danieocean

I had a gallbladder attack suddenly last month, had no idea my gallbladder was full of stones. I chalked the pain I had up to Constipation or dehydration. I had felt the pain several times before, but it would always resolve itself pretty quickly. One day last month though, the pain came on and didn't go away. Like a constant burning in my stomach right below my ribcage. The pain was also in my back and there was no comfortable way to lay or sit or stand. I drove myself to the ER where they did an ultrasound and saw the stones were present. They proceeded to admit me and do a CT scan where they found stones blocking the ducts to my liver. It was told the extreme pain that compelled me to got the ER was pain from the blockage and subsequent infection. Had the blockage cleared and gallbladder out in 2 procedures over a 5-day hospital stay. A quick ultrasound would tell you if you had stones...I hope you don't have to go through all that nonsense and you feel better soon. Could be a bad bout of gastritis?

16 hours ago, Goody222 said:

You look great! You look extremely fit and I would never guess that you just lost so much weight. You look as if you have always been that size!

You are so sweet! Thank you for the kind words ❤️ Keep up the amazing work yourself gorgeous!!!

A bit late posting my one-year post-op pics. The left is at my highest weight of 299 and my current and lowest weight of 131lbs. All this hard work over the last year paid off. Looking at pictures it's crazy to see how high I allowed my weight to get. This year has FLOWN by and so many changes have happened. I bought my first home, went to Europe, split from my fiance, went from a size 24 to a size 6 and had emergency surgery to remove my gallbladder week before last and moved out of that home I worked so hard to buy. While it's been a wild ride, I'm happy. I'm grateful for all the positive and necessary changes that have happened in my life. In the beginning, I had no idea what losing all of this weight would entail...positive and negative. The good most definitely outweighs the bad. This journey is not for the faint of heart. Keep your chin up and a stiff upper lip and you'll make it through. Hugs and love!

1 minute ago, Freiabr said:

9 months in and 107 lbs down...I still have about 10 lbs to lose but I am so happy I had this surgery...I am now confident and feeling pretty inside out!
Congrats to all of us for taking this step ❤️

YOU LOOK AMAZING!!!! YOU GO, GIRL!!!! ❤️❤️ ❤️

1 hour ago, ms.sss said:

@danieocean, it was bugging me for a bit, but now I know who you remind me of: a skinnier, hotter, Lady STARK (a.k.a. Sophie Turner).

QUEEN OF THE NORTH !

(sorry, is my dork showing? LOL)

OMG thank you, girl! You are SO sweet!!! My mom told me the same thing!

LOL, Funny, before I lost weight, I always got compared Adele. ALL THE TIME.

I get a lot of random celebrity comparisons since the weight came off too...Keira Knightly, Julia Roberts, and Catherine Zeta-Jones??? LOLLLLL While I appreciate it...I'm like.....ehhhhh I don't see it!

We all have to let our inner dork out, girl! It's what makes us FABULOUS.

39 minutes ago, CrowLuv said:

Dayum what's the secret to how fabulous your arms look? 😍

And I agree with the "you look like a model" assessment for sure. Nicely done, CONGRATS!

OMG Thank you so much!!!! ❤️❤️❤️ My arms were never that big to begin with, the parts on my body where there were stretched out and laden with stretch marks, the skin just hangs. Like my inner thighs, breasts, and belly and now, I'm noting my butt too. But it's not the worst thing in the world. Clothes cover it up for now. Fitting in Smalls and Mediums now is TOTALLY WORTH the loose skin. My health is overall just so much better, I try not to let the skin bother me as much as I maybe should? LOL

I literally just lift my 5 lb weights every day and do about an hour of yoga a day. It helped define my arms within weeks which was really cool.

2 hours ago, Deedee12 said:

No joke Danieocean, you are older than 18??🤨🤨
Reading trying to have a baby in over a "decade"!!

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

LOL!!! Yes, I am well over 18!!!! You wouldn't know by looking at my saggy skin underneath my clothes. I probably look well over 60 naked. SO CUTE. ha!

