mil_unloaded

So I had my final consult before the pre-operation consult. She wants me to lose a little more weight than I have because I have a fatty liver. I also have one more test that fell through the cracks on the ordering side, so hopefully I can get that done swiftly. Then they will be submitting to insurance, which I was told our insurance will be 7-10 business days for a turn around response. It’s still possible I could have my surgery in late December, but it might be January. Fingers crossed!

Seeing your official dates, guys, is giving me the butterflies in my stomach. Not bad! It’s like that feeling when you have your first kiss with someone! So excited but a little nervous!

I’m not 100% if my surgery will be in December, due to scheduling. But I have my final consult on the 1st! So I hope it happens next month!! Wish me luck! Feel free to keep in touch!

I started seeing a therapist as soon as I got on my husband’s health insurance back in 2013. I was worried that I was going to be a parent like my mother, and that terrified me. It took years of therapy to understand that I’m nothing like my mother. Anyway, back to the topic, in the years that I’ve been seeing my therapist she’s seen me gain and lose, gain and lose, over and over again. Finally, I told her that I was planning on having surgery, and she was extremely supportive. We’ve talked about it multiple times as it’s going to be a huge part of my life very soon. It also helps that her spouse also had gastric bypass, so I know someone that has been through it, too (her spouse also does her scheduling and whatnot). I was really lucky in that she and I really clicked within the first few weeks. Having said that, my parents forced me to see a therapist when I was in my teens that just agreed with everything my mother did, including the abuse. She would ask me questions like “well did you think maybe you deserved it?” And I don’t know if she was being the devil’s advocate there, but it really bothered me. I started skipping on appointments until my parents got tired of paying the $100 no show fee, and then they stopped forcing me to go. My suggestion is to maybe ask around to people you know that might be seeing a therapist, and ask them who their therapist might recommend. I was actually told about my therapist through my husband’s coworker who uses the same group where my therapist used to work (She has since ventured into her own business and expanding it!). Another possible tip is to call your insurance and ask if they can give you a list of providers in your area. Then you can do some research online if you have the time, for someone that might be a good fit. In the days of COVID, an online option could also be a good place to get started. It will probably be a while until you can see a therapist face to face in person. I haven’t physically seen mine since February. I’ve been seeing her so long though that she gets a good read on my tone or silence, and can tell when I’m trying to unpack something mentally. Anyway, I wish you the best of luck.

Best of luck! I’m still a few months away from my surgery, so I don’t know if there’s anything else you should pack. If it’s anything like my c-section recoveries you’re going to love that robe. Haha. I liked not having to wait for a nurse to tie up my gown, I could just throw on the robe and walk my laps.

My bariatric surgeon told me I needed to lose 20 pounds before the surgery. I remember at the time thinking “I’ll smash that, I’ll lose 25.” Here I am now, halfway through the 6 month period before my final consult, and I’ve lost 5 pounds. I’m stressing out a little bit because I wanted to lose at least the 20, but now it’s practically logistically impossible. Every day I keep logging my food and getting exercise, but I’m still having 2000-2300 calories a day on average. I talked to my primary care doctor and she said that generally all they want is a show of good faith that you can lose weight and stay focused most of the time. I think a lot of my struggles are stemmed from depression. I’m not generally very depressed, or I can usually pull myself out of my “funks” pretty quickly...however right now with COVID happening, now forest fires only 40 miles from my home (I live in Central California, near Fresno), plus basically becoming a homeschool teacher because of COVID (and my kids are special needs, did I mention that?)...on top of that I’m trying to keep my home business afloat (I make jam and bread). So it’s a lot to deal with all at once, and trying to lose weight is just one more piece of fuel to chuck onto the fire. I guess I’m just looking for some kind words from people that have been there. I know that losing weight in general is hard, that’s why we’re all here, we need this tool to help us lose that weight. But why can’t I just keep my head in the game? I know a lot is going on, and past me has just let things go and gained 30 pounds. So at least there’s that. I’m still down about 5 pounds.

