WinterFish

@AngieBear @jg7979 I appreciate your responses more than you know. I figure I’m honest with myself so why not be honest out loud to my loved ones. I’m going to try and push out of my confront zone. It’s 2020 and I just turned 30. No better time to start than now I suppose!

@AngieBear @jg7979 I appreciate your responses more than you know. I figure I’m honest with myself so why not be honest out loud to my loved ones. I’m going to try and push out of my confront zone. It’s 2020 and I just turned 30. No better time to start than now I suppose!

I’ll try and keep this as brief as possible. Sorry if I rant on and on.

As I went from 240 lbs to 390 lbs between 2009-2019 I slowly hid myself away from friends and family. The truth is I was in denial about how bad things were getting and I was embarrassed. I was ashamed of how I couldn’t keep up with my friends just walking around the city or fitting into booths at restaurants for family milestones. I was out of breath walking into work from the parking lot. I felt like if I could avoid these things in front of other people, if other people couldn’t confirm how limited I had become, it somehow made it less true.

I have missed SO many adventures and huge important events in my loved ones lives simply because I was physically unable. This hurts my heart.

In 2018 I ditched a good friend’s bachelorette weekend out of town because I was so anxious about how I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everyone. Like literally I could not walk around and I felt ridiculous going to clubs with girls wearing their best outfits and me in an oversized T-shirt. By that point I couldn’t stand for 5 mins without my lower back screaming. Our friendship has not been the same since. I have always thought that was the turning point in our friendship.

Now fast forward to late 2019. I happened to be invited to another good friend’s bachelorette weekend. This is a friend I met in college and we were so close we lived together for a couple of years. This is also when my depression/weight gain really got bad. I did my best to hide it, but I’m sure it was obvious. Over the last 7 years I have make excuses to avoid meeting up with her because she is so active. I even prayed she wouldn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid. How sad is that? I really didn’t think I could make it through the dress shopping bit. Pre-surgery I was 390 lbs and a size 26. This friend has run the NYC marathon and I was at least 220 lbs heavier than any other girl in her friend circle. When I was invited on the bachelorette weekend I immediately thought of ways to get out of it. I told one of the maids of honor that I didn’t think it would be a good idea since it was still early after surgery and I wasn’t sure how I’d feel. Well it’s been almost 5 months and I’ve been so lucky to have zero complications. My mobility is much better too. I am also sober by choice. I was never a big drinker anyways. I partied pretty hard as a teen so by the time I got to college I was somewhat past that phase. It doesn’t make me feel good and now with a sleeve I feel like alcohol serves me no purpose.

Anyways what I am looking for is real honest advice. I feel immense guilt over declining this invite. I have thought about how I would feel if I was my friend. I could see how she would be upset or disappointed. Am I wrong to not go? I don’t drink and I’m trying so hard to stick to my diet. I know if I really wanted to I could make it work.

I don’t want people to tell me what I want to hear. I guess I just want someone to say they understand what I’m saying and feeling. I don’t have anyone in my family or friends that are even overweight. I feel like no one can relate. Has anyone else been through this? Did things get better as you lost weight?

I’ll try and keep this as brief as possible. Sorry if I rant on and on.

As I went from 240 lbs to 390 lbs between 2009-2019 I slowly hid myself away from friends and family. The truth is I was in denial about how bad things were getting and I was embarrassed. I was ashamed of how I couldn’t keep up with my friends just walking around the city or fitting into booths at restaurants for family milestones. I was out of breath walking into work from the parking lot. I felt like if I could avoid these things in front of other people, if other people couldn’t confirm how limited I had become, it somehow made it less true.

I have missed SO many adventures and huge important events in my loved ones lives simply because I was physically unable. This hurts my heart.

In 2018 I ditched a good friend’s bachelorette weekend out of town because I was so anxious about how I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everyone. Like literally I could not walk around and I felt ridiculous going to clubs with girls wearing their best outfits and me in an oversized T-shirt. By that point I couldn’t stand for 5 mins without my lower back screaming. Our friendship has not been the same since. I have always thought that was the turning point in our friendship.

