Carrot64

My neck is so wrinkly and lined and I look in the mirror and sigh..then, I put on my size 12’s ... easily, walk up the stairs without feeling like I am dying... dance around with my dog and feel my ribs and sayYAAAAY !!!... then I see my wrinkly neck... repeat

Same as everyone donate the clothes , save the pictures.. my kids are in some of those pictures... I may have not been my happiest about myself but back then my achievements laid solely on being a good mother and a loving wife, daughter and friend ... I hid the pain and self loathing from a lot of people and in those moments ( even though I hate what I looked like) I liked the inside

I had a whole hour and I think she wanted to go for coffee cuz we really hit it off.. kidding..the questions must be standard though , she asked if I had ever been abused ( yes) and about my finances.. she said transfer of addiction is common.. asked if I ever wanted to harm myself... the only time I fibbed was whether I ever felt I had a food addiction.. i said no because I got the impression I was suppose to deny it... isn’t it obvious a lot of us have a food additions ... she was nice and hey, anytime anyone wants to talk to me about me ( it’s usually the other way around) I’m game!

I thought I was prepared ( and I was) I think what I hadn’t researched was how cold I would be and the impact of it. It is Memorial Day weekend and I am wearing a sweatshirt and a hoody and the sun is shining and it’s a nice 72 degrees.. the days aren’t so bad but I SHIVER all night long.. believe me , I’ll take the cold over the boob sweat and chub rub,any day.. I was just surprised that after the first 25 lbs. ( now 64) that I’d be cold .. I’ll deal with it and when it’s 95 in New England and everyone around me is complaining I will NOT be a sweaty mess.. wooo hoooo

I thought I was prepared ( and I was) I think what I hadn’t researched was how cold I would be and the impact of it. It is Memorial Day weekend and I am wearing a sweatshirt and a hoody and the sun is shining and it’s a nice 72 degrees.. the days aren’t so bad but I SHIVER all night long.. believe me , I’ll take the cold over the boob sweat and chub rub,any day.. I was just surprised that after the first 25 lbs. ( now 64) that I’d be cold .. I’ll deal with it and when it’s 95 in New England and everyone around me is complaining I will NOT be a sweaty mess.. wooo hoooo

I didn’t think I would Dump either , ( 3 1/2 months post op) I had a Think Thin bar and was sick for 5 hours ( dizzy , nauseated, heart racing) then diarrhea for a day and a half... why couldnt it have happened with something worth dumping OVA.... argh

I absolutely regret nothing. I wasn’t even sure I had anything done I felt marvelous and was the top walker on my floor as soon as I could.. I had my eyes on the prize and it was finding my way back to my true self.. I wore my heartache in ever pound I carried and I knew, though surgery was only a tool . I would make it work . I chose RNY because I had Barrett’s esophagus and terrible acid reflux . I was able to tolerate more than most and was worried from day 1 I would stretch my little pouch but I have not. Since surgery ( February 4) my daddy past , my son with autism has had 3 inconclusive tests for thyroid cancer and the hubby hit his head and got a concussion... this Saturday my awesomely autistic boy is ...wait for it......Valedictorian!!!!!!!.... right now without surgery I would be 40 lbs heavier from stress, alienated from people because I’d be home eating my feelings... not now. Now I’m grabbing life by the B&$&S. Choosing life over eating myself numb... getting the right course of treatment for my son and sending him off to college will be a challenge.. without surgery I would not be up for it..follow your heart... what ever path you need to get well... GRAB IT!