@Onmyway301 Hi there! Yes, I’ve been working on whittling myself down about 100-150 calories every couple of days, so I can eventually sit back down between 1500-1800 calories daily. They told me to aim for 1500, but I figured I can slow go aim for it. I tried going 0 to 60 and ended up basically going on a food bender for a few days because the panic was too great. When I slowly ease back down I tend to do better. I’ve been logging my food every day for the last two weeks only skipping one day. I already have dinner calculated in today, and I still have about 350 calories I can play with (I might make an instant coffee, so that will cut it down a little bit more). My goal for today is to stick to as close to 2000 as I can, and get a minimum of 30 minutes of exercise (done, and I’d like to do more!). @qianmij Hi there! I do try to think of my kids often and what their parts play in the grand scheme of things. My kids are special needs, and are ages 2.5 and 4.5. I don’t want to leave them behind because I died of a preventable metabolic disorder. So I often do my Just Dance time with the kids around because they like to wiggle with me, and it’s so fun! I frequently remind myself that it isn’t just for me, it’s for my kids, and my husband as well. I basically need to be gentle with myself while also urging myself to cut the crap, so to speak. Haha @BigSue Food Funerals, that’s great. I told my husband I’d like to at least get one Mountain High Mudpie to share at Red Robin before this surgery happens. No way will we finish it, but still. It’s one of those things I know that I won’t be able to enjoy in moderation after the surgery because it’s HUGE. Like MASSIVE. Haha. It’s a family mission to take down this thing. But at the same time, I’m not sure I’m going to have true food funerals. I’ve read about people going on basically like a food bender before the surgery and the pre-op diet. Eating all of their favorite foods. I have a lot of favorite foods, but I believe I can likely still have most of them. Like a (vegetarian) hamburger sans bun. I’m cool with it. Or a taco, or a small burrito. I discovered a local pizza place will just throw toppings, sauce, and cheese in a bowl and bake it...and I thought hey now that’s smart. I can still get that “pizza” feel without the crust. And I can recreate it in a ramekin here at home. I love pizza, probably my favorite non-breakfast food item (I love breakfast like whoa). But I can happily give up the crust if that means living a longer and healthier life. I think just putting out my initial post on this topic helped shift me back into the right mindset, and hearing everyone’s positivity on the subject. Thank you all so much for your kindness. It really does mean a lot. I’ve been finding that part of my soul that loved to move and groove, and that’s helping a lot!

@loridee11 I’ve been able to hang with the concept that it’s a lifestyle change, and overall I do well. I’ve been getting exercise most days (I set a goal for September to just get a minimum of a minute of exercise most days. In the last week I’ve been smashing that and getting 30-50 minutes a day. I honestly really enjoy dancing and found that Just Dance (video games) is a lot of fun! It gets me up and moving around and I love it! I don’t drink soda (I drink soda so sparingly it’s easier to say I don’t drink it. I’ve haven’t had a soda in over a month, and before that it was likely 3-4 months since the last one). I don’t drink alcohol. My vice is sweets (which is why Gastric Bypass will be good for me, because I won’t be able to overindulge anymore!). I did a baking swap with a neighbor recently, bread for cookies. I shouldn’t have done it. One day I ate 4 cookies, but I countered it by getting more than 40 minutes of exercise. I’m not thinking about exercise as punishment though, because I’m really enjoying the dancing! The food swaps you suggest are great, however I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t eat heavy red meats anyway (though it’s something I miss on occasion). I get my protein requirements daily so far, in that I eat a lot of eggs, beans, and nuts. I’ve stopped eating things like chips and most snack foods—but like I said, I like sweets. If I just keep them out of the house it will be ok (I’ve been able to meter myself with those cookies now!). @WishMeSmaller Thank you so much! The air is horrendous over here. I haven’t had exercise outside in a long time, and haven’t been able to go to my farmers markets to sell my jam and bread because of the air quality. It’s awful. Up until the summer heat hit and then the smoke, I was walking a mile every morning. That made it a lot easier to stay motivated! Then the heat came (110+ days for 5+ days in a row), then the smoke...I have asthma, so I haven’t been able to be outside much. I think that took the biggest blow to my depression. Going on a walk in the morning before eating anything or even drinking coffee...it was nice. It set my tone for the entire day! And here I am now. But like I said to Lori, I’ve been doing Just Dance daily, and it’s really helping get me back out of that depression! @tarotcardreader Hi there! My surgeon isn’t giving me any flack over this. I haven’t even talked to her since my initial appointment. I think it’s more of a self mental block that I’m stressing out over. My PCP said that it isn’t a major issue if I don’t lose exactly 20 pounds. I’m back down about 8 since I posted this, though. I’ve gotten a lot of my motivation back and ditched the depression! Thanks for looking out. ❤️ @BigSue Thank you for this! You’ve inspired me to try out IF again. I’ve been not eating until 10/11am, and finishing eating by 6/7pm. It’s really helping to keep me back in check. Right now I’m just adjusting to the IF and logging again, and getting a lot of movement in. And then I’ll start adjusting my calorie goal to below 2000 again (they recommended 1500 for women at my first nutrition meeting). I figured it’s kind of hard to go from 0 to 60, so I’m going to ease back into it (someone suggested it somewhere! To just cut down a little at a time, instead of the shock that tends to come from going 2500 calories to 1500 overnight. It is likely to cause binge eating!). Anyhow, thank you so much for your encouragement, it means a lot!