1 hour ago, FLHappyGirl said:

Wow, you're talented; I'm almost embarrassed to write a response for fear of being compared to your writings!

Push your fears aside and continue on your journey! You may be pleasantly surprised at what you find out there! 😁

OMG, do not feel embarrassed! I was skeptical about posting this in general, myself. It's not easy to be vulnerable and speak your absolute truth. Thank you for your sweetness and support. This next chapter of my journey will start out rough, I'm sure. In the end, I know it's worth it. I'm being selfish for the first time in my life and being honest about who I am and what I want. It's exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Thank you again!! ❤️❤️❤️

13 minutes ago, Deedee12 said:

Beautiful piece!!! Really talented!!!
Life is "hum drum" infused with occasional self driven "passion filled" moments 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I'm seriously grateful you took the time to read my never-ending mind vomit LOL! And, right? I feel like all I do is look for my next project. Something to look forward to, to keep me occupied until the next "exciting" thing happens.

12 minutes ago, FluffyChix said:

Are you a Bronte sister? Or maybe Anne Shirley?

Nice piece! Wish I could chime in. You have a definite writing style and meter/tempo/cadence I feel as I read your work. You've got talent.

What an incredible compliment!!! Thank you for your support and kind words. I'm looking to start writing more. I feel I may have found an outlet for all these chaotic feelings/thoughts that course through my mind every second. Perhaps not the proper forum, but...I'll figure it out. I really appreciate the feedback ❤️❤️❤️ I always see you on here, being so encouraging. There should be more people like you in this world!

I’ve never been a “rule follower”. Conversely, I have never been considered a “rebel”, I simply follow the beat of my own (albeit unique) drum. I am unapologetically myself and raw. My writing reflects this rough-edged quality: in that, I have no formal training in writing anything. I have favorite authors from whom I would guess I take inspiration. When I do take the time to try and explain myself out using the written word, I almost feel as though my sentiments can not be fortified. Like a composer sending his sheet music to a person incapable of understanding the notes on the staff. Not that I think so highly of myself as to compare myself to a composer…but more like I am so full of words… that to get them out into a coherent and readable piece without meandering on for several paragraphs as I madly type in no particular order or style, is difficult for me on a good day. It’s almost as if I need to be reading this aloud for the reader, in order to try and feel comfortable that my cadence is understood.

Maybe that entire paragraph I just wrote just shows how deeply and annoyingly insecure I am about everything…right down to what I write that may never even be seen by anyone. All that being said, in a sense, you’ve been forewarned.

I’ve clung to an archaic idea of what romantic love should be.

The kind of love you hear about online, in stories on your newsfeed of the couple who had been married for 67 years and wound up dying hours apart…so distraught the thought of living without the other inevitably and literally kills them.

The kind of love that is so often depicted in Disney movies and romantic dramas…is this concept just that? A fairytale?

The feelings you get from a new relationship hearkens back to this kind of “ romantic love”: Giddiness, anticipation, want, hope.

Are these feelings doomed to fail and decay with time?

Have we been tricked by the warm glow of Hollywood’s manipulated portrayal of romance? By the writings of so many authors, poets, and songwriters?

Is romantic love only a momentary feeling?

If that be the case, then I guess I’ve experienced true romantic love.

I dream…constantly. A nuisance to say the least. Wild and vivid dreams, weird, chaotic and nonsensical. Most of these dreams are irrelevant regurgitated scraps of the days prior. Of course, there are nightmares. The typical frightening dreams most people have. But of all these dreams, to me, the worst are the ones in which I feel this deep “love”. These dreams don’t revolve around any man in particular. It could be someone in my waking life that I would think to myself “No chance in hell!”. On an ‘easy to relate to’ level, it feels like the celebrity you’ve idolized and drooled after for so many years has come to your front door and said “I’m here to take you away” (cliche…I know…forgive me). But on a complicated and very tempestuous level, I can quite literally feel this “love” in my heart, a heaviness, as if my heart had suddenly found a new, deeper, undiscovered rhythm.