So what I have restrictions, so what people see me with a Water bottle and so what there are things I can’t eat anymore.. Trust me, I hit my pizza quota and chocolate quota like 19 years ago.. Weight watchers 6xs.. Jenny Craig 2xs.. Adkins umpteen times.. trainers 2xs.. I FINALLY feel like the person I was suppose to be .. my surgery was only a tool.... I was prepared for the hard stuff and now I’m reaping the good stuff.. screw the food.. I chose LIFE

So what I have restrictions, so what people see me with a Water bottle and so what there are things I can’t eat anymore.. Trust me, I hit my pizza quota and chocolate quota like 19 years ago.. Weight watchers 6xs.. Jenny Craig 2xs.. Adkins umpteen times.. trainers 2xs.. I FINALLY feel like the person I was suppose to be .. my surgery was only a tool.... I was prepared for the hard stuff and now I’m reaping the good stuff.. screw the food.. I chose LIFE

I am an open book with EVERYTHING in my life ( Sicilian, hairdresser, Pisces) so it’s no surprise I tell whoever wants to know.. if you’ve known me for a while you know my struggles, I could lose ok but , maintaining never lasted long and I’d gain back 2 fold.. I feel great and the fact that there are people out there waiting for me to fail only motivates me to prove em all damn wrong.. I have changed on the inside even more than the outside ... watch my dust naysayers, I GOT This ... no going back because I don’t know that lady anymore, the one that chose food over life.. she’s in my past .. as a matter of fact a ceremony is in order, one in which I burn some of my former fat selfs old clothes( the basic uniform of comfy black anything) I never knew this person I have become.. she’s the BOMB and I’m keeping her healthy so she can get out and LIVE

I totally understand , somehow what I thought a 70 lb. weight loss would look like doesn’t coincide with what I DO look like and obviously I am looking at how much longer I have to go instead of where I have come from. I also don’t believe it when people tell me how good I look . When someone compliments me I rattle off how much more I still have to go. I wish I could accept my success. Sometimes all I see is a wrinkly neck and sagging skin... but there are really good days as well.. is still never go back and the good way out weighs the bad. All we can do is change what we can and accept the flaws and not expect perfection .

I have a pair of very old gap jeans and a boho top from back in the day.. last time I rocked those babies I was listening to Joni Mitchell on a Saturday, no kids around ... cup of tea and some incense..I’m a few pounds away from wearing them and recreating that moment but, it’s coming soon !! It sounds like a minuscule goal but the last time I felt really peaceful and healthy was that day and I’m starting to feel the old me coming back and I miss her!

I am an open book with EVERYTHING in my life ( Sicilian, hairdresser, Pisces) so it’s no surprise I tell whoever wants to know.. if you’ve known me for a while you know my struggles, I could lose ok but , maintaining never lasted long and I’d gain back 2 fold.. I feel great and the fact that there are people out there waiting for me to fail only motivates me to prove em all damn wrong.. I have changed on the inside even more than the outside ... watch my dust naysayers, I GOT This ... no going back because I don’t know that lady anymore, the one that chose food over life.. she’s in my past .. as a matter of fact a ceremony is in order, one in which I burn some of my former fat selfs old clothes( the basic uniform of comfy black anything) I never knew this person I have become.. she’s the BOMB and I’m keeping her healthy so she can get out and LIVE

I told the ones who are usually supportive and I know genuinely love me.. the rest I let think it was will power or , better yet, a secret to lose weight that I’m not willing to share... I’m ENJOYING the game!!.. heee heee

I am an open book with EVERYTHING in my life ( Sicilian, hairdresser, Pisces) so it’s no surprise I tell whoever wants to know.. if you’ve known me for a while you know my struggles, I could lose ok but , maintaining never lasted long and I’d gain back 2 fold.. I feel great and the fact that there are people out there waiting for me to fail only motivates me to prove em all damn wrong.. I have changed on the inside even more than the outside ... watch my dust naysayers, I GOT This ... no going back because I don’t know that lady anymore, the one that chose food over life.. she’s in my past .. as a matter of fact a ceremony is in order, one in which I burn some of my former fat selfs old clothes( the basic uniform of comfy black anything) I never knew this person I have become.. she’s the BOMB and I’m keeping her healthy so she can get out and LIVE

I have a pair of very old gap jeans and a boho top from back in the day.. last time I rocked those babies I was listening to Joni Mitchell on a Saturday, no kids around ... cup of tea and some incense..I’m a few pounds away from wearing them and recreating that moment but, it’s coming soon !! It sounds like a minuscule goal but the last time I felt really peaceful and healthy was that day and I’m starting to feel the old me coming back and I miss her!