Hi there. I have a significant hiatal hernia, it causes a lot of pain and discomfort any time that I eat. I had an endoscopy to rule out infection or strangulation of the stomach. Anyway, the findings were that it’s likely that I have nerve damage in my hiatal hernia area and diaphragm. I have a telemedicine appointment with my bariatric surgeon on Monday, it’s my first consultation. My insurance “requires” 6 months of nutrition education before they will sign off on the surgery. I’m not asking to do it in 2 weeks, or even a month. I’m just curious if anyone out there has been able to petition their insurance with the help of a physician to shorten that time frame. I’m aware that I’ll need to do the work before the surgery, but my concern is being in this pain for 6 months. I can do maybe 2-3 months. Anyway, if you have been able to do this, or know of someone that has, can you just give me some insight? I’m not familiar with how insurances work.

It took me a long time to get where I am. A long backstory, I’ll try to make it brief. All my life it was implied that in order to lose weight, you must hate yourself for motivation. “I hate my thighs,” “if only I were thinner boys/girls would like me better.” And it didn’t help hearing phrases like “You have such a pretty face, but...” I grew up in an abusive home with a narcisisitic mother, this isn’t a huge part of it, but it explains a lot about why I hated myself in my childhood, teen years, and even my early 20s (I’m 38 now). I always struggled to fit in with anyone because I was always the fat girl. The few people I could relate to, I’ve stuck with throughout the years. A few good friends, my husband, etc. I’ve tried to explain to people that have never battled their weight in the way that I have since 3rd grade (mom put me on my first diet then), and they don’t get it. Or try to offer tired advice, “have you just tried to lose weight?” So I never fit in anywhere. I hated how every attempt to lose weight was peppered with thoughts of self hate, suicidal thoughts, depression, and severe anxiety. I’d fall off the wagon and either binge myself to near vomiting, or I’d restrict myself obsessively and worry about every macro- and micronutirent. That was until I started therapy in 2013. I started to learn a lot about myself, and that I’m nothing like my mother. I always feared I’d be a parent like her, or a wife like her. Truly abusive, and it brought on a lot of fear. Eventually I stumbled my way into the Intuitive Eating groups on the internet. I learned to stop binge eating, and to stop obsessing over food. I also found the body positivity group. This was great. I finally got to a point that I was not only ok in my skin, but I could be happy and fat at the same time. There’s this concept out there that most people that are fat absolutely hate themselves and we have no self control. While on the flip-side there’s also this concept that people are “fat, happy, and lazy.” I found that I was aware that I was fat, I kept getting movement, tried to eat healthy most of the time, and I learned to love who I am regardless of my size. Then my hiatal hernia got worse and my gastroenterologist suggested I look into bariatric surgery. I never really thought about it before. I didn’t think negatively about it, or positively...I just flat out didn’t think about it. When people said it was “the easy way out,” I just ignored them because I didn’t have any frame of reference. I knew one person that died a few months after a “stomach stapling” in the late 80s, but I was a kid and don’t remember any details. However, even as a child, I knew that wasn’t always the case, people die from so many different causes, and this could have been a fluke. My point here being it never really scared me. It was just something that some people did, no judgement, never. I joined in on following some people on Instagram that have had various bariatric surgeries. I’m finding that I don’t fit in, again. People post before and after photos and talk about how horrible their lives were, how much they hated themselves, and how much they wish they “never let themselves get that bad.” Demonizing obesity and making me feel like I should be revolted at myself. Now, it took 7 years of therapy to get to the point of self body acceptance...so for this reason, I’m feeling conflicted, and like I won’t fit in with most of the weight loss surgery group of folks. So here’s why I’m making this topic. If you are someone that loved themselves before this surgery, loved themselves during recovery, and love themselves now... Didn’t necessarily do this surgery because you “hated” yourself, but more because of the health aspect of everything (I’m doing it because of my high blood pressure, body limitations (I can’t even touch my feet anymore), hiatal hernia and GERD problems)... My motivations are a little different than just “looking good.” I want to point out here too, that I’m not here to shame anyone that has been motivated by that, the desire to “look good” more over the desire to “feel good” (and I get that you can have both!)...but I just struggle with feeling like I don’t fit in with the WLS community in despising myself before surgery. Did you ever struggle with where your place was in the weight loss surgery community? This is why I’ve fallen silent on the forums (and a little on my IG if you follow me there). I was looking to do some soul searching as to what this all meant for me, but I feel I need some guidance. And if you made it all this way, thank you so much for reading. Take care.

