JessLess

Wow, I haven't logged in in months. Congratulations! You worked so hard! Such an achievement. Screw those envious, ignorant people. I hope you are able to start far away from that nonsense. Butchered? You probably saved your own life! Good job.

This has been an incredibly helpful thread. I suspect most of us have had similar experiences to some degree. When I divorced 7 years ago I lost a LOT of friends who I considered family, so that prepared me for this journey. I actually had to cut out my mother and brother, the former because she loves to sabotage, and the latter because he weighs 400+ pounds and doesn't want to hear about how I'm doing. It'll be interesting to see how co-workers (and my uber-body-conscious athlete boss) react when I return to work.
All this to say that there's nothing wrong with healthy boundaries. You can still love your family and friends, but you DO NOT have to tolerate their BS or feel responsible for their issues and hang-ups. Love them from a distance and decide later if you want to let them back in.

Those women aren’t your friends if they can’t be there for you in your successes and struggles. Misery loves company and you’ve opted out of that particular party. Pretty sucky when your own family doesn’t support you though. That must be rough.

side note: If WLS is cheating then isn’t taking advantage of other modern advances cheating too? Like using the microwave or washing machine or taking medication if we’re sick? The cheating/easy way comments are the dumbest arguments ever.

Congrats for dropping 800+ pounds of mostly toxic tissue, just like that! 😉
Don't worry about it, you're young and getting healthier, and you'll meet plenty of new people who will appreciate you for your positive attitude and the efforts you make to improve your life.

As a subtle (or not... 😈) FU, I'd mail my entire (now obsolete) wardrobe to my former "friends", with a note saying something like "I don't need these anymore, and I know how much you liked them. Enjoy!" 😂

Keep up the good work, stay true to YOUR course and make new friends!

I also suspect that your “friend” said that out of jealousy and spite. And the comment about not keeping it off was either so she could convince herself that or to derail your progress. Either way you are doing fantastic! Find you some friends that will appreciate you no matter the situation!

Except for 6 people in my family, every single person that has heard I am going to has WLS has told me not to do it, I'll regret it, suggested numerous other diets or exercises I should try instead. I'll be honest, I have had to live in this body for the past 10 years and I've been miserable in it, all these people telling me how it's a bad idea are the same ones that have commented on how I've gained weight. I have just come to the point where I chalk it down to ignorance, they do not understand my struggle and journey and they might be a little jealous. Only one of my friends has said to me, "If my insurance would cover it, I would definitely like to do it too!" Don't worry about what people say, you do what is right for you.

Thank you so much for saying this. I really really needed to hear it today. It has literally made me cry. I still haven’t fallen asleep (it’s 8:15 AM here) because I tried taking my medicines for the first time since surgery last night (i can’t crush them) and it went absolutely horribly. Those negative thoughts are very prevalent this morning. I really appreciate your response,
I know it’s probably frowned upon as far as a little white lie, but I decided I’m not telling another soul and from now on I’m just gonna stick to the “I had a hernia and diaphragm repair, and I’ve been dieting and exercising”

Thanks for the support :) talking to her today made me realize that ultimately what I’m feeling is pretty normal because of the massive changes going on, my natural issues with anxiety and depression, and being young and trying to overcome these health problems. Being told 4 months ago I would have a stroke in the next 6 months and probably die at 29 was a huge eye opener. Being reminded by my therapist of my WHY and not my WHO really helped me today. Because the WHO isn’t important. It’s the WHY!

My sister used to be my best friend until I started being successful in life and she became jealous, cruel and even a slight saboteur. So I should have known it would seep into this. No contact is hard, blocking her number was hard, but truthfully blood only matters for transfusions and transplants. Doesn’t mean you have to keep blood around if they’re toxic. I agree that it will benefit me immensely in the long run to be mentally stronger, and really what’s weakened me has been these “friends/family” so hopefully with them all completely no contact, it’ll enable me to focus on myself and instill positivity in myself instead of being constantly being drug down!!!

Thank you for being such a great resource on here, Hop!

thank you for the update! I'm so glad you gave yourself the gift of seeing your therapist sooner rather than later. BTW - you are not a burden or a wuss, this is damn hard stuff. this kind of self-change can expose/open our eyes to things in our life that need changing or that we at least need to step away from for a time while we take care of ourselves.

I actually had an appointment with my therapist today, (thanks to everyone for encouraging me to get in with her sooner rather than later) and after a lot of talking and processing, I went no contact with my sister and 2 other acquaintances for my own mental health. I know I’m going to need every ounce of it in the next 6 months. It sucks, but this is for ME!!
I have suffered from chronic Panic disorder since I was in a severe wreck, so when I feel like I’m being insulting, or mean, or anything like that I start to freak out, so I just try to avoid confrontation even if it’s something that hurts me (talk about unhealthy). But that’s something I’m working on. I’m learning quickly the thinner I physically get, the thicker my skin needs to be.
My weight has never been a joke per se, but the people in my life have told me my wreck (and 7 major reconstructive surgeries), my hypertension, and the medicine I’m on (serious serious weight gain implications) (125 lbs in 18 months, eating cucumbers and balsamic for almost every meal) isn’t an excuse to have gained this weight nor a reason to have surgery to rid myself of it. So to them it’s just always been invalid.
My therapist also mentioned that the reason I’m getting so many negative reactions, comments, and people walking away after telling me I’m an idiot, ignorant, going to be a failure, and am “ruining my life for one year max of looking good” is because almost everyone in my life is either obese or morbidly obese. And to them it’s seen as “not fair” and “the easy way out.”
This board has provided more support to me in 13 days than anyone in my entire life. I’m so grateful to have found it and to be a part of this community.
Thank you for taking the time to respond and provide me with some more insight and encouragement that I can do this! I know I seem like a wuss complaining and seeking advice and encouragement, and so many people do and have done this “alone.”
Thanks again, I appreciate you. I’m gonna start practicing the BCABD way of life and tell people sayonara!
I really hope I’m not being a burden on anyone. I know I’m long winded. I’m sorry!

jealousy is such an ugly thing ... hard to say but maybe you need 'new' friends. Anyone who thinks WLS is the "easy way out" is just plain ignorant.

