Myap

Good morning everyone,
Somehow I missed this forum when I first joined. I posted in the pre-surgery Q & A and felt like a loner, but I included the post on my profile too.
I am scheduled for a gastric sleeve revision on December 2, 2019. Someone asked why I did not choose to a have a bypass the second time and the reason is that I have a form of anemia that make the bypass too dangerous to manage. The irony is not only was my last surgery December 3, 2013, I am at the exact pre-surgery weight I was back then. I had quick early success and dropped 80 pounds in the first three months. That was both scary and exciting and I had this fairy tale belief that I could eat very small amount of my favorite foods and still be successful. Not to mention, I was drinking tequila probably every other Friday night. I do not have those misconceptions and gave up most of my vices - coffee with splenda is the last vestige to go...as a sheepishly sip my last cup.
My weight crept up drastically between 2015-2016 as I battled depression and suicide attempts, not specifically because of my weight. In 2017, I started thinking about having surgery again, but it would be another year before I was even emotionally stable enough to have a real conversation about it. I knew in 2017 I would not get back on that table until I was ready to change my life, not just my weight.
I languished a bit in the last couple of months after finishing my preoperative testing. I still had not made my an appointment for my final surgery review and scheduling a date. Although I am more spiritual than religious, I asked God to give me a sign of what the right was for me. Well, my answer came when I fell out of the shower (can't believe I said hospital before) and had no choice but to struggle to get off the floor. My knees hurt terribly when I finally got to them and in that moment I thought 'I am 46 and there is no reason I should not be able to get off the floor.' I made it up off the floor, went to the ER to make sure I did not have any new broken bones, and scheduled my appointment the next day.
When I finally had a surgery date three weeks ago, I felt empowered and excited for the first time. I have traveled down this road before and I know the hard work begins after Monday. I have stumbled a bit this week, but I am ready.
Mya

Hi. Do you have a support group for post surgery. I have never made it to my goal, but I am having the best 5 month run where I just keep losing, slowly. I am healthier than I have ever been. What is helping so much is that I joined a support group on line. There is nothing in my community and this has been a game changer. Weekly weighins, an accountability group, just helps so much!
Hey, I am 63 and pain free from changes to my eating and working with a personal trainer. You sound motivated and I bet this is your time! Best of luck!!!!

💝 Congrats & safe recovery in every possible way 💝

Good morning everyone,
Somehow I missed this forum when I first joined. I posted in the pre-surgery Q & A and felt like a loner, but I included the post on my profile too.
I am scheduled for a gastric sleeve revision on December 2, 2019. Someone asked why I did not choose to a have a bypass the second time and the reason is that I have a form of anemia that make the bypass too dangerous to manage. The irony is not only was my last surgery December 3, 2013, I am at the exact pre-surgery weight I was back then. I had quick early success and dropped 80 pounds in the first three months. That was both scary and exciting and I had this fairy tale belief that I could eat very small amount of my favorite foods and still be successful. Not to mention, I was drinking tequila probably every other Friday night. I do not have those misconceptions and gave up most of my vices - coffee with splenda is the last vestige to go...as a sheepishly sip my last cup.
My weight crept up drastically between 2015-2016 as I battled depression and suicide attempts, not specifically because of my weight. In 2017, I started thinking about having surgery again, but it would be another year before I was even emotionally stable enough to have a real conversation about it. I knew in 2017 I would not get back on that table until I was ready to change my life, not just my weight.
I languished a bit in the last couple of months after finishing my preoperative testing. I still had not made my an appointment for my final surgery review and scheduling a date. Although I am more spiritual than religious, I asked God to give me a sign of what the right was for me. Well, my answer came when I fell out of the shower (can't believe I said hospital before) and had no choice but to struggle to get off the floor. My knees hurt terribly when I finally got to them and in that moment I thought 'I am 46 and there is no reason I should not be able to get off the floor.' I made it up off the floor, went to the ER to make sure I did not have any new broken bones, and scheduled my appointment the next day.
When I finally had a surgery date three weeks ago, I felt empowered and excited for the first time. I have traveled down this road before and I know the hard work begins after Monday. I have stumbled a bit this week, but I am ready.
Mya

@Panda333Thank you Panda. I really appreciate the support.