Thank you so much for your reply, Arabesque, it really means a lot! I never meant to imply that wanting to look better was totally superficial. I know that a lot of it stems to our mental health. When you look good, you feel good. I had actually gotten to a point with that fat acceptance that I was in, that I bought a bunch of new clothes, kind of “throwing in the towel” about weight loss and “accepting my fate,” so to speak. So I wanted to have cute blouses, and cute pants that fit me well, instead of always having clothes cutting into me or making me chafe, or anything else. I even bought some dresses! I never really wear dresses (though it helps my autoimmune skin condition (hidradenitis suppurativa), because jeans cause a lot of friction if they aren’t the right size!). What I meant when I said that I was looking for people beyond the motivation of “looking good,” I meant that my husband’s doctor once tried to motivate him to lose weight by saying “You’ll look good,” and I don’t feel like that’s always an appropriate motivation. I mean, for some people, sure. It just wasn’t a motivator for me and my husband. I love and accept my body no matter what size it is, even if I “look good” as a thinner person, or I “look good” as a fatter person. If you know what I mean. Haha. Also, I never believed people when they made “the easy way out” comments. I always thought to myself, I don’t know, they generally say when you can avoid surgery, you should...and people opt to do this, it must be life changing enough, and significant enough, or else it wouldn’t exist as a practice. When my doctor suggested it, I thought for a moment about how people say that it’s the “easy” way...and immediately dismissed it when I kept doing research. Nothing about weight loss is easy, period. But to do surgery for weight loss seems even more of a difficult road to travel, and if you aren’t prepared for it, it’s going to be a disaster. I am so glad to hear that you (and your friends) have not been the types to hate yourselves. I just see so many posts on Instagram where people declare “I hated myself back then,” or “God I look so ugly, why can’t I lose weight,” or any other negative self-talk. It took me so long to get over that constant negative self-talk, and I worried about how I would fare going into this surgery. Would I look back and claim I hated myself or my body? Because I don’t. I think this surgery is going to be the greatest gift I can give to myself and my body. Anyway, I’ve gone on long enough, but I just wanted to say thank you again for your very thoughtful reply. It means a lot. I’ve been struggling with even keeping on my weight loss track for pre-op weight loss (I’ve only gained about 1.5 pounds, so I’m still doing good, but I need to get back into gear!). Just to hear someone say a lot of positive and encouraging things is helping me not to do late night snacking tonight and instead drink plenty of water before bed! Take care!

I feel as though your post is important as it shows more about the risks that we are taking going down this route. While most complications are rare, it’s important to know about some beforehand, so you know what may (or may not!) happen to you. I feel I’d rather be braced for the rare possibility that I have a complication (or several in your case), than go into it completely blind. At least you could know more about how severe of a complication it could be, or not be. I hope that you, escape_pinacolada, find your relief soon, and that this will be just a blip on the radar of a future life of healing and recovery. Best wishes.