Once I become conscious, open my eyes and come to the realization that my dream was just that…a dream, I end up feeling hollow. Confused….and deep bitter sadness. I would liken it to grieving for someone that never existed. Strange, but very real.

I’ve been in 2 serious long term relationships. They always start out the same…those same early romantic glow-y “Hollywood” feelings.

The first ended unceremoniously. I spent nearly a decade trying to prove a point to myself, I guess. One day, I just woke up, clear-headed and exhausted by the whole thing. He was surprised. I wasn’t. I had been mourning our relationship for almost 2 years. I barely cried when it ended.

The second, I’m currently still involved in. I sense a similar pattern, however, in this relationship. It started beautifully and, in the beginning, we would dream of what together we could accomplish. How we’d be like the old couple I mentioned earlier. Playing with our grandchildren someday and telling them the sweet story of how “Nana and Pappy” met.

As my relationships have evolved, I have too. The problem is, I pick men who don’t evolve. I do everything in my power to fix them and get them on the right path. I encourage, uplift and mend what can be mended. The rest is up to them, which, thus far has been an impossible undertaking for any man. Meanwhile, I ask for no help, I’ve never needed it. I’ve always been innately self-sufficient. I then go on to resent them for something they never even asked for.

Once the newness wears off, aside from the obvious grievances I’ve shared above…every relationship I have personally seen ends up in the same hum-drum state eventually. So, it’s not just me. I can not recall any couple that has been together for a long period of time that doesn’t either hate each other and/or just tolerate each other’s existence.

From what I can see, a long term relationship can be summarized very easily in this day and age…you sit in the same room as the person you’re in a relationship with. You don’t really communicate besides a brief chat about some garbage show you both want to watch. You argue about what to eat for dinner. You eat. You sleep. You work. And you do it all over again day after day. Add or subtract children depending on the relationship.

I truly believe life itself is hum-drum and dull and only punctuated with moments true unbridled happiness.

I believe unconditional love is truly extraordinary and exceedingly rare. I’m lucky enough to have that with a few people in my life; My parents and my brother. There is nothing they could ever do or say that would make me not love them. They are, to me the most vital source of love in my life, which without, I would be severely crippled.

Is unconditional love unattainable and therefore incompatible with romantic love?

If the person I’m currently with were to stray, I would leave him. If he were to make a bad decision and get arrested, I would leave him. He has a substance abuse problem and if he can’t get it under control, I will leave him. ****, even if he does…I’m not even sure I want to stay.

What I do know is: unconditional love is a real thing. I feel it on a daily basis. It’s there even when I don’t want it and feel like being left alone. I’m moody, you see, but I’m working on it. Romantic love…well…I just don’t know if that’s realistic. Is caring about someone’s well being romantic? No. Does buying a house together make it a home? No. Is this dreamy romantic love forever possible with someone else? Anything’s possible. Will the next man be just as or more so difficult than the last? I don’t know.

Frozen. Fear seems to have overtaken my wit. Fear of being alone. Losing the things I worked so hard to obtain. Losing the time I invested with the purest of intentions.

As my biological clock ticks, each tick seems louder than the last. And what to do about that? Wait.

Is the problem me?

Is the problem just down to the men I pick?

Or is every romantic relationship headed for the same vapid, boring existence given the right amount of time?

I don’t know and I’m almost too scared to find out.

2 hours ago, 2Bsmaller18 said:

You look like a model! Did you have any plastics? Great job.

What a sweet thing to say, thank you very much!!! I don't feel like a model, but my head is still catching up with my body. I have no ZERO plastics since post-op. I definitely want my breasts done and basically, a whole-lower-body lift. I don't feel "pretty" naked. But that's my own mental hang up. I'm waiting to do any plastics until I know I can have a baby or not for sure...Been trying for over a decade with no success. The only work I ever had done were my lips, I had Juvaderm but in them over 2.5 years ago and it's still there! So...I had that when I was still heavier. They told me it'd last 6 to 12 months and it's STILL THERE lol.