Hi everyone,
Its early in the morning on Thanksgiving, four days before surgery and I wanted to check in because I owe it to myself to be honest about how I am feeling. I am struggling, not with the decision I made to have surgery, but the truth about the challenges I am facing moving forward. I started to ask if anyone had challenges with their pre-op diet, but I know the answer to that question does not matter because I am. I feel a little silenced or maybe ashamed because if I admit to my family I am scared and self-sabotaging then I will be forced to ask myself if I am doing the right thing.
I was doing well with the pre-op diet until two days ago...Tuesday. I have a form of anemia that makes it difficult for me to absorb Iron through food. I noticed I have increasingly more tired and I found out Saturday my iron levels are low again, 6 months after my last iron infusion, and a part of me feared that I would need to post-pone surgery for another round or go in early for blood transfusions. In meeting with me hematologist late Tuesday afternoon, he told me I did not have to do either and since they draw blood every day in the hospital, they could do a blood transfusion there if necessary.
I have been through a lot Healthwise, many surgeries (8), including a gastric sleeve six years ago. The irony is I stepped on the scale and I was the exact weight I was, 368 lbs before surgery in 2013 and although I had a great deal of success the first time, but then as I said in my story life happened. Even though the weight itself was shocking because I felt like I failed in only losing 4 pounds during the first week of my pre-op diet, I don't think panic really set in until I met with the check out receptionist. We were talking and laughing about my relief of not needing to delay my surgery....then without knowing it, she dropped a bomb on me that I did not really recognize how much it affected me until this morning.
When I said I was having a second sleeve, which I had gotten over the embarrassment of admitting, she told me that she had a friend who had her third sleeve some time ago, and she had not seen or heard from her since. My gut reaction was - hell no, no way I am doing this a third time, but in the back of my mind, I began to wonder. Am I ready...will I be successful...is this worth it to go back a third time....then finally, maybe her friend died after her last surgery. The reality is the cavalier way Miss 'size 10' talked about her struggles in what she described as ballooning due to a medication, my guess is that her friend decided she was not the right person to share her struggles with. I cannot even remember he name but I already regret sharing mine.
I am aware of how desperately I battled depression, how I came back from the brink after two suicide attempts after surviving a horrifying violet attack, and I was grateful to be at the point ready to have surgery. Then I came home and started self-sabotaging. I am not sure it was intentional, but I was extremely exhausted and had two doctors appointments that day and had missed two of my shakes. I had larger meal, not like before, but enough to make me horribly sick. I had not eaten any basic carbs in more than a week. Yesterday I was so fatigued, had burning pain in my knee from an old injury, but since it is too late to take NSAIDS, I used flexeril, which made me feel even more out of it.
Yesterday, I still felt out of control and had half of hoagie, which then made me feel worse about myself. My normal unconscious reaction was to head for my go-to foods, SUGAR, thankfully not an ounce of it existed in the house, except for fruit. I took two (non-benzo) anxiety pills and took a nap. I reached out to my surgeon and asked if I now had to change my surgery schedule. He calmly told me no and to just use the pre-op diet to get back on track.
This morning (well technically middle of the night) I woke up and realized all week I have been looking for signs I was making the wrong decision. My nutritionist had given me this negative self-talk wheel that I really forgot about even though it is stuck to my bulletin. When I looked at it, my behavior patterns started to make sense.
The truth is I am scared, and I need to give myself permission to feel that and grieve. Its Thanksgiving and fortunately, I am not cooking and will not be around a lot of food. For the past few years, I have been a part of big Thanksgiving celebrations, due to emotional struggles, but my adult daughter usually brings me something from her dad and his family celebrations.
This morning I woke up and realized how much of my life I have missed out on living in a prison that I not only created, but am the warden who locked away the key to release myself. I want to start living again and not just existing. I know what to expect and that having the surgery will not take away my problems. It is just one tool in my journey to health and better living. Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to begin losing the pounds of pain I have carried for far too long. I needed the last two days to remind that this journey is not going to be easy, but it will take a conscious effort every day to choose to strive for a healthier life for me.
Hopefully, this time next year I can look back on how I feel today and we thankful I made it to the other side.
Thank you for sharing this journey with me,
Mya

