njcardi97

No, there is no harm. I have never had a problem speaking about my disorders. I just want to make my own choices and decide what is best for me and my mental health. I feel as though I shouldn’t be forced to go since, it is making me question my own beliefs about how I truly feel.

I have been about 1 1/2 years in this process. At one point I stopped due to a new job and hoping I could do it on my own. I completed an extensive program through the VA to get approved for surgery and there was a delay time and again.

I finally got the approval but the surgeon I chose also had requirements, most of which I had already done with the VA. I was frustrated and I was so jealous when people would get their surgery dates. But I think the extra time has been so helpful to me. I feel confident I can make this change because I’ve already made massive changes to my diet and lifestyle. Changes I would not have done without the wait. I would have relied on surgery to “fix” everything.

They may think your weight gain is due to your depression and anxiety and want that addressed so you are successful. Jump through the hoop and put the time to good use. Your time will come and you will be better prepared due to the wait.

We didn’t gain this weight in 6 months and it’s ok to not be on the fast track. Better to follow the advice and lose the weight and keep it off than to find a way to bypass it and undo the surgery a year from now.

You got this!!! My surgery is 3 weeks from today and I feel like my time is almost here. But I still get jealous that people are scheduled before me. Good luck!!!

P.S., I’m going to talk to my doctor about seeing a therapist on a regular basis just so I don’t end up undoing my surgery.

What a joke you have to be careful with some therapists who don't understand the weight loss issues. But yes as mentioned above tell them what they want to get the surgery then move on and if later you feel you need help then see a different therapist our goal right now is get this surgery at all costs

Tell your husband at his job sites he need enjoy the use of be technology and tools to make his job a little easier?
Then why would you not invest in some help and a tool to make life easier in the long run?
You still have to put in the effort and everything but surgery is just like a fancy new tool to make things a little better and easier to manage.
I don't understand people who talk against surgery, what if his knee went out would you expect him to keep living with the knee or get a new one to me his life better, it's exactly the same thing surgery is new technology and makes your insides work better to fix your body inside and out

Hello my name is Nicole, and I am new to the group. I am in the earlier stages of the sleeve process. I have my psychologist appointment tomorrow and overall I am really excited to go through this process. However, my husband says he is on board, and will be supportive, but in the next breath he says he wishes I could loose weight the "conventional" way. Like I haven't been trying to loose weight most of my life, like he hasn't been there though all the multiple diets I have attempted and failed. He says that he sees the surgery as me giving up on myself. I see it as fighting for my future. I have seen some success with dieting, but the weight always comes back. I feel like the surgery is a way for me to start my future, and become the person that I know is underneath all this weight. I'm not sure how to explain to him how beneficial this surgery will be for me overall.
Also I am feeling ashamed of telling people. So far besides my husband I haven't told anyone else because I am afraid they will feel the same as my husband. I fear that I will be judged and really I am just looking for support.

The first one I went to was one that my insurance would cover. It was a money game with them. Had to go 3 times, one per month and then it would be 4 months after before could send in the report into doctor. Found another that had WLS so knew exactly what I was talking about and could relate. Was not in my insurance but so worth the $200. Plus handed in the report a week later.

I pretty much agree with keeping your headwork with a real therapist out of the loop with your WLS doc.
I also think get a second opinion or switch surgeons. You don't owe them a thing!

I had a terrible psych eval experience. Like you, I thought if I was sane and in charge of my life and making the decision for the right reasons, I'd be fine. WRONG. Not only did I fail, the therapist went up one side of me and down the other. It was awful. In hindsight, it had everything to do with her and zero to do with me. I spoke with the director of the bariatric program, but there was no budging, no second opinions permitted, and certainly no possibility the therapist was the one with the problem. It derailed my journey completely. I wasn't against therapy (God knows I have food issues or else I wouldn't be here), but the woman who did my psych evaluation wanted me to come back after a few months of therapy to see if I was "better". Such BS. I was so anxious about the idea of being judged by her again, I stopped going to therapy after a few sessions and really thought about whether or not I wanted this surgery. Just so happened, when I was really to get back on the path, it was 11 months since my psych eval. It expired after a year. I let it expire and redid it with a different therapist, who felt so sorry for me after my tale of woe she apologized and approved me saying, "I think you've been through enough already!"
My brother-in-law was going for his psych eval this summer and I told him exactly what Ed told you. LIE. Tell them what they want to hear. That's what he did, and he was approved on the first go-round. I will say, the extra YEAR it took me to get this surgery did give me an awful lot of time to think about it, and the changes required for it to really be successful. When I went for follow-up therapy, I chose to go to a therapist I'd seen years earlier for something else. Would you believe she'd had gastric bypass twelve years before, and in the two or three years since I'd last seen her, she'd gained about fifty pounds? That was the most valuable thing I got out of therapy. Staring at her and thinking I'd really have to change if I didn't want to follow in her footsteps.
I hope you find a way back on the path quickly, and with as little BS as possible!!