Can’t really move them out of my sight since they are for everyone... the huge container has significantly less than last night so people are going to town on them and I’m sure it won’t be long before they are gone... it’s not really about the cheese balls , I think it’s about mourning the loss of a go to behavior from the past... people here are eating with gusto and I miss that.. but believe me not enough to EVER go back to my old ways.. this obsession with the Cheese balls makes me realize how easy it would be to slip back and I was over confident that I had that all behind me and I have more work to do than I thought.. Cheese balls 😪😡

That is awful , sometimes it really sux when we can’t tolerate an old food which we once considered healthy and get sick . At least you know we get it and you can vent. Good luck with the interview, let us know how You did !

So what I have restrictions, so what people see me with a Water bottle and so what there are things I can’t eat anymore.. Trust me, I hit my pizza quota and chocolate quota like 19 years ago.. Weight watchers 6xs.. Jenny Craig 2xs.. Adkins umpteen times.. trainers 2xs.. I FINALLY feel like the person I was suppose to be .. my surgery was only a tool.... I was prepared for the hard stuff and now I’m reaping the good stuff.. screw the food.. I chose LIFE

So what I have restrictions, so what people see me with a Water bottle and so what there are things I can’t eat anymore.. Trust me, I hit my pizza quota and chocolate quota like 19 years ago.. Weight watchers 6xs.. Jenny Craig 2xs.. Adkins umpteen times.. trainers 2xs.. I FINALLY feel like the person I was suppose to be .. my surgery was only a tool.... I was prepared for the hard stuff and now I’m reaping the good stuff.. screw the food.. I chose LIFE

So what I have restrictions, so what people see me with a Water bottle and so what there are things I can’t eat anymore.. Trust me, I hit my pizza quota and chocolate quota like 19 years ago.. Weight watchers 6xs.. Jenny Craig 2xs.. Adkins umpteen times.. trainers 2xs.. I FINALLY feel like the person I was suppose to be .. my surgery was only a tool.... I was prepared for the hard stuff and now I’m reaping the good stuff.. screw the food.. I chose LIFE

I totally understand , somehow what I thought a 70 lb. weight loss would look like doesn’t coincide with what I DO look like and obviously I am looking at how much longer I have to go instead of where I have come from. I also don’t believe it when people tell me how good I look . When someone compliments me I rattle off how much more I still have to go. I wish I could accept my success. Sometimes all I see is a wrinkly neck and sagging skin... but there are really good days as well.. is still never go back and the good way out weighs the bad. All we can do is change what we can and accept the flaws and not expect perfection .

So what I have restrictions, so what people see me with a Water bottle and so what there are things I can’t eat anymore.. Trust me, I hit my pizza quota and chocolate quota like 19 years ago.. Weight watchers 6xs.. Jenny Craig 2xs.. Adkins umpteen times.. trainers 2xs.. I FINALLY feel like the person I was suppose to be .. my surgery was only a tool.... I was prepared for the hard stuff and now I’m reaping the good stuff.. screw the food.. I chose LIFE

I totally understand , somehow what I thought a 70 lb. weight loss would look like doesn’t coincide with what I DO look like and obviously I am looking at how much longer I have to go instead of where I have come from. I also don’t believe it when people tell me how good I look . When someone compliments me I rattle off how much more I still have to go. I wish I could accept my success. Sometimes all I see is a wrinkly neck and sagging skin... but there are really good days as well.. is still never go back and the good way out weighs the bad. All we can do is change what we can and accept the flaws and not expect perfection .

I totally understand , somehow what I thought a 70 lb. weight loss would look like doesn’t coincide with what I DO look like and obviously I am looking at how much longer I have to go instead of where I have come from. I also don’t believe it when people tell me how good I look . When someone compliments me I rattle off how much more I still have to go. I wish I could accept my success. Sometimes all I see is a wrinkly neck and sagging skin... but there are really good days as well.. is still never go back and the good way out weighs the bad. All we can do is change what we can and accept the flaws and not expect perfection .