Now fast forward to late 2019. I happened to be invited to another good friend’s bachelorette weekend. This is a friend I met in college and we were so close we lived together for a couple of years. This is also when my depression/weight gain really got bad. I did my best to hide it, but I’m sure it was obvious. Over the last 7 years I have make excuses to avoid meeting up with her because she is so active. I even prayed she wouldn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid. How sad is that? I really didn’t think I could make it through the dress shopping bit. Pre-surgery I was 390 lbs and a size 26. This friend has run the NYC marathon and I was at least 220 lbs heavier than any other girl in her friend circle. When I was invited on the bachelorette weekend I immediately thought of ways to get out of it. I told one of the maids of honor that I didn’t think it would be a good idea since it was still early after surgery and I wasn’t sure how I’d feel. Well it’s been almost 5 months and I’ve been so lucky to have zero complications. My mobility is much better too. I am also sober by choice. I was never a big drinker anyways. I partied pretty hard as a teen so by the time I got to college I was somewhat past that phase. It doesn’t make me feel good and now with a sleeve I feel like alcohol serves me no purpose.

Anyways what I am looking for is real honest advice. I feel immense guilt over declining this invite. I have thought about how I would feel if I was my friend. I could see how she would be upset or disappointed. Am I wrong to not go? I don’t drink and I’m trying so hard to stick to my diet. I know if I really wanted to I could make it work.

I don’t want people to tell me what I want to hear. I guess I just want someone to say they understand what I’m saying and feeling. I don’t have anyone in my family or friends that are even overweight. I feel like no one can relate. Has anyone else been through this? Did things get better as you lost weight?

I’ll try and keep this as brief as possible. Sorry if I rant on and on.

As I went from 240 lbs to 390 lbs between 2009-2019 I slowly hid myself away from friends and family. The truth is I was in denial about how bad things were getting and I was embarrassed. I was ashamed of how I couldn’t keep up with my friends just walking around the city or fitting into booths at restaurants for family milestones. I was out of breath walking into work from the parking lot. I felt like if I could avoid these things in front of other people, if other people couldn’t confirm how limited I had become, it somehow made it less true.

I have missed SO many adventures and huge important events in my loved ones lives simply because I was physically unable. This hurts my heart.

In 2018 I ditched a good friend’s bachelorette weekend out of town because I was so anxious about how I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everyone. Like literally I could not walk around and I felt ridiculous going to clubs with girls wearing their best outfits and me in an oversized T-shirt. By that point I couldn’t stand for 5 mins without my lower back screaming. Our friendship has not been the same since. I have always thought that was the turning point in our friendship.

Now fast forward to late 2019. I happened to be invited to another good friend’s bachelorette weekend. This is a friend I met in college and we were so close we lived together for a couple of years. This is also when my depression/weight gain really got bad. I did my best to hide it, but I’m sure it was obvious. Over the last 7 years I have make excuses to avoid meeting up with her because she is so active. I even prayed she wouldn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid. How sad is that? I really didn’t think I could make it through the dress shopping bit. Pre-surgery I was 390 lbs and a size 26. This friend has run the NYC marathon and I was at least 220 lbs heavier than any other girl in her friend circle. When I was invited on the bachelorette weekend I immediately thought of ways to get out of it. I told one of the maids of honor that I didn’t think it would be a good idea since it was still early after surgery and I wasn’t sure how I’d feel. Well it’s been almost 5 months and I’ve been so lucky to have zero complications. My mobility is much better too. I am also sober by choice. I was never a big drinker anyways. I partied pretty hard as a teen so by the time I got to college I was somewhat past that phase. It doesn’t make me feel good and now with a sleeve I feel like alcohol serves me no purpose.

Anyways what I am looking for is real honest advice. I feel immense guilt over declining this invite. I have thought about how I would feel if I was my friend. I could see how she would be upset or disappointed. Am I wrong to not go? I don’t drink and I’m trying so hard to stick to my diet. I know if I really wanted to I could make it work.

I don’t want people to tell me what I want to hear. I guess I just want someone to say they understand what I’m saying and feeling. I don’t have anyone in my family or friends that are even overweight. I feel like no one can relate. Has anyone else been through this? Did things get better as you lost weight?

