carrielee

What a journey it has been lately. I’ve gained nearly ten pounds in two weeks...slowly creeping up to a number I fear. At 5’1” I’m now 272 pounds, BMI 52.4. I originally was diagnosed with multiple right upper lobe PEs on 4/16. I was not originally admitted, just sent home on Xarelto. Fast forward to last week, I was admitted for a few days on the cardiology floor for a work up due to a return of symptoms. No new clots, but was diagnosed with Right Ventricle enlargement and Pulmonary Hypertension via a right heart cath. Got discharged, saw pulmonology yesterday, did a walk test, scheduled to come back for PFTs. Last night was feeling worse, high Hr and BP, severe headache, re admitted. Had some basic labs and tests today, they felt comfortable discharging me. Got home an hour ago, started feeling short of breath, dizzy, nauseous again. Checked BP and it’s really high. Going to rest a bit and re check. Don’t want to end up back in the hospital. So exhausted...sick of my weight slowly killing me. I have my initial consults with my Bariatric Surgeon, nutritionist and exercise specialist on Monday (it just got scheduled today) so there’s the beginning of a light, but I’m exhausted. Please pray my BP comes down and I don’t end up back at the hospital.

I think I’ve hit my rock bottom with my weight and the life I’m living...at 31, I’m slowly killing my self with food and that’s shaken me. My recent ER visits with cardiac / stroke concerns have really shaken me. They’ve been wake up calls, honestly. Just last night I was back in the ER with a diagnosis of a pulmonary embolism so now I’m on blood thinners on top of my already lengthy medication regime for all of my illnesses. I can barely walk without getting totally winded, constantly in pain, labs getting worse and worse...it’s time for change.

Well, I had my day 1 of my journey on Sunday 4/17. At that point I weighed 278 pounds. I’ve had quite a few doctor visits lately so I’ve been weighed more frequently and I’m gaining. 4/21/22 279.4 4/23/22 279.2 4/24 (today) 282.2 I’ve been eating a little better and trying to move more so this is very frustrating. A weight I have always feared is being 300 or more and it looks like I’m rapidly getting there.

Well, I’ve hit a little bit of a bump in the road. The appointment I had with the WLS surgeon on the 25th had to be canceled as that particular clinic is out of network with my insurance, but they didn’t tell me until 2 days ago. I immediately reached out to another clinic and they ARE confirmed to be in network. They explained the steps required by my insurance. First they requested records from my PCP yesterday. Once those are received, they’ll schedule a consultation with their WLS, then I’ll have to have a psych eval and a nutrition assessment. So the process is slowed down a little, but I’m determined to make this happen.

My initial appointment with my WLS surgeon is in 6 days...and I’m 100% committed to showing up and beginning this process of healing my mind, my body, my soul. 31 years of destroying it have caught up with me and now my body is screaming that it’s hurting...if I don’t turn this around it’ll give out. I had appointments for consults scheduled over a year and a half ago but kept backing out and in that time I gained close to 80 pounds, blood pressure/cholesterol/heart rate and sugars climbed, other things declined...my whole body hurts. It’s time for surrender and change. I’m going to that appointment on the 25th...NO EXCUSES.

doing something brave, and for accountability...saving these photos as my “Day 1”...super ashamed and embarrassed of how far I’ve let myself go, but it’s only going to get better from here... Starting weight (and heaviest) 278.49 pounds, 5 ft tall, age 31, BMI 54.3 (pics taken on 4/17/22).

Question for those further along...what have been some of your “non scale” victories or changes? Things I’m hoping improve with surgery include things like mobility. At 31, I’m having to rely on a walker to get around. I can’t climb stairs or walk more than 5 minutes without being winded. I can’t bend over to tie my shoes or put on socks. My back and joints hurt all the time. I’m on an extensive medication regime and see many specialists just to stay alive. And of course there’s the more concrete medical things, like having sugars that never drop below the 150s, body being more acidotic, rapidly climbing lipid levels, angina and chest pain, and my extremely high BP that seems to be resistant to meds, climbing risk of cardiac events...plus things like not being able to fit in public places that normal size people don’t struggle with... I’m just so hopeless and sick of this life and am ready to commit to life style changes before during and after the surgery process to start living a new whole life with a much healthier self. I’ve been overweight my whole life. I tipped past 150 before I turned 18 and I remember the pediatrician raising major concerns to my mom about my weight, but because she too was immensely obese and didn’t do anything about it, my weight continued to climb even as a kid. I think the last time i was in a normal weight range was when I was a very young kid...

Finally back from the ER after spending pretty much the whole day there. It took them a long time to stabilize my BP and heart rate enough to feel safe sending me home. The tests they did showed no extra strain on my heart from my PE’s, but the chest x ray did show slight / mild pleural effusion which they said should clear on its own. My BP hovered in the 170s/100s for a good while at the ER and with IV anti hypertensives they finally got it down to basically as low as mine gets right now, even with taking Calan and Lopressor...down to 142/88 when they discharged me with a heart rate of 110. (Down from the 130s when I got there)... I also spoke my WLS surgeon’s office and everything is officially confirmed for my initial appointment on April 25. I am feeling all the emotions. I also see my PCP the 20th, cardiology the 21st, hypertension clinic the 21st, and neurology the 22nd. All important appointments to get myself in the best shape I can be for surgery and to hopefully help manage some of my chronic co morbid conditions, especially to get my BP down as it sits between 140s/90s to 160s+/100s with two hypertensives and I know it’s putting a huge strain on my body.

That’s kind of how I felt looking at these...like wow I didnt really realize how heavy/large I’ve gotten until I saw these. And then tonight I was changing and a reality hit that my belly is so big I can’t see my feet or bend over to reach my shoes/socks...and my back is carrying so much strain.

Question for those who struggled with type II diabetes prior to their WLS...if you don’t mind me asking, what were your sugars running prior to WLS, (and how long had you been a diagnosed T2, what were you doing to treat it before) and what are your sugars now? Are you able to come off diabetic meds post surgery? I’ve had D2 for about a year and a half and my A1C keeps climbing, as does my dose of metformin. Despite that, my sugars hang out in the 150s-180s consistently and my body is in an a acidiotic state more and more often...

Thank you. It’s time to change!

So tired of this and fed up. I’m back at the ER with chest pain, nausea, etc and severe headache. My blood pressure is sky high again...169/118. I’m on multiple hyper tensives and keep having these hypertensive crisis. I know it’s my body screaming for help. I just hope I haven’t delayed or put off working toward WLS for too long. I’ve considered it for over a year and in that year I’ve gained nearly 50 pounds. It’s time for change and it’s time for change now...I’m so scared of dying early like my mom.

I can’t keep slowly killing myself. My PCP just last month told me I’m on more meds and see more specialists than most 70 years olds she sees, just to keep me barely alive...my mom died at 48 due to a massive heart attack weighing nearly 400 pounds...that’s my fate if I don’t change

No afters yet. Here are my before, my Day 1 of my journey (taken yesterday) pics at 278 pounds and a 54.3 BMI. First appointment with my WLS is on the 25th

No afters yet. Here are my before, my Day 1 of my journey (taken yesterday) pics at 278 pounds and a 54.3 BMI. First appointment with my WLS is on the 25th

doing something brave, and for accountability...saving these photos as my “Day 1”...super ashamed and embarrassed of how far I’ve let myself go, but it’s only going to get better from here... Starting weight (and heaviest) 278.49 pounds, 5 ft tall, age 31, BMI 54.3 (pics taken on 4/17/22).

More photos from tonight. I’m determined to never be this heavy again.