Kudos to Mya. I do hate that you had to fall, but I think that's how God works for us. You had to fall in order to pick yourself up and get it together again. I am so happy for you. Good luck on this journey. You got your head and heart in the right place, this time you will succeed. You got this girl! (high five)

So, today I had my final appointment prior to surgery and pre-registered and given information about post-op and what to expect. WoooooHooooo, I am so happy! I have been on my liver shrinking diet and started a week early and when I realized I wouldn't be getting the foods I so loved, I went and got me a quarter-pounder, fries and a large sprite. I felt so guilty after eating it but the next day got back on track! So, Tuesday was my actual start date of the 14 day liver shrinking diet but again I started earlier. Friday 22, 2019 I went for my appointment were you had to bring your support person and I was so shocked that my husband only missed one question on the post test after they talk to you. I was so sure he was not listening just going through the motions but oh my goodness he and I both only missed one question! Questions such as when do you start your pureed, soft, and regular diet, how much are you suppose to eat on the pureed diet ( I missed this one) 1 Tbs, 1/2 cup or 3 Tbs. I chose the 1/2 cup and it should have been the 3Tbs. Then they spoke about what will give you dumping syndrome and then had you feel out your calendar of when you start your cleanse, when you start you Clear Liquids to full clear, to pureed, soft and regular! We then had a trainer come in and speak to us about exercise after surgery. It was a day full of great information and I really enjoyed it. Also today, they wanted to make sure you have purchased your Vitamins, which I had, I had purchased mine previously and so I am now ready for this surgery! My surgery is scheduled for 6:30a.m. and she said I was the first on the list!

Good Morning, I am also up early today. Thank you for sharing your story. I always feel it's 'never to late" I spent years waiting to allow myself some happiness, waiting to use the "nice" china....just...waiting...I waited so long I missed out on the chance to have children....but....we push forward. It truly is a gift that you realized the prison you had been in. I'm only a couple of months out. and I've went though the stage of regretting all of this. but...there is a light...I share your optimism on the future.

Take Care,

Panda

Hi everyone,
Its early in the morning on Thanksgiving, four days before surgery and I wanted to check in because I owe it to myself to be honest about how I am feeling. I am struggling, not with the decision I made to have surgery, but the truth about the challenges I am facing moving forward. I started to ask if anyone had challenges with their pre-op diet, but I know the answer to that question does not matter because I am. I feel a little silenced or maybe ashamed because if I admit to my family I am scared and self-sabotaging then I will be forced to ask myself if I am doing the right thing.
I was doing well with the pre-op diet until two days ago...Tuesday. I have a form of anemia that makes it difficult for me to absorb Iron through food. I noticed I have increasingly more tired and I found out Saturday my iron levels are low again, 6 months after my last iron infusion, and a part of me feared that I would need to post-pone surgery for another round or go in early for blood transfusions. In meeting with me hematologist late Tuesday afternoon, he told me I did not have to do either and since they draw blood every day in the hospital, they could do a blood transfusion there if necessary.
I have been through a lot Healthwise, many surgeries (8), including a gastric sleeve six years ago. The irony is I stepped on the scale and I was the exact weight I was, 368 lbs before surgery in 2013 and although I had a great deal of success the first time, but then as I said in my story life happened. Even though the weight itself was shocking because I felt like I failed in only losing 4 pounds during the first week of my pre-op diet, I don't think panic really set in until I met with the check out receptionist. We were talking and laughing about my relief of not needing to delay my surgery....then without knowing it, she dropped a bomb on me that I did not really recognize how much it affected me until this morning.
When I said I was having a second sleeve, which I had gotten over the embarrassment of admitting, she told me that she had a friend who had her third sleeve some time ago, and she had not seen or heard from her since. My gut reaction was - hell no, no way I am doing this a third time, but in the back of my mind, I began to wonder. Am I ready...will I be successful...is this worth it to go back a third time....then finally, maybe her friend died after her last surgery. The reality is the cavalier way Miss 'size 10' talked about her struggles in what she described as ballooning due to a medication, my guess is that her friend decided she was not the right person to share her struggles with. I cannot even remember he name but I already regret sharing mine.
I am aware of how desperately I battled depression, how I came back from the brink after two suicide attempts after surviving a horrifying violet attack, and I was grateful to be at the point ready to have surgery. Then I came home and started self-sabotaging. I am not sure it was intentional, but I was extremely exhausted and had two doctors appointments that day and had missed two of my shakes. I had larger meal, not like before, but enough to make me horribly sick. I had not eaten any basic carbs in more than a week. Yesterday I was so fatigued, had burning pain in my knee from an old injury, but since it is too late to take NSAIDS, I used flexeril, which made me feel even more out of it.
Yesterday, I still felt out of control and had half of hoagie, which then made me feel worse about myself. My normal unconscious reaction was to head for my go-to foods, SUGAR, thankfully not an ounce of it existed in the house, except for fruit. I took two (non-benzo) anxiety pills and took a nap. I reached out to my surgeon and asked if I now had to change my surgery schedule. He calmly told me no and to just use the pre-op diet to get back on track.
This morning (well technically middle of the night) I woke up and realized all week I have been looking for signs I was making the wrong decision. My nutritionist had given me this negative self-talk wheel that I really forgot about even though it is stuck to my bulletin. When I looked at it, my behavior patterns started to make sense.
The truth is I am scared, and I need to give myself permission to feel that and grieve. Its Thanksgiving and fortunately, I am not cooking and will not be around a lot of food. For the past few years, I have been a part of big Thanksgiving celebrations, due to emotional struggles, but my adult daughter usually brings me something from her dad and his family celebrations.
This morning I woke up and realized how much of my life I have missed out on living in a prison that I not only created, but am the warden who locked away the key to release myself. I want to start living again and not just existing. I know what to expect and that having the surgery will not take away my problems. It is just one tool in my journey to health and better living. Today, I am thankful for the opportunity to begin losing the pounds of pain I have carried for far too long. I needed the last two days to remind that this journey is not going to be easy, but it will take a conscious effort every day to choose to strive for a healthier life for me.
Hopefully, this time next year I can look back on how I feel today and we thankful I made it to the other side.
Thank you for sharing this journey with me,
Mya

