I'm just a messenger. Don't shoot.

    Agreed...he did say this. Show us the man behind the curtain, hmmm? Shine some light on the black ops? If the rules are applied fairly, no need to have a privileged type of attitude about the deliberations etc.


  12. I started the HH/avitar thing. Ask Pool Girl. I did it for the reason's you've read. I did it because I read Susan's snarky post about being followers (and going blink blink I didn't mean it bad won't fly) Don't paint us with your own brush.

    As many of us have said over and over (I guess we should give up because it doesn't seem to be sinking in)

    this WHOLE THING has been handled unfairly and improperly. I READ the post Glouc made that Susan pulled. There was nothing wrong with it. Where on earth is THAT type of thing an acceptable action for a mod?

    There are ads up the wazoo on this site. If the problem is volunteer mods, PAY some, for God's sake.

    While I personally would like to see Susan go, I feel the problem is much deeper than just her. There's a culture of favoritism and "dark ops" that is just, as I've said, puerile. In reaction (sardonic reaction) to that, I instituted the "Support HH" lines under the avis.

    And having "Daddy" step in at this late date is too much.

    This place is unbelievable.

    And for the record: I DO think HH probably should've been banned although not for 2 months, or "forever", but so should his sparring partner. To ban him and not her was at best ill advised. In her limited way she gave back as good as she got (or tried to) and often instigated/initiated the bouts. That wasn't favoritism? Maybe if she'd been smacked too things would've gone down a little more easily.


  13. Actually how you sound to me is conflicted. If it was cut and dried, if you were sure, you'd be gone.

    I think maybe YOU need some counseling. First, although I know people can find true love any where at any age etc, you were VERY young when you married. Secondly, losing a lot of weight is life changing. Very likely you are different, he is not.

    Some therapy to help you see what you want, why, how, etc can only be a good thing. You may find out that what he "has", his attributes, are what you want. You may find out you are not the same woman you were, and that love has changed or gone. But it is only prudent after that many years to give yourself some time and room to think it over and decide.

    I am NOT a believer in staying together because you "should". But because in your post you sound like you aren't sure what you want, give yourself time to figure it out. There are no guarantees in this old world and you may stay and hate it, or you may go and hate it (or vice versa for both) but a good therapist can help you discover and understand the new "you"; and that new "you" can help you figure out what you want.


  14. Furthermore, when obviously concerned intelligent site users feel that favoritism is being employed, to call them "followers" rather than to address their concerns is, well, puerile.

    Plain did attempt to address issues with me, at least, but often his info was pocked with "Private Mod information" and an implication that as a 54 year old adult I didn't need to be privy to the machinations of the mods. Plain was ever polite, kind, and tried to be helpful, and I'm not disrepecting him. But good grief, this is a public site, is it not? If there is an appearance of favoritism, and the appearance of personal vendettas, something is wrong.

    And are the rules not so straightforward that interpretation doesn't need to be performed behind a cyber smoke screen of some sort? Can they not say "he did this, we had to do this. Period".

    If it's a problem, we didn't cause it, and repeatedly asking us all to shut up about it doesn't seem to be working now, does it. Maybe we're all obsessed and immature. OR maybe this was handled wrong from the start.


  15. I already have a large scar on my right from gall bladder surgery back in the 80's and then they reopened it about 5 yrs ago because of an insicional hernia. I'm not sure where my port will be but I will find out tomorrow. Did any of you have to have drainage tubes left in after the surgery?

    I'm not going to say 100% you WONT have a drainage tube because surgeons are an odd breed, but you don't really have any need for one, for this surgery. I didn't have one and most that I've ever read about/heard of don't.

    If you had your gall bladder the "old way", not laparoscopic, that would explain the drainage tube. The new Lap way, there's no need for one. Much better, huh?

    You'll be amazed.


  16. I can only guess that your WLS surgeon is more geared to problems/post op complications as related to obesity and is being very thorough? Also depending on how you were "recovered" post your knee surgery, clots may not have been as likely.

    As to when to stop/start pre and post op, ask your surgeon. As to when to quit altogether; I think that would be up to you with input from your gynecologist!


  17. I get night coughs. It not the contents of what you ate going into your lungs. Its the Fluid from the pbing while you are asleep. I just had night coughs last night because I ate just before I went to be (even though I know I shouldn't). My chest has been killing me all day! It's not dangerous we should just really try not to eat within 3hrs of going to bed and we should really sit up for a while after eating. remember its all on gravity.

    Wrongo. It is dangerous. Ask your doc. An isolated incident may not be, but if it is a pattern, if it is consistent, it can cause issues with the band and with your esophagus.

    Having your chest "kill you all day" isn't normal either. Optimism is great, and not being an alarmist is great, but your symptoms aren't minor.

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