Be very careful. People I know have ended up in rehab seriously messed up for eating things like well-chewed steak too soon. How about some nice Jello?

I wanted to find a pilates thread but they were all old.
I did Pilates for the first time as recommended by my doctor for my back. For the first five minutes, I was like, this is so easy! How am I going to get a workout doing this? After the class, I was so out of it I got lost driving home. I was a mile from my house.
So... for those who do pilates, how often do you go? Do you think it has contributed to weight loss? My back feels nice and stretched out now. We'll see if I can walk tomorrow.

I guess I'm different because I don't have any "never again" foods. Both during my weight loss phase and now in maintenance I practice moderation and logging. For me personally, if have a forbidden food, and I succumb to it, then I fail. If nothing is off limits, I can only fail if I don't lose/regain.

Bring 'em on!

Since I transitioned to a Whole Foods Plant Based diet a year ago, I have maintained my goal weight without difficulty, and I eat all I want, with no counting or measuring. The center of WFPB are fruits, and veggies of all kinds, including lots of the starchy ones like sweet potatoes, carrots, corn, etc. I eat apples, bananas, daily avocado, and all sorts of fruit, but no juice. Whole grains and legumes play a big role for Protein, along with nuts and seeds. There is no sugar, added oils, or processed foods. I easily get 60 gm of protein a day, and the ability to eat unlimited volumes of food is so satisfying and filling. I eat at least 10 servings of fruit and veggies daily, and get about 60-70 gram of Fiber a day, and this is one key for feeling full all the time. Anyway, I am healthy and strong and love not feeling enslaved to macros or calorie counting. This has given me so much freedom in my eating, and I know it is healthy and sustainable. Just food for thought.

Thanks for starting this thread. We went into lockdown in March, opened up a bit in the summer, and locked down again in early November. I knew with the initial lockdown I'd have to pay attention to two things: exercise (we were allowed one hour outside each day, limited to walks within a 1 km radius) and my food. In the initial lockdown I gained 2.5 kgs, which apparently was a national average! I know this was due to reduced activity + having food a mere 5 steps away from my WFH set up.
Right before the November lockdown my BF up and announced he didn't love me anymore, leaving a two-year relationship with no discussion. I turned a sow's ear into a silk purse and spent that lockdown working out and eating cleanly, knocking off the weight I had gained in the spring and getting back towards my best weight. I'm a bandster, and stress tightens my band so all of these events have made it easier to eat healthfully since I'm rarely hungry.
We are now semi-locked down, with a curfew, but I take advantage of the mornings to walk 5-10 km every single day. I'm not sure this helps weight-wise, but it is vital for my mental health! Foodwise my fridge is stocked with the kinds of foods that keep hunger at bay but that I enjoy: Proteins, veg, fruit...you know, the classics!!
Keep well, everyone!

I thought this fit best here. With the wealth of free time I have working from home, I was cleaning out a very remote kitchen closet yesterday and found a bunch of 2 oz. cups from right after my surgery... over 2 years ago. Time flew! All things considered, I'm doing well. Nipped the regain in the bud and still doing a lot of Zoom Pilates. Hope this crappy Boston weather turns so I can get back outside more.

Well, I just realized that I have been at my goal weight for a year. While I briefly dipped about 12 lbs. lower, I think this may be it unless I put a lot more effort into losing, which I am not doing right now. If I go one pound over, I do make sure to address it. So yay? I'd like to lose a bit more, but where I am now is just fine for my age (50) and lifestyle right now.

I'm 38 too and I get where you're coming from. The thought crossed my mind once or twice too but I've decided I'm definitely going to have a couple of areas tweaked once I reach goal. I figure I spent a lot of years thinking I didn't deserve to be happy, and now? Well now I want it so I'm going to do it and I don't have time for anyone else's opinion on the matter.

I got the surgery at 48 and saved up some money to do it but decided I didn't feel like I needed to. If I was single it might have been different. My husband really didn't want me to and it doesn't bother me enough for me to want to have more surgery. But if you want it, I think everyone who can should go for it, no matter your age. YOLO

I got the surgery at 48 and saved up some money to do it but decided I didn't feel like I needed to. If I was single it might have been different. My husband really didn't want me to and it doesn't bother me enough for me to want to have more surgery. But if you want it, I think everyone who can should go for it, no matter your age. YOLO

Hi!
I really appreciate what you shared as I'm heading into Gastric Bypass surgery on 12/8/2020.
I particularly identified with staying with a spouse because I was overweight and felt that no one would want me. I had actually had this surgery scheduled for Feb. 2019, but my husband refused to acknowledge that he had diabetes and developed double vision, so I had to cancel because we felt we could not have both parents incapacitated. There were also issues of mild physical abuse (hitting, pushing), as well as verbal, emotional, and financial abuse. Turns out that I needed to lose his 330 lbs. prior to getting my surgery done and ended a 25 year marriage. Life is so much better!
I wish you the same feelings of relief, freedom, and confidence. You can do this.

This.