@Kimmerz23 I was just about to post the same topic! My surgery is one week from today. I am getting more excited the closer the day gets.

I am excited for you. Good luck with your surgery!

I fall, too. I'm hoping for the same after surgery.

Good morning and welcome to the group! I am a faller, I fall a lot in fact last night I fell, grrrr. I am hoping that improves as I lose weight. Like you I have a very similar Water bottle but on a 32 ounce bottle. It does help me get my water in! Nice to meet you!

Hi everyone,
I am scheduled for a sleeve revision to sleeve on December 2, 2019. I am 46 years old and have been significantly overweight since I was 20 years when I was pregnant with my daughter. I called this thread 'Weight loss 2.0' because my previous gastric sleeve was December 3, 2013. Looking back, I believed the surgery was the magic fix to all of my problems. At first I had considerable success and dropped 100-120 lbs. Then,life happened - well bad things in life happened. I survived two violent attacks, the first in 2014 which left me with physical challenges, and then in 2015, after a sexual assault, I attempted suicide twice. It took me two years to get to a place of mental stability, but by then I regained my weight, plus more.
In 2017, I began discussing with my doctor the prospects of having a revision surgery or bypass. For health reasons, the bypass is not an option. I discussed the options and decided I would not get back on the surgery table until I knew I was truly ready for change. What I have learned though, is that there will never be a moment when I will be truly ready, but it is about making a decision to change my life and working hard to do so. I am very good at self-sabotage and while awaiting my final doctor's visit to schedule surgery, I went over in my head all of the reasons I should and should not have the surgery again. After all, my first sleeve in 2013 was a failure and I stretched my sleeve to 2.5 times its size at surgery. There is a million little things that added up to me regaining weight, but I could not stop wondering if I had the fortitude to stick to it this time.
All of the questions and doubts went away when I fell out of my shower two weeks ago yesterday. My spine is fused from C2-T1 and I handed on my back with my head and shoulders against the sink cabinet and the shower curtain rod jammed against the bathroom door. Short of the fire department tearing the door down, I had to find a way off the floor. It was early in the morning and my pride/embarrassment was too much to ask for help. Eventually I painfully got up off the floor. In that moment, I felt there is no reason at 46 years old I should not be able to get off the floor. I went to the emergency room to make sure I did not suffer any real damage and then decided to schedule my final appointment and pick a surgery date.
I am teetering through excited and terrified because I have been down this road before. In my gut I know it will be different because I am in a different place and have already made changes to start my journey. To commemorate the start of my pre-op diet, I gave up coffee, sugar, Snacks, all at once. For some reason last week, I kept eating things I figured I would never be able to eat again and then went cold turkey starting Monday morning. The lack of coffee and sugar alone makes me feel like crap all the time, but I am keep working at it and already lost 3.5 lbs this week. I had a Protein Bar today that somehow tasted like a mixture of cardboard and paper mache paste dipped in cocoa powder, which was some sort of scientific miracle that allowed it to be stamped as a food product. But it had 20 g of Protein and 3 g of sugar. (definitely will not try that one again).
For any other coffee addicts out there, I found that hot tea with dry non-dairy Creamer (no sugar) is enough to trick my brain into thinking I had my usual coffee drip. The good news I no longer feel like I am losing my mind. The sugar substitutes are just not my thing. Fortunately, I love Water and the many trips to the second floor bathroom have been a kick-start to my exercise regime - that is after many years of couch surfing. I found a 64oz water bottle that has times on one side and inspiration on the other, but I feel like I will start floating soon. I truly never realized how dehydrated I was, probably from the excessive amounts of coffee every day.
I am less than 2 weeks away from surgery now and I am grateful that I have a sense of hopefulness, mixed with the reality of knowing that after surgery is when the hard work starts. A part of me is grieving too because I need to give up this life-long terrible relationship with food to live a fuller life.
