Anna N.

i live in a country where the word chronic fatigue system doesn't even exist. and i cant stop crying cause in the afternoons i feel half dead. i cant do anything. and everyone thinks i am super healthy, and i KNOW its not depression. the crying and sadness is a result of this, and i keep telling myself its a phase, it will pass, but its not going away, on the contrary, i feel like i am sinking deeper and deeper. and i know i need to stop with the sedatives like xanax or lexilium that i am taking. but i cant consolidate myself without them.

i am crying while writing this, thank you for your reply, yeah, i take b vitamins on the regular with magnezium , the latest blood tests showed i am a little anemic, but nothing to be too concerned with. B12 levels normal, but low. i have been suffering for a year now, i need it to stop. so u think i need to increase my b1 and b12 levels intake? cause i read about it and b1 is also important, its just maddening when everyone says u are great when u are suffering so much. and yeah, i have tingling myself, like awful goosebumps. by now nothing has changed except for the fact that i am addicted to xanax and the AD i am taking which i am sure i do NOT need. the depression is a result of me feeling absent minded all the time. its not the cause of all this suffering.

gosh, i don't even know hoe to begin with this. so i already wrote on here once, and things have only gotten worse. i had my surgery september 2019, i was 140 kgs at the time, and after a year i lost almost half my body weight, the lowest i was was 72 kgs. sorry European here, cant do the lbs. anyways, half a year after my surgery, i was basically starving myself, but feeling great, but at the 6 month mark i started to faint. collapsed the first time at a gathering, and then a year after the surgery, when all this started i collapsed fully again. even with collapsing my brain felt fine, active, working out, and all that. however, at the year mark something changed. i started feeling absent minded, with brain fog. i started checking everything, blood work, hormonal work, all normal, but i was suffering cause i was barely getting through the day. got a dietitian, so i could eat better. that didn't help either. after that i was convinced i had a brain tumor, so i did an MRI, also brain wave lengths tests, all came out perfectly fine. my father is a surgeon btw. he works with cancer patients all the time, and he is convinced that i am super healthy, for the first tiime iin my life. but i felt like my life was ending. still am. can't do anything. cant work. they diagnosed me with an anxiety and depression disorder, gave me pills that i have been taking for a year now, that do nothing for me, just make me want to sleep. i sleep for 12 hours and still wake up in a daze, not knowing where i am. thyroid also checked, everything was fine. i have better days, but days like today when i feel more out of touch than ever i feel like i am going crazy. i fear that i am gonna die, but everyone tells me its maybe deprersonalization or derealization, but i know myself, and something happened to me after that surgery. i did in turkey so i had no pre op or post op. just did it and went home. and starved myself. and now i feel like my life is ending. sorry for the long post.

it is a low dose, starting to double it after tomorrow actually since i was told to do so after the 2 weeks, and i am taking xanax along side the antideressant.

did blood work 2 times, the second time especially for anemia, everything is fine. even did an insulin resistance test, and i have hyperinsulinemia, but it doesn't explain my symptoms, my endocrinologist told me that my pancreas will get better in time without therapy, she said she could give me therapy, but that in time my body would fix that on its own. even did the ANA test for autoimmune diseases, it showed nothing. but i feel worse with every passing day. i just pray i get better now, cause i have no idea how i am gonna live like this.

hey, yeah everybody says its textbook anxiety / depression. but its been almost 3 months now, nothing has changed. i will hit my 2 week mark with antidepressants tomorrow, but dont feel much difference tbh. they just make me numb, make me complain less. i feel like my head will explode, i still feel the absentness, i sleep like i am in a coma, and when i do wake up i feel like i havent slept for years. its a nightmare. the only thing i havent done still is a lumbar puncture. all the other results seem great, everybody keeps telling me that i am great. but i feel like i am dying, slowly, day by day. and it doesnt matter how much food i eat or how much water i drink. its horrible.

so all your blood work, even the iron was normal, ok maybe a little low, yet a hematologist saw that something was wrong and helped u? they did find something with the insulin however they wanna fix it with the diet. i dont know why, since i keep telling everyone nothing changes no matter hat i eat. i still feel so absent, it gets worse every day. i cant function properly anymore. yet nobody is concerned. they have me on antidepressants that only make me worry less, but the brain fog, the fatigue, and the general disorientation get worse every single day. i dont know how i am gonna live like this.

thank you! i did go to another neuro psychiatrist that once again gave me a diagnosis of depression and anxiety, saying that that aside from the physical aspect of the whole thing, i didn't have psychological help and support either, so she gave me xanax and some other organic calming pill in order to help me. honestly, not feeling any improvements, all the contrary, it keeps getting worse, however she told me to give it time. willing to try anything at this point. and as traumas go, the life in a 31- lbs body is never easy, so i was heavily bullied growing up, however, i always thought i dealt with it.maybe not. idk.

hey, so i did another blood work and once again everything seemed to be perfectly normal, with the exception of the insulin resistance test that i insisted on doing, which showed that after they gave me sugar to drink i started feeling sick and faint again, the blood work showed that the insulin had dropped significantly. this test is done in three hours, and the way it works is they take blood each hour but in the meantime they give u sugar to drink to see how your insulin and pancreas react. so i need to see an endocrinologist once more, since the first one i saw laughed at me and told me i was perfectly fine.

is there any way or any tests they can do in order for them to determine for sure that this is what i have?

the anxiety happens when u feel absent and feel weakness at all times, not being able to focus on anything that u used to enjoy. it makes u question how u can function in the real world like that and it comes in, heavy, relentlessly. i never used to be like this.

how long have u felt like this? is the feeling constant? i am going insane these weeks, i have never felt like this in my entire life. this isn't me.

i will see a psychiatrist, however, the reason for my anxiety is the fact that i have been feeling absent and not myself for weeks now. and it's freaking me out since it's not going away. if i felt my old self back, i believe i would be ok. but of course i will consult a psychiatrist.

thank you for your input, i really appreciate it. i did see an endocrinologist, she literally repeated the same things that the doctors that saw my blood work said: you are a healthy young girl, eat more, drink more , find yourself a hobby ( this seemed particularly ridiculous to me since i can't even watch a movie normally anymore ) and in time u will feel better and the body will find it's balance. none of them seemed to care how i felt for days now. so like i said, i am consulting a nutritionist now, hoping to see some changes. also seeing a psychiatrist soon. hopefully i will come out of this.

hey, thanks for your input, it really helped! could u tell me maybe in terms of protein what works the best for you? my nutritionist has me on a lot of fruits and a lot of fish , i just started yesterday, so i hope i will see a difference soon. in terms of protein, vitamins intake, what works the best for you? how much do u eat in a day now that u have found your balance? thank you.