ksgypsy

is this what you guys are asking Open the gate to the stall

Since apparently no one will give out this secret, and everyone will tell you to just be patient (not likely!) Stay the course, work your plan, just wait, etc. I thought start a thread to help anyone really desperate (with a great sense of humor) 😬
Please add your ultimate (yet unlikely to work) Tips on breaking a stall👏

I like his older videos, too.
Having "big goals" is nothing wrong or naughty. The problem is how people react when they don't reach them or only reach them partly. So it might not be wrong to set a more moderate goal and adapt as the patient goes along. Surgeons and dietitians got more modest during the years because there is study after study that shows what's the usual outcome after several years for many (though definitely not all) patients is.
If you see yourself as a winner and as successful only if you're maintaining at a BMI 21 or lower forever and feel like a failure when you're only being able to reach and maintain e. g. a BMI of 28 (coming around from maybe a BMI of 50) - maybe that's not really all that pleasant. There is nothing wrong with pursuing lofty goals but I think one should have a plan B if plan A doesn't work out.
Most people on here usually don't believe it in the beginning but: you don't pick a goal weight like a new pair of jeans or the color of your next car.

True.
In the end it's always a question of "how big is the price one has to pay for it". If you can maintain a BMI in the normal range or maybe even in the being-slightly-overweight range rather effortlessly what's the point of trying to white knuckle your way to a BMI of e. g. 21?
If we're being honest we're no longer talking about "health" then. We're talking about "vanity". Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with wanting to lose more weight because of a little vanity but be honest and stop hiding behind the word "health" once a normal weight is reached and it doesn't hurt to be aware of the price one might have to pay for it either. For many patients the decision to lose some more "vanity weight" might boil down to "Do I want a life or a diet and an exercise plan?"
I'm dropping again the term "best weight possible". For some, that might indeed be that BMI of 20. For others it might be the BMI of 27 or 28 or higher, depending on starting BMI and life circumstances.
Usually surgeons and dietitians are more realistic when it comes to goal weight than the patients, e. g.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18201668/

Give yourself some credit and pat yourself on the back for making the decision to get healthier.
I think that it would be good to give your self grace. Be kind. Your body is not just going through a shock it's an entire way of life that you are changing. So make an effort to stay positive and optimism is key. food intake should follow the dieticians recommended foods.
You will loose weight. And to keep it off follow the plan like your life depends on it.
Hang in there. And perhaps Journal your feelings and track your food.
All the best,

Hello everyone, I would lile to share that I had my surgery 13 years ago, no complications before or after surgery, at the beginning of course was difficult because is a new life with totally different eating habits, portions, but the most important is to be ready mentally and emotionally so we can be strong to stop ourselves to eat or drink something not in our new menu for our new condition.
Second, follow every single step and everything will be fine. Exercise with a simple walk around the house but maintain your body in movement, at the same tine we are helping out stomach tissue to heal faster.
Righ now,, I am able to eat everything but I never exceed and I continue with my precautions. I am 52 years old and I wish the best to each of you and be proud of every single change you made, reward yourself with self motivation and encouragement to do better and better.
Each of you can do it!
Sent from my LM-Q730 using BariatricPal mobile app

Thanks everyone, I know it is very early days!! I am a perfectionist in everything I choose to take on, this journey is no different, and changing gears unexpectedly definitely felt like a hiccup in a well laid plan. On top of being a perfectionist I am also a control freak, I love to control all variables that are within my ability to control and mold to generate the result that I want; so I now just have to redefine my plan, which may seem silly to so many, but it is just me. Thank you all for taking the time to respond to me. I feel much more ready to tackle everything today after a good sleep and some new planning:)

It would be disappointing to think you're heading toward one destination and end up in a different 'town'. I hope you are feeling better and obviously your Surgeon made the best choice for your situation. I had my surgery 11-4 and gained weight. I didn't see a net loss until yesterday morning. And it was a couple of lbs. Please try not to feel disheartened. You're doing all you can on your side- the weight Will come off! 🤗

🙏 Hope it went smoothly and you have an easy recovery!

First and foremost you need to tell him Everything you need and want to, doesn't matter if he wants to hear it or not, you NEED to tell him how you feel, stick with I statements. I feel this way when this. I feel this way when that. Keep them pointed at you, so he doesn't feel attacked and shut down before you can even get started.

Do not be afraid to tell him that he's going to end up pushing you away.