Thanks for reading and happy to be here to share my story. I look forward to learning more about other people here.
Mya

Hi everyone,
I am scheduled for a sleeve revision to sleeve on December 2, 2019. I am 46 years old and have been significantly overweight since I was 20 years when I was pregnant with my daughter. I called this thread 'Weight loss 2.0' because my previous gastric sleeve was December 3, 2013. Looking back, I believed the surgery was the magic fix to all of my problems. At first I had considerable success and dropped 100-120 lbs. Then,life happened - well bad things in life happened. I survived two violent attacks, the first in 2014 which left me with physical challenges, and then in 2015, after a sexual assault, I attempted suicide twice. It took me two years to get to a place of mental stability, but by then I regained my weight, plus more.
In 2017, I began discussing with my doctor the prospects of having a revision surgery or bypass. For health reasons, the bypass is not an option. I discussed the options and decided I would not get back on the surgery table until I knew I was truly ready for change. What I have learned though, is that there will never be a moment when I will be truly ready, but it is about making a decision to change my life and working hard to do so. I am very good at self-sabotage and while awaiting my final doctor's visit to schedule surgery, I went over in my head all of the reasons I should and should not have the surgery again. After all, my first sleeve in 2013 was a failure and I stretched my sleeve to 2.5 times its size at surgery. There is a million little things that added up to me regaining weight, but I could not stop wondering if I had the fortitude to stick to it this time.
All of the questions and doubts went away when I fell out of my shower two weeks ago yesterday. My spine is fused from C2-T1 and I handed on my back with my head and shoulders against the sink cabinet and the shower curtain rod jammed against the bathroom door. Short of the fire department tearing the door down, I had to find a way off the floor. It was early in the morning and my pride/embarrassment was too much to ask for help. Eventually I painfully got up off the floor. In that moment, I felt there is no reason at 46 years old I should not be able to get off the floor. I went to the emergency room to make sure I did not suffer any real damage and then decided to schedule my final appointment and pick a surgery date.
I am teetering through excited and terrified because I have been down this road before. In my gut I know it will be different because I am in a different place and have already made changes to start my journey. To commemorate the start of my pre-op diet, I gave up coffee, sugar, Snacks, all at once. For some reason last week, I kept eating things I figured I would never be able to eat again and then went cold turkey starting Monday morning. The lack of coffee and sugar alone makes me feel like crap all the time, but I am keep working at it and already lost 3.5 lbs this week. I had a Protein Bar today that somehow tasted like a mixture of cardboard and paper mache paste dipped in cocoa powder, which was some sort of scientific miracle that allowed it to be stamped as a food product. But it had 20 g of Protein and 3 g of sugar. (definitely will not try that one again).
For any other coffee addicts out there, I found that hot tea with dry non-dairy Creamer (no sugar) is enough to trick my brain into thinking I had my usual coffee drip. The good news I no longer feel like I am losing my mind. The sugar substitutes are just not my thing. Fortunately, I love Water and the many trips to the second floor bathroom have been a kick-start to my exercise regime - that is after many years of couch surfing. I found a 64oz water bottle that has times on one side and inspiration on the other, but I feel like I will start floating soon. I truly never realized how dehydrated I was, probably from the excessive amounts of coffee every day.
I am less than 2 weeks away from surgery now and I am grateful that I have a sense of hopefulness, mixed with the reality of knowing that after surgery is when the hard work starts. A part of me is grieving too because I need to give up this life-long terrible relationship with food to live a fuller life.
Thanks for reading and happy to be here to share my story. I look forward to learning more about other people here.
Mya