Time will FLY! I promise!!! You got this!!! It's so worth it

6 hours ago, Deedee12 said:

Wow!!!!!!!!

Sent from my SM-N960U using BariatricPal mobile app

THANK YOU!!! ❤️

4 minutes ago, ms.sss said:

Daaaaammmmmmmnnnnnnn girl. You are GORGEOUS.

OMG Girl!!!! Thank you so much, that is so nice of you ❤️❤️❤️ Workin' my butt off!! Literally...LOL

I am 10 months post-op, down 158 pounds. Starting BMI of almost 45 and now my BMI is right about 20! Under my ultimate goal by 14 lbs! I went to my very first club over the last weekend and felt so confident!!! So happy and excited to be here. I never thought I'd be here and it's all gone by so quickly. proud of my fellow weight loss warriors for all. your success. I figure I'll hold off on posting any more pictures until I hit that 1-year mark. Working out, maintaining and getting to my healthiest me. Sorry for the lack of "before" pics. I avoided the camera for an entire decade. Now I'm an obnoxious selfie queen! HA! Love and happiness to everyone. This is just to show it CAN BE DONE. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

22 hours ago, KarenLR75 said:

THIS is SO TRUE!

RIGHT?!! LOL

21 hours ago, Healthy_life2 said:

I love what you posted. I kind of expected to be treated a bit differently after weight loss (invisible when I was obese) It was weird to experience it for myself. For whatever reason, people are body conscious. Some will make positive or negative comment at any size you are. Comments may not be helpful when you are adjusting to your new size. Years out, People adjust to your weight and life becomes more normal.

I stopped trying to explain things to people that don’t get it. Just smile and eat as you do.

Some women (not all) can be competitive. I would rather be the woman that builds others up than tearing them down. A compliment from another woman is wonderful... Because it’s kind of rare for me. One of my friends confided in me that she hates how her husband checks me out. (he had an affair in the past) Its more about him than it is about me. Most men check women out and it doesn’t mean he’s going to cheat. My husband is an old fart and looks but does not touch. Honestly, I look. I hope I’m not as obvious as my husband *laughing*

This cracked me up! OMG! Agreed, we need to uplift each other big time. And seriously, these men when an attractive woman walks by, it's truly comical. "You're going to break your neck, dear". HAHAHA!

4 hours ago, JerseyJules said:

That's gonna change, trust me.😁 You'll find yourself taking more selfies over the next year or two than a 13 year old school girl on social media. My guy friends still troll my Instagram and bust my chops about it..

This is so true...NEVER thought I'd be a selfie person. Now I'm obnoxious and constantly ask people to take my picture. LOL We're proud and showing off! Flaunt it ladies and gents!!!!!

3 hours ago, SeattleLady said:

Thank you for sharing. I am sure you are relating to those that have the same issue with smoking. Personally, my mother smoked for over 50 years. She stopped at age 62 and died at 68 from cancer.

I watched my big sister eat and stess herself to death. I am just trying to change my story. We really have little control over so many things. I am just trying to control the things I can. I drink alcohol and that has slowed down. I understand addiction. I just want to end the cycle of premature death on my family. It's indeed hard.


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

Absolutely! It's about sharing our experiences with each other We know we're not alone in our WL journey. Also...our overall road to health.

I'm really sorry about your mom and sister. Proud of you for breaking that cycle and making a change.

I never had an issue with alcohol. I really don't drink often so it was never a thought really before or after surgery. I've had a drink on occasion, but it's usually just one. I never learned moderation with my food intake. I constantly indulged. Re-training your brain is so hard!