You said he's overweight too, odds are he's jealous of your progress, how you are (I'm sure) feeling MUCH better, more energy, more attention from others. He's more than likely upset that he feels he's being left behind. But all of that is on him not you.
You are not and will never be responsible for anyone other than your own reactions. If he's upset, that's for him to figure out why, is he upset that you are losing weight? If so... that's not your problem or fault or responsibility to fix for him.

My wife and I have been married for almost 22 years now.
I've known my wife was bi for 23+ years.
It wasn't until a good 5 years into our marriage that she finally "saw" it as well.
I got fat... almost 400 ish (sitting at 190ish now)
I knew that I wasn't providing her the things she needed to feel "complete" or "fulfilled" sexually.
I handled the Male side of things ok, but I got a lot of "not now, I don't feel good" etc, I constantly felt like I was being pushed away. When we started opening our relationship up, we talked.... a lot. Who wanted what, why, what were the rules, boundaries, etc. We had long, very embarrassing discussions. But in the end, we both knew where we were and what was needed to keep each of us "happy" together.
The idea wasn't to replace, it was to fill in.
I could never be a woman, even with things being hidden by fat and having breasts... I'm not woman and never will be, so, in my mind, how can I be mad at her for wanting what I can't provide. So rules in hand we started to go out and meet people, together.
I pushed her to go dance and be playful and to have fun. At first she was afraid I would be left out, and I knew I would be. And I was. But she had her time, I got some time too with a few but for the most part, it was all for her.

Then I lost the weight.
The wife was never really THAT big, she did hit 170-190 ish at one point, but that was because the whole house was eating like crap.
I lost weight and so did she.
We started working out together.
We started getting more attention from others as well.

My big issue is that, she reacts to me the way I would react when I was big. I was unhappy with myself, super self conscious, hated myself and lashed out a lot. She was reacting to the old me, not the new me. That spun some new deep convos, one we still work on.

We met our current girlfriend back in October. At first she was really into the wife, but also interested in me, but as she was more gay than bi, it was the wife she was found of, but that slowly changed, our GF had some issues with past trauma from other GFs, so I because this shelter, and the roles that my wife and I dealth with for years, reversed. Now she's the one that feels left out or pushed aside, not that she is, just that, that's how she feels. So more and more long awkward open convos and things are so much better.

I think the take away is, open up and talk. Drop your most uncomfortable information right in his lap and let him deal with it.
Most men were brought up not to express ANY emotion or weakness. I've worked hard to push past that, I know that if I"m upset, I'm allowed to be upset. I cry, I get emotional, I get sad and pissed. I get needy and want to feel loved or want to feel desired. I know that a lot of my control issues come from lack of control and other things from my past, but, the 3 of us talk often. We sit down and discuss things. We have gotten to the point where one of us can request "private time" with the other and no one gets upset about it.

It's been very VERY hard. All the body issues I face, control issues I face, jealousy, envy, etc.
All gets sorted when talk.
Not to say that you'll talk and it'll end up great for the 2 of you, but as some have pointed out above, sometimes we change and no longer fit with our spouse. And there really isn't anything wrong with that. Humans grown, change and evolve. You've made a drastic evolution. Why is he upset? Only he knows for sure.

Good luck and congrats on the loss! You look like you feel MUCH better!

Rant ahead!
One of the few good things I can think of in 2020, and it is a big one, is my improved overall health after 75+ pounds of weight loss. The last couple of weeks have pretty much been terrible. My Water heater broke two weeks ago and caused flooding in my house. We actually had to move into a hotel for a week while they dried the moisture and did some asbestos abatement. We had to board our dogs. We made a decision to leave our beloved nine year old cat at home figuring it would be less stressful for her, and our hotel was only 2 miles away so we could check on her. I work at home right now and being stuck in a hotel room all day was miserable. Trying to figure out what to eat was challenging.

We were able to move back home last Friday, but there was no sign of our cat. She lives in our master bedroom because she does not like the dogs and has a cat door from our room to outside. Sunday my husband went to work (nurse) and started to feel very badly that morning. He ended up taking a COVID test, which came back positive. I am also now sick and have my test scheduled for Thursday. He is doing pretty well, but I feel crummy. My cat has still not appeared. We cannot get contractors in for estimates to repair our home due to being on quarantine. I am so glad we are able to quarantine in our own home with our dogs, but still, it sucks. I miss my cat, and realize I will probably not see her again. We have lots of coyotes in our neighborhood and already lost another cat to predation.