Hi everyone,
I am scheduled for a sleeve revision to sleeve on December 2, 2019. I am 46 years old and have been significantly overweight since I was 20 years when I was pregnant with my daughter. I called this thread 'Weight loss 2.0' because my previous gastric sleeve was December 3, 2013. Looking back, I believed the surgery was the magic fix to all of my problems. At first I had considerable success and dropped 100-120 lbs. Then,life happened - well bad things in life happened. I survived two violent attacks, the first in 2014 which left me with physical challenges, and then in 2015, after a sexual assault, I attempted suicide twice. It took me two years to get to a place of mental stability, but by then I regained my weight, plus more.
In 2017, I began discussing with my doctor the prospects of having a revision surgery or bypass. For health reasons, the bypass is not an option. I discussed the options and decided I would not get back on the surgery table until I knew I was truly ready for change. What I have learned though, is that there will never be a moment when I will be truly ready, but it is about making a decision to change my life and working hard to do so. I am very good at self-sabotage and while awaiting my final doctor's visit to schedule surgery, I went over in my head all of the reasons I should and should not have the surgery again. After all, my first sleeve in 2013 was a failure and I stretched my sleeve to 2.5 times its size at surgery. There is a million little things that added up to me regaining weight, but I could not stop wondering if I had the fortitude to stick to it this time.
All of the questions and doubts went away when I fell out of my shower two weeks ago yesterday. My spine is fused from C2-T1 and I handed on my back with my head and shoulders against the sink cabinet and the shower curtain rod jammed against the bathroom door. Short of the fire department tearing the door down, I had to find a way off the floor. It was early in the morning and my pride/embarrassment was too much to ask for help. Eventually I painfully got up off the floor. In that moment, I felt there is no reason at 46 years old I should not be able to get off the floor. I went to the emergency room to make sure I did not suffer any real damage and then decided to schedule my final appointment and pick a surgery date.
I am teetering through excited and terrified because I have been down this road before. In my gut I know it will be different because I am in a different place and have already made changes to start my journey. To commemorate the start of my pre-op diet, I gave up coffee, sugar, Snacks, all at once. For some reason last week, I kept eating things I figured I would never be able to eat again and then went cold turkey starting Monday morning. The lack of coffee and sugar alone makes me feel like crap all the time, but I am keep working at it and already lost 3.5 lbs this week. I had a Protein Bar today that somehow tasted like a mixture of cardboard and paper mache paste dipped in cocoa powder, which was some sort of scientific miracle that allowed it to be stamped as a food product. But it had 20 g of Protein and 3 g of sugar. (definitely will not try that one again).
For any other coffee addicts out there, I found that hot tea with dry non-dairy Creamer (no sugar) is enough to trick my brain into thinking I had my usual coffee drip. The good news I no longer feel like I am losing my mind. The sugar substitutes are just not my thing. Fortunately, I love Water and the many trips to the second floor bathroom have been a kick-start to my exercise regime - that is after many years of couch surfing. I found a 64oz water bottle that has times on one side and inspiration on the other, but I feel like I will start floating soon. I truly never realized how dehydrated I was, probably from the excessive amounts of coffee every day.
I am less than 2 weeks away from surgery now and I am grateful that I have a sense of hopefulness, mixed with the reality of knowing that after surgery is when the hard work starts. A part of me is grieving too because I need to give up this life-long terrible relationship with food to live a fuller life.
Thanks for reading and happy to be here to share my story. I look forward to learning more about other people here.
Mya

December 2 here!