The topic of the Psych Eval comes up frequently in this group. What you did is a perfect example of what I suggest people don't do. I'm sure a lot of people disagree with me when I suggest that you should tell them what they want to hear so you can move forward with the surgery. I've seen a lot of people on here in the same situation as you. Postponed or even denied WLS because of what seemed at the time to be a harmless thought is not uncommon. I always suggest if a person wants to do some soul searching and dig up some bones from the past, find a therapist aside from the WLS hoops you have to jump through. As you found out, it only proves to be self sabotaging. If I were you, I would find out if you can go to another clinic for a second opinion and limit your answers to yes and no. Good luck.

Wondering if this is common? I had my Psych Evaluation and they are unable to approve me until I got through some behavioral therapy. The Doctor said anywhere from 3-6 months. I am wondering if I can get a second opinion? I have never been to therapy and don't take any medications for anything. I really thought this was just going to be a formality. However, I mentioned about 3 years ago I was obsessed with exercising, maybe to the point of being unhealthy. However, now I am back to exercising a few days a week, and have gotten myself to a healthier balance. Is this standard? Any Advice?

Thanks

Mine was really worried about it but knew what bad shape I was in and eventually recognized that something drastic needed to happen. After seeing me lose almost 80 lbs in the last 9 months and resolve all of my comorbidities (severe lower back pain, severe asthma/COPD) now that I am not carrying around the equivalent of a 10 year old on my back he tells me often how glad he is that I went through with it. Only my husband, a few family members and a few close friends knew about the surgery at the time but as the weight loss has become noticeable I am pretty open about it with people I trust. It takes courage and determination to have the surgery and work the program.

My husband eventually came around. As a skinny man with a high metabolism he didn’t understand. 3 weeks post op he is loving the results and ahhh, ummm ‘benefits’ of a slimmer spouse.
We do this for ourselves. Love yourself and to heck with others.

Obesity is a disease. The AMA says it, the insurance companies say it...etc.
It is multifactoral in origin.
But once someone is sufficiently metabolically deranged as we are as morbidly obese people, the chances of "doing this on our own" are as slim as winning the lottery. The surgery is only a tool that helps break the metabolic/hormonal cycle that drives obesity. But like any tool, it will only work if applied correctly.
A hammer is a tool. But it will only drive the nail that holds up the scaffold, if you pick it up and apply action and the force of your determination. Same thing with the whole WLS stuff. You HAVE to change your behaviors with food in order to lose all the weight you want to lose. It isn't magic bean surgery. And that goes WAYYYY beyond just "mystically, magically learning how to eat small portions." There will come a day when you CAN and WILL eat again--more than you should--of things you should not be eating. Life will get messy and in the way. And there is no operation in the world that will healthfully keep you from eating your feelings unless you do the hard head work involved.
WLS is a tool to help put morbid obesity into remission. Once ANYONE is morbidly obese, you can consider yourself to have an intractable, incurable, degenerative disease. But, with the surgery, and with proper attention and care and help, you can put it into remission.

My husband was similar until he went to the seminar and learned more about it. He was totally on board after that and has a little “bromance” going with my surgeon. They are Facebook friends and “chat” all the time. It’s slightly annoying to me[emoji23]


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My husband is supportive but rather than asking why I couldn’t he would say he thought I was overweight but no way obese. Sometimes I think we have to understand that our spouses struggle with the threat of what inevitably are a risk with ALL surgeries. And that’s scary for them.