Hi all,

I’m 11 days out from my sleeve surgery and down about 30 lbs. My post-op diet is full liquids (water, clear broths, Jello, Protein Shakes, yogurt) for 3 weeks until I can move on to thin purées. As someone who doesn’t have a sweet tooth, I struggled with all the sweet flavors of the Protein shakes and yogurt at first. I have broth at dinner time to fill my salty craving and that more or less does the trick. After the first week I felt like I mostly got over that hump.
Now I feel at a point where I really have no appetite at all. I had a bad day and barely got in any Water or protein. I almost forgot to eat or drink. The next day I tried to stay on schedule and forced myself through the motions. I didn’t feel full or uncomfortable getting the yogurt and protein down. I know how important it is to get in my 64 oz of liquid and 60g of protein so I’ve made that priory #1. I guess my question is, do you “eat”/drink even when you don’t feel like it? I’m still getting used to the new feeling of everything and tuning into my body and it’s cues. I’m assuming since I’m still so early out that I just have to follow schedule until my body catches up. Did anyone else experience this?
Having disordered eating for so long has kind of made me forget how normal people nourish themselves. I just want to get to a place where I don’t always have to be so conscious when and what I’m eating. I used to constantly think about my next meal. I feel like not much has changed.

I've had depression most of my life that has sometimes been mild and manageable and sometimes resulted in deep depressive episodes that last months. My surgery is in 3 days and I'm very worried about how my depression is going to respond to not having one of the things that brings me happy brain chemicals (fattening, carby, delicious food). I discussed this with the psychiatrist I met with pre-surgery and she just said to keep a close eye on my mental health. But I'm still very worried.

I know, right?
Back a few years ago when I was in a running phase, I could run 3-5 miles at a time and even though it wasn’t pretty, I could do a 5 mile run in under an hour.
At that time I was “skinnier” at a weight in the 230’s.
Mostly I’d run on a treadmill at the gym, but from time to time I’d run in my neighborhood.
One time I was running outside and a really fit and trim lady was heading out to her mailbox.
It was a cul de sac and she waited for me to run past because she was actually cheering and gave me a “high five” as I labored past her.
I’m 100% certain her heart was in the right place, but it was humiliating to me.
I ran on until I got a couple of streets away and then broke into tears right there on the street and walked the rest of the way home. Don’t think I ran outside again for a few weeks after that

People run all of the time in my neighborhood and I’m willing to bet the skinny ones don’t get high fives from that lady. The pain and humiliation of that memory is what keeps my thoughts to myself.
I have told myself though that if anyone ever gives me an opening, I will share whatever health history of mine they want to know if I can just impact one single person to make this choice.

Hello!
I found these forums yesterday while I was anxiously awaiting for my insurance to approve my surgery. I'm so glad I found such a great wealth of information and support here so I wanted to share that as of this morning my insurance, Excellus BCBS, approved my gastric sleeve surgery!
I haven't spoken to the surgery scheduler since I've heard, but my tentative date is 9/30/19. I have so many emotions; excited, anxious, nervous, motivated... I'm just glad to be moving forward towards getting my life back or starting a brand new one.
I'm looking forward to following all of your stories and sharing my own.

Thank you all for sharing. I’m sort of in a whirlwind of emotions at the moment. My surgery is coming up on September 30th and I’ve done a lot of “head work” to prepare. I’ve finally acknowledged exactly what my issues are so now it’s time for the action to follow.

The first year post op is going to be a mental mind-screw. Your going to be VERY emotional post op. Your going to cry for no reason at all, and just be emotional in general.
Hormones are stored in fat. When the fat is lost, hormones get displaced and need to be re-absorbed. This will cause you to be an emotional wreck.
Stay in therapy, talk it out.
Make no rash decisions in the first year post op. Make NO major life decisions that first year post op. No having babies, divorces, etc. You need to make sure you have a clear NON-EMOTIONAL head when these decisions are made.
80% of bariatric patients end up divorced post op. If your in the 20% that doesn't that's amazing. If your playing the odds, it will be SUPER easy for you to want to "step out" and find emotional or sexual support from someone other than who you are with. DON'T DO IT! Clear your head, think about your choices, and then make them with a clear mind.
Relationship with your children, friends, co-workers... it will all change too.... and that's ok. Just know it will happen.
Lots to come in that first 365 days..... strap in... its going to be a wild ride. Message anytime.

