KayBes

Hey guys!
I'm in a super weird predicament that I'd never thought I'd be in. I am in the beginning stages of weight loss surgery, scheduled to meet with the team in two weeks and then a few months until signing consent and getting a surgery appointment. Last month my common law partner of 12 years told me he is transgender. I never dated in high school, I have only ever been with him. So now at 31 and beginning this journey I find myself single. We are good friends so besides the financial and emotional stress there aren't any bad or hard feelings.
But now I'm looking at making new relationships, both friendships and potentially eventually romantic ones. How do I do that during this process? Has anyone been there before? How do you explain to someone I may not always look like this, or loose skin and Hair loss may be part of the process. I live in a small town, I don't even know how to begin the process of making friends as an adult, not to mention as an obese adult.
Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Or have advice?

Edit-- I should add that I am not looking to start dating right away, I'm not in that kind of headspace yet, but I am anxious about the day when I feel ready. Just the worries of ever being in a relationship again are on my mind.

Hope you figure it all out but I agree with above I'll be taking the year or two to myself to not only lose weight but to tone up, increase my self-esteem and confidence and to be completely ready to put myself out there.

Thanks for the reply! I agree, I want to take some time and figure out how to be me again, it's been so long in a co-dependent relationship that it will be nice to figure out myself again. My problem is I worry about the far future when I shouldn't lol Part of being an anxiety ridden nut I guess

I'm not worried about Hair loss, my hair is super thick so if anything I'm kind of looking forward to that part. It's just that I don't want someone to assume I'm "normal average" size and then have to explain the loose skin and see them get grossed out. Just not looking forward to that part. And that may all be in my head, maybe whoever I tell will be super cool about it, I guess it's just the unknown that worries me.

Hello i dont have much advise but Have you ever downloaded the app meet up.? Im in california and its a great place to meet up with other people in ur area or surrounding. You can search like single groups, people with similar interest like music or movies im a mom so mommy groups. Theres tons of groups you could join and meet new people (at least in my city) and find what the new you wants and likes. You have alot of changes u seem like ur going through with the loss of that relationship to also going to be getting weight loss surgery. U get a redo on life in a way so you geet to experience new things for the first time and find who you are and what u want in life. I wish you the best! It may seem scary now not knowing what to do but focus on ur self and what makes u happy and sooner or Later when ur ready u will be dating and find someone who complements you and loves you for you.

Hey guys!
I'm in a super weird predicament that I'd never thought I'd be in. I am in the beginning stages of weight loss surgery, scheduled to meet with the team in two weeks and then a few months until signing consent and getting a surgery appointment. Last month my common law partner of 12 years told me he is transgender. I never dated in high school, I have only ever been with him. So now at 31 and beginning this journey I find myself single. We are good friends so besides the financial and emotional stress there aren't any bad or hard feelings.
But now I'm looking at making new relationships, both friendships and potentially eventually romantic ones. How do I do that during this process? Has anyone been there before? How do you explain to someone I may not always look like this, or loose skin and Hair loss may be part of the process. I live in a small town, I don't even know how to begin the process of making friends as an adult, not to mention as an obese adult.
Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Or have advice?

Edit-- I should add that I am not looking to start dating right away, I'm not in that kind of headspace yet, but I am anxious about the day when I feel ready. Just the worries of ever being in a relationship again are on my mind.

I'm 28, had my sleeve done last year when I was 27. 7.5 months out...I had a lot of hair to begin with and have experienced Hair loss, so it's not too noticeable for me. I also started to lighten my hair as having darker hair you can see your scalp more. I have lost nearly 140lbs and do have sagging breasts (went from a 42F to a 34 DDD) and sagging skin on my belly, thighs and a teeeeeny bit on my arms. I feel like if you have stretch marks, wherever those areas are, they don't seem to recover as well as other parts (my experience). I've posted about this before though, it all depends on your genes...I have very sensitive skin and scar easily. Some people have hair loss, some don't, some people have sagging skin and others snap right back. At the end of the day, I chose to improve my health and expand my wardrobe and live with saggy breasts and skin...I want to fix it eventually but, am in no hurry. Reach out to me directly if you have any questions too! I know sometimes it can be hard to post in a public forum. I attached pictures of my belly and thighs and then a picture of me today. No spanks, no special bra (one of those new lounge bras by PINK), no control top leggings just me today. It's easily covered up. Everyone's different. Hope I've helped and not scared you, but I can tell you 1000% it was worth it for me. Best of luck on your journey!!!!

What a great hopeful topic!
Mine are:
1. Travel on an airplane comfortably, be able to put down the tray.
2. Wear comfortable clothes that doesn't pull tight across my belly or have to wear sizes too big and they sag around my shoulders in order to fit my mid section.
3. Be able to cross my legs.
4, Run with my dogs.
5. Have a baby, healthily.

What a great hopeful topic!
Mine are:
1. Travel on an airplane comfortably, be able to put down the tray.
2. Wear comfortable clothes that doesn't pull tight across my belly or have to wear sizes too big and they sag around my shoulders in order to fit my mid section.
3. Be able to cross my legs.
4, Run with my dogs.
5. Have a baby, healthily.

That’s a great one .. being on plane and being able to put the tray down and still have room between my belly and tray is one I look forward to also 👍🏼

Well I was the OP who started this. last year. Thought I would do a mini- brag so you know it's possible. My highest weight documented 365+pounds, my Surgery Weight 319 and now almost 7 months out, my SD was September 5th 2018 at 7AM, for my surgeon I got up a 3AM to make it To Columbus in time! But it was a Wonder Wednesday, a Day if Days and the start of a new life. Now the crest of my life will be the best of my life. Any- hoo, I am proud to announce I am 234.6. pounds of less fat and stretched out skin, well wasn't planning to be in Playboy or Penthouse at 73 anyway. The loose is where I can stuff it under clothing, first places I lost were my face and forearms, but finally the rump, thighs and belly have joined in, never have a totally flat belly, carrying 3 babies 9 pounds plus does something to the muscles too, but better where I am Now than where I was before and I would never go back to the sad obese lady sitting because she barely could walk waiting for the Death Angel to come claim me as his own, Oh it has not been an easy journey but so so worth it. And I wish the joy for all of us! Your littler by the Day Pal Frustr8

I will check out that app! I tried fitness pal but I just kept forgetting to log. I am finding myself repeating lots of meals too, I think it may be why the hunger especially in the evening is so sucky. Way to go though, 38 lbs is no mean feat! I lost 12 the first month but in the last couple of weeks I went back up 2, every pound seems to be a fight before the surgery.

Thank you for your reply! Luckily I'm in Canada and covered by my Inuit status as well as MCP, the only thing I'll need to cover is my flights to and from the city in our province with the bariatric team.
I had a referral sent in for the VSG procedure but hopefully this education process now will tell me if that's my best option. All my research says yes but the doctor's may give me other info. Yes! I'd like to start getting into the right diet so that it's sustainable!

Congratulations on your decision to start this journey. Have you checked with your health insurance carrier to determine which bariatric benefits are available? Many require 6 months of medically supervised weight loss prior to surgery. Also, have you decided which surgery you're going to have? I have the sleeve 8 weeks ago and it's FANTASTIC! I had no pain, no problems, no complications and am slowly but surely losing weight and feeling better already. The sooner you can start eating like a post-op person like you'll be eating after the surgery for the rest of your life, the better. You can practice it now. Good luck!