Hi !
I can feel your pain, keenly lol. I also gave up coffee for my revision surgery and it was also cold turkey.
Glad you're in a better place! You'll do fantastic.
💙CONGRATULATIONS💙

Thank you so much for sharing your journey! You have been through a lot. Best of luck with your upcoming surgery. 💚

Hi everyone,
I am scheduled for a sleeve revision to sleeve on December 2, 2019. I am 46 years old and have been significantly overweight since I was 20 years when I was pregnant with my daughter. I called this thread 'Weight loss 2.0' because my previous gastric sleeve was December 3, 2013. Looking back, I believed the surgery was the magic fix to all of my problems. At first I had considerable success and dropped 100-120 lbs. Then,life happened - well bad things in life happened. I survived two violent attacks, the first in 2014 which left me with physical challenges, and then in 2015, after a sexual assault, I attempted suicide twice. It took me two years to get to a place of mental stability, but by then I regained my weight, plus more.
In 2017, I began discussing with my doctor the prospects of having a revision surgery or bypass. For health reasons, the bypass is not an option. I discussed the options and decided I would not get back on the surgery table until I knew I was truly ready for change. What I have learned though, is that there will never be a moment when I will be truly ready, but it is about making a decision to change my life and working hard to do so. I am very good at self-sabotage and while awaiting my final doctor's visit to schedule surgery, I went over in my head all of the reasons I should and should not have the surgery again. After all, my first sleeve in 2013 was a failure and I stretched my sleeve to 2.5 times its size at surgery. There is a million little things that added up to me regaining weight, but I could not stop wondering if I had the fortitude to stick to it this time.
All of the questions and doubts went away when I fell out of my shower two weeks ago yesterday. My spine is fused from C2-T1 and I handed on my back with my head and shoulders against the sink cabinet and the shower curtain rod jammed against the bathroom door. Short of the fire department tearing the door down, I had to find a way off the floor. It was early in the morning and my pride/embarrassment was too much to ask for help. Eventually I painfully got up off the floor. In that moment, I felt there is no reason at 46 years old I should not be able to get off the floor. I went to the emergency room to make sure I did not suffer any real damage and then decided to schedule my final appointment and pick a surgery date.
I am teetering through excited and terrified because I have been down this road before. In my gut I know it will be different because I am in a different place and have already made changes to start my journey. To commemorate the start of my pre-op diet, I gave up coffee, sugar, Snacks, all at once. For some reason last week, I kept eating things I figured I would never be able to eat again and then went cold turkey starting Monday morning. The lack of coffee and sugar alone makes me feel like crap all the time, but I am keep working at it and already lost 3.5 lbs this week. I had a Protein Bar today that somehow tasted like a mixture of cardboard and paper mache paste dipped in cocoa powder, which was some sort of scientific miracle that allowed it to be stamped as a food product. But it had 20 g of Protein and 3 g of sugar. (definitely will not try that one again).
For any other coffee addicts out there, I found that hot tea with dry non-dairy Creamer (no sugar) is enough to trick my brain into thinking I had my usual coffee drip. The good news I no longer feel like I am losing my mind. The sugar substitutes are just not my thing. Fortunately, I love Water and the many trips to the second floor bathroom have been a kick-start to my exercise regime - that is after many years of couch surfing. I found a 64oz water bottle that has times on one side and inspiration on the other, but I feel like I will start floating soon. I truly never realized how dehydrated I was, probably from the excessive amounts of coffee every day.
I am less than 2 weeks away from surgery now and I am grateful that I have a sense of hopefulness, mixed with the reality of knowing that after surgery is when the hard work starts. A part of me is grieving too because I need to give up this life-long terrible relationship with food to live a fuller life.
Thanks for reading and happy to be here to share my story. I look forward to learning more about other people here.
Mya

RNY is scheduled for tomorrow! I am ready to get this going!!!

I’m using Dr Neff too!!

12/2 sleeve in NJ with Dr Neff