My surgery is this Monday 8/12 & I was told to be prepared for a temporary change in hormones & possibly feeling a bit depressed for a few weeks. I’m glad that I know that going in . If that happens I’ll know it’s a byproduct of the surgery & it will pass

hmmmm....I've always had a fairly active social life, but some of my friends have changed, though. I now have several friends who are really into fitness - and we often meet for exercise classes rather than lunch or dinner. So I'm not sure how much the changes in the social piece have affected my mental health. HOWEVER, I don't sit around worrying anymore that I'm going to have a heart attack - or that I'm not going to survive long enough to see my 65th birthday - or that I'm going to be rushed to the ER and hearing that there's not much they can do to help me since I weigh almost 400 lbs - or that I'm going to have to start using a wheelchair or scooter within the next five years. And not dealing with those anxieties anymore has GOT to have been a huge benefit to my overall mental health!

I've experienced many positive changes. I live life now, instead of existing. The are still times I feel "fat" and unhealthy but they is fat from the truth. I'm the healthiest and most active I've ever been. I challenge myself to get out and do things. That was a struggle in the past. I'm somewhat introverted and have some social anxiety but I'm determined not to let it control my new life. It's amazing what we can do, or not do, when we convince ourselves with different thoughts. I still have a hard time meeting women but I'm trying to work on that. Alot of it is my own fears and insecurities.
HW = 360
SW = 292
GW = 220 reached 3/7/18
CW = 210 @ 6'5"
150 pounds lost!

I’m completely off my Wellbutrin and working on getting off my Prozac next 🤞🏻

I truly believe that my weight and sedentary nature had contributed to my depression. I went un-diagnosed as such for the longest time because I couldn't admit it to myself nor did I reach out to my physician. However, now that I've lost nearly 100 lbs and I'm fully active again, I find that my depressive episodes have reduced greatly.
I have my moments, but for the longest time I thought it was unchangeable. There are studies that link your emotional well-being to regular exercise, so I have no doubt that is what helped me the most in addition to feeling better due to the weight loss. I am exercising every single day and I have not felt this good in many years.
Not to mention all the things you can do without worrying any more once you lose the weight like restaurant booths, amusement park rides, airplane seats (that was big for me) and much more.
Good luck in your journey

Congratulations!! I have Excellus as well, I'm hoping to get smooth approval when the time comes.

Welcome and good luck on your WLS journey

💜CONGRATULATIONS💜

Hello!
I found these forums yesterday while I was anxiously awaiting for my insurance to approve my surgery. I'm so glad I found such a great wealth of information and support here so I wanted to share that as of this morning my insurance, Excellus BCBS, approved my gastric sleeve surgery!
I haven't spoken to the surgery scheduler since I've heard, but my tentative date is 9/30/19. I have so many emotions; excited, anxious, nervous, motivated... I'm just glad to be moving forward towards getting my life back or starting a brand new one.
I'm looking forward to following all of your stories and sharing my own.

Hello!
I found these forums yesterday while I was anxiously awaiting for my insurance to approve my surgery. I'm so glad I found such a great wealth of information and support here so I wanted to share that as of this morning my insurance, Excellus BCBS, approved my gastric sleeve surgery!
I haven't spoken to the surgery scheduler since I've heard, but my tentative date is 9/30/19. I have so many emotions; excited, anxious, nervous, motivated... I'm just glad to be moving forward towards getting my life back or starting a brand new one.
I'm looking forward to following all of your stories and sharing my own.

Congratulations to you! 🎈🎆🎇

Congratulations! Its an exciting time. Less than a week for me for surgery.

Hello!
I found these forums yesterday while I was anxiously awaiting for my insurance to approve my surgery. I'm so glad I found such a great wealth of information and support here so I wanted to share that as of this morning my insurance, Excellus BCBS, approved my gastric sleeve surgery!
I haven't spoken to the surgery scheduler since I've heard, but my tentative date is 9/30/19. I have so many emotions; excited, anxious, nervous, motivated... I'm just glad to be moving forward towards getting my life back or starting a brand new one.
I'm looking forward to following all of your stories and sharing my own.