My mom is a breast cancer survivor and she found a lump in her breast last week. Her oncologist sent her for a mammogram with ultra sound, which came back inconclusive. She has a MRI tomorrow, and sees the oncologist again on Thursday. And I am on quarantine. Thankfully she has her husband to support her, but I want to be there too.

I am so grateful for not getting COVID (assuming I have it now) when I was still morbidly obese. I am no longer diabetic. Pretty sure my sleep apnea is gone. I do still have asthma, but at this point, it is well controlled so keeping my fingers crossed. My husband’s case has been mild, so I am hoping mine will be too. I am grateful for my husband even if he did give me COVID😂

Focusing on the positive, I am sitting on my couch, with my little dog on my lap and my big dog next to me. My employer provides COVID leave so I don’t have to work while I feel crummy and I will not blow through my PTO. I am not alone while I quarantine. We have the support of wonderful family, friends, and neighbors if we need anything.

I am currently waiting to get prepped for surgery. starts at 10. Will text you all later. I am very nervous !

Yesterday was pretty rough. Toady is better. I was super nauseated yesterday. I’m up to full liquids and if I do okay and I walk 3 times around the hall I go home tomorrow. How are you doing?

Came home today from being readmitted to the hospital via the ER and curious if these issues have happened to many on this Forum. I had uncontrollable bloody/watery leaking from my drain which was eventually stopped by meds after ensuring the surgery stapling hadn't been compromised. Then, a short time after being readmitted, I had watery, bloody stools- and I don't mean a little bloody- A Lot! Surgeon on staff with my Surgeon said it was blood pooled in the intestines and would stop in a day or two. The Nurses said they'd not seen so much coming out of a drain before but my hemoglobin count is fine. Anyone with a similar situation and if so, what was the explanation given? Thanks!

I am reading everyone's post and I pray for your strength through this process. I know it is really hard, I had to do it on my first surgery and it was a struggle but just know its worth it. My second surgery that are not requiring a liquid diet and I glad about that. But I am hoping for the best for you all.

I am 65 now and they’re about to send my file to the insurance co. Ive gone through 2 other programs in the last six years & my family talked me out of it. Now i am pre-diabetic and I have made a firm decision that I need to do this or my years on Earth will be severely limited. My back is degenerated from injuries; carrying this extra weight is painful & making it hard to be active. I am accepting the low risks of surgery because diabetes is very high risk. And I don’t want to live with morbid obesity from a wheelchair when my back crumbles. This surgery is, the way I see it, a ticket to a better and longer life.

Like others, the benefits of the surgery out weighed the risks. My quality of life was horrible and only getting worse as I got older. Co-morbidities were increasing. I did have 2 complications - post op blood clots and an ulcer, but both were successfully treated and resolved. I do not regret surgery for a minute. I have a new life with a bright future ahead.

I was OK the day they went over the risks, but got REALLY nervous when I had to sign all the forms day of surgery and was waiting to be taken back. I don't think I ever really considered canceling, but it did cross my mind. This is major, life altering surgery and comes with real risks. However, if you are like me, my life needed altering. I'm so glad I did this.

Although it can be startling, what you're describing is actually a good thing. It means your surgeon was open and honest with you about the risks so that you can make a truly informed decision. Now you can balance those risks against the expected benefits and come to your own conclusion about whether or not surgery is worth it. For me, it was definitely worth moving forward with surgery since, as you said, the risk of serious complications is low overall (and the risks associated with remaining obese were very high). Only you can decide how the risk vs. benefits equation balances out for you. But having accurate information is a prerequisite to be able to do that. I wish you the best, whatever you decide. 🤗

Did anyone think twice when your doctor discussed the risks of the surgeries with you? I had my first appointment with the surgeon on Thursday and it just set me back a bit. I know the overall risk is low, they shared the data with me. I guess it was more just hearing the reality of the surgery, etc. Just looking for how others felt. I’m not saying I may not go through with it, but it makes me think twice.

I had my bypass this past Thursday morning, the 5th, and it went well. My doc also repaired my hiatal hernia while he was in there. I spent one night in the hospital. I feel very fortunate because I had no nausea, and didn’t even need any pain meds until I got home Friday afternoon and started moving around more. When I strain at all, even getting up out of a chair, I get sharp pains on my left side where the incisions are. But I feel fine if I’m just sitting still or standing. I’m looking forward to tomorrow because I’ll be able to add a few more foods. After two weeks of only Jello, popsicles and broth, that yogurt is going to taste awfully good!

it’s showtime! I’m super excited and can’t wait to be on the other side.