Don't be ashamed of saving your life, and you don't need to tell anyone especially if you think they will have a negative impact on you. Your husband will come around, he just does not completely understand, maybe take him to one of your doctor/nutrition visits and a support group so that he can see that others are going through the same thing that you are.
Go have your surgery honey so that you can feel like a new person...I'm 5 1/2 months post op and haven't felt this great in over 20 years.
You got this!! ((Hugs))

I also have a spouse who is supportive in one breath then in the next she says I just need to be accountable in my diet and exercise instead of needing surgery.
In the end, I'm just going to do it and hope for the best since there's nothing I haven't already said in discussion that's going to sway her coming from my mouth.
I'm done with 6 months of NUT and have my psych next week. She was invited to the psych eval, so I'm hoping she will have these kinds of questions for them and gets some more satisfaction that I'm doing the right thing.
It's hard if you're not the person going through it, I think. Best of luck to you.

I totally understand! I’ve just finished all my appointments and waiting on approval as well I have not told anyone other than my spouse who wishes I would not go through with surgery however supports my decision. Personally I’m just going by the day. It’s no need to tell anyone if I’m not approved right lol? When it comes down to it, it’s your personal information! If you feel like sharing great! If you don’t great! Most of all you have to do what’s best for you! After all we are all just trying to live a better healthier life. Good luck to you on your journey & many blessings!

I haven't told anyone other than my spouse. It's nobody's business and I don't need the judgment of why I couldn't have had more willpower to do it myself or the constant staring to see if I'm losing enough weight quickly enough. There are TONS of health benefits from having WLS, so don't worry about having to justify it to yourself. Take care.

You're not giving up on yourself, you're saving your life. Your life is going to change big time and that takes people in your life out of their comfort zone. Do this for yourself and those that want you to be around as long as possible. My grandfather smoked like a chimney and died early and it had a big affect on me. I wish he could've had surgery to stop and greatly reverse the effects smoking had on his body before it was too late. The conventional way to quit didn't work for him because smoking was a coping mechanism he couldn't abandon. Obesity kills just like any other unhealthy vise.

Hello my name is Nicole, and I am new to the group. I am in the earlier stages of the sleeve process. I have my psychologist appointment tomorrow and overall I am really excited to go through this process. However, my husband says he is on board, and will be supportive, but in the next breath he says he wishes I could loose weight the "conventional" way. Like I haven't been trying to loose weight most of my life, like he hasn't been there though all the multiple diets I have attempted and failed. He says that he sees the surgery as me giving up on myself. I see it as fighting for my future. I have seen some success with dieting, but the weight always comes back. I feel like the surgery is a way for me to start my future, and become the person that I know is underneath all this weight. I'm not sure how to explain to him how beneficial this surgery will be for me overall.
Also I am feeling ashamed of telling people. So far besides my husband I haven't told anyone else because I am afraid they will feel the same as my husband. I fear that I will be judged and really I am just looking for support.

Hello my name is Nicole, and I am new to the group. I am in the earlier stages of the sleeve process. I have my psychologist appointment tomorrow and overall I am really excited to go through this process. However, my husband says he is on board, and will be supportive, but in the next breath he says he wishes I could loose weight the "conventional" way. Like I haven't been trying to loose weight most of my life, like he hasn't been there though all the multiple diets I have attempted and failed. He says that he sees the surgery as me giving up on myself. I see it as fighting for my future. I have seen some success with dieting, but the weight always comes back. I feel like the surgery is a way for me to start my future, and become the person that I know is underneath all this weight. I'm not sure how to explain to him how beneficial this surgery will be for me overall.
Also I am feeling ashamed of telling people. So far besides my husband I haven't told anyone else because I am afraid they will feel the same as my husband. I fear that I will be judged and really I am just looking for support.

Hello my name is Nicole, and I am new to the group. I am in the earlier stages of the sleeve process. I have my psychologist appointment tomorrow and overall I am really excited to go through this process. However, my husband says he is on board, and will be supportive, but in the next breath he says he wishes I could loose weight the "conventional" way. Like I haven't been trying to loose weight most of my life, like he hasn't been there though all the multiple diets I have attempted and failed. He says that he sees the surgery as me giving up on myself. I see it as fighting for my future. I have seen some success with dieting, but the weight always comes back. I feel like the surgery is a way for me to start my future, and become the person that I know is underneath all this weight. I'm not sure how to explain to him how beneficial this surgery will be for me overall.
Also I am feeling ashamed of telling people. So far besides my husband I haven't told anyone else because I am afraid they will feel the same as my husband. I fear that I will be judged and really I am just looking for support.