We can do this and change our lives for the better in every way. I wish you the BEST of luck on your journey. It's not easy and everyone takes a different path. In the end, we CAN change our stories!! ❤️

On 6/27/2019 at 2:19 PM, SeattleLady said:

Well, just my opinion. Why smoke and shorten you life? Most of have wls to live longer and healthier! Everytime you put the cigarette to your lips? Think , I have one hour less with each puff. I am doing it to stop drinking. My friend who smoked. She is back in the hospital! I am working at making my vice = exercise.


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G935A using BariatricPal mobile app

Just like my food addiction, it's been a battle. I can't explain it and again, am in no way advocating smoking. Just sharing my personal journey and experience. I understand it's unhealthy and am working on it It may seem simple, I made the choice to have the surgery, why not make that one? It's not been that easy for me. I know I'll get there and not a lot of people understand. I'm not looking for sympathy or sharing excuses, just my personal experience.

I quit for 3 months before surgery and started smoking again 3 months after. Not recommending it as smoking is bad for you regardless. But I gave up all my other vices. I felt like this is the only one I have left! I'll work on quitting when I'm ready. Just like with my weight loss. It's one of those stupid things I never should've started again. Had a reallllly stressful day at work. I have a client who just does not like me and has been trying to get me fired. It made and still makes no sense...I did nothing to her! But, just like that, I started back up. I've had no issues though. I mean aside from the side effects that smoking causes on its own. End of the day no one should smoke. It's a really tough habit to kick. Best of luck my friends!!!

I'm experiencing the same thing, it's SO strange. My dad, (who drove me to get sleeved and took care of my dogs during the first week of recovery) has been telling me recently I'm taking this "whole DIET thing too far". This was after a recent BBQ. I ate a couple of bites of chicken and some grilled veggies. I replied, "I literally can't fit anything more into my stomach". His response was "just have a few more bites". Took me back to being 5 years old and having to clean my plate. But it's not just him, my mother tells me I look good, but I'm a little too "bony".

When I was big, I was invisible to men and women (in general) were nicer. Now, men are nicer to me get catcalled on a daily basis and women are generally rude for no reason. I don't get that "thing" women have against other women. Can't we all just be nice to each other regardless of weight, race, political views...etc? There is some meme somewhere that says if drunk women in restrooms at bars/clubs were as nice to each other on a daily basis...the world would be a better place. LOL If you're a man and don't understand the reference, it's true. I've never been to a bar or club and gone into the restroom and not met the nicest women.

I've been open about having the surgery...so even when you do tell people that you had it, they still don't get it. I've explained in detail to several family members what the procedure was, yet, they still think "She needs to eat more, this isn't healthy". I explain how many supplements I take to make up for the lack of nutrients that I would usually get with food. Still. Don't. Get. It.

I have a healthy BMI, I feel great and I'm just following my protocol. I got crap for being fat and crap for being skinny. I just know I'm happy and that's all that matters...it gets under my skin, but only momentarily. Hang in there everyone!

I posted this on my status update, but I wanted to share here too! Under my ultimate goal. Super excited! (2.5 months post-op and in the first pic) Halfway goal and goal! Great job to everyone!!!!! Love to everyone<3

2 hours ago, Healthy_life2 said:

I apologize for my post. I realize I can be an @ss hat somedays.

I do respect anyone’s choice to have plastics or live with the situation. I have a former obese woman’s body issue/chip on my shoulder. After many years of having people say negative things about my obese body. I have a hard time with people describing my current loose skin as something to be ashamed of.

Your fear/concern is legitimate. I had the same thoughts. I googled worst- and best-case photo scenarios. If your skin causes rashes or mobility issues some insurance companies will cover them. Many do self-pay

I feel the same, and get where you're coming from. It's hard to shake the "chip on the shoulder" when you've made so much progress and felt shame for one thing and then another... You have some killer legs girl!!! I'm jealous!!! LOL My thighs aren't "short short" ready! I got some knee-length ones though that I'm comfortable in. We all learn to live with what we decide and while, I'd love to get some corrective surgery eventually. I'm relishing in the weight loss. The sag doesn't make me regret the surgery even for a second.