china

thanks you guys for the support. i go to the dr's in the morning and im happy bout that. i'm gonna be honest with the dr and tell him the truth. and see what we can come up with. but the support is much needed thanks for responding.

thank you for the motivation. i feel determined as it scares me to go back to where i was before. i dont wanna gain all my weight that i have lost back 99lbs. nor do i wanna fall back into bad habits of eating when upset as i have been doing. guess it takes time. an yes i am rather hard on myself gotta work on that to. thanks for the support

My condolences for your loss. Losing a family member is so emotional and can be very complicated. So you have a lot to deal with right now. I lot on your plate so to speak :cursing: Its not an excuse' date=' its your real life.

Its easy to fall off track and you can get right back on. Try not to be hard on yourself. You sound determined. It sounds like you are making really good decisions for yourself and I know that you are going to make it through this tough time.[/quote']

ok i seem to have fell off the wagon. just alot has been going on but, most of all there was a death in my family and that really hit me hard i dont know if its an excuse to eat or what but, i feel like ive failed and know its wrong and called my dr to tell him what is going on and i go see him on the 2nd. and i made a wkly food menu and joined a wt loss challenge, also plan on going back to the gym so im trying. i just dont know if i have the will power. i just know i dont wanna go back to where i was. it feels like im alone and no one understands. mybe its just im very emotional right now. any kind words would be great right now. thanks for letting me vent

thanks everyone for the replys as this was a blow to me and had me really angry. on the show one lady was at a beach and this lady to her she was disgusting and needed to move now. i thought about that and i must say i would have whooped that ladys ass rite there.

but, yesterday i went into the chinese place by my house and the lady in there has not seen me since i had surgery she goes u so skinny now i smile and say not yet she goes u was super huge before and laughed can you believe it i tried to laugh it off but, she started talking in her langueage to the other workers and one goes ya u was really fat now you look good i go that is just fucking rude u know. she goes but you pretty now i go give me my damn food i was pretty before. i have had enough of it i use to just not say any thing now i do i will speak my mind hell you try an embarrase me and you gone caugh hell. if we dont speak you its gonna keep happening. and yes i think you get it worser from family some times. i to cant wait to get to a normal weight my best friend said to me one day that she had to go on a diet i go oh yeah she asked how much i weighted and i tell her she goes damn how you let your self get that big i wanted to tell her off so bad but, i didnt to make a long story short she getten bigger by the day. now she wanna ask me for help so she can get it off i dont even bother with her. im finding myself removing people that i though was my friend and meeting alot of new ones and it feels good. i like the new me and the thing that im trying as the old me would have never did it.

yesterday i was watching the tyra banks show and she had guests on the show that blew my mind about how they felt about overweight people. one lady said they were gross and discusting and lazy. i wanted to choke this lady. then i thougt about it. i experience it every day when i walk out the door the looks. it is so wrong and i was so angry. the nice side of me wants to say im still a person reguardless of how i look on the outside. the world is a cold place and there is just way to much judgeing going on. and what gives them the right to say we are lazy. im far from it and im a damn good person and i wish others could look beyond the outside and see the angel within. but, the sassy person that i am will tell that ass off. i refuse to put up with anyone treating me this way. you can look but, you better not say any thing foul or its on. i lost that nice gene along time ago. i dont know why this upset me so i think cus i know thats what alot of people think. how childish can you be really.

9/16/09

well hello everyone im up late 2-nite i guess there is some thing on my mind. i'm thinking about life. and after some thought i must say i feel blessed:smile:. im not gonna say this band is the easyest thing becuz its not. hell in fact its harder than i thought it was gonna be but, im in it for the long haul. i have meet alot of folks on here and it makes it easier to get by that is for sure. so i just wanted to say thanks everyone for the help.:thumbup: